by Wade, Cara
As my mouth grew nearer, his moans became louder, then as I wrapped my lips around him and I slid him right down to the back of my throat, he cried out in sheer joy.
“Oh my God, Ali, you feel incredible.”
I slowly moved my head up and down, flickering my tongue all over him, but it quickly became obvious that he was far too desperate and needy for that, so I picked up the pace. He grabbed onto my head, fisting my hair as he started to shudder, but he didn’t do anything to control my movements, he seemed content to just let me do exactly what I wanted to him.
His thick thighs tensed even more, his whole body became stiff. I knew that meant he was trying to control himself, which wasn’t what I wanted at all. I needed him to absolutely lose it, so I ran my fingers over his thigh, trailing them dangerously close to his groin area, allowing me to trace his balls in a way that had him absolutely falling apart.
“Fuck, Ali, I can’t… I can’t control myself anymore…”
And then he exploded, filling my mouth with his sweet, salty desire. I enjoyed the taste of him as it slid down my throat, I loved turning him on, sending him to that place. In a strange way, that seriously dirty ending to the sweet date was absolutely perfect.
“Come on,” Evan smiled and held his hand out to me. “Let’s go to bed, James and Lorna will be up early, you just know it, so you better get some sleep while you can.”
And there it was, the harsh reminder of what this trip was. Still, I was looking forward to a night curled up in Evan’s arms, even if I would have to get up early to ensure we weren’t caught out. The night of being a princess might be over, but at least I would always have the memories.
***
In… and out… in… and out…
I knew that propping myself up onto my elbows to watch Evan sleep, to examine his breathing, was a bit much, but I couldn’t seem to stop myself. My heart was still racing, my emotions still dancing, my tummy still twisting and turning. I was falling, my feelings for Evan had been developing into something more the entire time. I’d been trying to convince myself that this was only a fling and that after a month I would never even think about him again… but I was wrong.
Deep down I knew that, it had been occurring the entire time, but there was a specific moment tonight that had highlighted that for me, and surprisingly it’d happened before we got into the limo.
I stood in front of him, at the bar after the most magnificent tasting food that I’d eaten in my life, and I smiled happily at him. To be honest I felt invincible, things had been going so well, which made me bring up the conversation that I’d been yo-yoing back and forth in my mind.
“So,” I grabbed his waist and shimmied into him, totally ignoring the rest of the room. “I hear you have an admirer.”
“Oh yeah? Please tell me it’s you.”
He’d been making little comments like that all night long, ones that confused me greatly. I knew it was a fantasy, that we were play acting out a date, but still it made me feel special. I couldn’t resist falling for the compliments that highlighted the positive emotions in my chest. Real or not, they felt incredible.
“Well, maybe,” I cocked my head coyly to one side as I stared deep into his wonderful, soulful eyes. “But according to bathroom gossip, there’s also someone named Clarissa.”
As soon as I said her name, my heart dipped with fear. Maybe I should’ve run with my initial instincts and said nothing after all. This could hurt me really bad! But then Evan’s expression darkened and I could tell that thankfully this wasn’t good news for him.
“Oh, I know, she’s been causing me issues for years. She met me just after I married Phoebe and made her feelings clear even then. The fact that I had a wife didn’t seem to bother her at all. She’s never been an issue though, and Phoebe understood that. I guess she just assumed that once I became… single again, she would be first in line. Family names are important in this circle. Although I made my money by myself, my family did have money way back which makes me an acceptable part of their world.”
“And is she? First in line, I mean?” I still didn’t get how this money stuff worked, they seemed to have totally different rules from the rest of us. Maybe even if Evan didn’t necessarily want her, he would eventually have to give in.
“No way,” he tugged on my dress, bringing me in even nearer to him. “I have my eye on someone much closer to home.”
Then he pulled my mouth towards his and he kissed me in front of everyone. The entire world faded away and it became only me and Evan. A fire could’ve broken out and I wouldn’t have even noticed. I was lost, too happy for words, kissing the only man that had managed to make me feel this way.
In that exact moment, I recognized that he said what I wanted to hear, I needed him to like me like that, because I did him. Those words completed my night as a princess, I felt like the love story was coming to its conclusion. I became his, and Evan became mine, there was no lost glass slipper getting in our way.
But as I gazed down on his sleeping body, all I could think about were the practical side of things. Realistically, there wasn’t anything that I could do to really make him mine, he lived in his world, I existed in mine. He hired me to be the nanny to the kids, doing anything to change that could have catastrophic consequences. It could undo all the progress this family had made. Plus, there was the huge possibility that Evan only saw this as a holiday romance. We’d never had the conversation stating that exactly, but I felt like the assumption was there. Evan could’ve said all those things thinking that I was on the exact same page as him.
I slid out from the sheets and padded into the kitchen to grab a glass of water and a moment alone to think. Everything had been so crazy in my life recently, it’d all turned upside down on its head. I lost everything that I knew back home, including the two steady relationships that had been in my life for as long as I could remember. Maybe I’d thrown myself so much into this as an overcorrection of that. Maybe all of my attraction to Evan was down to the fact that he was so utterly different from Max.
Maybe, there was a slim chance, that when I got back home it would all become a distant, happy memory.
I sighed deeply and slumped into the nearest chair gazing out the window to the beautiful Hawaiian night sky. There were stars twinkling everywhere I looked, serving as a stark reminder that everything wasn’t quite real.
What happened in Hawaii would have to stay here, I was just going to have to do what I could to mend my shattered heart before I even got home, because if I left it that long there probably wouldn’t be any of it left. In fact, I had the strong feeling that this heartbreak would put what I felt for Max to shame. He hurt me, but that was mostly the betrayal, and because my best friend had been involved. I didn’t really feel like I would die without him.
A small, petulant voice in my head argued that I could make it work with Evan, somehow, but I couldn’t be naïve. That would be the worst outcome of this situation, I needed to have some dignity left over otherwise I would never be able to start again.
I’d come here to help me get a fresh start, but now I was going to have to return needing one too. What a damn fine mess I’d gotten myself into.
***
“I can’t believe we have to go home,” Lorna pouted sadly. “That last week went really quickly. Can’t we stay for a few more days?”
“I know, I don’t even know what’s happened over the last week of our trip, it’s all happened so fast,” I replied, just as gravely. “And I wish we could, but I think your dad has to get back for work.”
Much as I agreed with her, much as I wanted to stay too, I’d been preparing myself to get back, to leave this family, for days now. If I hadn’t prepared myself, I wasn’t sure that I would be able to work up the strength to get through it today.
Last night had been the hardest, me and Evan had made slow, sweet love to one another. There was a definite bittersweet tension in the air, but neither of us addressed it. We simply left the unsp
oken questions silent, and turned over to sleep. Now I could see that we probably should’ve had a chat to see where we both stood… but then again, it was probably obvious. We were done, the holiday was over and so were we.
“Yeah, you too, I bet?”
“Oh no,” I replied absentmindedly as I checked everything was in my suitcase. “I don’t have a job to get back to. I’ve got to look for one.” I was trying my best not to think about home. Much as it’d been good to get away, I still wasn’t totally sure how I’d react when I walked back into that apartment. I had no idea if the entire place would still be tainted with Max and Taylor’s betrayal.
Lorna raced from the room, her eyebrows furrowed in thought, but I honestly didn’t pay much attention. My brain was somewhere else entirely. I didn’t actually pick up on anything until she came back in with James by her side.
“Can I ask you something?” he said shyly, which instantly grabbed my attention. If there was one thing that I’d learned about James during my time in Hawaii it was that he only spoke when he had something very important to say.
“Of course, sweetheart, what is it?” I sat on the bed and patted the sheets for him to come and sit with me.
“Do you think maybe you can come and work with us all the time when we get home? I know that Meghan is going, dad hasn’t told me but I don’t really need him too. It’s obvious, and I really like having you as a nanny. You’re the best person around.”
My face heated up with happiness and sadness all at once. He’d touched me so deeply with those words, it was just a shame that I couldn’t make that decision for him. “Well, it isn’t really up to me,” I tried to be as diplomatic as humanly possible. “I was only hired for the Hawaii trip, so I don’t know what’s going to happen when we get back.”
“But you’d like to?”
I couldn’t tell him no, partly because it was a lie, but mostly because I couldn’t break his heart as well. This boy had been through enough, he’d already lost so many people. The reason I would say no wasn’t because of him anyway, it was because of me and my inability to resist my boss.
“I would like to, but we’ll just have to see…”
“Dad!” he tore out the room like a rocket, with his sister close behind him, leaving me with only a deep fearful pit of guilt forming in my chest. I really didn’t want Evan to think that I was in on this conspiracy, the last thing I needed was for him to feel like I was forcing a relationship. Yes, I liked him a lot, and sure I would’ve done anything to be with him but only if he wanted to be with me.
I didn’t want him to assume that I was a gold digger, or some crazy bunny boiler.
I sighed deeply and grabbed my bags, knowing that now I was going to have to sort out the added complication that James and Lorna has just thrown into the mix.
“Yes, okay kids, just go and get in the car, we need to get on the plane in a minute.” I stopped for a second as I could hear Evan talking in the other room. I just wanted to know what his opinion on the subject was before we actually had to have the conversation. “No buts, just go. This is something that can be sorted out later.”
He didn’t sound too pleased, I was getting the distinct impression that he didn’t need me around, which disappointed me like crazy. He was trying not to show the kids as much, but it felt clear to me that he didn’t want me around as a permeant fixture in their lives. It hurt like hell to know the truth, but it was much better to know before I did anything foolish.
I forced the fake smile on my face and I turned the corner. “Alright everyone? All ready to go?” I breezed past Evan and the children, not stopping to give them a chance to speak to me. “Let’s get in the car now before it leaves without us.”
As the vehicle moved off, taking me away from my dream, I fixed my gaze out the window so that I didn’t have to speak to anyone. My eyes kept randomly filling with tears anyway, so it was probably for the best. Then as we got onto the plane, I was the one pulling a screen out to focus on. With that and my headphones it was clear that I really didn’t want to be spoken to. I had every single one of my walls up, blocking out the family that I adored so much.
Admittedly it was a very sad way to say goodbye to what’d been the best time of my life, but it was the only way that I could survive. Now was the time that I needed to put myself first, just so that I didn’t fall apart. I wanted to be by myself when that inevitably happened.
***
As I found myself back inside the very familiar four walls that had made up my life for many years now, I realized that I was wrong to worry that my brain would immediately go back to Max. Despite the fact that I’d lived with him here, even though I’d found him screwing my friend on the couch, he was the furthest thing from my mind.
All I could think about was Evan and the terrible way we’d left things.
After a very long, stilted flight, I hopped off the plane to make my escape. I’d hugged the kids goodbye, and even held Evan close to me for a moment, but in a bid to protect my fragile heart I hadn’t even looked at him. Why didn’t I look at him? Just one more gaze into those beautiful eyes would’ve helped me get through this agony. It hurt so bad to let him go, it felt like there was a gaping hole in my chest, and I honestly wasn’t sure that I’d ever feel normal again.
I dropped my bags on the ground and made my way into the bedroom where I flopped onto the bed. I felt deflated, like every aspect of my personality was gone. My mind kept spinning back over everything in Hawaii, reminding me of what a wonderful time I’d had. I thought about the first few days there, how weird things were until we kissed. Then I recalled the day at the theme park, followed by the drink and the first time we’d had sex.
After that, us spending the night together became very normal, which made the night I felt like a princess even more incredible. That dress, the shoes, the diamond necklace… all of which he insisted that I keep…
I forced myself to stand, to go and grab the necklace, just to give myself something the cling on to. I looked and felt like crap, my emotions were everywhere, but just for a moment I really wanted to wear it. I wanted to feel close to Evan and all that he’d meant to me.
As I slid it over my head, one stray tear leaked down my cheek, and the emotion just started spilling out everywhere. I already missed Evan, James, and Lorna too. I loved the life with them, and not just because it was in Hawaii, but because they made me feel special too. They needed me, they wanted me around, I was important to them… and now I had nothing. How was I supposed to even go on knowing that I’d lost the best thing to ever happen to me? No job would ever feel the same, nor would any man. I was officially well and truly stuck.
Knock, knock.
Urgh, there was no way in hell that I was answering the door now, not after what I’d just been through. Knowing my luck it would be Max wanting to talk things through, or something equally cringe worthy. No, I would just remain as quiet as I could until the person went away.
Knock, knock.
I didn’t dare to breathe, all I wanted was to be left alone to wallow in my misery, hadn’t I earned that much? All I wanted was some space, why couldn’t I ever get what I needed?
Knock, knock.
Apparently not…
“Ali, are you in there?”
My heart stopped dead in my chest as I recognized the person calling to me. This wasn’t Max, coming for forgiveness, or even Taylor, with her much needed apology. This was the man that I’d left behind not so long ago. Did I want to talk to him again? Was I prepared to face the man that I couldn’t bear to look at because I wanted him so badly? The man that I never thought I would have to see again.
Then again, if I didn’t hear him out, would I regret it forever? Would I always wonder what he had to say? Would I wish that I’d just spent five minutes being brave.
“Y… yes,” I eventually stammered, realizing that I had to at least see what he wanted if I didn’t want to drown in regrets. “What do you want?”
“Please l
et me in, I want to talk to you.”
I stepped towards the door, trembling with fear the entire time. This wasn’t typical, this definitely meant something, I just didn’t dare hope what it could be. I knew what I wanted, but that seemed impossible. It had to be something else. Maybe the kids had convinced him to let me come back for work.
As I slowly tugged the door open, I could see stress etched on Evan’s face too. Maybe I looked like an emotional mess, but he didn’t seem too much better.
“How did you find me?” I decided to tackle the easiest question first.
“You left your address on the resume, so it wasn’t too hard to find.” His expression was serious, there wasn’t even an element of humor there, which had me even more freaked out.
“Did you… want to come in?” I stepped aside and he moved past me, but he remained in the hallway as he turned his body around to face me.
“I need to talk to you, and this is something I should’ve said at the airport. Actually, I should’ve said it in Hawaii, I had plenty of chances to but I didn’t.”
“Right, okay.” I nodded and waited as patiently as I could manage, but everything was jumping everywhere in my chest. I didn’t dare to dream, but my emotions darted everywhere.
“I guess I’m just not very good at this, and I never have been,” he was babbling, looking everywhere but at me. Whatever he had to say, it was clearly very difficult. “But I don’t want the month to be the end of it. I want you to come back, the kids want you to come back too.”
“To work?” I needed utter clarification here before I could even think of committing to anything. I needed to know exactly what I was giving myself over for.
“No…” he took my hands in his, and stared deep into my eyes. “I haven’t exactly worked out the details of everything yet, but I do want you back in my life, we all do. I’ve explained to James and Lorna that I’m falling for you, and they’re happy with that, they want you to come back in any capacity…”