by Bonnie Lamer
I believe she is being too modest but I will let it drop. “What was Belial doing here?”
Her eyes widen at the shock of my question. By all rights, I should know why he was here. “Um,” she stammers, “he wanted to know why you have been seen in my company several times recently.” Her cheeks are practically magenta now.
Odd that Belial has taken a sudden interest in the day to day activities of my life. When I returned to my body, I expected my knowledge to return with it but it has not. I am still as blind as ever. Has the gift of omniscience been taken away from me? “What did you tell him?”
Again, her face portrays how strange she believes my questions to be. “I told him that…” she pauses and then takes a deep breath before continuing. “I told him that you and I are friends.” She does not quite meet my eyes when she says this. “I am sorry for stretching the truth like that.”
My turn to look at her strangely. “Why do you believe that to be a stretch of the truth?”
She stops herself before she snorts or rolls her eyes. “You are not exactly known for your friendships with lower Angels.” Her mouth turns into a small o as she realizes what she just said. “I mean, you are nice and kind but…” her voice trails off in discomfort.
I would like to contradict her. I would love to remind her of time I have spent amongst the lower Angels; the conversations I have had. But I cannot. “I find your answer to be refreshingly honest. I still believe that you did not stretch the truth as Xandra, your friend, was in this body. When you spoke to Belial you did not know that things had reversed themselves.”
Her body relaxes as she pushes a loose strand of her silvery blonde hair behind her ear. “That is true. I was speaking under the assumption that things were still mixed up.”
“Perhaps you will let me pick your brain a moment?” She nods in assent so I continue. “What exactly did Xandra do while here?”
Adriel purses her lips as she thinks about my question. “Well, when she first arrived, she had a hard time with your magic. She caused a schism that had to be repaired by another Archangel. After that, the only other thing I know of is that she came to me wondering where your home is.”
I am about to speak when a searing pain drops me to my knees. I put my hands on my temples trying to contain it before it seeps to other parts of my body. But I still feel a strong pull on my soul. Strong enough to drop my hands to the ground and have me gasping. It is trying to escape but it is only getting as far as an inch or so from my body. Something is blocking it from going any farther yet I cannot pull it back.
“Raziel, what is it?” Adriel asks. She is crouched down next to me now. “Oh, Raziel, your soul…” she gasps.
I am barely holding on to it. A flood of images fills my mind. Of all the times to regain my omniscience it had to be when Xandra has found her way back to Kallen. I desperately want to be ignorant again.
“Let me help you,” Adriel says. Using her experience as an Angel of Death, she grasps my soul and shoves it back into me with the force of a lightning bolt. I reel backwards gasping from the impact.
It worked. My soul is back where it should be. It still wants to flee my body but it is restrained for now. Trying to relax my body and my mind, I move myself into a sitting position.
Adriel lays a cool hand on my arm. “Raziel?”
A faint smile touches my lips. “I am fine.”
She scowls at me. “You do not look fine. What just happened?”
I can only give her my best guess. “I believe my soul is trying to get back to Xandra’s body but she has found a way to block it.” I strongly suspect that way is to make passionate love to Kallen. I try to keep the sudden rush of jealousy and resentment from washing over my face. I am not positive I am successful.
Adriel sits down next to me. “Why did you do it?”
I know what she is asking. “For love.”
She snorts. I have never had a lower Angel snort at me before. “You doubt me?”
She shrugs. “I do not doubt that there was love involved. I simply believe there is more to your tale that you are not speaking out loud.”
I shake my head. “I have given you the only answer I have.” She studies my face for a moment and then she laughs which takes me by surprise. “What do you find amusing?”
Still smiling, she says, “I believe the only one who can keep knowledge from one who is omniscient is himself.”
My rebuttal is left dangling on my lips when the soul that she had been waiting for appears before her. With a last little chuckle, Adriel stands up and proceeds to do her job with impressive efficiency. I am left examining the truth of her words. Even to my answer hungry brain, her theory does not ring true. I believe there is something larger going on than me hiding the truth from myself.
Standing up, I return to the serenity garden. Here I can contemplate everything that has occurred and work on finding a solution. One that involves keeping my soul in my own body.
Several hours later, I have circled the garden one hundred and twenty-five times but the answers still elude me. My soul is still fighting to be free. It has taken everything I have in me to keep it from trying to escape again. The only reassuring thing is that Adriel should be able to help if I fail.
On my one hundred and twenty-sixth time around the garden, I am once again on my knees holding my head. My soul is now visible outside of my body and I cannot pull it back. I call out to Adriel but she is not fast enough. My body has become an empty host.
I close my eyes and when I open them again, I am back in a shelter in the Dragon realm. I am lying naked with Kallen's arm keeping my body firmly against his. This is uncomfortable.
As gently as I can, I lift his arm slowly. I almost have his hand off from my new breast when he shifts in his sleep, puts his hand back on my breast and pulls me even closer. Uncomfortable has now been replaced by complete and utter discomposure. This ranks up there with spending an evening with Pestilence, the nastiest of the four horsemen of the apocalypse. He tends to ooze.
Trying again, a little more forcibly this time, I pick Kallen’s hand up and position it on his side so that I can quickly roll away from him. Unfortunately, this awakens him. This is a moment that I wish I could erase from memory.
When his eyes open, he immediately goes into shock. Then he dresses himself. Then he dresses me. And now the glowering has begun.
“Why are you back?” he demands. Then his eyes narrow. “When did you get here?”
Hmm, what guess should I give him this time? The one that makes the most sense I suppose. With a deep sigh, I say, “My soul has been trying to escape back here from the instant it left. I believe it was the…passionate moments that you and Xandra shared that kept this from happening. Once you were no longer…”
“I get it,” Kallen interrupts. He clearly does not want me to verbalize the rest. I appreciate that. Looking thoughtful for a moment, his face breaks out into the happiest expression I have seen him with since this whole disaster began. “So her ‘passion’ for me is too strong for you to pull her out of her body? Meaning she is more attracted to me than you.”
Those words sting more than I would have thought. I believe he is looking at this the wrong way. “That is only the case because I changed her destiny. If I had not, no thought of you or anyone else would have been able to take her from me. Her mind is also filling with my knowledge. That includes the knowledge of what the two of us would have been to each other.”
The pained look on his face now tells me that he somehow knew that already. That takes me by surprise. How could he know? And how much does he know?
“That was another destiny, one that cannot be recaptured,” Kallen grinds out of his tightly clenched jaw.
“Everything lost can be found.” Why am I baiting him like this? This is childish. And certainly not acceptable behavior for an Archangel. With a sigh, I hold up my hand before he can say anything else. “I apologize. You are correct. We exist in this destiny where you are
the victor in regards to Xandra’s love and it is not my wish to change that.”
He does not believe me. Considering my recent behavior, I would not believe me either. “Truly, Kallen. This is a decision that cannot be unmade.”
Turning his back to me, he says, “There are still a couple of hours before first light. I suggest you get some sleep. Xandra’s body needs the rest.”
Oh, how I would like to do that. Unfortunately, no matter how tired Xandra’s body is, my mind is wide awake. Between Adriel’s comments and Kallen’s, I am beginning to suspect that I may be even more responsible for this than I care to admit. Perhaps I am blocking certain knowledge that would help me reverse this in the hopes of winning Xandra regardless of her destiny. If she spends enough time with my knowledge, maybe. Just maybe. If that is the case then I am not the noble person I have believed myself to be.
These thoughts stir in my mind until the sun can no longer resist pushing the moon out of sight. I put a hand on Kallen’s shoulder to wake him. I am rewarded with a black look that would scare the fiercest Dragon. But, he gets up. It takes just a moment for us to be in new clothes and the shelter to dematerialize as he lets the magic go. There is stirring in the other shelter telling us that Isla and Garren have also risen for the day.
When their shelter is gone, the look on Isla’s face is as dark as Kallen’s. I feel sorry for the Goblins we meet today. Fairies are not capable of smiting their enemies but I believe either of these two could prove that a possibility today.
“You are not to speak to me again. Do you understand?” Isla is growling to Garren as we approach.
“There is not a chance in hell of that happening,” Garren growls back. “You have had too many years to bury the hurt I caused for me to believe that it is still this fresh unless you are harboring the same feelings that you did in our youth.”
“You are delusional. I am neither hurt nor am I harboring any type of feelings for you. I simply do not enjoy your company.”
Isla’s lie is burning in her eyes. The hurt is still fresh and she is harboring unresolved feelings. It will be interesting to see how long it takes for her to let down her walls and admit it. I suspect it will not be today.
Garren chuckles as he picks up his leather sac and opens it. “I do not have much for you but this will keep your stomachs from growling loud enough for the Dragons to hear you.” He hands us each a hard scone and an apple. My stomach proves his point as it growls loudly at the sight of the food.
In an uncomfortable silence, we chew our scones and apples. When the last crumb has disappeared, we once again start our journey. Garren leads us back to the path we followed yesterday and we will only have a short walk before we come upon the breeding grounds. I am still glad that Xandra will not be here to see this.
Chapter 23 – Xandra
Is it inappropriate to swear in the garden of serenity? Too bad because I’m mumbling some words that are not appropriate anywhere. I cannot believe that I have woken up here. Was last night even real; did I really go to Kallen and inhabit my own body?
Yes, I am sure of it. I was there and Raziel was not. I could feel him in the back of my mind. I could even feel a small pull on my soul. But nothing could have pried me away from Kallen when I was in his arms. Nothing.
Rising from the stupid, stupid hammock that my legs have gotten tangled in, I unceremoniously drop to the ground. On my butt. This is going to be a great day. Is there day and night here? It always seems bright and sunny. Giant pen please add that question to the infinite list of things I would like to know.
Picking myself up from the ground I do not find any serenity in this garden. What I really need is a friendly face. Adriel’s will have to do. With a thought, I am in the commons standing next to her. It’s a good thing that I had already learned to teleport before this. Otherwise, it probably would have been very disconcerting to be able to do this.
Adriel startles at my appearance. She is so jumpy lately. “Raziel, it is an honor.”
“Really, you’re that nice to him? You never talk to me like that.”
Her eyes narrow into slits. “Perhaps we should have a more private conversation,” she says just above a whisper. Putting her hand lightly on my arm, we are back in the orchard. I suspect we are quite a bit deeper into it than we were before.
“Xandra, is that you?” Adriel asks. She must know that Raziel and I temporarily switched back.
“Yes, who else would be this surly?”
She laughs her pretty laugh. “You do have a point. It is rare to find someone who is as surly as I am. Perhaps that is why I like you so much. What happened? The last I knew, Raziel had returned to his body.”
“Yeah, the last I knew he had, too. I could feel Raziel pulling on my soul but I thought we would be able to avoid switching again.”
She nods. “As was he.”
My brows scrunch slightly. “He was? How do you know that?”
Adriel smiles. “Because I helped put his soul back into his body when it was trying to escape.” Now it’s her turn to scowl a bit. “By the way, what did you say to Belial to make him so suspicious?”
Wow, that was a broad tangent from the conversation we were having. And I’m even more confused now. “Who’s Belial?”
She shakes her head and laughs. “Amazing how you can get into so much trouble without even knowing who you are talking to. Belial has black hair and a demeanor to match.”
“Ah. Yeah, I remember him. He was a real jerk. What is he the Angel of?”
“He is the Archangel of Ruin and Darkness.” A flash of disgust passes through her eyes on its way to her tongue. I’m pretty sure she’d like a tongue scraper about now.
What she said doesn’t make any sense at all. “Okay. Then I don’t understand why he’s here. How can he be in the garden of serenity if he’s the exact opposite of that?”
Adriel shrugs in discomfort. “The plan requires all beings to make a choice somewhere between light and dark. Just as some Angels steer beings by whispering ideas of goodness in their ears, there must be someone like Belial to whisper darkness in their ears. There would be no balance and no freewill if that was not the case.”
Hmm. I wonder how many times Belial has whispered something in my ear? I’ve done some pretty iffy things since I found out that I have magic. I like to think that I’m still on the path of light, though.
“So, he gets to walk around amongst the rest of the Angels spreading his venom?”
Adriel nods. “Basically.”
I really need to start studying up on this stuff. “Do you guys have a manual? A Who’s Who in the Angel world?”
“Considering that you would be the only one who needed it, no.”
I give her my best pleading eyes. Well, Raziel’s best pleading eyes. “Will you make me one?”
She raises her brows to her hairline. “Or you could come and visit when you’re back in your own body and I could introduce you around. That seems a more personal way to do it.”
I’m not looking for personal. I’m looking for a reference book. Kind of like doing a leaf identification project. If the Angel in question has black hair, turn to page fifty-four. If he has black hair and makes your skin crawl, turn to page seventy-four. Pictures would be nice, too.
“Xandra, you really must stop all of this mumbling. Has it done anything to help you? Ever?”
I can’t help it. I stick my tongue out at her. “Sometimes, yes.” I can’t think of any of those times but still.
Adriel laughs. “You have no idea how strange it is to see Raziel stick his tongue out like that.”
“Yeah, I’m guessing he’s a little more reserved than that.”
She shrugs. “Most of the time. But he can be really nice.”
She’s blushing again. I’m going to ignore it. I’m sure every female Angel would tear off their wings if he indicated that would help win his affection. Okay, that might be a little bit of an exaggeration. I have more faith in the self-esteem of th
e female Angels to believe they would do that.
“What should I do about this Belial guy?”
Adriel gives me a sour look. “He is not a guy. He is an Archangel. You really must get the terminology correct.”
I roll my eyes. “Fine, when I’m back in my own body I’ll register for a Grammar and Other Species Identification Class.”
Ignoring my bad choice of humor, she says, “You know, Raziel did not seem to mind that you got under Belial’s skin. My best advice is to just be you when you are around him. That will shake him up more than anything.”
I don’t think that was a compliment. “Gee, thanks. Glad to know that my personality is so annoying I can drive even evil Angels crazy.”
Adriel chuckles. “Consider it a gift.”