Polar Distress

by Sheila Grau

  It looked like my “Make Darthin brave” experiment had been a success. After word got out about how he’d helped Stevie, Drangulus, and the mummy, other monsters sought him out. At first, this terrified him, but gradually, as he got to know them, he realized that they were just like everyone else. In other words, they all wanted his help on their homework.

  There was a new girl sitting with Frieda. Her name was Tingrid, and she was the “minion in recompense” from the Pravus Academy. Word had it that she was an ogre-woman, and like Boris, she’d gotten the looks of a human and the smarts of an ogre. I’d asked her about Syke, and she told me that Syke was, by far, the smartest person she’d ever met in her life and that she was doing really well in school. Well, bully for Syke.

  “Our float will win,” Mez said, pulling me out of my thoughts. “We have Lower Worb. Wexmir Smarvy. Wait till you see it.”

  “How’s the green team’s float going, Frankie?” I asked.

  “I don’t know. Dr. Frankenhammer won’t let me work on it. We’re too busy trying to fix me.”

  “Fix you?” Mez asked. “Are you broken?”

  “No, he’s not,” I said.

  “That isn’t right,” Mez said. “Nobody should work all the time. What does he let you do for fun?”

  Frankie shrugged. “I organized his specimen cabinet yesterday. He says fun and games are distractions from our pursuit of excellence.”

  Poor Frankie. It made me sick to my stomach how unfair it was. But not so sick that I couldn’t eat, so I got up to get a second helping of macaroni and cheese. When I passed the ogre-man table, a few guys howled at me. I ignored them, like always.

  But then I heard something that made me turn around. A chair squeaked backward, and a high-pitched voice spoke out loudly over the din of the crowded cafeteria. “Cut it out!”

  It was Darthin.

  He stood up and looked at each ogre-man straight in the eye, since they were still sitting and they’re very tall. He pointed at each of them in turn.

  “Runt Higgins was not trying to turn himself into a werewolf!” he shouted. “He’s cursed to die on his sixteenth birthday, and he was performing a chant to get rid of part of the curse. So you can all just shut up with the howling. It’s mean. And it’s not fair.”

  The ogre-men—the whole cafeteria, really—watched Darthin with their jaws hanging open.

  “Are any of you cursed to die?” he went on. “Are any of you facing certain death a few short years from now? Doomed to never know what it means to live? No! All of you will be able to see how they’re going to resolve the love triangle on All My Overlords, but not Runt. SO GIVE HIM A BREAK!” I didn’t know whether to feel better or worse. I’d never realized I might not be around to see who Adrianne would pick to lead her army against the greedy Fabrizar. Aww.

  But look at Darthin! Standing up to a room full of monsters. I grabbed his arm, because some of them were a little put off by that last bit and I was worried we might have overcorrected.

  “Thanks, Darthin,” I whispered, “but I wouldn’t yell at ogre-men. They are wired to react violently to people yelling at them. Just ask Frieda.”

  We returned to our table while everyone got over the shock from Darthin’s performance.

  “Darthin!” Mez said, lifting a fist for him to bump. “Nice.”

  “That was brave,” Frankie said. “I wish I could stand up to Dr. Frankenhammer like that.”

  “You should,” I said. “At least tell him that his constant criticisms aren’t going to make you better.”

  “Yeah, I’ve been thinking about that,” Darthin said. “You know, I spend a lot of time with Dr. Frankenhammer as his lab assistant, and I’ve noticed something in the way he talks about you. You’re not a kid to him. You’re something he built. When he criticizes you, he doesn’t think he’s criticizing a kid. He thinks he’s criticizing himself.”

  “What’s the difference?” Frankie asked. “He’s right either way.”

  “No, he’s not,” I said, but Frankie didn’t believe me. Again.

  “It’s sad, but some scientists view their creations as extensions of themselves, and not as beings in their own right,” Darthin said.

  The bell rang. Lunch was over.

  “Hey, guys, come help me feed the gorilla,” I said. Frankie still had his head down, so I gestured at him, hoping the guys would get my meaning. We needed to help Frankie.

  We all got up and headed out. As we walked down the main road, we tried to convince Frankie that he was awesome, but no matter how many examples of his awesomeness we gave him, he wasn’t convinced.

  “Dr. Frankenhammer’s not perfect, you know,” I said. “Why don’t we think about what we’d fix about him. Starting with his lack of empathy.”

  “He’s a neat freak,” Darthin put in. “And his knowledge of classical mechanics is sketchy at best.”

  “How about those eyebrows?” Mez said, laughing.

  “You are stronger and faster and have a photographic memory, and you already do half his work for him,” Darthin said. “You’re better than him, and you’re only thirteen.”

  “Next time he criticizes you,” I said, “just ask him when was the last time he ran a mile in two minutes.”

  We were all laughing by the time we reached the gate. Kumi was in his usual spot. He trusted me now and didn’t roar when I arrived with food. He still terrified me, though.

  I tossed a melon to him, but there was a big difference between how far I could throw a melon and the distance at which I felt safe from the giant beast. The melon hit the ground closer to me than to him. He reached out and picked it up, while I edged back behind the cart. Frankie picked up a melon and threw it right into Kumi’s mouth. Kumi seemed to like that, so Frankie threw a few more.

  “Is it me, or is Kumi shrinking?” I asked, because he really did look smaller. I wasn’t imagining it.

  “Not likely,” Darthin said, but he wouldn’t know, because he’d always been too frightened to come see Kumi.

  “No, Runt’s right,” Frankie said. “He always sits like that, and when he got here, his head was as high as that tree.”

  I grabbed Frankie’s arm. “Are you sure?”

  “Photographic memory, remember?” he said.

  “If that’s true,” Darthin said, “then I’d say he’s lost . . . oh, about nine feet in height.”

  “Why?” I asked. “How?”

  We pushed the trailer of food closer to Kumi’s clearing.

  “I’ve been listening to Dr. Frankenhammer try to figure out what sudithium does,” Darthin said. “One of the theories he’s come up with is that it enlarges organic tissue.”

  “Huh?”

  “It makes things bigger,” he explained. “What if this giant gorilla came from a realm where there’s lots of sudithium? What if the gorillas are big because they had access to the mineral? Ever since he’s been here, eating our trees, he hasn’t gotten the mineral that makes him big, so he’s shrinking.”

  “That would explain why Dr. Pravus got rid of the gorillas. If they were shrinking, nobody would want to recruit them,” I said.

  “The gorillas that Wexmir Smarvy recruited are still huge,” Frankie said. “Wouldn’t they be shrinking too?”

  “That’s true.” Darthin thought for a second. “Unless they were still getting sudithium. Here’s another thought: What if Pravus has had sudithium all this time? Remember that kid who taunted you before the hoopsmash game? You told us he said, ‘Do you even have any? Do you know what it does?’ They have it, and they know. Pravus used it on the gorillas. He could have given Smarvy sudithium to feed his recruited gorillas, like a vitamin supplement.”

  “If sudithium makes things bigger, it should be easy to find, right?” Frankie said.

  Darthin slapped his forehead. “It’s in Upper Worb. Of course it is. Those people were hiding something. We all knew it. And the bunnies there are huge! They really are. I know you guys think I’m a coward, but they’re so much bigg
er.”

  “So, if Pravus has it, like that stupid Victus implied, and if it comes from Upper Worb, then Pravus must have gotten it from Irma Trackno,” I said. “I saw them talking together in the capital. At the time, I thought it was odd, because Irma doesn’t recruit minions, so why would they be talking together?

  “She seemed really angry with him. If she cut off his supply of the mineral, then he’d have to save whatever sudithium he had left for the UMs, and not give it to the gorillas. Destroying his gorilla enclosure solved two problems at the same time: He made it look like he’d been sabotaged, and he got rid of something that was about to make him look bad.”

  Darthin nodded.

  “We should tell Dr. Critchlore,” I said. “But Barry stupid Merrybench won’t let kids into his office. He says we have to go up the chain of command.”

  “Which means you have to tell Professor Murphy,” Meztli said.

  “Which means he won’t give you credit for figuring it out,” Frankie added.

  Darthin grabbed my arm. “Better to let him have the credit than let Pravus keep us from catching up.”

  I knew this was true, but it felt so unfair. And then I imagined Tootles’s head floating around me, saying something like, “Trees don’t care who gets credit for their fruit.”

  I was beginning to hate trees.

  “When the going gets tough, get used to it, because it’s not going to get any better.”

  —POPULAR SAYING IN UPPER WORB

  Professor Murphy returned the next day. I skipped my mentor period to see him. He didn’t teach a first-period class, so he was alone in his classroom. I strode in and stood in front of his desk. He sighed heavily when he looked up.

  “You said that whoever finds the sudithium will get an automatic A in the class,” I said, my heart thumping. “I know where it is.”

  He shook his head. “Runt, I don’t have time for your games. Dr. Critchlore is panicking, and he’s running us all ragged. I have three more trips to coordinate. Now, please, go to your mentor.”

  “Remember when we went to the Overlord Council, and we saw Dr. Pravus talking to Irma Trackno? He gets sudithium from her. He’s been using it for the past year.”

  He held up his hand like he wanted to stop me from talking, but then let it fall. “That’s . . . what?”

  “Sudithium makes things bigger. Pravus has been giving it to his gorillas. The one outside hasn’t been fed any for a while, and now he’s shrinking. When I was at the Kobold Academy, we were chased by one giant gorilla and two smaller ones that must have shrunk. Irma won’t give Pravus any more, so he’s saving what he has for his Undefeatable Minions. He destroyed his gorilla enclosure to hide the fact that they’re shrinking.”

  Professor Murhpy blinked a few times. He looked at me, then looked down. “It’s possible . . . ,” he said. He rifled through some papers on his desk, selecting one. Then he stood up and walked past me, leaving me standing there alone, without so much as a “Good job, Runt.”

  It was what I’d expected.

  The next morning I walked into my junior henchman class to see a note from Professor Murphy. “The following students will report for an emergency field trip to Upper Worb: Rufus Spaniel and Jud Shepherd.”

  Another punch in the gut.

  I found Professor Murphy by the vans. He carefully placed a box labeled DETECTORS on top of a pile of bags.

  “Professor Murphy,” I said.

  “Runt, I’m very busy. We’re leaving this morning. Please, I left you an assignment in the classroom.”

  I jumped in front of him. “I’m just wondering if I’m going to get an A, since I told you where to find the sudithium.”

  “Having a guess is not the same as finding the mineral, Runt,” he said. “That promise of an A was for someone who actually has the sudithium in hand.”

  “How can I do that when you never assign me to any teams? You have deliberately kept me off every single one.”

  “Runt, teams were picked based on who is the best qualified—”

  “That’s not true. I know that three team leaders have requested me, but you scratched me off their lists.” I felt the anger rise in me, and I didn’t want to back down. “You’re making it impossible for me to pass your class. I’m going to file a complaint with Mr. Everest. I bet deliberately failing students is not part of your job description.”

  He squinted at me. “Do you really think you can do anything that Rufus, or Jud, or Frieda can do? They are junior henchman material, you are not.”

  “How do you know that, when you never give me a chance?”

  “You want a chance? Okay, fine. Come on this trip. If you find the sudithium, I’ll give you that A.” He pointed a finger at me. “But if you don’t? You’re out of my class. For good this time.”

  “Deal. But I want to bring Meztli. And Frankie. They deserve a chance too.”

  “Fine. We leave in two hours. Make sure each of you gets a travel kit for Upper Worb in the supply depot and meet us back here.”

  Rufus strode up with his bag. “Runt’s coming? Are you kidding me? He’s going to get us all killed.”

  I ran off. I had a couple things to do before we left.

  First, I went to say good-bye to Kumi, who was playing hide-and-seek with the trees. He didn’t move from his spot, just covered his eyes while they hid. The toddler trees weren’t very good at hiding. They shook with giggles as Kumi grunted little questioning sounds. Kate, Pismo, and I watched as they finished the round.

  “Googa ooh ooh ooh?” Kumi said.

  I could see Googa trying to hide behind the food cart. Kumi picked up the cart and said, “Ahhh ooooh!”

  Googa slunked over to the tagged-out spot, where Swish patted him on the back with a long branch.

  When the game was over, I walked up to Kumi, greeting him with the hello sign that Kate had taught me.

  “Kumi, I’m going to be gone for a few days,” I said.

  “He’s asking where you’re going,” Pismo said.

  “To the snow,” I said. “But don’t worry—Tootles will bring you food every day. And the trees will come visit.”

  Kumi nodded, then reached down his giant hand so I could hug his finger good-bye. I looked at Kate and Pismo, who gave me a “Go on” nod, so I did. I quickly hugged the giant finger and waved good-bye.

  After that I rounded up Darthin, Frankie, and Meztli. “I want you guys to come too.”

  “Professor Murphy said I didn’t have to go this time,” Darthin said. “They don’t need me as a local guide, because Upper Worb welcomed us to come back to Polar Bay anytime.”

  “That’s weird,” I said. “But I still need your help. All of you. Darthin, you know the place better than anyone. Frankie, you’re like a secret weapon—nobody knows what you can do. And Meztli, you deserve to go on a mission. Just like me.”

  “I’d really rather not,” Darthin said.

  “I’ll pass the class anyway,” Meztli added with a shrug.

  “What if I do something wrong?” Frankie said.

  I looked at them: Darthin, afraid to make a daring choice. Meztli, satisfied with doing just enough and no more. And Frankie, terrified of failure. I had to show them all that they could do better.

  “You guys, we can do this. Together,” I said. “I know we can. Look, I know each of you feels exactly like I do. Like a failure. Like we’re not good enough.”

  I turned to Darthin. “Darthin, you still feel humiliated by what Rufus did to you up there. Now’s your chance to replace that memory with a better one. A successful one.”

  I looked at Frankie. “Frankie, if you continue to be too scared to try, you’re never going to prove to Dr. Frankenhammer—and to yourself—that you’re not broken. It doesn’t seem to matter how many times we tell you. You have to try, and this is the perfect chance.”

  And finally, I turned to Meztli. “Mez, I think this would be good for you too. Together, we can go for the win. Why not us, instead of Rufus? Plus,
I’m going to need your help,” I repeated, looking at each of them. “I’m going to need all your help. Please.”

  “Okay, I’ll go,” Meztli said.

  Darthin and Frankie looked at each other.

  “Yeah, we’ll go too,” Darthin said. Frankie nodded.

  It was make-or-break time for all of us. But mostly me. If I could find some sudithium, I could help Dr. Critchlore in his battle against Dr. Pravus, and maybe save the school. If I failed, I’d be banished to the Great Library to study in solitary confinement for the rest of my life.

  I cannot put into words how absolutely bleak that made me feel. I couldn’t fail. I just couldn’t.

  “If your last name begins with a letter between A and M, you can buy food on alternate Wednesdays.”

  —ANDIRAT GENERALS’ RESPONSE TO A FOOD SHORTAGE

  The journey to Upper Worb was a long overnight trip. We took the protected Evil Overlord Missile Train, which all EOs agree not to attack. It allows them quick, safe passage from their realms to the capital. Most people aren’t allowed to leave their realms, so the train was not crowded, which meant I didn’t have to sit with Professor Murphy and Rufus. Darthin, Frankie, Meztli, and I sat in the empty dining compartment, at a table with bench seats.

  Mez and I tossed peanuts into each other’s glasses while Frankie slept and Darthin sketched in his notebook, looking nervous.

  “What’s that, Darthin?” I asked.

  “Huh?” He looked up. “Oh, I wrote down everything last time.” That wasn’t a surprise, because he wrote down everything all the time. “Here’s my map of the crater. It’s huge—over five kilometers in diameter. When we were there, we mostly searched by the southwest end, but it had already been picked clean. There was evidence of abandoned mining operations there.”

  “Why does Irma let us in?” I asked.

  “If you ask me,” he whispered with a hand covering his mouth, “she’s watching us.” He nodded at the cameras mounted on the ceiling. “Checking us out. You said yourself that when you saw her in the capital, she seemed to be looking for information about the minion schools. She’s lost too many homegrown troops and now needs to recruit from outside.”