by Liv Morris
“No way,” Bob chimed in. “Tell me you left that douchebag of a husband.”
“For Christ’s sake. Give her a break,” Colin admonished as he narrowed his eyes. “We haven’t seen her in ages.”
“No, it’s okay. Really.” Bob had spoken the truth. Joe was a complete bastard. He controlled everything about my life, down to how I wore my hair. But no more.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be so crude, but he never sat right with me. What kind of man keeps his wife away from her best friends?”
“Well, if it makes you feel better, he’s staying in Atlanta . . . permanently.” I looked across the table, right into Colin’s blue eyes. His lips curled into a slight grin, appearing pleased. I was pleased too.
“What’ve you been up to since high school?” Dave asked, and I had no idea where to begin. How do you sum up fourteen years of your life?
“Well, after my freshman year, I transferred to Emory University in Atlanta. Joe had already graduated from Baylor by then and was accepted to Emory for law school. I followed him there and we were married the summer after his first year and my junior year in college. Even though my parents discouraged it.”
While I spoke, I avoided Colin’s eyes. I felt so uncomfortable talking about my life with Joe.
“The rest of the story is pretty simple. I became involved with Junior League, charity committee work, and focused on being the perfect wife.” My voice was filled with disdain, my bitterness seeping through loud and clear. “I succeeded at a few things, but failed miserably at one. Thus why I’m here sitting with you all now.”
Funny how a little reality can throw a cold blanket on a fun evening. Several of the guys shifted in their chairs, probably wondering how to respond. I thought I’d rescue them from this awkward moment and change the subject.
“Enough about me. Tell me what ya’ll have been up to. I remember you all having pretty big plans after graduating high school.” I glanced around the table in hopes someone would start talking. I cringed, thinking about what their reactions would be when they saw what I was hiding under the table. Currently, I was anything but a success.
Each one of them took their turns sharing the careers they’d pursued. They’d all applied themselves and were living out their dreams. The only one left to share was Colin, and everyone got silent waiting for him to start, but his head remained down as he fiddled with the label on his Heineken. His eyes were hidden as the awkward silence seemed to grow.
“Hey, Kirsten.” It was Tina, all smiles and peppy energy. “I can’t believe it! Look at you! Wow!”
“Hi, Tina!” How I’d missed her enthusiasm. We’d cheered together back in high school. It was a gift of hers, making people smile. She walked over to me, and I knew the moment was about to come. I’d be standing soon. My secret no longer hidden.
“I can’t tell you how I’ve missed you. Give me a hug.”
Her arms opened up to me, reaching out in an invitation. All I had to do was stand, but my legs were not cooperating. They felt like lead. Finally, I braced myself against the table and slowly rose. I braced my heart, too.
Tina’s eyes were fixed on my stomach, taking in my five-month baby bump. I’m fairly certain everyone else was doing the same. The silence was pretty damn loud. Even Matthew stopped the conversation he was having with Bob mid-sentence.
Tina gaped, and I think my hesitation for coming tonight was apparent now. Instead of saying a thing, she pulled me into a big hug, one I gladly welcomed.
Maybe they were tears of relief, I wasn’t sure, but I couldn’t stop them no matter how hard I tried.
Tina pushed away from me slightly and looked into my eyes. Hers spoke to me without a word. She understood. I’d left my husband, pregnant.
Who does something like that? God, my story was long and screwed up, but I’d have to stick with the condensed version tonight.
“Hey, guys,” Tina said. “I think Kirsten and I need a minute here. Will you all excuse us?”
“Sure,” Colin replied. He spoke softly, but his concern shined through with one word.
“Come on, Kirsten.” Placing her hand around my shoulders, Tina steered me toward the restroom, but I hated to leave the guys with so much drama. It was a fact I’d have to face, a pretty damn obvious one, so I tried to throw out a little joke before heading off with her.
“Don’t worry, guys. It’ll all be worked out in four months.” A few nervous laughs followed, but Colin looked at me. He said nothing, but his smiling eyes soothed my nervous heart.
Something unspoken passed between us, and I knew he’d be there for me. It was as if he voiced it out loud.
I smiled up at Tina. “Nothing like a dramatic hello after being MIA for fourteen years.”
“It takes more than this to surprise us. Now I understand why you wanted to be the first one here tonight.” She let out a nervous giggle. “I can’t believe my mother didn’t know. I guess yours has kept this secret. Has to be a first for her.”
“I think she’s in total denial over everything—that I left Joe, I’m pregnant, and I’m divorcing him.” Tina opened the bathroom door, and I followed her inside. “Not a great homecoming for her . . . or me, really.”
“No, it’s not.” Tina grabbed a few tissues by the sink and handed them to me. “Here.”
“Thanks.” I wiped the tears from my eyes and glanced into the mirror. I was a flushed, bleary-eyed mess. “I guess you want to know what the hell happened, right?”
“Only if you want to tell me. I’m curious, but mostly concerned about you. Are you okay?”
“As okay as can be expected.” I placed my hands on my round belly and began to share. “It’s over between Joe and me. He’s convinced the baby isn’t his. Even wanted me to, in his words, ‘get rid of it.’ So much for him being pro-life.”
“No way.” Tina’s face was a troubled mix between disgust and shock. “I knew he was a fake from day one. I mean, it is a choice, no doubt. But he’s a hypocrite to ask that of you since he’s been gearing up for years to run as a pro-life candidate for governor.”
“What Joe lets the world see of him is a façade. Nothing about his public side is real.” I lowered my head. This shit was harder to confess than I’d thought. “After he asked me to get rid of the baby, I had to leave him. It was the last straw.”
“You’re really brave, Kirsten. He controlled everything in your life. I’m sure you’ve felt all alone in your decision.”
“I have. Not a single friend in Atlanta helped me. I left our house with only a suitcase. Most of my clothes didn’t fit me anyway. I mailed some keepsakes from high school to my parents’ house. Gifts Colin had given me, actually. Joe never knew the story behind them.”
“Wow. You’ve been through hell.” A load was lifted from my shoulders as I continued to purge my truth. Even my own mother didn’t want to hear the details. She kept telling me to give Joe another chance, but all he was getting from me was a cold chance in hell.
“It’s been intense and hard. I wake up in my parents’ house each morning and wish I was eighteen again. Then I try to get out of bed with this stomach of mine, and reality hits me.”
“In all of it, Kirsten, I’m proud of you. Joe never deserved you, and he sure as hell doesn’t now.”
“It’s funny. As my plane took off for Dallas, I felt so relieved and free. No Joe sitting by me watching my every move. It was the first time in years I made a big decision for myself—and one that directly shoved my fist in Joe’s face.”
“No kidding,” Tina agreed. “Has the bastard tried to talk to you?”
“He called my parents. I left my cell phone on the kitchen counter so he knew he couldn’t reach me that way.”
“Nice. You thought of everything.”
“Actually, I’ve wanted to leave him for a long time, but I tried to stick it out. I’d made a commitment to him. Better or worse. But his worse became more than I could stand.”
“So have you talked to him?�
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“After calling my parents relentlessly, I finally decided to speak to him.” I trembled slightly as I remembered Joe’s words. “He called me every name in the book. Told me he’d been having an affair with his personal assistant for years and would never give me a dime in the divorce. Basically that he’d make my life miserable.”
“He told you all of that?” I nodded. “That had to hurt.”
“His words didn’t faze me. I felt nothing when he told me. My feelings toward him are gone.” I took a short breath and leaned against the countertop. “I don’t even hate him anymore. I was furious at one time, before I left, but now there’s nothing.”
“I’m so sorry, Kirsten. I can’t believe what you’re going through.” Tina placed her hand over mine. “I want you to know you aren’t going through this alone. I’m here for you. Anything you need. Just ask. Okay?”
“You don’t know how much that means to me. I’ve been a terrible friend to you, and here you are giving me your support. Thank you.” Tears fell down my cheeks. I was such a mess.
I found myself in Tina’s arms once again. She held me tight and told me everything would be okay. I hoped to hell she was right and decided to have faith in her faith. Mine was completely spent.
“Let’s freshen up and head back to the table. I know you haven’t seen these guys in years, but they’re all wonderful men now. They’re like my brothers. I know they’ll band together and be there for you.”
“They really are great guys. I think I probably freaked them out, though. I’ve been hiding in my chair since Colin and Dave arrived.”
I turned to the mirror and reared back at my reflection.
“Look at me. I’m a complete mess.” I turned to Tina. “Do you have any powder? Maybe some lipstick?”
“What southern girl leaves home without her powder and lipstick?” We giggled at her remark. It was funny and true. She reached into her purse and handed me the makeup.
I laid the makeup down and squeezed her hand gently to emphasize my words. “I appreciate you being here for me.”
“I’m here for the long haul. I just wish you’d reached out to me before.” She patted my belly. “You’re going to need a few extra hands around to help you when this little one’s born.”
“It’s overwhelming when I stop and think about raising this child on my own. I don’t have a job here, and no one will hire me in this condition. At least my parents are letting me stay with them.”
I quickly dusted my face with her powder, calming the angry red splotches left from my crying. My bloodshot eyes were another story.
“Your parents will come around,” Tina said encouragingly. “They just need a little time. Our folks are set in their ways. It takes them a while to accept the curves and bumps in life.”
“I hope you’re right. They’ve started to see what a jerk Joe really is. He’s withholding money from me. Making all kinds of excuses. Remind me never to marry an attorney again.”
“Speaking of attorneys,” she began, and I gave her a puzzled look. “Dave told me this afternoon that Colin finalized his divorce today. It’s been a long, hard year for him. Actually, the last few have been. Unfortunately, you two have a lot in common. But one thing is different. He had a good attorney. Something you need ASAP.”
“Joe wants us to use the same attorney in Atlanta. I know he’s railroading me, but I don’t have access to any of our accounts. No money means I can’t afford my own.”
“We’ll figure this all out. Trust me. Once the guys know what you’re going through, they’ll start pulling some strings. Before long, Joe won’t know what hit him.” Tina started walking to the door. “Let’s get back out there and join the Love Handles, what do you say?”
“Sounds good. Although, I’m not sure what to tell them.”
“Leave that to me. I can get the subject started and rescue you if need be.”
“That’d be great. Thanks.”
I started to follow Tina out the door, but stopped in my tracks at Colin leaning against the wall outside the restroom, his hands deep in his pockets.
My feet moved to him as if they had no choice. A feeling of déjà vu flashed through my mind. We had similar meetings in the halls of Highland Park High—Colin waiting for me outside my classes after the bell rang. Everything in me wanted to pretend we were back there one more time, innocent to all life’s pains and struggles. But when Colin glanced at my belly, I was quickly reminded I was a thirty-three-year-old pregnant woman who’d left her husband—nowhere close to that girl.
“I think I’ll head back to the table. Let you two talk,” Tina stated. I gave a quick smile in thanks, but she was gone before I could speak a reply.
“So,” I said with a shy glance to the side. My eyes returned to the floor between us.
‘So,” Colin echoed. We were back to the same silly awkwardness we had when Dave had left us alone earlier.
My head was still tilted down. I wasn’t brave enough to face him eye to eye yet. I needed to muster up some courage quickly. There was no escaping him. We were standing so close, I could hear him breathing.
Colin curled his fingers around mine and gently shook them. I looked up to find his eyes, those beautiful eyes, a calm sea of blue for me.
And mine filled with tears. A sea of a different kind. Tumultuous. Tears welled and fell before I could stop them.
What was wrong with me? I couldn’t hold my feelings in no matter how hard I tried. I was an emotional wreck. Colin didn’t seem to care. He brought his thumbs to my cheeks and gently wiped away the trail of my tears.
“Kirsten, I’m so sorry. For everything.” His voice cracked, and I tried to see him clearly through the clouds in my eyes.
I was too upset to utter a single word. He must have known because he drew me to him, his body cushioning me like a large pillow as I sank against him.
My tears soon turned to sobs as I shook with the weight of my feelings. He rubbed my back in slow, comforting circles as he spoke soothing words, telling me everything would be all right. I melted farther into him as he whispered to me.
After a few minutes in his arms, every tense muscle I had gave way and a deep sigh escaped my lips. I circled my arms around his waist, relishing our embrace. I had someone strong to lean on who cared for me without trying to control everything in my life. His presence gave me a sense of security not fear.
His words, his arms, his comfort . . . they were the solace I needed and craved.
As I relaxed, the tears dried and my body stilled. After a few deep breaths, I peered up into his eyes to find him looking warmly at me.
5
Colin’s Turn
With my arms wrapped around Kirsten’s tiny body, she felt so fragile. I was afraid to hold her too tightly in fear of crushing her. She was the first pregnant woman I’d ever held this close. I’d often dreamed of having her in my arms again, although this may not have been the exact scenario. Being here to calm her trembling body as she sobbed into my chest . . . well, there was no other place I wanted to be. My place was right here with her.
As she cried, I wondered what had led her here, what made her leave her husband while pregnant, but honestly, I was more mad as hell she was hurting and alone. She didn’t seem like the kind of woman who would separate from the father of her child without a good reason. What had the bastard done to her? My mind raced with possibilities.
I reined in my angry thoughts to focus on what she needed right now. I wanted to do something, anything, to make her pain go away. I wouldn’t let her down this time. I prayed she’d give me a chance to help, even if only as a friend. I couldn’t expect anything more.
Finally, she stirred and her face turned up to mine. I smiled down at her, trying to assure her she was welcome in my arms. I loved having her so close, but she was wreaking havoc on me physically. I tried to ignore the softness of her breasts pressed against my chest. The sweet scent of her perfume. Her hands wrapped around my waist.
God, s
he was killing me, and I couldn’t push all the lustful thoughts out of my mind. It had been well over a year since I’d had a woman in my arms. And she wasn’t just any woman. She was the one I’d missed and hated myself for losing.
I wanted to kiss her tear-stained cheeks. Feel her soft lips against mine. I felt myself getting hard as my thoughts continued down a dangerous path.
Damn, I shouldn’t have been thinking like that. Kirsten needed a friend, not a man wanting in her pants. Somehow, I had to stop my physical reaction to her. She was pregnant and hurting. Surely, I had enough character somewhere deep inside to stop myself from lusting after her. Although . . . my yearlong celibacy wasn’t helping one bit.
Thankfully, she pulled away from me, her body no longer making direct contact with mine. Then I realized her hands were gripping my waist tightly. Too damn close to where my body wanted her. Still, I could breathe easier and calm my shit.
“I’m so sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m not usually a crier,” Kirsten said, but I was just relieved she’d calmed down enough to talk. She rubbed her eyes.
“No apologies needed. I’m glad I can be here for you.” I wanted to add, “Like I should’ve been years ago,” but dropped it. That talk would come later.
“I’m sure I look like a hot mess.” She bowed her head, trying to hide from me. “Great impression, right?”
“Like I said, no apologies. No worries.” I lifted her chin, making eye contact. She needed to see I was serious. “And you’ve never looked more beautiful to me.”
“Oh, Colin, you can’t say things like that and expect me not to start crying again.” Her eyes brimmed with tears. “It’s been years since I’ve heard someone call me beautiful.”
Years? You had to be kidding me . . .
That jerk of a husband. He had no idea what he had in her. I felt the anger resurfacing. Joe was a bastard. No other word for him. This woman needed to hear that she was a beauty every single day.