Reid looked from the baby to his mother, who was staring guiltily at the bar. “You’re not taking him, are you?” She was going off to California to make a new life for herself and leaving her baby behind. Granted, her grandmother loved and pampered him, but she was an old woman. Sean needed a mother, as well as a great-grandmother. He needed someone young enough to play and keep up with him, someone whom he could reasonably count on being there for him now, in five years and in fifteen years. He needed someone to love him the way only a mother could. “You’re leaving him here and going off without him.”
When she looked up, her eyes were damp, her expression sorrowful. “I love my baby, Reid, but I can’t take care of him. Losing Ryan was like losing myself. Every time I look at Sean, I think of his father. Every time I remember the day he was born, I remember that it was also the day his father died. It’s all I can do to get out of bed, to dress myself, to remember to eat. I can’t take on the responsibility of a baby, too. I just want to go off somewhere and be alone until it quits hurting.”
“And he’s supposed to wait? He’s supposed to stay here and live with a woman who’s too old to take on the responsibility of a baby and wait for you to deal with your grief?”
“I’m not leaving him with my grandmother. She would happily take him, but you’re right. She’s too old. It’s too much responsibility.” The quaver disappeared from her voice and was replaced with grim determination. “I’m going to ask Karen and Jamey to adopt him.”
It was rare that he heard a suggestion regarding anything that struck him instantly with such a feeling of rightness, but this one did. It had long been one of Karen’s greatest sorrows that she couldn’t have children. She was the most giving, loving and maternal person he’d ever met. She had eased the emptiness in her life by mothering others—kids, neighbors, friends. She’d even made a pretty good effort at mothering him even before her marriage to Jamey gave her legal status. But all that was a poor substitute for having a child of her own, a baby to nurture and protect, a son to live in her home, to brighten her days and call her Mama. She would be the best mother in the world, ten times better than old Mrs. Gutierrez, a hundred times better than Alicia.
The fact that Alicia recognized that fact made her pretty damn special.
“Have you talked to them yet?”
She shook her head. “I’m going to tonight. I thought it would be easier if I didn’t take Sean with me, so it wouldn’t look as if I were using him to persuade them. He’s a sweet baby. He could change anyone’s mind.”
Except hers. This was hard for her. He didn’t need to see or hear the tears to know that. She was nothing like Meghan. She wasn’t abandoning her son. She was saving him.
“I’ll keep him while you’re there,” he volunteered, even though she hadn’t asked, even though she could easily take the baby down the street to her grandmother’s place, even though he knew less than nothing about taking care of a baby.
“I’d appreciate it.” She slid to the floor, then set the diaper bag on the bar. “I’ll be back soon.” She rushed out of the bar as if he might change his mind, leaving him alone with three customers and one solemn, wide-eyed baby.
“What do you think, Sean?” he asked, his voice little more than a whisper. “We just might wind up as brothers.”
Brothers. In age he was better suited to be the baby’s father. In fact, he and Ryan had been born only a few months apart. Reid had never given any real thought to fatherhood, though, other than a general acknowledgment that he wasn’t a candidate for it. What did he know about being a father, about accepting responsibility for another life, about loving and nurturing? Damn little.
But he was learning more every day. Cassie was teaching him. She could teach him about parenting, too, especially if the baby to be parented was her own. Their own.
“Hey, Reid. What are you doing?”
The soft, husky voice came from behind him, sending a shiver down his spine. After all that time spent straining to hear the slightest sound from upstairs, he’d let Cassie walk up on him without hearing so much as a creak on the stairs or a footstep in the hall. He turned to face her, standing where the hallway opened into the bar, wearing the same clothes he’d stripped off her this afternoon and a satisfied smile that was at odds with the shyness in her eyes. Shifting the baby to one arm, he reached for her, and she came willingly, stepping into his embrace, tilting her head for his kiss.
He had never known how much pleasure a man could find in simple kisses, had never realized how wickedly innocent and sweetly intimate they could be. Kissing Cassie could overwhelm him. It could make him want and could satisfy some small bit of that hunger. It could stir a pain that was pure pleasure. It could make his arousal strong and his will weak. It could even make him think that maybe he did know what love was. Maybe it didn’t matter that he’d never experienced it firsthand. Maybe he could recognize it, believe in it, feel it anyway. Maybe he could take it on faith.
When he ended the kiss, they were both breathless. He was hard, and she was flushed and dazed. He brushed a strand of hair from her face, then quietly asked, “Are you all right?”
Her smile was so womanly, so full of promise and sinful satisfaction that it should be illegal. “I’m fine.” Reaching out to stroke the baby’s hair, she asked, “Is this Sean?”
He nodded.
“He looks comfortable. Of course, I’ve always thought that in your arms was a nice place to be. Where is Alicia?”
Pulling her over to a private table behind the bar, he sat down. She drew the opposite chair closer and sat, too, her knees bumping his, her hair brushing his arm as she bent near the baby. When he finished telling her about Alicia’s decision, she sat quietly for a moment, then sighed. “It’s a tough situation. My heart goes out to all of them.”
“Do you think Karen will say yes?”
“She’ll want to. She deserves a chance to be a mother.”
“But?”
“What if Alicia changes her mind? What if she gives Sean to your folks and they make him a part of their family, and then she comes back and says, ‘Hey, everything’s okay now. I’ve got myself straightened out and I want my baby back’?”
It would be devastating. It would take Karen about thirty seconds to fall irrevocably in love with Sean. Whether she’d had him six years, six months or only six weeks, it would break her heart to have to give him up.
“Then there’s Jamey.”
“What about him?”
Cassie’s smile was infinitely gentle. “He thinks he’s a lousy father. He believes he caused you tremendous harm with his neglect, and he feels very guilty for it. He might not be willing to try again, to put another child at risk.”
“It’s hardly the same situation. He’s not seventeen anymore. He’s not being forced into marriage with a woman he doesn’t even like, much less love, all because of a kid he never wanted. He loves Karen. He wants her to be happy. He can learn all the things he didn’t know the first time.” With a shrug, he awkwardly added, “I think he’d probably make a good father.”
Still smiling, Cassie leaned back in her chair. “I think it takes a hell of a son to admit that.” Her words made his face flush with heat and somehow made him want her even more. She didn’t give him a chance to say or do anything about it, though, but went on. “What kind of father do you think you’d make?”
He looked down at Sean, whose yawn enveloped his entire face. A week ago, even a few days ago, Reid would have retorted that it didn’t matter what kind of father he would be because there was no way in hell he was ever going to bring a child into the bleak, hostile world of Serenity. But things were rarely one hundred percent totally so. Serenity wasn’t totally bleak or hostile, just as he wasn’t totally worthless. Maybe the neighborhood was poor, and crime and despair were serious problems, but there were isolated areas of love, satisfaction and security. There were places where people were happy and not anxiously waiting to escape. Karen and Jamey had created ju
st such a haven across the street. Shawntae Williams and her mother had one, too, that offered a warm, loving home for J.T.
He could be part of such a place. He could live with love, satisfaction and security. He.could help make a place where a child would be safe and protected, where they could all be happy and care nothing about escaping Serenity.
With Cassie’s help, with her guidance, he could be part of a home.
With a soft sigh, Sean’s eyes fluttered shut, and he drifted off to sleep once more. After watching him for a moment, Reid met Cassie’s gaze and gave an answer to her question that made her smile. “I think I could be a damn good father.”
Chapter 7
It was midnight and a quiet night on Serenity. Cassie stood at the window in her living room. There was no activity on the street, no cars, no loud music or angry words. Lights were on in an occasional apartment, but most were dark and still. Kathy’s House was dark except for a single light filtering through from the back. No doubt, Karen and Jamey were in their bedroom, debating the choice Alicia had given them tonight. It was one Cassie wouldn’t want to face. Whatever they decided could break their hearts.
The image of Reid holding the sweet little boy in his arms downstairs earlier had been enough to break her heart. There was something so touching about strong men and innocent kids, something especially so with this particular man, who couldn’t remember ever being cuddled, fussed over or protected himself. He had a vein of tenderness in him that even he hadn’t suspected was there. But she had.
Downstairs shadow fell over the sidewalk as the four sets of French doors were closed and the lights switched off. She had stayed in the bar until eleven, when she’d come up to take a shower and get ready for bed. She hadn’t invited Reid to join her, and he hadn’t asked, but she knew he would come to her.
The stairs creaked, and she swallowed hard. Anticipation. The next time would be better, he’d told her this afternoon, when they’d collapsed in a tangle, their bodies slick with sweat, her entire body humming with satisfaction so sweet.
If that was the case, she might not survive.
As he reached the top of the stairs, she watched him over her shoulder. He came inside, closed the door and locked it. Next he switched off the lamp, leaving the room dark except for the light through the windows. As he approached her, she felt a shiver and hugged herself tighter, but she didn’t go to meet him. She remained where she was and waited.
He came to stand behind her, sliding his arms around her waist, ducking his head to kiss her throat. He was already aroused, and so was she. She didn’t know if it was what was sure to follow or simply Reid himself. Maybe all he had to do was walk into the same room, and she got turned on. Maybe that was what being newly in love was like.
“You look pretty in white.” His whisper tickled and made her move deliberately, enticingly, against him.
The cotton gown she’d pulled on after her shower was the closest she ever got to frilly. Sleeveless, beribboned and laced, it was femininity subdued. It was pretty, and tonight she had wanted to look pretty.
He kissed her ear, his tongue sending shivers through her. “Tell me to go home.”
“I’d rather tell you to take me to bed.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“I’ll be hurt only if you leave me here alone.”
“I’m talking about...” His mouth only a breath above her ear, he murmured exactly what he meant in words intended to explain and scandalize. They did both—and turned her on. So did his hands, slowly unfastening the buttons that secured her gown from neck to waist.
“I’m not sore,” she insisted as he slid one hand inside the fabric. He proved her wrong, though, when he began stroking her breast, each lazy stroke ending on her nipple. She wasn’t sore, exactly, but achy. Needy. Unsatisfied. Their clothes provided an unwelcome barrier, his hardness pressed against her was an unbearable temptation and the little bit of attention he paid her breast was a too subtle version of what she needed.
Slowly he turned her. She let go of the curtain and leaned back against the window frame as he began kissing her forehead, her cheek, her jaw, her throat, all the way down to the nipple he had just caressed to a peak. His mouth closed around it, and her eyes fluttered shut. His teeth gently nipped, and her throat grew tight. Such sensation from no more than a kiss. She could feel it in her chest, curling tightly in her belly, pooling heated and damp between her thighs. He suckled hard, and her body grew hotter, her muscles trembled and her legs grew weaker.
Abruptly, his breathing ragged, he lifted his head and took her mouth, fierce, frantic need driving him. He opened his jeans, and she lifted her gown, the soft fabric bunching around her hips, giving him access, letting her feel the long, heated length of him probing, sliding—
“No.” His protest was harsh. It took a moment to penetrate the daze of hunger, longing and pure, raw need that enveloped her, another moment for her to open her eyes and see him staring down at her from only inches away.
“Yes,” she whispered, reaching for him, trying to pull him closer, trying to pull him deep inside her.
He raised his hands to her face in simple caresses that could seduce her as easily as the most intimate touches. “No, Cassie,” he whispered. “Not like this. Not without...” His thumb slid across her lips, coaxing them apart, then he kissed her briefly. “We’re not going to risk your future because we’re too impatient to do this right.”
“If it gets any more right than this, I don’t think I can stand it.” Then she offered a halfhearted protest. “It’s not the right time for me to get pregnant.”
“I’m not worried about that.” One more kiss. “We’re not going to risk your life, darlin’. Come on.” Taking her hand, he led her across the room and into the bedroom, straight to the bed.
Moonlight shone through the windows, spotlighting the single plastic packet that he’d left on the sill earlier. Cassie picked it up, turning it in her hands, studying it curiously. When she looked up, Reid was watching her. When he held out his hand for the packet, she closed her fingers around it and offered her sultriest smile. “Soon,” she promised.
Sliding one strap, then the other, off her shoulders, she let the gown fall to the floor, then stepped out of it. She took a step toward him, and he took a step back. A few more steps, and the bed was at his back. He couldn’t retreat any farther. Clumsily she managed to hold on to the condom and pull his shirt over his head, to slide her hands inside the waist of his unfastened jeans and guide them off, too. At last he stood naked in front of her, his body strong, his skin smooth and golden in the yellow moonlight and his arousal...
Swallowing hard, she touched him, brushing the flat of her palm against him, wrapping her hand around him. The skin was soft, the flesh intimidatingly hard. Each time she touched him, his body betrayed him with some small response—a shudder, an involuntary thrust, a deep, strained groan. Each time she touched him, her own body responded—hunger intensifying, pain sharpening, emptiness threatening to engulf her.
Finally he caught her hand, forcing it away from his body. “No more,” he demanded through clenched teeth. “You’re going to make me... I want to be inside you... Now, damn it.”
She tore open the packet, removed the contents and examined it.
“Like this.” His voice was gritty, barely controlled, as he positioned the thin roll properly in her grip, then guided her hands to his groin. Swearing once, he helped her work the sheath into place. The instant she finished, he reached for her, pulling her onto the bed with him, lifting her into place above him, sliding her down, slowly and steadily down, until he filled her, until they were thoroughly, intimately joined. -
She sat motionless, savoring, enjoying, loving the way they felt together. But all too soon, it wasn’t enough. She needed more, needed him moving inside her, needed to witness once again the sheer power of his completion, needed to feel once again the sweet satisfaction of her own. She needed stimulation, torment, pleasure, r
elease. She needed everything. “I don’t know—”
“Like this.” His hands on her hips, he coaxed her to move, helping her set an easy, erotic rhythm, rising, sinking, thrusting forward, pulling back, arousing him with the same taut movements that further aroused her. When she was close to finishing, when her body was tight and her muscles were trembling and the pleasure had become too much to bear, he took over, holding her hips steady, thrusting his own against her, filling her deeper, harder, faster. The end came in a bright, explosive rush, like a million fireworks bursting into brilliant light, leaving them quivering, helpless and incredibly, heart-stoppingly satisfied.
Long minutes passed before he withdrew, longer minutes before she moved to lie beside him. She thought of all the things she would like to say—Thank you. You were well worth waiting for. I want you. I need you. I love you. But, in the end, when she finally roused herself to speak, she didn’t say any of them. She simply leaned forward, pressed a kiss to his cheek and whispered, “Good night, Reid.”
There was something to be said for ending a long period of celibacy, Reid thought Tuesday afternoon. He couldn’t remember the last night he’d slept so soundly or the last morning he’d awakened so rested. He couldn’t remember ever awakening beside a woman without a great deal of regret or facing a day with something very close to pleasure.
Of course, he’d never slept or awakened beside Cassie. He had never faced a day knowing that, when it was over, he would make love with her again. He had never had such reason for hope.
The thought made him grin. He was feeling optimistic today—he, Reid Donovan, who’d never had much reason for hope. He was feeling as if the world couldn’t possibly be a better place than it had been last night. Than it would be again tonight. As soon as he saw Cassie.
The Taming Of Reid Donovan Page 16