I wake the next morning surrounded by a white canopy and pink walls, with swollen eyes and a sore back. I look down and Kayla’s head is on my chest. Her thumb still in her mouth and her hair is strewn across her face, which holds salt marks from where her tears have dried onto her perfectly pink cheeks. I want to move but I’m terrified of waking her. What time is it? I worry frantically realising that it’s Monday and I have school. I crane my neck and notice the light coming in through the gossamer covered window is feint. It is then that I remember the night before. Carl left. I feel bile rise in my throat and I think I might throw up at the memory of my mom’s blame ridden tone and my sister’s heart wrenching sobs. I have to get out of this room, I have to get out of here. As slowly and quietly as I can, I prop Kayla up and move her sideways onto her pillow while edging out from underneath her. I’ve been leaning against the white iron bars of her bed and my back is killing me so I wince as I rise slowly from the mattress before tiptoeing out of her room and sliding the door shut behind me. The house is eerily quiet and as I tiptoe across the landing, I hear something call a little too loudly out of the darkness.
“Callie. Come here.” My stomach plummets in fear as the one voice I want to avoid reaches out to me. It’s my mom and she sounds angry.
I move down the stairs quietly, aware of every single sound I make, scared of waking Kayla. I feel like I need to protect her from her own mother, how ridiculous is that?
“I said come here. I know you’re out there Callie.” My mom calls again, she’s getting impatient and I feel my heart start to race. Why am I so scared all of a sudden? As I reach the bottom of the staircase and turn slowly, I feel an unease settle over me. The lights are out down here and only low light from the dawn is creeping in through the windows, casting shadows everywhere. It shows empty places where objects used to reside, the television for one, which Mom had said Carl had taken. It’s stupid but this makes me irrationally angry. It’s only a television, but it’s the only one in the house. How will Kayla watch all her favourite movies? How will she watch one hundred and one Dalmatians now? I continue to turn and then I see her down the corridor, dead ahead and encased in shadow. My mom sits, slumped over the kitchen table, eyes burning with rage. Rage targeted at none other than yours truly.
AZURE
“Tell me my darling Azure, will you do it?” Titus strokes my chin with his long, pale fingers, tickling my flesh with his sharp nails. I smile back at him seductively, as his fingers trail down to my bare breasts. They surround the scales where my nipples once lay and pinch; leaving me to cry out with pleasure before I surrender.
“Okay master, give me a minute.” I concede, looking into his black eyes, the abyss staring back at me. His thin, pale lips twist into a wide and wicked smile. I close my eyes slowly as I hang from the chains that are nailed to the sheer, cold rock face that makes up the cavern wall. I’m helpless to his whim, his touch and his malice which consumes me. I stare, deep into the depths of time, travelling to another place, another world: my sisters’ memories. Then the black fog rolls back and I see it, I hear it, I feel it surround me: the vision.
“It wasn’t just the fact that my mother married a man I despise and became this weak, helpless creature I barely recognise, Orion. It was the fact that she let him consume my life as well.” The blonde ringlets on the girl’s head shake, as she moves her head from side to side in disappointment. My brother places his arm around her bare shoulder, listening and comforting like any good lover should. The girl continues to whine about her petty human problems.
“I just don’t belong in their family. It’s not my own Orion; I can’t trust my mom to keep my secrets from Carl. I can’t talk to Carl about anything. I’m pretty sure that as much as I love my friends, they’re different than me. They wouldn’t want to hear about this stuff as it is just far too depressing. They don’t understand; they all have these happy families and love talking about boys and fashion. The person I guess I’m closest to is my little sister. And then there’s you …” oh God, mushy romantic crap. I feel my stomach heave as I watch the girl’s eyes fill with moonbeams and all that other star crossed lover bullshit. I inhale deeply, watching the two of them sitting in the sand under the moon and decide I’ve seen enough. I regress backward, allowing the fog to roll back in before opening my eyes.
“What did you see?” Titus demands, his black eyes as empty as always. No moonbeams, no star-crossed lovers crap, just the way I like it. I decide to try my luck; I bat my eyelashes, push out my chest, and smile slyly.
“I don’t know; what do I get?” I ask pouting. His rage bubbles over, as I knew it would, he holds out his long fingered hand flat behind him and grabs the pearled whip that I so favour which is resting against a rock central to the cavern.
“You’ll get a lashing and nothing else.” He dares me to challenge him with his stare and I know better than to try bargaining for more pleasures.
“I saw her, the initiator in the prophecy, the one we need to turn. She was with my brother funnily enough. But she’s too hesitant; she’s not open to his love. We should intervene; try to turn her before she has his full protection. This might be our last opportunity,” I finish. I feel my impatience grow as I look at my lover from head to tail. My chest heaves in anticipation of his touch.
He glides forward, black eyes so intense I feel he may slit my throat just for the fun of watching my blood plume downward over my breasts.
“Very good my darling … now go, move her along. I want her turned. She’s the first in a hundred years and she must be ours! You know a destined soul like hers is hard to find, and even harder to defeat once the darkness has consumed it. I want her swallowed whole from the very beginning. Not to mention it’ll make your brother miserable! If you do your job right there will be many pleasures in store for you.” He runs a nail down my jaw line before wrapping his lips around my neck and grazing the top of my skin with his jagged teeth. I groan as he reaches up and releases me from my shackles. I drop through the dark waters and slide through the room, heading to the exit of the cavern at full pace before he calls after me and I turn to look over my shoulder.
“Oh and Azure … Take Caedes with you. You only have until the next full moon to snag that bright eyed, blonde haired child and he may come in useful.” I sigh, as if I need that psychopath tagging along, but rather than argue, I nod and turn away from Titus. I hear him as he begins to sharpen the black and violet trident he has picked up from the cavern floor against a flint with a merciless laugh. I move into the darkness of the deep water, thinking about what is to come and praying that one day my brother will forgive me.
CALLIE
“Get in here!” She practically yells it but then I think I see a flicker of recognition behind her eyes. She remembers that her youngest is sleeping upstairs.
“What is it? What do you want?” I ask her.
“What do I want? It’s funny … you asking like that when you never gave a damn before.”
“That’s not true.” I take deep breaths, slowly putting one foot in front of the other, still dressed in last night’s corset and short skirt.
“Yes. It is. Don’t fool yourself Callie. The only person you care about in this world is yourself.” My mind fogs over with a red mist, blood racing around my body and flushing my face.
“That isn’t true.” I repeat the words again but I wonder about their legitimacy.
“I gave up so much for you. Why did you turn out this way? What did I do wrong?” My mom isn’t yelling anymore, or talking to me. She’s muttering to herself as I step through the kitchen doorway.
“You didn’t do anything. This is all because Carl …” I start to speak but she’s on her feet before the last words slip off my tongue.
“DON’T – YOU – DARE- SAY HIS NAME TO ME.” her voice is getting gradually louder again. I feel like shrinking away from the fight, running to my room like I always do. I don’t, but only because, for the first time in a while, I get the feeling
that she’d follow me. Her eyes are wild with a fire that had been dimming for years, her hair is unruly, tangled and out of control, returning to the curls that she straightened day in day and day out. Carl didn’t like curly hair.
“Why the hell not? He’s the jerk who left us mom. He’s the bastard that did this to us.” I spit the words out.
“No, Callie! YOU did this to us. After your father … I said I wouldn’t do this again. I said I wouldn’t be a single mother again. It nearly KILLED me raising you. And this is how you repay me?” She is on her feet, hands down on the kitchen table, baring her weight forward as her mouth turns into a snarl of disgust.
“I’m sorry … I didn’t mean to be such a disappointment.” I utter the words aloud and try to sound angry, but my resolve is breaking. The tears are threatening to fall as the woman who I once thought of as strong, crumbles under the weight of what a man has done to her. It breaks my heart.
“I didn’t raise you to be this way … I didn’t raise you to dress like a slut and sneak out to God knows where, doing God knows what with God knows who.”
“I’m sorry.” I relinquish, not wanting to stand and take her venom anymore. It was starting to eat at my heart, making it sputter and falter.
“I don’t care. I don’t care if you’re sorry.” She sneers mocking my tone.
“Mom please …” I beg her, yielding.
“You’re so much like your father, Callie. Reckless, stubborn, arrogant, and above all else: a liar.” She looks like she might cry now and I find a second wind of confidence.
“You know … I think that makes me just like you.”
“What did you just say to me?” My mother looks up at me, her eyes are watery and her brow furrows with anger.
“I said … I think that makes me like you. You’re the one who lied to me about him being dead after all. My father has never lied to me.” I say it again, straightening my aching spine and looking at her right in the eye.
“What would you know about him?” She bites and I retort instantly.
“Nothing. Because that’s how you chose to make it.”
“You know Callie …”
“NO.” I put my hand up. “You know what I know? I know you need to get yourself together. You may not want me as your daughter. But you still have a little girl upstairs who needs you.”
“You didn’t think about what Kayla needed when you pulled your little stunt though, did you?” She cuts me with this. I feel myself back down again. Lost.
“Yeah I thought you might not have a quirky response to that one. Because of you, Callie, she doesn’t have a father. Because of you she doesn’t have a family.”
“You’re wrong. She has me and you.” I remind her as I shift on my feet uncomfortably.
“You’re right Callie. She does have me. As for you. I’m done. I don’t need you ruining anything else for her. I can’t have you around her.”
“What are you saying?” I feel fear and bile rise within me again.
“As of this moment Callie, this may be your house. But we can’t be your family.”
“Mom please! You’re overreacting! You’re just exhausted. You’re not thinking clearly.” I stumble over myself.
“No, Callie. You know, I think for the first time I AM thinking clearly. I see perfectly now how things have to be. And that picture doesn’t have you in it.”
“What are you saying?” I repeat the phrase again.
“I’m taking Kayla away tomorrow, to stay with family.” She breathes. “The card for your trust fund is on the living room table.”
“You’re leaving?” I ask her, horror obvious in my expression.
“Yes.”
“When are you coming back?” I ask her on the verge of tears now.
“I don’t know, Callie. I just don’t know.”
“Mommy.” I gasp the guttural sound as I feel the first tear fall down my cheek. My mom walks past me without a word, leaving me standing alone in the kitchen as the sun breaks over the horizon, opening a new dawn on my own personal hell.
I’m sat on the chair, which my mother left untucked from the table, looking at my feet. I can hear stirring upstairs but I can’t quite bring myself to think about what that stirring means. It means they’re packing. Packing to leave me. I think back over the argument between my mom and I. Was she really right in blaming me? I mean Carl had abandoned them. Not me. Was it really my fault that he’d left? Or was it just an excuse he’d thrown at my mom because he couldn’t come up with a better one. No. I muse, surely it had been my running away, making my mom sick with worry and his having to deal with her that had caused him to leave. But what about Kayla? Why would you leave your only daughter because of someone else? Was there a reason good enough for that kind of abandonment? Maybe he was scared I was going to lead her down the same path. Teach her to hate him like I did. Maybe he left because he would rather be rid of us than watch his own daughter have her fantasies about her dad poisoned by me.
I put my head in my hands as my ringlets fall around my ears and I find myself wishing Orion was here so badly I could scream. I don’t just need someone, I need him. He would understand, I think to myself. Maybe if I explained he could give me some kind of explanation, something to relieve the guilt that’s eating me alive. I didn’t know my Mom could make me feel so awful. I’d always known the step-monster had the power to make my life difficult, but with my Mom it was worse, so much worse. It was like having someone stab me, turn the knife slowly in the wound and then rip out my guts and show them to me. She knew me. She’s raised me. And now I know she had the power to destroy me. More power than any man I’d ever known.
I hear the tiny footsteps and my heart whimpers, palpitating weakly in my ribcage. I hear my mother’s voice speaking to Kayla.
“Go and say goodbye to your sister.” She orders and Kayla comes padding through to the kitchen holding her three most favourite teddies.
“Callie … mommy says I have to say goodbye.”
“Okay, come here munchkin.” I say, holding out my arms to her. She walks up to me and wraps her chubby arms around my neck. I bury my face in her hair and inhale. She still smells like cookie dough. I feel a tear run down my cheek.
“Why are you crying?” She asks and I wipe my face, putting a pained fake smile on.
“I’m okay, I’m just gonna miss you.” I say truthfully and she looks worried, a small crease appearing in the flawless skin of her forehead.
“I love you.” I say to her and I hug her once more. She turns to leave and I call after her, my voice breaking as I stand up to follow her. I see my mom at the end of the hall as Kayla returns to her side, suitcases packed around her.
“See you later Kaylagator.”
“In a while Calliedile!” she calls back with a giggle as she disappears out of the door which my mom holds open for her.
I hear the door close behind them as they leave together, my mom not bothering to say goodbye. I hear them get into the taxi and then I hear it drive away. Then I hear nothing as silence engulfs the house. The silence falls heavy like lead. I burst into tears, dropping to the kitchen floor in a heap letting my despair engulf me and the emptiness I feel consume.
The next few weeks pass slowly, it’s as though my heart has become a steady, monochromatic instrument of numb torture. I wake, I eat, and I dream of Orion’s icy blue eyes. I avoid thoughts of my mother, I sit silently at school, I pace the beach wistfully longing for Orion’s return and hearing the ocean’s seductive call. I return home, I eat, I avoid thoughts of Kayla, and I sleep. It goes on like this for weeks as I wander the empty rooms, looking into the empty closets and over made bedspreads. The house is silent and I can’t bear to listen to music anymore meaning I am alone, utterly alone, with my own thoughts. Did I bring this upon them? Did I ruin my sister’s life? Did I destroy her family? These are the questions I ask myself each day, every day, as I lie awake all night and I sit silently at lunch while my friends chat about unimportant rubbis
h.
I wait each day until the bell rings at three o’clock and then I rush to my vintage, drive the twenty miles to the beach, and sit in the spot where I formed the connection with Orion, where he touched me and where I melted when things were good. I need him now more than ever when the phrase I don’t belong to anyone, has never been more accurate. I feel myself craving Orion’s affection more with each passing, silent minute. I wake from dreams of him being next to me and my heart plummets as I’m brought back to the fact that he isn’t lying next to me underneath my sheets.
The sky is overcast as I sit in French class, looking out the window and asking myself that question again. It’s been three weeks since Carl left my mom and Kayla. Since mom and Kayla left me too. My life in solitude has engulfed me and even when I’m around my friends, I’m not really there but rather internalising, waiting for Orion’s return before I breakdown. Mollie and Chloe are sitting next to me and they’re whispering, though I’m pretending not to notice. Are they talking about me? Probably, but I am somehow unable to summon the energy to care.
I sit through the hour, barely writing anything down on the blank piece of paper in front of me. It’s white and reminds me of the moon the last time I saw Orion. I hold onto his memory: that is the only way I can stand through the silence of each day. The promise of his return is what drives me each afternoon to the beach, to become lost in the mysterious song of the sea once more. Am I crazy? Perhaps … but if I am crazy then it is not unwanted insanity, but rather welcomed like an old friend. This loneliness that has consumed me, even while surrounded by people, has made me even more determined that I must be with Orion, that I must take the risk. Anything, even his betrayal, would be better than this numbness as it would mean that I had felt his love to begin with. The bell rings as I am in wistful imaginings of Orion’s embrace once again: Strange how my cravings are no longer sexual, but for a deeper kind of company. As I ponder this, Mrs. Belle stops me in my tracks. Oh God, another lecture.
The Kiss That Killed Me (The Tidal Kiss Trilogy Book 1) Page 8