When the conference ended, we hit the clubs. The cameras clicked and flashed as I posed with my teammates on the carpet. Saturday was our busiest night. The match had long ended, but the real game had just begun. Look good for the pictures. Promote the sponsors. On display for all to see.
Which world was the true arena?
Rooke stood at my side, lingering so close that accidental touches were as frequent as the camera flashes. All nothing more than featherlight strokes. Still, every one made me tense behind my smile. Sure, he wasn’t being a complete asshole every spare second anymore. Somewhere between training and classic video games, he’d started to come out of his shell and become part of the team. But being told to like him was another thing altogether. Heaven forbid I was my own person, with a brain and feelings of my own, being free to like whoever I wanted. But to the camera’s eyes, Rooke and I were a hot-blooded, hot-tempered mismatched pair of desire and disaster. Would our fights rip apart the whole team? Or would our love bring out the strengths in each other? Everyone just had to know.
I felt like banging my head on a wall.
“How about a kiss?” someone called out from the crowd.
Head. Wall.
The crowd laughed.
Rooke leaned toward me and lowered his voice. “Wanna head inside?”
I spoke back through my teeth. “Yes, please.”
As we headed into the club, a grade-school round of AWWWW came from the crowd, followed by several individual protests.
“No, no. One more shot.”
“Marry me, Lily.”
Rooke led me toward the entrance doors. I walked under his arm, straining against my faltering smile until we disappeared into the club’s darkness. Once inside, he dropped his arm and led the way through the club’s darkness. I followed close behind and disappeared into the pounding beat, shouldering my way through the throngs of clammy bodies on the dance floor. Green spotlights swirled through the darkness, pouring down from the ceiling like lines of code. Like I was still in the virtual world.
I closed my eyes and basked in the sensations. Bodies writhed against mine, bumping me like a pinball through the crowd. The smell of sweat and alcohol filled the dense, heavy air. No mountain breeze. No lavender or wheatgrass. This would never be the virtual world. No sensation, none of it would ever be real enough.
In the VIP lounge, we sat in our usual spot. Derek waved to the waiter to bring us some drinks. When I glanced to the side, Rooke was gone.
“Where did he go?” I asked, nodding at the empty seat beside me.
“Bathroom,” Derek answered.
I sighed and glanced at the hallway leading to the washrooms. I’d long figured that he wasn’t much for partying, but anytime the alcohol appeared, he did the opposite. Maybe if I broke into the men’s room, he’d realize he couldn’t hide. Stick-figure signs and pee-pees don’t stop Kali Ling.
The waiter came over to our table.
“Loved the fight tonight, guys,” he said as he set the tray down. As usual, a bowl of HP sat in the center. “So did the crowd.”
“Thanks,” I said.
“That new guy is working out well.” His eyes slid over to mine, and he nudged me, like we were best friends. “But I guess you’d know that better than the rest of us.”
My fists tightened under the table. Had everyone seen that damn magazine? I shot him a tight-lipped smile. “Yeah. Sure.”
“Too bad about your other teammate. What was his name?”
“Nathan,” I told him.
“Nathan,” he repeated, and shrugged. “Not sure I even knew his name. Shame how he died. What did I read? A heart defect? Anyways, at least you found a replacement so quickly. You’re not out of the tournament, and that’s what matters, right?”
My mouth soured, and I hadn’t even downed the shot yet. A heart defect? Nathan died of an overdose from drugs he got at this very club. I tapped my foot on the floor, trying to contain my growing anger, and failing. But just behind the waiter, an ad next to the bar caught my eye. Protein Energy Boosters. One of our sponsors. Can’t piss off the sponsors. Can’t let the media know the truth. Can’t ruin the magic façade that is being a virtual warrior.
I stopped tapping my foot and swallowed thick.
“Right,” I said. “That’s what matters.”
The waiter left, and Rooke reappeared. He pressed himself into the couch next to me, staring straight ahead. There was a faint tremble in his hands, and his lips were nearly the same color as his skin. He looked like he’d just puked his guts out.
I leaned toward him and lowered my voice, enough that my teammates wouldn’t hear, but he still would.
“Are you sick?”
He met my eyes for half a second and looked away.
“I’m fine,” he muttered.
He was not fine. I was team captain, and it was my job to look after my teammates. But for the first time, Rooke and I weren’t at each other’s throats, and the rest of the team was starting to fall into place. If he could handle whatever was going on with him, maybe it was best if I just left it alone.
Across the club, music from the wallscreen blared, the VGL theme song. Highlights of our fight flashed across it.
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I’m Marcus Ryan.”
“And I’m Howie Fulton. And this is Saturday Night Gaming.”
More theme music. The camera angle panned, then zoomed in on Howie.
“Let’s take a look at the highlights from tonight’s RAGE matchups. First up, FoRCE vs. InvictUS.”
InvictUS. The five brutes who’d ripped us a new one two weeks ago.
The screen cut to the opposite team, the new prey for InvictUS. While four remained behind to guard their tower, a lone warrior disappeared into the fields. My stomach sank. You know that sickening sensation you get watching the gazelle run straight for the lion you know is hiding in the grass? But you can’t just look away? Yeah, just like it. Guess that’s why people watched this so much.
The lone warrior burst through the fields on the other side in front of the enemy’s tower. He hesitated and glanced around. Where was InvictUS? From their hiding spots high in the sycamore trees, the foursome jumped down and surrounded him on all sides. His eyes went wide for half a second before his expression transformed into gritty determination. It wouldn’t last.
Seconds into the fight, a sword slid through his abdomen, another into his thigh. He screamed. The tip of a blade swiped across his throat. His scream cut to a gurgle as he collapsed to the ground. Dead.
InvictUS raced for the tower.
In front was their leader, old One-Eye, who’d sliced my throat in the Death Match. According to his stats at the bottom of the screen, he had a name. Trent Amos. Didn’t sound so much like an archnemesis, but alas, he was mine.
When he’d led his team through the fields and burst through the entrance, the scene inside the tower became a massacre. Wet slurps and screams filled the audio. Limbs dropped to the floor. Swords plunged into flesh until ribbons of blood snaked through the grooves of the tower’s stone floor. Within a minute, all four remaining members of the other team were dead. InvictUS walked away from the match untouched. Not a scratch.
Invincible. In the world of gaming, these guys were redefining the word.
The footage cut back to the announcers. Howie shook his head. “Wow. These guys destroyed heavy favorites Defiance in the Death Match, and they just haven’t let up since. Where did they come from, Marcus?”
“I don’t know about that, but they certainly are the team to watch in this tournament.”
So, guarding the tower with four wouldn’t work, and neither did standard format: two defense, two offense, and a lone middleman. Maybe nothing could stand against the powerhouse that was InvictUS.
Warmth blossomed against my leg, where Rooke had let his hand co
me to rest on my knee. Though he wasn’t looking at me. Did he even realize he was touching me, or were we just getting that used to posing with each other for the cameras? I leaned toward him and nodded at the screen.
“They’re strong,” I said.
He shook his head. “They’re organized.”
I considered it. “Yeah. That. And they’re strong.”
Rooke studied me. A slight grin pulled at his lips. Most men were intimidated by my domineering attitude. Others bowed down and got the hell out of my way. At least this one could handle it. In fact, when his grin broke into a full-out smile, I knew right away. Oh God, he thought I was cute. Warriors aren’t cute.
“Hey, Kali.”
I turned and followed the voice to Hannah. She was holding out a hit of HP to me. Sure, I’d dabbled with HP before, but hadn’t done it since I’d been named captain. I scooted closer to her and reached for it. Why not?
I snatched the pill from her hand and popped it my mouth. Together, we did a shot and slammed the glasses down, laughing.
I nestled into the couch and watched the dancers on the floor below. Gradually, the pounding techno beat radiating off the walls slowed and pulsed beneath my skin with minivibrations. Beams of laser light streaming from the ceiling doubled in width and began undulating, like light reflecting off bodies of fish as they swam in and out of sight. I nuzzled farther into the couch, its leather upholstery as soft as seal’s fur. The purest air, rich and mountainous, filled my nose and lungs with a single breath. The couch was a cloud, and I was floating in a ball of warmth. I smiled, closed my eyes, and sighed. Everything was soft, and calm, and perfect.
Nathan was right.
It was like I’d never left the game.
—
The next morning, I woke with my head on a pillow and sheets tucked in around me. Despite the dull ache pulsing through my body, I smiled to myself and nestled into the memory-foam mattress. Finally. I’d slept in a bed instead of the bathroom floor. About damn time.
Then, a warm body stirred against my back.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
How drunk did I get last night to end up in bed with Rooke? I took a deep breath, glimpsed over my shoulder, and found a mess of blond pigtails behind me. Lily, not Rooke. Thank God. Hannah lay on the other side of her, asleep. I sighed, closed my eyes, and nestled back against the pillow.
Good. I hadn’t slept with Rooke. I’d slept with the girls.
Wait.
What?
My eyes flew open and I bolted up in bed.
I instinctively felt around my body, starting at my torso and working my way down. Minus my shoes, I was still dressed in my clothing from the previous night. So were Lily and Hannah. Good. That’s good.
I slipped out of the bed and into the natural-disaster zone that was the bunk’s floor. Debris consisted of bits of clothing, empty liquor minis, and uniquely shaped paraphernalia that I really hoped had to do with drugs. After performing search-and-rescue for my shoes, I carried them by the straps and tiptoed to the door. I’d nearly escaped when something crunched underfoot. I froze and cast a glance at the girls still in bed. Hannah stirred but remained under sleep’s mesmerizing spell. Lily never budged. I breathed a sigh of relief and knelt to retrieve the noisy culprit. The crumbled silver package opened like a blossoming flower in my hand. My sleeping pills. The package was empty. Every pill was popped out.
I shook my head, blinking. Gone? Every one of them? The girls must have had some. No way had I taken that many.
Not a chance.
I tapped the door-control button. When it slid open, I peeked around the hallway. Deserted. Good. God, what would Clarence think of my coming out of Hannah and Lily’s bunk? Maybe he’d market that next.
Back in my bunk, I showered and changed into my training gear. At breakfast, I plunked down across from Hannah and Lily. They regarded me with their usual nonchalant morning attitude. I, however, was anything but nonchalant and must have worn it on my face like a horror-inspired Halloween mask.
“You okay?” Hannah asked when she looked over my expression.
“Do you remember what happened last night?”
She shrugged. “We went out. Hit a few clubs.”
“And then?”
“We came back here and hung out.”
I raised an eyebrow. “That’s it?”
“Yeah. Why?”
“I woke up in your bed.”
The girls laughed.
“Oh, relax,” Hannah said. “You just crashed with us. Why are you so worried about it? You weren’t naked, were you?” She glanced over my frame in a way I wasn’t so sure was neutral.
“Um, no.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
“I can’t remember anything. It’s like I blacked out.”
Hannah’s expression grew a little serious then. “You really weren’t drunk enough not to remember. Maybe you did some extra shots when we weren’t looking.”
Lily nodded. “Yeah, off Rooke’s stomach.”
My own twisted at the thought. The girls burst out laughing again. At least someone thought this was funny.
“Hey.” Hannah sat up straight, as if she’d just realized something. “Maybe it was that hit of HP you did.”
I went numb.
“What?”
“You did a hit with me last night. Don’t you remember?”
No. I didn’t. Sure, I’d done HP before. Every gamer had. But I’d never blacked out. Was the pill laced with something else, or had the combo of alcohol and sleeping pills done it? I couldn’t remember anything at all. How many did I even take?
The blood drained from my face, and my gaze searched around the table for nothing at all. Hannah grasped my wrist.
“Hey. You look upset. I really wouldn’t worry about it.”
I’d blacked out and couldn’t remember a thing. It was something to worry about.
I shook her off and took a long sip of my coffee. Just like every morning, the thick, rich blend coated my tongue and washed down my throat, warming me on the inside. But the comfort it usually brought was absent.
I sat at the table in silence for the rest of the meal, nodding whenever someone spoke to me, until the girls’ trays were empty, save for the apple cores and a few rogue flakes of cereal.
“We’re hitting the track now,” Hannah announced as she grabbed her tray and stood. “You coming?”
“No. I have something to do this morning.”
She tilted her head. “Like what?”
“Just things,” I mumbled as I left, heading in the opposite direction of the track and workout area. After wandering aimlessly around the hallways of the facility for several minutes, I eventually found myself in a familiar, stark green room. It wasn’t Clarence’s office.
“I bet you’re surprised to see me,” I said. “Do gamers ever come back unless they have to?”
The shrink nodded, and I half expected her lips to start bouncing.
“Sometimes,” she said. “But sometimes it’s just for more pills. Is that why you’re here? Because if you need more already, that’s a concern—”
“No. I’m fine.”
You could get sleeping pills on the street, right? Well, we had people for that. Nathan had gotten an endless supply of whatever he wanted from one of the security guards. Now I’d ask him for sleeping pills. I’m sure that would be a request he’d never heard before. But I needed those pills. Sleep was the one comfort I had left, and I had no chance of getting there on my own with the thought of Nathan’s dead body beside me.
“What brought you into my office today?” the doc asked, peering through her glasses at me.
Despite the churning sensation in my stomach, I pushed the words out of my mouth. “I think I have a problem.”
“Is it the game?”
/> I looked down at my lap and shook my head. She sighed. She didn’t buy it. Guess that degree in psychiatry had taught her something.
“Let me guess,” she said, making notes on her tablet, “you’re beginning to experience gaps in time.”
I looked up. “What do you mean?”
“You’re in one place, then you’re suddenly somewhere else without memory of how you got there.”
I stared at her, trying to blink away the dread in my eyes. My Halloween mask was back.
“I’ll take that as a ‘yes.’” She made another note on her tablet. “How often?”
I fumbled with nothing in my lap. “Twice. Maybe.”
She nodded and wrote more.
“What does that mean?” I asked, lifting my head, trying to peer at her tablet. She tilted it toward herself, away from my view.
“We’ll come back to that.” She looked me square in the eyes. “I’d like to talk about Nathan. Are you ready?”
No.
I shifted in my seat, drawing deep breaths that did nothing to help my churning stomach. It was time, but the words wouldn’t leave my mouth. Come on, Doc. Tell me I have to talk about it.
She didn’t. She sat there behind her desk, studying me with a look that was both patient and sympathetic. The idea of holding my breath until she made me spill seemed childish, though it did cross my mind. No. I could do this. I could face it.
I nodded. “Okay.”
“How did you feel when he died?” she asked.
I shook my head. Way to go, Kali. You lasted two seconds.
“You’re not sure how you felt, or . . .” Her voice trailed off, leaving me to fill in the blank. I pressed my lips together and offered no reply.
She studied me for a minute and sat back in her chair. “I’ll wait, then. You just take your time.”
I mashed my lips together and felt childish again. Though I secretly hoped the motion would relax the tightness in my chest. Warriors weren’t supposed to feel. I eyed the door. I could get up and just walk out. Nothing was keeping me here since I’d come on my own terms. Clarence wasn’t forcing me. No one was. But warriors don’t run either.
Arena Page 14