by Wade, Cara
“Ali…” I could hear Evan calling out from behind me, but I didn’t stop. I couldn’t, I needed to get away before I did something too stupid for words. I’d made a massive fool out of myself, I’d acted totally irrationally and now I’d wrecked everything. There was a large chance that I would be sent home tomorrow morning, and that was devastating. I’d been loving Hawaii, and one crazy moment had wrecked it all.
“Shit.” As I got into my bedroom, I slammed the door behind me and burst into breathless pants. That was insane! I couldn’t believe I let things get that far, just because I felt an attraction to Evan, doesn’t mean that should’ve gone down. I should’ve known better.
But oh God, just for a second I allowed my imagination to run wild, and I pictured all of that going one step further. I pressed my back hard against the door and slid my eyes shut while I thought about how it’d feel to have Evan’s hands all over me. He was a man, sex with him would be very different from what I was used to, I felt certain of it. I could just imagine that his touch was strong, powerful, utterly commanding, and that image sent a shiver racing up my spine.
I could almost feel Evan sliding his hand up my skirt, the hot, wet, pulsating desire in my panties could practically feel him exploring it. That thought was driving me animalistic and crazy, my legs wobbled under the tension of it all, I could barely stand up anymore. I had to force my hand off the door knob, just to stop myself from going back out to grab hold of him.
I wanted him, desperately, it was just a shame that he was completely out of reach.
But it wasn’t just that I wanted him, it wasn’t just the fact that he was so much more than Max could ever hope to be. There was more to it. He set my body alight, even more so now that I felt like I knew him a bit better. He turned me on in a way that I’d forgotten was possible. I guess I had become so comfortable in my relationship that I’d forgotten how wonderful a powerful spark could feel.
I pressed my hand up against my chest, feeling my thundering heart racing up against my chest with a thrilling anxiety as I wondered what he was thinking right now. Was he instantly regretting it, planning to fire me tomorrow, or was he in a similar state to the one I found myself in? Was he wishing that things had gone further too, even though they shouldn’t have?
God, I wanted it to be that one…
I needed to get into bed now, to get some sleep before another bolt of bravery came over me and I went back out there. I had to be smart from here on out. Even more so now, I needed to keep in control.
I staggered over to the bed and slid under the sheets, with my body freaking out the entire time. There were so many sides to Evan, he was so much more than the cold, powerful businessman he showed the rest of the world. The fact that he’d showed me a little more of him made me feel special, even if he didn’t intend to.
Oh God, I tossed the sheets over my head and squeezed my eyes shut. All I needed to do was sleep, anything else was dangerous.
***
I practically tiptoed into the kitchen the next morning, not wanting to be caught out, but unfortunately it seemed that I wasn’t about to get that lucky. The whole Hawlin family were sitting around the breakfast table, eating together for the very first time since we arrived. Only, they weren’t really together because their eyes were all fixed on screens. Evan his cell phone, the kids were playing games on their tablets.
Oh God, maybe I could make this work for me, maybe I could sit quietly among them with no focus on me…
“Hi there, Ali,” Evan’s voice reverberated through my system. “How are you this morning?” There was a teasing in his voice, a tone that suggested we had a little secret. I didn’t know how to take that, I assumed he was going to be ashamed, angry even. “Feeling good?”
“Erm, yeah I’m feeling good thanks, how about you?” I wanted to turn and face him, but I couldn’t work up the courage to do so. I kept my eyes fixed on the bowl of cereal that I was pouring, needing some comfort from it. This was so awkward, I should never have left my room. I could’ve feigned illness, hidden away, but no… I was out here.
“I’m feeling really good today. In fact, what I might do is take the day off work so we can all do something together.”
“What?” That was enough to have me staring at him in shock. All awkwardness flew out the window as I realized that he definitely remembered everything that we’d talked about the night before. Not only that, this workaholic was actually taking time off work to spend time with his family. Maybe I’d already started to achieve something positive with this.
“Yeah, I mean I can push some stuff around. The legal team need to get some documents ready for the merger anyway, so why don’t we all go out and do something fun? I heard there’s a really cool theme park around here somewhere.”
The magic words ‘theme park’ were enough to have the kids excited. They stared at him like he was the best thing on the planet before racing to their respective bedrooms to get dressed. I chuckled loudly as I heard them yelling to one another about what rides they were looking forward to going on.
“I want to find the biggest roller coaster!”
“I like the bumper cars!”
“Wow, I think you’re on the road to becoming very popular,” I grinned brightly. “That’s such a cool thing you’re doing for them. It must be difficult for you to rearrange all your work?”
“Maybe,” he shrugged, acting blasé about it but I could tell that there was something going on inside of him. This was much more of a monumental move on his behalf than he was willing to let on. “But you made me realize last night that I need to try harder.”
“I did?” I couldn’t remember saying anything like that, I thought I was pretty useless to be honest. I knew that there was more I should’ve said, but it seemed that somehow, I’d managed to have an impact anyway.
“Yeah, just talking about it helped me to clarify. I’ve been trying to push my issues to one side, trying to get through things with my head buried in the sand, and now I can see that’s idiotic. I’m not the only one who lost Phoebe, I’m not the only one with grief. Rather than all separating we should’ve been working together.”
It was really sweet that all he needed was an ear to listen to him, I was glad that I could be that. Maybe if we could push past all the stupid kiss stuff then we could actually be friends.
“Wow, well that’s awesome. I think the kids will really appreciate it.” They knew more than Evan was aware of, they were aware that he was giving up a lot for them, and I knew that they’d love it. I might have only been in this family for a few days, but I could easily see where their issues lay.
“I’m going to need you there,” he warned, standing up. “You’re going to be my buffer in case I fail really badly. I’ve never connected with these kids, this is going to be a huge day for all of us.”
“Well I’m more than happy to be a part of it,” I smiled proudly. “Thank you. I’ll go and get ready now, and then we can get going.”
“You better be quick, I don’t know how long I’ll be able to hold Lorna and James off.”
As I walked to my bedroom, there was a wide smile playing on my lips. The kids were screaming, Evan was happy, I had to be the best damn nanny on the whole planet. Hopefully this would lead to me getting a permeant job, this was a family that I would love to work with forever. It wouldn’t just be for the good pay either, I liked the kids a lot, and I liked Evan too. Maybe a little too much, but that was beside the point.
For a moment, I wondered what it’d be like if we met in a different situation, one where I didn’t have a shattered, fragile heart in dire need of repair, one where Evan wasn’t my boss and we could actually do this. It’d be incredible to take that spark and just run with it. It would probably turn into the best relationship ever. If that kiss was anything to go by, we would have a steamy connection that would last forever more.
But no, I had to stop those thoughts from ever entering my mind. Today wasn’t about me, it was about doing
something to bring the Hawlin family back together. If Evan wasn’t going to talk about that kiss, then I wasn’t either. We would just blow past it and hope that nothing like that ever happened again.
***
“Oh my God, dad, that was amazing!” James exclaimed excitedly. The wind had blown his hair all over the place, his eyes were shiny and wet, he had the typical slightly pale look of someone who had just been scared to death on a roller coaster, but he was happy. That was the most important thing. “Can we do it again?”
“You go,” I chuckled as he glanced at me, looking for permission. “Me and Lorna will go and win some more prizes.”
This was going so incredibly well, better than I could’ve even hoped. It was so obvious from an outside perspective that all this family needed was some time together, and I was so glad that had finally happened. Evan was probably kicking himself that he’d let things get so bad, but now his fog of grief had lifted slightly, so hopefully things would be better from here on out.
“Where do you want to go, Lorna?”
As she raced around the park, and I followed as closely behind as I could, it hit me hard how deep I was in. This was an incredible family, one I adored a lot, and it’d only been a short time. Maybe nannying wasn’t for me, at least when I was in the nursery I couldn’t get too attached. It was going to be a wrench to leave these people, I didn’t think I could do it all the time.
“Let’s do this, I want to win a teddy bear.”
I took the fairground gun, and aimed it at the target, a rush of adrenaline coursing through my body. I loved seeing Lorna grin, I really wanted to make that happen, especially when she was missing out on going on the rides with her father and brother because she was just a little too short.
“You can do it!” she squealed excitedly, bouncing up and down next to me. “Come on, Ali!”
I tugged on the trigger, and pulled off the first shot, pulling my eyes back just to see it bouncing off the wall. I glanced down at Lorna, just to see her bottom lip popping out. This wasn’t her acting like a spoiled brat, I got the distinct impression that this was much more about having a memento of the amazing day, and I really wanted to give her that. If this was that important to her, it was important to me too.
Determination surged, I aimed the gun again and pulled the trigger with a cold, calm determination. Still, I missed. Then on the third shot, somehow, despite all the odds being stacked against me, it hit. The target flung backwards, and happiness exploded in my chest.
“Yes!” Lorna screamed, while jumping up and down. “Yes, thank you, Ali. You hit it! I get a prize.”
A massive beaming grin spread across my cheeks as I saw her choose a little pink teddy bear. It was absolutely obvious from the shine in her eyes that this was something she would treasure forever more. I was so glad that I could contribute towards that memory for her.
“Thank you so much,” she gasped happily. “I love this so much. It’ll remind me of you forever. Especially when you’re gone…”
Uh oh, there was that sadness again. I needed to change the subject before tears streamed down her face. It was hard enough for me to keep it together without Lorna sobbing too.
“Come on,” I slid her fingers through mine and brought her closer to me. “Let’s go and see if we can find a funny picture of James and your dad. There is bound to be some silly ones of them pulling scared faces on the rides. We can buy one for them to keep. That will make them laugh.”
By the time we found James and Evan again, Lorna had the silliest picture of them clutched between her fingers. She could barely contain the giggle that was bubbling in her throat at the thought of them seeing it. That was a good idea on my part, it really turned her mood around.
“Dad, dad, look!” she flashed it in his face before he could even begin to get his spinning head in order. “I found a photo of you and James screaming.”
Evan’s eyes almost welled up as he took the picture from her, years of hurt all beginning to heal in the sweetest way possible. “Wow, thank you so much, but now we need to get one of all of us.”
“Ali too?”
I instantly shook my head, not wanting to be a permeant feature in their family’s happy moment, but it didn’t seem like I was going to get away with it that easily.
“Yeah, come on, dad,” James jumped in with a grin. “Let’s all do it.”
“Okay sure,” Evan gazed at me and I could see it again, that intensity behind his gaze, which caused a deep and powerful and stirring inside of me. “I think I spotted a photo booth just around the corner somewhere. Let’s go and find it.”
My feet barely touched the ground as I walked behind the family, this all felt so overwhelming. I knew that I’d made a difference already, but still for them to accept me so much…
After being rejected by absolutely everyone in my life, this was so lovely.
“Here we are.”
The kids quickly bounded in, and Evan indicated for me to follow them. As we squeezed our bodies inside I started to feel a little bit like this was all wrong. We were so close, all pressed up together, and as Evan joined us I became acutely aware of every single inch of him. His leg was touching mine, his arm was behind me barely brushing my back, I could hear every little bit of his breath. It was very difficult to concentrate on myself. My arms felt weird, my heart was racing quickly in my chest, I felt my whole body heat up with emotion.
All I could think about was the damn kiss that I’d been trying so hard to forget.
“Okay, ready?” Evan didn’t seem anywhere near as messed up as me. Did our kiss not affect him at all? Maybe it was just me freaking out for no reason! Maybe he did that sort of thing all the time. “Smile, say cheese.”
I tried my best to force my face to appear normal, but there was a definite strain there. I felt like a silly, pathetic school girl with a crush, I even redeveloped all my awkward teenage tendencies. I was sure that would probably come across in the picture, but I couldn’t seem to control myself.
***
“Oh God, I’m so tired,” Lorna exclaimed as she practically fell through the door to the villa. “I’m going to go to bed.”
“Me too,” James grumbled, which made me laugh. This was the first time I’d seen the kids racing off to get some sleep, which proved what an awesome day they’d had. Evan had done incredibly well with them, I was sure he had to be proud.
“Night!” I called out behind them, but I didn’t get much of a response. They were both gone. “Well, that was something else,” I turned to Evan, instantly noticing a massive smile spreading across his cheeks. “They really enjoyed it.”
“Yeah, I know, it made me realize just how much I’ve missed out on.” He sat down at the table and furrowed his eyebrows thoughtfully. “I’ve become so sucked in by the business, it’s mad really. What I should’ve been doing is hanging out with my children. They’re such amazing kids, I feel so bad for not spending enough time with them.”
“Well, no, you’ve achieved a lot with your company. You’ve done well for yourself, and them. Yes, maybe you’ve missed out a bit, but now you have all the time in the world to make up for that. What you did today meant a whole lot to them.”
“I’m going to get a drink,” he changed the subject rapidly, as if he couldn’t quite stand to talk about it anymore, and he moved across the room. “Would you like to have one with me?”
I probably shouldn’t, I knew that it was risky move, but we’d had such a nice day. One drink wouldn’t hurt, would it? “Oh yeah, that’d be lovely.”
He poured two glasses of a champagne that I didn’t even recognize the name of. It was obviously an expensive brand that someone like me didn’t know.
“Here you are.”
As I sucked back a sip, it was like heaven in my mouth, nicer than anything I’d ever tasted before. I didn’t want to get too used to the finer things in life because it wouldn’t be too long before I was back to crappy three dollar wine from the local store, but st
ill… for now I could relish in it.
“So,” I leaned forward onto my elbows, already noticing a buzz racing through me. “Did you enjoy today? You look like you were having a good time.”
“I really did,” he smiled happily. “The kids are awesome. I’m proud of myself too, this is the sort of relationship that Phoebe always wanted me to have with the children, this is what I should’ve done all along. It shouldn’t have taken me this long, but at least I’m doing it now.”
“She sounds like she was an amazing woman.” I hoped that I wasn’t stepping on any toes, but he did bring her up to me first. It would probably be weirder if I said nothing.
“She really was…” he glanced at me, giving me a totally indecipherable look. There was clearly something going on behind his eyes, but I couldn’t work out what it was. I cocked my head curiously to one side, but I couldn’t quite find the words to ask him what was going on, but as it turned out I didn’t have to. “I guess that’s why I haven’t been able to find someone else since her, someone anywhere near as good. Maybe that’s why I threw myself so much into my work too. I was scared that I wouldn’t ever find anyone to compare.”
“I get that,” I murmured, shifting uncomfortably in my seat. This was definitely an odd topic to be discussing with someone who I’d shared a kiss with. Was he trying to give me a hint that he didn’t want anything more? If so that was okay, I’d already made the decision to keep away anyway. This had to all be about work, however squishy and excited he made me feel inside.
“And then you came into my life.”
Uh oh, my eyes snapped up at him, shock rendering me speechless. What the hell was he saying here? I was totally torn between what my heart really wanted him to say, and what my head knew was right. I opened my mouth to speak, but snapped it shut quickly before I could say something stupid.