Rob grabbed Nick’s shirt. “Why don’t we go in?”
“We can’t.”
Rob looked up at the window and then back at Nick. Narrowing his gaze, he dropped his voice. “Why? What did you see?”
Nick let out his breath. “He’s got a gun. I need you to go back to the car and call for backup.” He pushed Rob toward the car. “Now.”
Rob measured his gaze and then nodded. Ducking down below the level of the windows, he ran back toward the street.
Nick eased himself up to the window again. Derek was still clutching the gun. Nick moved slowly toward the back of the house, searching for an open window, mapping out a plan to stop Derek from doing something drastic. He found a window and pressed his hands against the sill, willing it to open. It was locked. “Damn.” The next one he found was locked, too.
“They’re on their way,” Rob said when he returned several minutes later.
“You should wait in the car until they get here.”
Rob shook his head, the muscles in his jaw working. “No way.”
Nick cursed under his breath, concentrating on his next move. He closed his eyes and focused on the layout of the house. It was all one level, but he didn’t remember a back door. “Is there another way in?”
“Through Sam’s room. A door.”
“Show me.”
Rob stood up and Nick pulled him back down, pointing to the windows. “Stay below the level of the windows.”
Rob bent over and ran the length of the house. Nick followed right behind.
At the back of the house Rob stopped and pointed to a door.
Nick grabbed the knob and turned. “It’s locked.”
Rob nodded and reached down to a large metal hook and faucet that were meant to hold a garden hose. Off the back of the hook, he pulled a little tin box and slid the top open.
Nick slapped his shoulder and took the key from the box, unlocking the door and pushing it open as quietly as he could. Drawing his gun, he motioned Rob back, knowing he would follow anyway. In his situation, Nick would have done the same thing. He kept himself in front and hoped the sight of Rob would calm Derek.
The door led them into Sam’s bedroom, and he smelled her in the air. Silently, his gun in front of him, he said a prayer and headed toward the front of the house.
At Sam’s door, he clutched the knob, turning it slowly until he heard the light click of the lock releasing, and pulled it open a half inch at a time. The purposeful motions contradicted the erratic thumping of his pulse.
As the door reached the halfway point, he looked out. He couldn’t see either Sam or Derek from where he was, but their voices were a low murmur. It was a good sign. No screaming, no yelling. Perhaps there wouldn’t be any violence. This family had been through enough. All of them.
He turned the corner and saw Sam begin to cross the room toward Derek.
“Don’t get close. I’ll do it. I swear,” Derek shouted at her.
Sam glanced at Nick and then looked immediately back to Derek. Nick watched her lay five fingers against her right thigh. Then there were four, then three. Nick nodded, ready to run.
When there was only one finger, she launched forward and Nick ran for Derek.
Derek stepped backward and started to drop the arm with the gun to his side.
Sam ran toward him, the gun aimed in her direction.
Nick saw it and dove for it. He felt his fingertips touch it, pushed it away from Sam. But he was too late.
He heard the pop of the gunfire and saw Sam fall forward.
Chapter Forty-seven
The first thing Sam felt was heat and a wave of nausea.
Derek screamed.
Rob reached for his brother, but Nick held him back.
Rob struggled, only Nick was stronger, and Sam saw him push Rob to the ground, out of the way.
Sam sat sprawled out on the floor gripping her left arm. Derek had shot her. Dear Lord. She watched the blood soak through her fingers and drip on the white linoleum floor. A million thoughts swarmed her mind. She focused on staying calm.
Derek leaned against the kitchen cabinets, the gun aimed at the air in front of him.
Nobody moved. No one spoke.
“Oh, God,” Derek finally sobbed, the gun trembling in his hands. “You shouldn’t have gotten close. I just want it to be over. I just need to end it.”
His words made Sam feel as if her heart were breaking but she stayed silent, trying to save her strength. She had no idea what to say to that, what to say to this child she realized she hardly knew.
Rob started to cry. “No, not like this. Please, don’t.”
“Let’s put the gun down, Derek,” Nick said, trying to ease himself closer.
Derek shifted the gun. “Stay back. Please, Nick. Please don’t get closer.” He was crying and his breath was ragged.
Nick backed off. “Okay. I’ll stay back, but you’ve got to help me, Derek. Put the gun down, okay?”
He shook his head.
Rob cried harder.
Derek got on his knees and crossed to Sam. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder, still holding the gun. “I didn’t mean to hurt you, Sam. I swear I didn’t.”
“I’ll be okay, Derek,” Sam said, her voice gravelly to her own ears. She wondered if she’d ever be okay again, if any of them would. God help them all. “I need to go see a doctor, but I’ll be okay. We’re all going to be okay, but you need to listen to Nick and put the gun down.”
“No. I need it to be over. I need to see Mom and Becky.” He stroked her shoulder, tears streaming down his face. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. You weren’t one of them.”
“Why, Derek? Help me understand,” Sam said, searching his face. A rush of images of him growing up flashed by her. At that moment, he looked like a little boy again. Where were the signs? Where had she gone so wrong?
“I started reading your old cases,” Derek said. “Not all of them. Just the first ones. There was all sorts of stuff in there—unfinished stuff, like single moms who hurt their daughters. Hurting boys was bad enough. But girls. Look what it did to Becky . . . and Mom.”
“I’m so sorry about your mom. It’s all my fault,” Sam said. “I should have done something.” She had known about Becky, of course, from the accident, but the boys had never wanted to talk about her and Sam had finally given up, leaving it in the past.
Derek didn’t seem to hear her. “All I could think about was how our mom was dead and those moms were hurting their girls,” he said, turning to face his brother. “I thought about Becky, Rob. I don’t know why, but I went to see those girls. I even met one—her name was Becky, too. I wasn’t going to talk to her, but she had big green eyes. And she looked so lonely.”
He flinched as if it was painful. “Then I watched their mothers. I wanted to know what those terrible women were like. And I saw what they did.” He looked over Rob’s head at Nick. “I followed Sandi Walters. She did drugs. She went and bought heroin and got high. She even danced around naked. And she was so happy.” He rubbed his hands together and Sam could see his anger, an anger he had kept hidden from her. How had she not seen it? “She hurt Molly and then she went and got high.” He paused. “I just snapped.”
Derek shut his eyes and swiped at his tears with the back of the gun hand. “It doesn’t matter now. I didn’t do anything wrong,” he said. “They had it coming.” He waved the gun toward Nick and Rob.
“You killed them?” Rob whispered.
“Sandi Walters didn’t deserve to live. I went up there to the woods to watch her. I went to talk to her, to tell her not to hurt Molly again. And she told me that she could do whatever she wanted. She was like Dad. She said Molly was her kid and she had every right to hurt her.”
Sam tried to touch Derek, tried to pull him closer, but he pulled away, sobbing.
“She made me so mad. I was so mad. I couldn’t stop. She finally looked scared, and I thought, Now she understands how Molly feels. And then she was dead.” Th
e gun continued to shake in his hand. “I just wanted to make her understand.”
Sam prayed the gun didn’t go off again. Don’t let him kill again. “Derek, it’s okay. We’re going to get you help,” Sam said. “It’s going to be okay.” Moving slowly, she started to get up but the pain was too much.
He shook his head. “I was so scared. I didn’t mean to kill her, so I got the twigs like that Sloan guy did.”
He looked up, his eyes wide, and Sam wanted to hold him, to make it better. But in her heart, she knew it would never be better.
“You didn’t mean to hurt Eva Larson either, did you, Derek?” Nick asked. Sam knew he was trying to keep Derek talking until he could make a move for the gun. It was all so surreal. How could this be her own nephew?
“I didn’t mean to do it again. I went to check on little Becky.” He choked out a sob. “She was already dead. Her mother had let her die. She tried to say I had done it. That made me so mad. She killed Becky. She killed our little Becky.”
Rob stood and pushed past Nick. He was crying and his voice cracked as he spoke. He dropped to his knees in front of Derek. “It’s my fault, Der. I killed Mom and Becky. I killed them.” He choked on a sob and pushed on. “I thought they’d be okay. They were wearing seatbelts. I thought everyone would be okay except Dad.
“I only meant to kill Dad. The way he used to hit us. Even Becky, remember?” Rob reached out to his brother. “And Becky was only a baby. It’s my fault that Sam has to take care of us. It’s because of me. I tried to get rid of Dad and I killed them all.”
Sam felt her own shock and saw Derek’s. Rob blamed himself for his mother and sister’s deaths. Sam caught Nick’s gaze. He had heard the story already, she was sure.
“It’s not your fault, Rob,” Sam whispered.
Nick nodded. “You were just a kid.”
Rob stared at Derek. “I didn’t mean to, but I did. Remember in the car that night? I told you to put your seatbelt on. Remember? Dad wasn’t wearing his. I thought if everyone else was, we’d all be safe. And he’d be gone.” Rob moved forward. “Then he couldn’t hurt you anymore. I know how he hurt you, Der.”
Derek shook his head. He stood up. “No.”
“I know now what you went through. I didn’t then.” Rob stopped and his shoulders sagged. “Or maybe I did and I just couldn’t think about it. He was a terrible person, Der. But we don’t have to be like that. We can be whoever we want.” Tears were rolling down Rob’s face.
“We’ve all done bad things,” Sam said softly. “And had people hurt us. But that’s no reason to call it quits. We have to stay together.” She tried again to pull herself up.
Derek took her hand and helped her. “I can’t, Sam. I can’t do it.” He moved away from her.
Sam swayed and reached a hand out to steady herself, leaving a thick bloody print on the counter.
Derek saw it and flinched.
Sam looked over at Nick. He was trying to appear reassuring, but nothing could undo what had been done. They just had to get the gun from Derek. Get it away and keep him safe. That’s all she’d ever wanted for her boys.
“Come on, Derek,” Rob said. “We need to get some help for Aunt Sam. She’s all we have. We’re a family.”
“I can’t be here now. I killed them. That makes me as bad as they are. And it wouldn’t have stopped. I know it wouldn’t. It felt too good.”
“We’ll get help for you,” Sam said. She watched Nick. He was getting ready to go for the gun. Sam tried to hold Derek’s attention. “You didn’t mean to hurt them. We can work though this, Derek.”
“But it felt so good when they were dead,” Derek whispered. “It was like I was killing Dad. I wish I had killed him. I thought about it so many times.”
“It’s okay, Derek. It’s all over now,” Sam said, reaching her bloodied hand toward him.
Derek shook his head. “I’ll never get over what he did to me.”
Sam moved in to hold Derek. “Yes, you will, Derek. My father raped me. He raped me just like yours raped you. He raped me a thousand times and I thought I’d never be better.” Sam choked on the tears that spilled down her cheeks. “I hated him a million times. I dreamed of tearing his eyes out and of stabbing him over and over.” She paused and let her sobs loose, shaking. “He’s dead and I have to let go of how much I hate him.”
Derek cried beside her.
Nick reached in to try to take the gun and Sam heard the sound of sirens in the background. The backup had arrived.
Derek heard it too, lifting his gun again. It shook in his hand. “I can’t go to prison. I can’t.”
“You’re not going to have to, Derek,” Sam said, though Derek had moved away from her. “I’m going to help you. We’ll keep you safe. You’re still under eighteen. We can keep you out of prison.” She thought about the promise she was making. They tried children as adults for crimes much less severe than Derek’s.
“Please, Der. It’ll be okay,” Rob added, taking a step forward.
“Don’t,” Derek snapped, tears still streaming down his face. “Leave me.” He started to back out of the kitchen toward the front door.
“Come on, Derek,” Sam said, following him. “Put the gun down.”
“I can’t, Sam. I have to go. I can’t stay—not after what I’ve done. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Derek turned and ran, pulling the front door open as Sam and Rob and Nick all rushed after him.
Nick reached the door first and screamed to the backup, “Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot!”
Sam reached the door in time to watch Derek lift the gun and aim it at one of the squad cars.
“No,” she shouted. “Don’t—”
The pop of gunshots cut her off and she watched as Derek was knocked to the ground by the bullets. She closed her eyes and felt herself fall backward. “Oh, God.”
“No!” Rob screamed, trying to push past them.
Nick grabbed him and held him in the doorway, shielding his face from the sight of his dead brother.
Sam couldn’t move, couldn’t look away. “No. Not Derek. No,” she whispered.
Rob sobbed and Nick held him as Sam slowly sank to the floor. She reached up and took Rob’s hand, pulling him toward her. She didn’t care about the pain in her arm. She held him there as tight as she could, as though somehow by holding him, she could protect him from everything that had just happened.
They only had each other now and that would have to be enough.
Epilogue
Eight Months Later
Sam clasped Rob’s hand in hers as they walked out of the therapist’s office. They each felt a bit lighter every month. Some days were bad, others were better. It amazed her what things Dr. Hessel could get Rob to talk about. They often cried and occasionally laughed in their sessions. Mostly, they worked through a lifetime of built-up hurt. She hoped Derek could see them from wherever he was. And she hoped he was finally in a place away from the pain.
As they neared the street, Sam could see Nick leaning against his Honda. She and Nick were doing better than she’d ever thought they would. He had transferred to work under a different captain after managing to come up with enough on Cintrello to get him reprimanded. Sam appreciated the effort. It turned out that Gary Williams was partly responsible for Cintrello’s poor opinion of Sam. Williams and Cintrello had worked on a handful of cases together in their younger days, and Williams had done a pretty good job of making Sam sound like the devil to Cintrello. But Sam didn’t feel bad for the captain. A good captain would have checked his sources more carefully.
Williams was in jail, awaiting trial on six felony charges, including attempted murder. But Sam wouldn’t be happy until he was behind bars for life. Aaron, on the other hand, was enjoying the celebrity status he’d gotten in the papers. And he’d met a woman reporter who was going to train for the next marathon with him. Sam was working on a handful of cases on a consulting basis. She wasn’t ready to be back in the thick of it yet. She wasn’t sure she e
ver would be. She and Rob would deal with that as time passed.
“I thought I’d take my two favorite people to Chevy’s,” Nick said as they approached.
Rob looked at Sam and she nodded.
“Yeah,” Rob said. The tears had left tiny streaks on his cheeks. She was sure her own were no better, but neither she nor Nick mentioned them. Instead, Nick patted Rob’s back and handed him the keys to the Honda. “You want to drive?”
“Sure.”
“I’m sitting in the back,” Sam said, teasing.
“I was going to call backseat,” Nick countered.
“Very funny,” Rob said, tossing the keys into the air and catching them again.
Sam got into the backseat and buckled her seatbelt as Rob started the car and pulled out into the street. The boys’ talk turned to baseball, and Sam leaned back and watched the streets pass. The trees had lost their leaves, and now the days brought more rain than sun. Christmas had gone by in a blur of dark days, and the three of them had gone to the mountains for a week to be away from the hoopla of the season. They’d celebrated by exchanging letters about the things they were thankful for. And then Sam broke down and got Rob a new computer and Nick bought him two games to play on it. She had to admit Rob looked very excited to see a real present on Christmas morning, and the games had provided good fun for them when they needed a distraction. And fun was a hard-won luxury.
They thought a lot about what to do on the anniversary of Derek’s death, but so far they hadn’t come up with anything appropriate. And they hadn’t tackled Derek’s room yet. Sam and Rob often met in there to talk about what had happened and what made Derek do the things he’d done. She still smoothed his bed covers and straightened his books as though he might be coming home any day. Rob had said he would help her clean it out when they were ready. She knew the time would feel right eventually.
It seemed to help Rob that Nick was with them as much as he could be. It helped Sam too. Since Derek’s death, Nick had spent all but half a dozen nights at their house. First on the couch, but more recently, he’d started to share Sam’s bed. They hadn’t been intimate again, but she knew they would be.
(2002) Chasing Darkness Page 32