My mouth fell open. “What?”
Words spilled from her now like she couldn’t get them out fast enough. “Your father and I couldn’t conceive on our own, after trying every option. I sometimes felt that it was fate that led us to the agency that gave us you. Like a gift. It was such a wonderful time in our lives and it makes me so, so sad that we’ve lost touch with each other since your father left. We were supposed to be the perfect family, but I’ve learned that nothing’s perfect in life. But we try. And I’ve tried, Samantha, I’ve really tried to be the best mother I could be and provide everything you’ve needed. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you this before and I’m so sorry if it hurts you to hear it now.”
I couldn’t have been more stunned if I’d just been hit by a truck.
Kraven had been right. He’d taken one look at my mother and me and he’d guessed something I’d never even considered once in my life.
I was adopted.
“Wh-who are my birth parents?” My voice was croaky, like I had to force the words out when they’d rather stay safely inside.
She got up from the table and paced over to the kitchen sink. She clutched it for a moment before turning to face me again, the strain on her face clearly showing her age and weariness. “There wasn’t much information on them. The agency did tell me your mother was in her very early twenties. She was desperate to find a good home for her baby. That’s all I know. I’m sorry, honey.”
Early twenties. Some girl who’d gotten in trouble and needed to fix her mistake by giving her baby up for adoption. The thought made my throat feel thick and my eyes burn.
“Do you know her name?”
She shook her head. “I was told she dropped you off and then disappeared. For years I thought she might come back for you and take us to court over custody, but she never did. I can go with you to the agency. We can try to find out more information together, if you like.”
I got shakily to my feet, clutching the strap of my bag over my shoulder. I felt cold now, and it didn’t have much to do with missing my soul. This information just wedged into my mind, trying to find space amongst everything else I’d learned this week.
“Yeah…” I cleared my throat and let out a shuddery breath. “I, uh…maybe. I don’t know. I need time to think about this. But I—I’m glad you told me. I am.”
“Honey, sit down. Let’s talk some more.”
“No, I have to go out. Carly’s waiting for me at Crave. We’ll have to talk…later.”
I escaped from the kitchen without looking back. I couldn’t deal with this right now, it was too much. So I left her there, glass of wine in hand, a woman who’d adopted a baby seventeen years ago and never breathed a word about it. Not even a hint.
But now it was all too clear to me, and I couldn’t believe I’d never seen it. I’d never been anything like my tall, blond, blue-eyed, sociable parents—they were like Barbie and Ken, practically. I was short, dark-haired, pale, and had pretty much been a loner all my life.
When my father had moved to England with the promise to see me as often as possible, I’d felt abandoned. I’d tried to ignore those feelings, shove them down deep and let them manifest as a sudden need to shoplift a few items from the mall and hone my sense of humor into a sharp weapon.
This abandonment felt different. I didn’t even have words for it. It just made me feel…empty. At least my father—my adoptive father—had made promises to see me again since he left two years ago. Which he’d done. Once. Last Christmas he’d held true to his promise and flown here for a week, staying at a nearby hotel. We’d spent a day and a half together. This girl who’d left me behind hadn’t done that. She’d given me nothing at all.
A tear slipped down my cheek as I set forth on my way to Crave. The club was a half hour walk along populated, well-lit streets, so my mother never had a problem with it when Carly couldn’t pick me up. I wiped the tear away, mad that I felt any emotion over what I’d just learned. I resolved that it would be the last tear I’d shed over this missing biological mother of mine.
The homeless guy was sitting outside the nightclub again and he watched my approach.
“Facing fate at a fearless rate,” he said. “Despite what she’s lost, she’ll find her way in the dark city, guided by the watchers of the night who protect us from the shadows. Some friend, some foe. But who’s who? Who’s to know?”
Something resonated in his words, freezing me in place, but I tried to shake it off. I didn’t have time for his Dr. Seuss–sounding babble. He freaked me out too much, especially after feeling the electricity when he’d touched me last time. I didn’t want to try to wrap my head around what that might mean. Not tonight. My head was wrapped around enough stuff already.
“All is not as it seems,” he called after me.
“Not exactly a news flash there,” I mumbled to myself.
Ever since my mind-blowing conversation with my mother, I’d known I had to be here again tonight. And it wasn’t just to hang out with Carly and eat greasy food by the armful. I needed answers. Real ones.
I scanned the dim interior, searching for her. As promised, she was with Paul, in a corner booth. He stared across the table at her like he’d just won the lottery. She laughed at whatever he was saying. It looked like they were having a great time.
Let them. She’d promised this wasn’t a romantic date that would involve kissing. I trusted her. He was safe.
I had other things to deal with.
I summoned as much courage as I could and climbed the spiral staircase to the second-floor lounge. As usual, there was a scattering of other grays—at least, I now assumed that was what they were. I scanned them to see if I recognized anyone from school, but there was no one. They looked older than me, now that I was paying attention. Stephen’s age at least. Natalie sat on a red couch in the far corner wearing a tight blue dress, and Stephen leaned against the glass barrier near her.
I walked toward them and ignored my racing heart.
“Samantha,” Natalie greeted me with a smile. “I’m glad to see you again.”
“Why am I so damn special?” I demanded.
Her dark, arched eyebrows went up. “Stephen, please leave us.”
“Yeah, sure.” Stephen eyed me warily as he moved to the other side of the lounge and out of earshot.
My heart pounded. My mouth was dry. And to top it all off, my stomach was rumbling. I’d meant to grab a piece of pizza from the fridge before I left the house, but hadn’t had the chance.
“Please, Samantha,” Natalie said. “Sit down. Make yourself comfortable.”
I didn’t sit. I didn’t want to be comfortable. “Why did you pick me? Why were you watching me in particular? How did you know about my gifts? Who am I? Who are you?”
This was why I’d come here. This was what I needed to know now that I’d learned I’d been adopted. I desperately needed another puzzle piece to snap into place.
She just leaned back in her seat and regarded me calmly. “Those are a lot of questions.”
“We look alike,” I said, when she didn’t immediately offer up all the information I needed on a silver platter.
“Do we?”
“I—I mean, we have the same hair color. Eye color.” I’d already started to doubt myself. It didn’t take much. “But—is that why you targeted me? Why you told Stephen to kiss me? Why you know there’s something special about me? Right now I don’t feel very special.”
“What would make you think that, Samantha?”
“I’m adopted. I only found out for sure tonight. I’m just reaching, I guess. Maybe I’m wrong. Am I wrong?” My voice caught. “Are we related?”
Natalie crossed her lean legs. Her silver stilettos glinted under the spotlights above the seating area. A small smile played at her lips that ignited both fury and doubt inside me.
“The moment I arrived here I searched for you,” she said. “Only you. I knew that you needed me as much as I needed you.”
I waited,
holding my breath.
She held my gaze before she finally spoke again. “I’m your aunt, Samantha. And I’m the only person in the world who can tell you about your real parents.”
Chapter 16
The noise from the club swelled in my ears and my head swam. I’m sure what little color I had had drained from my face.
“You’re my…aunt?” I managed to say after several stunned seconds ticked by.
“I am.”
I tried to process this without passing out. We had a family resemblance. I’d seen it before, but this was confirmation that we were related. “But you’re so young.”
Her brown eyes, so much like mine, began to glow red. “Demons remain the same in appearance as when we died as humans.” Her lips curved. “You already guessed I was a demon, didn’t you?”
My mouth was so dry it was nearly impossible to form words. “I—I’d had a feeling.”
“Just you? Not your friend Bishop? I think he knows too much about me.”
I had to sit down or I was going to fall down, so that’s exactly what I did, slumping onto a plush red sofa. I forced my mouth to make words again. “Why should I even believe you? You could be lying to me.”
She gave me a steady, patient look. “Because I know your gut is telling you that what I’m saying is true.”
She was right. It was. It felt as if another piece of my puzzle had clicked into place. I suddenly wasn’t totally sure I wanted to see the full picture. But I had to stay strong. I’d wanted the truth. I’d pretty much demanded it.
This was the truth.
Natalie—she was my aunt. And she was a demon.
There was so much more I needed to know, I couldn’t just stop here. I was in it up to my neck, this swimming pool of truth I’d been thrown into. I’d either sink or swim now.
“My—my real parents,” I croaked out. “My father…my mother. Who are they? Where are they?”
Natalie had taken a seat next to me, but she made no move to get closer to me or try to hold my hand. That might have been too much and I’d have run away from this, away from her, before I learned everything I could. Her expression remained serious, but a small smile played at her lips.
“Your father is my older brother. His name is Nathan.”
I had to ask the next question, but I was afraid of the answer. “And if you’re a demon…”
Then what is he? went unspoken.
She looked me steadily in the eyes. “He’s also a demon.”
I shivered. It had been possible he was human, of course, but I’d had a horrible feeling that he wasn’t. I immediately wanted to push back against this information, but again it settled into me with a soft click. “And my mother? Was she a demon, too? Or a human?”
Her lips thinned with distaste. “Neither. She was an angel.”
A wave of shock crashed over me. “A-an angel? Wait. My father was a demon…and my mother…was an angel?”
“Yes.”
“Were they human when they got together?”
“No. Your parents were already supernatural when they met—an angel and a demon.”
“Then…what does that make me?”
Her smile returned. “Special.”
Snap goes another puzzle piece.
I stood up so quickly I got dizzy. I needed fresh air, but I was frozen in place and couldn’t move. It was like there were lead weights in my shoes. I felt numb, but as I forced myself to breathe in and out, in and out, everything slowly became clearer and my heart stopped pounding so hard. It took a while.
“But angels and demons don’t like each other,” I said, remembering what little I’d learned from Bishop. “They hate each other.”
“Usually. Personally I despise angels.” She shrugged. “But you know what they say…love works in mysterious ways.”
How could she be so flippant about this? “What happened?”
She twisted her index finger through a long, dark piece of her hair. It reminded me immediately of my own nervous habit. However, this woman—this demon—didn’t seem like she got nervous very often. “The same thing that’s happening now. A team of angels and demons were sent to take care of a problem. Your parents met. Hate swiftly turned to something else—although, don’t ask me how. True love.” She said it drily as if she couldn’t quite believe it herself. “Problem was, it’s forbidden. Angels and demons can’t be together like that. Especially not in the human world.”
“Wh-why not?”
She gave me a slight shrug, her gaze running down the length of me. “Because there can be a price for such uncontrollable and unnatural passion. Angels and demons don’t breed with each other or amongst themselves. Unless they’re here in the human world. And true and passionate love plays a great role in making the biology click. You are an anomaly, Samantha. An extraordinarily rare result of a forbidden demon/angel love affair.” She gave me a bright, wide smile. “And you’re rather fabulous, if I do say so myself.”
“I’m an anomaly.” That was the same word Bishop had used to describe the Source, a demon who could devour human souls. Aka: my aunt. He’d wondered if she was the same one with the ability from years ago. Sounded to me like he was absolutely right about that.
“You’re a nexus,” she said. “It means the link, the connection. The offspring of a demon and an angel. You were born human—but a special human with gifts that draw from the powers of both Heaven and Hell. These gifts were held back by your soul.”
This was why I could do what I did with the other angels and demons. Finding them, repelling them, reading their minds. I had a connection to them, a deep connection that had been born in me. And it was only with my soul missing that I could properly access it.
The powers of Heaven and Hell—angel and demon—in me.
It was a hell of a lot to deal with for a Thursday evening.
“So I’m not really a gray,” I said quietly.
Her amusement faded. “I honestly thought that Stephen’s kiss would simply get rid of your soul and free up your hidden abilities. It was a surprise to me that you developed the hunger, too.”
I glared at her. “So it was just a hunch you had? And you went ahead and did it anyway? Without explaining anything to me first? Without giving me a choice?”
She grimaced and had the grace to look guilty. “I am sorry. I know the hunger is…unpleasant. But it didn’t even occur to me that it would cause a problem. For what it’s worth, I think it’s possible that your hunger will fade as your body adjusts to being without its soul.”
“Is that another hunch?”
“You’re not like the others, Samantha. You’re special.”
“Screw you,” I spat out. My anger was rising with every new piece of information I got. “You damn well should have asked me first. Because I would have said no.”
“The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you.” But then her tone turned sharper. “But it’s done and there’s no going back, only forward. Because of what you are, I believe you have the power to use Bishop’s golden dagger as a key to open a temporary exit in the barrier Heaven and Hell created to trap us here.”
“Bishop…” I said his name out loud and my battered heart started to ache even more than it already did. I wished I knew where he was right now and if he was okay. I’d tried to be strong, but I wanted to go to him as soon as I could. I just wished he’d come to see me if he needed my help.
“He’s an angel, right?” A dim red glow lit up her eyes again as her expression soured. “He’s been using you for your gifts from the moment you met.”
“Sounds like you’re trying to do the exact same thing.” It did scare me that she knew what Bishop was without any confirmation from me.
“I’m trying to save both of us. Not just myself. Family comes first, Samantha. Always.”
I grabbed hold of the red sofa and squeezed it, as if it might act as an anchor for me. “Where are my parents? Why did they abandon me? Did they just leave me with an adoption agency and
take off to Tahiti or something? Why has it been seventeen years and this is the first I’m hearing about any of this?”
Any remaining amusement faded from Natalie’s pretty face. She sat down on the edge of the couch again and indicated for me to do the same thing, casting another glance toward the other grays, who continued to keep their distance. No one was within hearing range.
“It’s my fault,” she said. “All of it. What I can do…what I’ve done. I’m not proud, Samantha.”
“What are you talking about?”
“My hunger.” She bit her bottom lip. “My curse. It’s been hard to control since I first became a demon. The conversion to demon is harsher than the conversion to angel. Lucky bastards. My brother and I…we both had complications. Nathan could absorb life energy—he could kill with a touch—but he had it totally under control. I hungered for a different kind of energy…and I couldn’t control it no matter how hard I tried.”
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