by TJWEST
“What? Pregnant?”
“Matt, please,” I begged, “let me just get this out and over with, okay?” I could tell this was killing him, but I had to get this out. “This was a complete surprise to me too because Xaiver and I weren't intimate as much, due to his drinking and being out all night, but that doesn't mean I wasn't happy about it. I was actually very happy about it. I thought this could change Xaiver - change his ways with his drinking, but it didn't. I even threatened moving back to the states to raise our baby on my own - of course I never did that. He disappeared the night I told him about the baby; first it was a week then the week turning into two weeks and then into months. His mom couldn't give me excuses anymore. She got worried and phoned inside sources to help find him. We were told he had been staying at some hotel, being seen with multiple women, and gambling at different casinos every night. He eventually stopped showing up at work.”
I felt my voice become weaker, softer as I drifted through my horrid memory. “I was four 1/2 months pregnant when I lost my baby.” My vision became blurry once I finally spilled my deepest scar. “This….this is so hard to talk about - the hardest part.” I began to sob uncontrollably, covering my eyes with my hands. The pain was still too fresh in my mind, but telling Matt was beginning to heal my wounds.
I felt the warmth of Matt’s chest as he wrapped his strong arms around my shaking body - his protectiveness felt glorious. I could hear Matt choke back his tears when he spoke to me. “Marty...babe. You don’t have to say anymore. I can’t let you talk about this if you’re not ready - I’m so, so sorry, baby.”
My crying eventually subsided. Matt handed me a tissue; dabbing my eyes, and my nose I shook my head. “No. I need to tell you.” I sternly uttered.
Matt sighed and whispered, “Yeah. Okay.” He clenched his jaw as he let me continue with my story.
“I hadn't seen or heard from Xaiver since I told him about the baby. I thought he was gone for good and was starting to make plans to divorce him. His mother tried everything she could to stop me from doing that. She said he would come back, but of course she was in denial. One night, after I had a late evening reviewing my latest photo shoot proofs, my house was broken into. I was in bed, but didn't hear anything; the house was so big you couldn't hear things from upstairs. I hadn't set the house alarm either, so, ” I clear my throat. “I was awoken by three men; I couldn't tell who they were, I just knew they were very tall and big from their dark shadows in the moonlight.” My heart beat was escalating from reminiscing my wicked past. “I could see one of the men holding my husband. He was beaten - badly. I couldn't remember if I had screamed or not because the next thing I knew I was being dragged out of bed and beaten in the stomach…. by a baseball bat.” I heard Matt gasp. “They fucked up my face with their fists - beat me in the stomach with a bat…... I was left to die - I sure as hell thought I was going to die…...my unborn baby was beaten to death…. I was going to die too.” I had a strained whisper, tears flowing down my cheeks while I tried to finish my nightmare. “I had visions of being in the ambulance, visions of being in the ER - hearing the doctors and nurses giving orders. I sometimes didn't know where I was; hallucinating that you were there.” I slowly brought my head up and gazed at Matt; his eyes were glazed over with tears. I continued staring at him as I pressed on. “I was dreaming that you and I were together underneath our tree, laughing, being together. It felt so real - but the pain. There was so much pain.” I paused. “two surgeries and three days after I was beaten, my parents were there when I had woken up. They briefly told me about my surgeries and how my face wouldn’t have any scars, but I wasn’t concerned about that. I wanted to know about my baby. Words weren’t even necessary. My.....my baby boy was dead.” My voice trailed. Finished - feeling numb, weightless. My God awful story was finally over, but the tears kept coming.
Even though Matt knew how fucked up I was he gently surrounded his body with mine - holding me tight. Why was he still here? Holding me? Making me feel safe?
I felt drained, exhausted, relieved and just wanted to sleep. I closed my eyes and drifted off.
CHAPTER 16
MARTY
I wake up, still in Matt's arms. I hear his deep breathing. He must have fallen asleep too. I lift my head from his chest. I stare at his beautiful, perfect face. How did I get so lucky after all these years? The minute we first kissed I knew I was a goner. I said I was going to stay clear of my feelings but those feelings were way too strong.
But how can I make him happy? He deserves someone who is a happy, carefree, undamaged person. I am so not any of those. I'm pathetic. I'm boring. I have no personality worth shit. I still haven't found my way into this world after coming back from Europe. I still have so much to work on even though I don't go to therapy as often. After this fallout with Matt maybe I should consider going back to therapy. I mean, it did help opening up to Matt, but now what? What do we do next? I can't stay unhappy because he makes me happy. Being with him has opened up my heart again. He's brought new life back into me. I just hope I can regain who I once was before my attack. Before I lost my unborn boy. Before I met Xaiver.
Matt stirrs as I give him a kiss. He opens his eyes. Those gorgeous blue-gray eyes. He looks at me. I smile. He smiles back.
“Glad to see you smile, baby.” He cups my cheek.
“You make me want to smile.” I say.
Matt pushes himself up from laying down, takes a big yawn and says, “I didn't expect to fall asleep.”
I scoot myself closer to him, putting my head on his shoulder. We link hands. “Thank you for being here, for taking care of me. I'm not sure how I ever deserved you -”
“Hey.” Matt snaps. He shifts his body so he can be facing me. He shocks me by being upset.
“I'm not sure what makes you think you don't deserve someone who wants to take care of you and who wants nothing more but to love you. What you went through is something that should never have happened.” His voice rises. “Those sick fucks beating you to a pulp and murdering your unborn baby makes me beyond furious. I'm beyond hurting for you and it sickens me I don't know what to do! You almost got murdered, Marty. Murdered for that goddamned husband of yours, and for what? For being his wife? For carrying his baby? My God it's fucking insane! And for you to say you don't deserve me is fucking twisted.” He gently grabs my face, caressing my cheeks and lowers his voice, “Baby, I will say this again and will not say it lightly. I love you. I love you so fucking much my heart is going to explode. I have loved you since the day you gave me a tour of our high school. You were the only one who ever really gave a damn about me and that made me fall in love with you even more. I gave you my heart all those years ago and I continue to give it to you today. Right here, right now. I will never stop loving you so please let me take care of you. Let me be the one who helps you through your pain because baby, your pain is now my pain. It breaks my heart that you had to go through that torture. I don't ever want you to feel that pain again. Not ever, Marty.”
Oh, my God.
I have no idea how to respond to what he just said so I grab him and hug him close. He hugs me back ever so tightly and it feels so damn good. I feel I can finally breathe again. “I love you too.” I whisper back.
*****
After all the craziness that went on today I suddenly realized that I hadn't eaten all day so Matt ordered us some chinese. I was starving. While waiting for our dinner Matt made us a salad. I vowed on not having any wine tonight. I settled on a diet coke instead.
I knew I needed to open that envelope. Matt hasn't reminded me because he knew it already. It was such an emotional day, I wasn't ready to open it, but I wasn't going to forget about it.
While eating dinner I told Matt more of 'that night.' Our housekeeper was the one who found me and Xaiver. She had been awake and heard the muffled commotion from the kitchen - our bedroom was above the kitchen - She was terrified, called the police, but they didn't get to us in time before the men had gone; unf
ortunately they were never able to catch them. Xaiver was in intensive care for over a week. He was beaten in the face and lost sight in his right eye. I, on the other hand, have not seen him since that horrific night. I also told Matt that my parents hired a lawyer to help settle our divorce case. I never had to see him. Ever again.
*****
MATT
She's under me. Her legs wrapped around my waist, hands stroking my back, tits rubbing against my chest. I have one hand on her headboard and the other behind her head. She's panting, moaning. I fucking love hearing her moan in pleasure - the pleasure I give her. We look into each others eyes and feel the love we have for one another. I take her mouth into mine for a deep tongue lashing. Her mouth is so sweet. Her tongue is so hot. I feel her body move faster. I move faster. Our mouths come apart. I take my hand off the head board and rub my thumb over her clit. That drives her insane and makes me pump her even faster. Her fingernails dig deep into my back and that's when I know she's on the brink of an orgasm.
“Yes, baby, come for me.” I said in a pant.
She responds very well with my touch, with my words and gives me her powerful compulsion, which leads me into my own compulsion.
Beautiful.
She goes into the bathroom to clean up. I stare up at the ceiling thinking how fucking lucky I am that I found Marty again. All these years of loneliness and then Wham! I don't feel lonely anymore.
Marty grabs a pair of panties and picks up my t-shirt from the floor, puts it on (which is the sexiest thing I've ever seen) and snuggles in between the sheets with me. She puts her head on my chest and I wrap my arms around her. I kiss the top of her head. She whispers, “I love you”. The sweetest words I could ever hear. I squeeze her and repeat those words back. I'm able to fall asleep as well as Marty.
Beautiful.
*****
MARTY
Matt took me out to breakfast the next morning. I insisted he go to the shop today, persuading him I would be okay. The truth was, I would be okay. Re-living that nightmare was God awful, but having it out in the open now is such a relief. I am more content and ready to move forward.
Nothing in that envelope could be any worse then what happened to me and my baby. The worst is finally over.
When I get home I go straight for my desk. I sit down and open the drawer. I stare at the envelope for a minute and rip the sealed flap. I took out what looked like some forms. One form was stating the death of Xaiver Bellefleur.
Holy shit.
It stated he was gunned down in a private, illegal casino party; not paying his debts
Oh, my God.
Still in shock I glanced at the next form; Xaiver left me his property and plenty of money to last me for a life time. I couldn’t believe this!
Shit!
I instantly called my lawyer first, before I told Matt. She advised me to fax all the documents and would get back to me after she looked them over. I couldn’t believe Xaiver was dead - actually, I could believe he was dead. Apparently he hadn't learned any lessons from our previous beating. It made me so sad knowing he couldn't get help. Yes, I actually do have a heart. I didn't want him dead. He got me nearly killed and got our baby killed but him getting murdered was not what I had wanted. I wanted him to pay for what happened to me and our son, but being killed? No. I didn't want that. I'm not sure how he dealt with what happened to me. Maybe the gambling got worse because of what happened? I'll never know.
I was thinking I should call Yvette. I may have disliked her for defending Xaiver's actions, but she didn't deserve her son being killed. This was her only child. Her only son. Something I could relate to even though I had never met mine.
I decided to wait until my lawyer got back to me to call her. Instead, I called my parents. I filled them in about Matt and how we were back together again. They couldn’t have been more thrilled for me. My mom said she always had a soft spot for him and had been sad to see him leave. Knowing we had found one another again, gave my parents comfort. After an hour of discussing Matt, I told them the news about Xiaver; they felt really bad about the whole situation but they never felt any love for Xaiver. After what happened to me and their grandchild they couldn't get past the hatred they felt for him. Like me, they felt sadness for Yvette.
I needed to see Matt. I jumped in my Porsche and made my way over to Limbo Guitars.
“Well hey there, pretty lady!” Chuck happily said to me as I walked through the shops door.
He came my way and gave me a big bear hug. I certainly didn't expect this sort of welcome. It felt good so I hugged him back. “Hi, Chuck. Is Matt available?”
“For you? Always. He's in the office.”
“Thanks.” I smiled and walked toward the back.
Mitch was working on one of the guitars, looking intense, focused and had his earbuds in listening to his ipod. He noticed me as I got closer to him. He took his earbuds out and said smiling, “Hey, what's up?”
I smiled at him, “Hi, Mitch. How's it going?”
“Busy. Just workin' my ass off everyday.”
“Well, you're doing a beautiful job on that guitar. I love it.”
“Thanks. I love what I do.”
“That's wonderful. I can definitely tell you love it. Sooo, okay, well, I'm going to see Matt. I'll see
ya.”
“Later.” He said back, put his earbuds in and continued to work.
I knock on Matt's door. “Yeah.” He says. Just from that word I could tell he was deep into whatever he was working on. He looks up at me when I enter and smiles. A heart melting smile. “Babe.” He gets up from his chair and straight into my arms. “My God, you don't know how much you being here makes my day.” He pushes the door shut with his foot and leans my back against it. He takes me in for a deep, hot kiss.
Yum.
My hands go straight for his hair. His hands go straight for my ass. He grabs and squeezes it, then moves up my blouse, rubbing and squeezing my back.
Feels so damn good.
Up on my tippy toes with delight, I tighten my hold on his hair. He groans and brings his watering lips to my throat.
God that tongue!
Back to my mouth he goes. The kiss slows down. He pulls away from my lips. Our breathing had escalated during that kiss. I wanted more, but it wasn't the right place, or time to get naked.
“Wow.” I said breathlessly. “I should visit more often.”
“Fuck, yeah.” He said breathlessly back.
I clear my throat, straighten myself back to semi normal and lead Matt to the couch. We both sit close together. Matt brings his arm around my shoulders as I turn towards him.
“I opened that envelope.” I begin.
Matt sucks in a small amount of breath, nodding his head. “Oh, okay, good. What was inside?”
I blurt,“Xaiver's dead.” Pausing. “He was killed. Gunned down at some illegal casino. He was involved with some bad debts and whoever these guys were killed him because he didn't repay them. It's pretty scary and awful. I feel so bad for his mother. We weren't on the best of terms, but no way would I want that for her. It's so sad.”
“Fuck. Do you know if these were the same assholes who hurt you?”
Shaking my head, “I have no idea and don't really care. I'm just so sad that his life ended that way and couldn't get help for his addiction, ya know? He may have hurt me but, I didn't want him dead, Matt.”
Shaking his head, Matt disagreed. “I'm sorry babe, but he deserved it. He fucking almost got
you killed! You were beaten because of his addiction! That dickwad’s selfishness almost took you from me! So, I can't be sorry for him. I just can't. I may feel pity for his mom, but no fucking way will I ever feel bad for him. That may not make me a better man, but that's just the way it is. I hope you get it.”
I listened and understood. “I do understand, honey. I don't blame you. Believe me when I say that you are a better man, okay? And I love you so much.”
“I love you too, ba
be. So, fucking much.”
He gives me a light, sweet kiss. Another melter.
“Oh, another thing. There was another document about Xaiver leaving me some property and money. Lots of money. I faxed everything over to my lawyer and she's going to take a look at it and get back to me.”
“How much money are we talking about?”
“Close to ten million.”
“Fucking hell.” Matt whispers.
“I know. I don't know what to do about it. We've been divorced for over a year so I wouldn't see why I would get anything else besides what he gave me after everything was settled. Plus the property. I really don't want it. The property is where his house is.”
“Maybe he had all this set up in his will?”
I nod. “That's possible, but you'd think he would have changed his will after our divorce. I don't
know, I just know I don't want any of his stuff. It means nothing to me.”
“What about donating?”
“Yeah, I was thinking of that - maybe set up a foundation for those who have lost their child, loved one?”
Matt smiled with sincere affection. “I think that’s a great idea.” He leaned in, giving me a kiss. “You wanna grab some lunch? Go to Reds?” He asked.
Shaking my head, I say, “I don't know, I'm not feeling so great. Must be from breakfast or something.”
“Damn, I'm sorry babe. Why don't you head home and I'll see you there later? I can pick up some soup for ya?”
“Sure, that sounds good.”We give each other another sweet, deep kiss, and I head home.
CHAPTER 17
MARTY
That evening Matt brought home the soup, just like he told me he would. I had a sandwich earlier in the day, which was fine, but it didn't help my stomach any. It felt like there was a pit of nothing inside. Kind of a gross feeling, if you ask me. The soup was tasty though. I felt a bit better after I finished my bowl.