He had always done this for James' birthday.
"Nope," James replied, rubbing his hands together. "Just the old man and me."
He opened the hanging locker and pulled out a third place setting.
"What?" his dad growled. "Who are you calling old?"
"Well, Rudy from next door," James returned dry.
I suppressed a laugh.
There had been an eerie warmth in the Scott house before, especially when his dad was home.
He was one of the warmest people I knew.
I regretted more than ever not being here for so long.
James pulled back one of the chairs.
"Have a seat," he offered me.
Our eyes met. I forced myself to look away.
At that moment, Mr Cole began to falter.
"O," I pushed out and rushed to him with great strides.
I managed to hold on to the ladder just long enough for him not to fall.
"Thanks, girl," he gasped in horror. "Looks like my son was right. I'm getting old."
"Not at all," I said with a smile. "Ladders are treacherous beasts. You never know when they'll rebel against you."
Mr Cole laughed softly. And I had a smile on my face, too.
Suddenly, I felt closer to the Blaire of old.
"James, why has it been so long since you've invited your friend?" Mr Cole asked.
I was startled when I heard James answer, for I only now realised that he was standing behind me.
"She's not my girlfriend... not any more," he said with a toughness that crashed against my heart with full force.
I turned around and looked him straight in the eyes.
He had put one arm on the top rung of the ladder while his father climbed down on shaky legs.
"'No, I'm not', I repeated, my eyes still fixed on him.
This time I did not look away prematurely.
"'You look up there, please, at that last corner,' Mr Cole said to his son, interrupting what was going on between James and me at that moment.
Though I had no idea what it was.
"I can too," I replied quickly, and by the time I realized I was climbing the ladder myself.
"You don't have to do this', I heard James behind me. "Leave me alone.
But I was already completely with it.
I'd fix up that bloody garland corner!
I reached all the way to the top. Mr. Cole was a good deal taller than me, which made it a lot easier for him to reach the spot.
"Blaire!" cried James as I stumbled.
"I'll do it," I stubbornly replied like a child.
Some things just needed a little dedication to make them work again!
"Well, what do you know," I muttered triumphantly after pressing the tacks into the wall.
Then it happened: I stepped down a step and miscalculated. There was no step where the next one should be.
I could still hear myself screaming and saw how I lost my balance in slow motion and fell over backwards.
"Didn't you used to have some kind of crafting ban," James remarked after he caught me.
My heart was beating wildly when I realized what had just happened.
I had my arms around his shoulders while his hands held my hips. His grip was firm and firm.
"'Thank you', I said and looked up at him.
To be suddenly so close to him made my chest rise and fall irregularly. It made me feel as if I could hardly breathe.
There was this expression in his eyes. He looked at me as if I was the most important thing in the world to him.
And then there was this pain that had settled over his face.
Everything in me tightened the longer we stood there looking at each other.
"Orrhg, öörrhg."
Mr Cole cleared his throat.
At that moment I released myself from James' embrace and took a few steps back.
"Well, then," I stammered and tripped over the edge of the rug.
Oh, God, Blaire.
It really couldn't get any worse now!
Thank God I caught myself in time instead of falling on my butt.
James laughed softly into himself.
"Will you need a chaperone while you're here?" He lifted one brow and grinned.
I rolled my eyes, shook my head and went to the table.
"I'm fine," I said, thanking Mr Cole with a nod for the hot coffee he'd poured me.
My fear that the conversation at the table would become stiff and somehow strange did not prove true.
Mr Cole made one joke after the other, exchanging amusing side blows with his son over and over again.
They never went below the belt, but I was sure that tomorrow I would be sore from all the laughing.
I offered to do the dishes, but Mr Cole took the sponge out of my hand in no time at all as I was about to start.
"Let me do the dishes," he demanded. "There must be something I can do!"
I wanted to protest, but before I could even open my mouth, James buzzed, "Leave him alone."
"Do you want to..." he looked at me and he rubbed his hand on his neck, "... watch another film or something?"
"Sure," I answered without thinking.
"Thanks, Dad," James said before he walked behind me towards his room.
It was nice to see James hadn't lost any of his sense of decency.
The pulling in my chest increased from minute to minute.
What was I here for anyway?
"Are you okay?", James asked after he closed the door behind him.
His room was still the same as before.
Only much more minimalist, with new furniture and without the Superman posters on the wall.
It looked familiar and strange at the same time.
"Sure," I guilelessly replied. "Why?"
He'd throw himself on his futon bed and look at me.
"You look upset."
James reached for the laptop on his bedside table.
"Very charming," I replied and sat on the far corner of the bed as far away from him as I could.
"Is it getting tiresome being angry all the time?"
He looked at me defiantly. A roguish smile played around his lips.
"I am not -" I began - a pathetic attempt to defend my behaviour of recent years.
But in the middle of the sentence I remembered my recent discovery.
I wrinkled my nose and slipped back a little.
Leaning my back against the wall, I asked, "Do you still like me?"
I told myself that I didn't need James Wyatt Cole's absolution.
A very insistent voice whispered in my ear over and over again that if James didn't hate me, there was hope for me.
Everything depended on him.
"Do I still like you?" he repeated my words with a laugh.
When he realized how serious I was, he fell silent.
I tried not to make my eyes look too pleading. But I was not sure whether I succeeded.
James shrugged.
"You're here", he combed his way through the tousled hair and looked past me towards the wall.
It was as if he was struggling with something. "That's all that matters," he finally added, barely audibly.
Then he looked at me again.
I swallowed and took a deep breath.
But instead of apologizing or telling him how much he still meant to me, I just said, "Fine! "Fine! What movie do we want to see?
I could have slapped myself, whipped myself and run my head against the wall indefinitely!
James stared at me for a moment. Something in his eyes, which had been warm before, cooled off.
I stiffened inside.
"Do you want action or do you prefer something quiet?" he asked and opened the laptop.
"Do you have a documentary?"
I looked at the many folders that appeared on the screen. "Maybe something with animals or something."
James nodded.
A few minutes later he'd lowered the blinds and we
were looking at something about coral.
My heart leapt up when I realised what report he'd chosen.
It was a friendly gesture because he obviously remembered my love of the sea.
We sat at least a meter away from each other.
At some point, just as the difference between Euphyllia ancora and Goniastrea was being discussed, James pulled his shirt over his head.
As he did so, the muscle shirt he was wearing underneath slipped up a few inches, exposing his six-pack.
I swallowed and looked away quickly.
And then I looked back.
When he noticed my gawking eyes, he smiled.
"Are you looking for the bruise from your stroke the other day?" he asked, the corner of his mouth slightly raised.
I cleared my throat again.
My God, he must have thought I had a permafrost in my throat!
"It was here."
He pulled the shirt down from his neck and tapped his left pectoral muscle with his finger.
I was getting hot.
"I think this needs closer inspection," I croaked and felt the air between us thinning.
Again we looked at each other in silence for a moment. In the background the blue screen flickered.
"Do you want to look?" James asked in a deadly serious voice.
Our eyes still locked together, I climbed over his leg, towards his upper body.
I leaned down and reached next to the spot where his finger was.
My pulse racing as I stroked his warm skin.
"I'm afraid," I said with a pounding heart, "it looks bad for you, Mr Cole.
Slowly, I looked up.
Our faces were so close together, the tips of our noses almost touching.
I noticed James' breath was moving as fast as mine.
When he grabbed my wrist, an explosive bolt of lightning struck me.
I cowered on his muscular thigh, legs spread, completely captured by the green of his eyes.
I felt exactly that he wanted to pull me to him. But all at once he let go of me and shook his head.
"Damn it," he mumbled. "You must go now."
It was as if I had been hit in the head, and that was the second time that day.
"Yeah, sure," I pressed out and got up as fast as I could. I got caught in the ceiling and fell off the bed.
"Oops, are you okay?"
James gave me his hand, but I got up under my own steam.
"I'm fine," I said again. "It's getting late. I've got things to do too. Well, thanks for the coffee.
Before he could say anything else, I had already run out of the room - yes, you could say that!
"So long, Mr Cole. Thanks for the invite.
I waved to James' father as I passed through the open door to the kitchen-dining room.
"Come back soon," I heard him call out.
But I didn't answer.
I closed the front door behind me with a loud bang - unintentionally, of course.
I wouldn't come back here again for sure!
What was I thinking when I hit here?
I couldn't go back in time, undo everything I'd done and pretend I was still the Blaire of old and James still ... the first boy I'd ever fallen in love with.
Our moment had long passed.
We were two completely different people now.
It was time for me to get over James Wyatt Cole. and I was gonna do it forever.
***
When I got home, Lu ambushed me.
"Have you heard about Chloe Clarice Bell? She's in your grade, right?"
Oh, no, not that now! I moaned inside.
"She is," I said casually as I walked surly up the stairs to the top floor.
"Who is doing this?", Lu asked behind me in disgust.
She had just got herself a cup of ice cream from the kitchen. "Just to circulate something like that sick! I hope they get that pig! That kind of person belongs on trial, if you ask me."
I closed my eyes as I took the last step.
"Yes", I agreed, and it took a lot of effort to suppress the tears.
"Are you all right?"
Lu looked at me with concern as we each had our hand on the doorknob of our adjacent rooms.
I could not listen to this question any more!
"Everything's fine!", I vertirred. "Just knocked out."
Lu frowned. Of course she wasn't buying it. But she said nothing and left me alone.
"If you want to talk...
"Yes, thank you," I replied quickly and wrung a very last smile from myself for that day before I went to my room.
Now it was official: my life was a shambles!
I decided to go to bed today without showering, because I felt my strength dwindling more and more.
After I had taken off my blouse and bra, I absent-mindedly reached for the hook on my door. Usually my bathrobe and my nightgown were hanging there.
But I reached into the void. I was sure I had hung it there this morning - as usual.
I frowned and looked around.
Had I put it somewhere else by mistake? That was not my way, for I always made sure that everything had its place in my room.
But as absent-minded as I had been lately, I could not swear that I had not put it under the bed by mistake.
I groaned and wished for nothing more than to fall asleep and not wake up again until I was thirty.
After five minutes of searching, I grudgingly grabbed another nightgown from the closet.
When I was finally in bed - with ten more worry lines - James' face kept popping up in my mind's eye.
How had I been able to drive us up against the wall like that?
Rolling from one side to the other, I fell asleep at some point.
Dark shadow
It corresponded to the course of the past days that I ran into Mackenzie and James of all people in the shopping centre on Saturday.
I had just come from a Victoria's Secret shop where I had gotten hold of the right linen for tonight.
Mackenzie's laughter was loud and shrill as she - one arm hooked into James' - walked past me.
I stood in the shop door and had one last look at the lingerie in the window as she walked down the shopping mile with her pleated skirt waving.
She wore boots again - now black - and showed a lot of leg.
James laughed as well, which gave me a stab in the chest.
Why were they walking so close together?
Was she the reason why he threw me out yesterday?
I watched as they walked in step towards the mall exit.
He had lied to me! She was his new girlfriend - or almost.
How could I be so naive as to think James was the only decent guy on the planet?
James Wyatt Cole was just like everybody else! I should have known it!
I waited a few more minutes until I was on my way to the underground car park as well. Under no circumstances did I want to see him again that weekend.
I would have loved to catapult him to the moon - without a return ticket!
When I was back home, I stomped up the stairs with a snort - a shopping bag in each hand.
"What louse has gotten into your head?" asked Lu.
She came out of her room just as I was about to go into mine.
"Oh nothing", I played down the storm of emotions that was raging inside me.
"Don't give me that!"
Lu rose before me with a raised forefinger.
"Put me off for once - okay. I can live with that. But now it's over!" She looked at me sternly. "You tell me what's wrong with you right now! I won't leave you alone until you tell me!”
I rolled my eyes.
"All right!" I grumbled and held the door to my room open for her.
While I was putting the groceries in the closet, I told Lu about my visit with James yesterday.
I left nothing out.
It did amazingly well to talk to her about it.
Even though I became more aware with every wo
rd I said of how much his behaviour had hurt me.
And my own.
"If he liked her so much he would have invited her to his birthday party," Lu said.
She had made herself comfortable on my bed and looked over at me.
I closed the closet door.
"You know him, he's modest when it comes to that sort of thing," I replied dejectedly. "He probably didn't even tell her it was his birthday."
I folded the shopping bag and put it under my shoe rack. So I could use it again.
"Hmmm", Lu pulled a snort and pressed my pillow against her slim body.
Needless to say, there was no argument against it.
I hated that James Wyatt Cole had such power over me.
Yet until recently I'd been sure I was over him.
He hadn't been in my life for so long.
"What if you try talking to him again?" Lu suggested.
"Absolutely not."
I shook my head.
I would never, ever, ever talk to him again!
"All right," my little sister admitted defeat. "Thanks for telling me."
She got up from the bed, walked towards me and hugged me.
"I'm always here for you, you know that, don't you?"
Lu looked at me through her big, childlike eyes.
"That's my job," I replied, playfully pulling one of her curls.
"A sorrow shared is a sorrow halved," my smart sister replied with a mischievous grin.
I curled my nose. "Let's get out of here," I said with a smile on my lips.
Lu folded his hands behind his back and left - but not without sticking out his tongue first.
I loved my little sister more than anything.
***
Logan had asked me by SMS to come to him by taxi instead of taking my car.
It wouldn't have been that noticeable if he had texted me.
His ambivalence regarding the public and our liaison amazed me.
But I did not think about it any further that evening, because it was in my interest that we remain undiscovered.
I told the taxi driver the address Logan had sent me.
The David Hasselhoff fake gave me a lewd look in the rear-view mirror when I opened the top button of my parkas.
I pulled a face.
"Could you please drive off?" I asked, anxiously friendly, as he still did not make a move.
"I'm on it, Ms," he returned and turned his gaze to the street.
Vicious Bet: Don't fall in love! (Sinners and Saints Book 1) Page 13