I loved it when he called me that.
No one else did.
All right - James sometimes to tease me, because he'd heard Dad call me that once.
Plus, he knew how much I loved mermaids.
So I told him no because it was just me and my dad's thing.
But I didn't mind him teasing me about it once in a while.
Because next to my dad and my sister, James was my favorite person in the world.
Mom came right after.
"What are we going to do?", I asked, although I knew Dad well enough to know that he would not rush to reveal the adventure he had planned for us.
He liked to surprise us far too much for that.
"If I only knew," he replied and took the wildly jumping Lu by the hand. "Go at your own risk."
"That's not fair!" I complained as I got up.
Dad liked it when he could arouse curiosity in us.
For me, of course, it became more difficult with each passing year.
But because I wanted my father to be happy, I often played the curiosity for him.
Usually we went to Queen Elizabeth Park, because it was not so far away from our home.
"Remember what we talked about," Mom said in a warning tone as Dad walked down the hall with Lu and me.
She stood in the door frame of the bedroom. Her eye make-up was all smudged, suggesting she must have been crying.
Mom always wore her make-up very thick, because it was important to her to look good in any situation. She said that you never know who you have to glamour to get out of a jam.
I thought that was funny, because how did people who didn't use make-up get out of tricky situations?
When asked that question, she simply replied that it was only because of her looks that we didn't have to pay a fine every week for speeding or parking.
The men at the station had a weakness for beautiful women, she said. And Dad was lucky that she kept pulling the family out of trouble.
My father gave Mom a quick nod and opened the front door.
"Come on, get out of here, both of you!" he said politely.
Lu slipped under his arm and ran into our front yard.
I hesitated for a moment and looked worriedly first at Mom and then at Dad.
"Go on, Blaire!" Mom instructed me in her usual bossy way.
I wanted to protest, but I didn't know what to do.
...that something was going on here that wasn't right at all...
But not knowing what I could have said or done to break the icy cold between my parents, I reluctantly obeyed and went out to my sister.
Dad did not follow us immediately, but closed the door from the inside once more before he finally left the house five minutes later with an indefinable expression on his face.
Something deep inside of me felt strange. I hadn't heard any screaming and yet I was sure that something bad was going on.
I didn't want them to fight, but I would have preferred the familiar yelling from Mom a thousand times over this tense silence at that moment.
***
"Aren't we going to Queen Elizabeth Park at all?"
I frowned when Dad unlocked the car.
We used to walk to save gas.
"Today we're going to do something really special," he said, making sure Lu was properly fastened.
"What is it? What?" she screamed from the back seat.
"Surprise!" our father reminded her and poked his finger at her freckled nose.
Lu, sulking, pushed her lower lip forward.
I feared she had learned this from me.
I sat in front, because I was almost ten years old and therefore big enough to sit in the passenger seat.
"You'll love this," said Dad, gently squeezing my knee.
I still had my wet, rolled up trousers on.
Until that moment I hadn't even thought of changing them.
"Where have you been?" Dad asked, looking at my jeans.
I told him I'd been out on Sunset Beach with James.
"He's a good boy," he noticed and started the engine.
I was glad he didn't force me to go back into the house to change again, like Mom would have done.
"It's okay," I shrugged.
Of course, I thought James was more than okay, after all, he was my best friend. But somehow it was strange to talk about him with my father.
Dad must have sensed that, because he didn't ask about him.
When we stopped in the parking lot of the aquarium, I couldn't believe it!
We had only been here once before, namely for my seventh birthday. That was a big exception, because the tickets were not cheap.
I never thought I would be able to persuade Mom and Dad to visit again so soon. And now I had not even asked!
I was very happy! At the same time, a dull feeling of anxiety spread through the pit of my stomach. It must have meant something that Dad had driven here with Lu and me.
What did Mom mean when she said he should tell us today?
I was racking my brain the whole way here
On the way to the aquarium we passed red oak and hemlock. The latter were my favourite trees, even if they were in abundance on the mainland. They gave me the atmosphere of Christmas and I loved that. In the Christmas season, there were fewer arguments in our home.
I knew that peace was not permanent - that it was not real - but it was better than nothing.
For the few days between Christmas and New Year's Eve, we were one happy family.
My heart made a leap as we entered the blue-turquoise underwater world.
I couldn't stop being amazed by the multitude of colorful fish and sea anemones.
The underwater world had so many wonders in store and although I knew by now that there were probably no real mermaids, I secretly hoped to meet another one.
After all, just because no one had ever seen a particular thing before did not necessarily mean it did not exist.
After two and a half hours of wandering around in amazement - even my horse-loving little sister was thrilled - we stopped at one of the many wooden benches and sat down.
Dad's expression had been serious the whole time.
He had made his usual jokes with us, carried Lu piggyback and explained a lot about the different kinds of fish, but something was wrong with him. I could feel it.
"What did Mom mean earlier," I asked hesitantly after shifting my weight from the left to the right and back to the left buttock.
I was quite nervous, because whatever it was he was supposed to tell us - it couldn't be good.
"What do you think?"
Dad looked at me like he didn't know what it was about.
I reached into my pocket and pulled out the change that I was going to use to buy James and me an ice cream later.
"You want a candy bar?" I asked Lu.
She was sitting next to me and had just watched a collection of beautiful starfish in the aquarium in front of us.
Now she looked up at me with big eyes and nodded eagerly.
I pressed the money into her hand and pointed to the snack stand, which was only a few meters away and in sight.
I had taught Lu how to pay for things at the supermarket and knew she could handle it. Besides, I wouldn't let her out of my sight.
I just needed a few minutes alone with Dad, because maybe what he had to say was nothing she needed to hear.
Our father was wonderful at playing with us or listening to us, giving advice and stuff like that. But sometimes he seemed to forget that we were not old enough for certain things.
"Is it something bad?" I asked when Lu went to the diner.
Dad avoided my gaze and stared into the swirling blue instead.
"Don't worry, little mermaid. Everything will be fine."
He stroked my head, then put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer.
What's wrong?, I had wanted to ask. But he interrupted my thoughts when he said: "You and your sister take care of yourselv
es, okay?"
I released myself from his embrace and looked up at him; his gaze was still stubbornly straight ahead.
"Yes, but - why do you say that?"
My voice sounded desperate. He and Mom were still there.
"Just so you don't forget. Sometimes circumstances change as you get older," he noted with a sigh.
Then he finally looked at me.
There was a deep wrinkle between his eyebrows.
"You are sisters. You must always remember that. You must be there for each other."
I nodded. "Sure."
"And now let's see what our little puppy's puppy doggy eyes can do to make the newsstand owners feel better! Your mother will kill me if you eat too much candy before lunch."
With these words he got up and went to the snack bar, where Lu held on to the counter with her little hands and tried to bewitch the owner.
I rolled my eyes and hoped she would understand, as I did, that she would have to reconsider Mom's advice.
The queasy feeling in my stomach didn't disappear when we sat in the car again and drove back home.
Dad had said nothing else on the subject and part of me wanted to believe that maybe I had been wrong; that it really wasn't about anything important and that he had just made this trip with us.
But that day I was to learn that life is definitely not a fairy tale; sometimes it's just shit.
And that the dearest people in the whole world can disappoint you so bitterly that you never, ever, ever want to let anyone into your heart again.
When we got home, Dad said we should go inside. He had something he needed to do.
I couldn't imagine Mom would approve. After all, we hadn't had lunch yet and she was probably waiting for us.
"It's important. I'll be right back," my father assured me after I had told him my concerns.
Just like before at the aquarium, he did not look me in the eye.
Lu had already unbuckled her seatbelt and had run into the house because she urgently needed to pee.
"You'll be back, right?"
I didn't know why I was asking I mean, he's my dad. He wouldn't just leave like that.
But... he'd been so weird these last few hours.
I had to hear it from his mouth.
"I'm always here, Blaire," he said in a raspy voice.
Then he looked at me and he drew a lock of his hair from his shoulder to my back.
His brown eyes looked glassy.
"Now go inside and see your sister."
"But, Dad -" I began. But he cut off the word.
"Go inside, Blaire."
I'd never heard him speak to me in such a tone like Mom.
I swallowed and unbuckled.
"I'll see you soon," I said before I closed the car door.
But he didn't answer me.
I watched him until our yellow VW was no longer visible.
When I came into the house, Mom was sitting at the table crying.
There was no smell of food, and she hadn't prepared any cutlery or plates.
She just sat there, elbows resting on the edge of the wood, her face buried in her hands.
Lu stood beside her and stroked her back gently.
"Don't cry, Momi," she said again and again.
But our mother's sobbing was so loud that it drowned out Lu's delicate voice.
***
Ten minutes after I entered our house, I asked Mom what was wrong.
But she didn't answer.
At some point - it must have felt like more than an hour had passed - she just got up and went up to her bedroom. There she locked herself in and kept crying.
Lu and I were left at the kitchen table.
Since Mom didn't cook anything and Lu was probably hungry, I tried mashed potatoes from the bag and scrambled eggs. I'd seen Mom do it before.
I tried hard enough, but the mashed potatoes got lumpy and the scrambled eggs burned.
"It tastes awful," whimpered Lu, and made a face.
"I'm sorry", I said softly and pushed my plate aside.
"When is Dad coming home?"
She looked at me with hopeful eyes.
"I don't know," I answered, suppressing a sigh.
We sat at the table for two hours and waited.
But he never came.
When it was five to five I told Lu that I had to leave again.
"You can come. Would you like to?', I suggested, although it was more of a statement than a question.
Who knew when Mom would come back out of the bedroom.
At first Lu didn't want to, but when I told her about my date with James, she was there.
She liked James, because just like Dad, he always managed to make her laugh.
I grabbed my pink painted bike, helped Lu onto the luggage rack and waited until she had her arms wrapped tightly around my belly.
Then I cycled off.
When we arrived at the big rock at Sunset Beach, James was already there.
He was leaning against the anthracite rock, which must have been two meters high, his hands buried in his trouser pockets and his gaze turned to the sea.
I helped Lu to get down and put the bike into the sand near the rock.
"Hey", I greeted him.
Sunbeams fell on James' tanned skin and made his thick dark brown eyelashes look even fuller.
Although he was only ten, he already received lots of love letters from girls at school. But he always said that he didn't want to have a girlfriend.
He thought girls were as stupid as I thought boys were. Only with the other one we made an exception, which was surely because we had known each other for so long.
James looked at me, then Lu, then me again
"Hi," he said after a few seconds had passed. "All right?"
I pressed my lips together and swallowed.
"Mom's crying and Dad's gone," Lu blurted out.
James looked at me questioningly.
He was wearing a blue and white curly T-shirt that showed off his summer tan. His hair was a bit wavy and frizzy.
"I don't know", I admitted.
All of a sudden, Lu started sobbing.
"Hey, hey," James started, poking her gently in the stomach.
Then he knelt down and placed his hands in the sand parallel to his legs.
"Well," he teased Lu, "do you want to climb up?"
With that strange whinnying sound he made, even I had to laugh.
Lu's worried face gave way to a broad grin.
She nodded eagerly and climbed onto his back in no time.
I watched him as he chased the waves with her and back again - at snail's pace of course, because it's hard to be fast on all fours.
Lu giggled over and over again and shouted: "Hee! Hi-ya, horsey!"
At that moment, I was really glad we came here.
And that James was here.
They came back after about 10 minutes.
James knocked the sand off his jeans and when Lu's tummy growled, he invited us back to his place.
His father wasn't there yet, because unlike ours he worked on Friday like all the other days of the week always late into the night when there was a lot to do.
James was alone quite often, because he was not allowed to come to our house at this time of the day, which I found very sad.
I'm sure Mom and Dad would have objected if they knew that we just visited him without an adult knowing about it.
Mom, definitely!
But the way I saw it, she wasn't there right now and Lu was hungry, so ... I decided it was okay to go to his place.
James made us noodles with tomato sauce and I was really surprised how good it tasted. Lu seemed satisfied too, as she devoured the whole portion James had filled her up.
"Do you want to see something cool?" James asked after we had washed and dried the plates.
"Yes!", cried Lu enthusiastically and without thinking for long.
I nodded.
"Well, come along," James instructed u
s and we followed him to his nursery.
It was already dawning outside, but he still let down his blinds.
Before that he said we should lie down on the carpet in the middle of his room.
I thought it was funny, but I said nothing.
Lu was immediately on fire. She hopped into James' room on one leg and then plumped down on her bottom
It looked painful and not as if she intended this sudden fall But she made no sound.
Reluctantly I followed her example and sat down on the floor next to her.
"Lie down," James commanded in an authoritarian fashion.
We obeyed.
When it was pitch black in the room, James switched on a string of lights that was stretched across the ceiling in the square. Now countless stars, large and small, were shining.
"Whoaaaaw!" amazed Lu.
"I made it myself," James proudly explained.
"Looks real nice," I said, and meant it.
I found it quite impressive that James was always so skilled when it came to using his hands.
"Can you read us something?", Lu asked in a whining tone that could not take no for an answer.
James pondered for a moment, then rolled over on his side and pulled out a box from under his bed.
He took the lid off and dozens of children's books came out.
He gave me a conspiratorial look, and just as I was wondering which one he would choose, before he even opened the book, he began to say, "Once upon a time there was a king of the sea ...".
A warm feeling spread in my chest.
He had chosen the story of the Little Mermaid. He didn't even like it much.
I closed my eyes and put one hand on my stomach, the other hand I crossed with Lus.
"...the mermaid saved the prince, for she knew that humans could not breathe under water," he read. "...she fell in love with him, but when he was back on land, he thought another had saved him, for he knew nothing about the mermaid. "So the Little Mermaid went to the mermaid and got a potion that made her hands and feet grow so she could go ashore and look for the prince."
I blinked and turned my head to look at James.
He was sitting outside his bed with his legs tied. The book had been placed on his knees. When he saw me looking at him, he smiled.
And for a split second, I felt the world was still in order.
Vicious Bet: Don't fall in love! (Sinners and Saints Book 1) Page 2