by Lee Roland
“Michael, I’ve known you only a few days. I’ve seen what you are. I want you, but if you ever try to control me, I’ll die fighting.”
He chuckled wryly. “I seem to be doomed to desire independent women.”
I thought of Cassandra and felt a twinge of jealousy. As if he read my mind, he leaned in to brush his lips across mine.
I pulled back. “There’s something you need to know. About me.”
“And that is?”
I swallowed and bit my lip like a kid. “I was seventeen when my mom and dad died. After that, I was in jail and I never . . .” I couldn’t say the word virgin.
“You’ve never had sex before.” He laughed softly.
“It’s not funny.” Then, inexplicably, I started to laugh. “I’ve pretended to be a prostitute. I’ve seen people have sex. I’m not shy or afraid. I’m athletic and you probably wouldn’t know the difference—physically. But in other ways . . . I guess after all I’ve been through, it is amusing. I just didn’t want to surprise you.”
“We can wait, if you’d like,” he whispered against my neck.
“No. I’ve waited long enough.”
He brought his lips back to mine. “I love you.”
My heart filled. Part of me wanted to return his words. That same part knew I wasn’t free to commit until I located the Portal. Good excuse anyway. He didn’t frighten me.
Love did.
Chapter 29
Once in the elevator that led from the garage to his apartment, he pushed me up against the wall and kissed me. His mouth was hot and warm, demanding, and I wanted to grind my body against his. I gripped his shoulders. I am not a petite woman, but I felt small beside him. I’d never had such a kiss. My knees went weak and I had to cling to him to keep from collapsing. I had never felt such primal attraction to a man and I wanted him with an intensity that terrified me.
I barely felt the elevator move, didn’t know it had until he urged me out and into a room filled with red and gold, like his father’s place. There were plush couches and chairs scattered everywhere. Not that I had time to admire the furniture. He drew me away and into a bedroom with a massive platform bed. Purest white, it sat in the middle of a sea of pearl carpet. I had never dreamed of the first place I’d have sex. Now I would lose my virginity, if not my innocence, to a half man, half . . . what? I couldn’t bring myself to call him a Drow. I shivered. When he kissed me, it didn’t matter what he was. This was my man.
I gasped as Michael scooped me up in his arms and carried me to the bed, set me down, then dropped to his knees beside me. He wrapped his arms around my waist and buried his face against my throat.
“Do you know how hard it’s been to watch you walk away from me each time, not knowing if you would return?” His voice was husky, as if he uttered his deepest secret—or sorrow. “Knowing how strong you are but knowing, too, how much evil there is in the Barrows?”
I touched his face, brushing his corn-silk hair, smoothing the fine wrinkles on his brow. I wanted him to understand. I needed him to understand.
“If you hadn’t given me space, I wouldn’t be here now.” These were the truest words I could speak.
Flames rose in each of us. Driven by desire, each with our own needs, we couldn’t undress fast enough. Wild, uncontrolled, we tore at each other’s clothing until we found bare skin to kiss and caress. The heat of him burned my skin as I fell into the oldest and most primitive longing.
As the last of our clothing fell away, the connection to him I’d felt the first time I saw him flared and I felt what I’d been denied before—passion, desire, desperate need.
“No one else could give me what you offer.” He spoke in a low voice, deep with emotion. “You make me feel like a man, not a beast.” He drew me closer. His breath caressed my skin as he left a line of kisses down my body. His skillful hands played along me, touched me, sent me shivering out of control. He was a master of seduction. Everywhere he touched, he sent shock waves of pleasure over me.
When he moved over me, I spread my legs to welcome him. He stopped. “If I hurt you, I’ll stop.”
I didn’t want him to stop. My whole body ached to have him inside of me. There was no pain. Nothing in my life prepared me for the searing intimacy and the silken slide of flesh into flesh. The sensation blinded me and the room ceased to exist. I clung to his shoulders and arched my back to meet him. I licked and bit his skin. He tasted so hot and male. I slid my fingers in that flowing hair. I strained against him, couldn’t get enough of him. My sudden, unexpected loss of control frightened me, but I soon forgot it as ripples of pleasure rolled through me until . . . I cried out when that final wave struck.
When I came to myself again, my lungs gasped for breath and my body trembled. I’d touched myself before, though only occasionally. I knew my body and gained minor pleasure from it. It was relief from stress, from sorrow. This was something different. Even the slow easing of our breathing in the aftermath seemed to consume me. He trembled, too, but I could feel him, still hard, apparently holding back. I realized that he had withheld his release to protect me. He had not wished to shift into his other form, to hurt me, to frighten me. Part of me warmed at his kindness and generosity. That part warred with dismay at his ability to control his own body when I could not.
He rolled off of me. A gentle hand slid from my cheek, across my breast, and stilled on my stomach. I shivered when his finger circled my navel.
I turned and touched him then. My fingers explored his body and I tasted the salty sweetness of his skin. My hand closed over the part of him that pleased me so much. He groaned. Half human? No, this was a man.
I rolled over to straddle him and let that magnificent erection slide into the slick wetness of my sheath. His body arched, golden and glorious, below me. His eyes glowed, blue as the daytime sky. I caught his hands. They were ordinary hands, not the clawed things he’d shown me the other day. I kissed his fingers, then held his palms against my breasts as I moved slowly, wanting to draw things out for him. I could feel the orgasm building in him, feel it in the tension of his whole body as he began to move with me. It was easy enough to remember the way he looked after the attack at the Archangel. I waited for him to change shape as he’d told me he would. I waited for him to lose control.
His breath grew ragged and he closed his eyes. I was untrained in the art of lovemaking, so I kept my movements slow and steady. Pleasure rose in me again, but I had no time to build to a climax before he gasped and his arms dragged me down toward him. His mouth locked on mine and his body jerked. He shook, eyes closed, and it was all I could do to hang on until the waves of pleasure within him subsided. He groaned when I slid off of him. I sat by him and waited. When he opened his eyes, I frowned and said, “You didn’t change.”
He laughed. He tried to push himself up, collapsed, and continued laughing, breathlessly. When he stopped, I laid across him, my face against his throat.
“No, my love. For the first time in my life, making love, I didn’t change. I guess it’s you. You make me human.”
I didn’t know what to say. I was overwhelmed by the idea of it. I made Michael, the beautiful angel with a dark side, feel human.
We didn’t sleep. We made love again, slowly, more completely. When sunlight spread through the room from windows above, we rose and showered and made love a fourth time. He easily held me as I wrapped my legs around his waist and the warm water flowed over us. There was an advantage to loving a very strong man.
“Will you stay with me?” Michael asked as we dressed.
“Eventually. But I have only two days to find the Portal. I’m close to finding the killer. I know it.” A sense of unease, maybe guilt, flowed through me. I’d just had the experience of a lifetime, and I couldn’t tell the man who gave it to me that I’d commit myself to him. As wonderful as the night was, it hadn’t changed me in deeper ways—or the way I felt about him. I wanted him, but I couldn’t do anything until I fulfilled my mission. It wasn’t j
ust about vengeance. I needed to free myself from the bonds of this curse before I could wrap my mind around . . . whatever this was.
“Okay.” He hesitated as he spoke. “I’ll wait for you.” We kissed for a long time before I left. Everything swirled in my mind. Perhaps the simple existence at Justice had prepared me to fight, to kill, but not for the complexities of life outside its walls.
Chapter 30
June 24
Michael didn’t ask where I was going, but I could tell he wanted to. I wanted to get out of the Barrows and think for a while. I wanted to do something different. I waited at the bus stop, and when the bus pulled up, the door opened to reveal my friend Jim. “Hey, girl. Where you headed?”
“Hey, Jim. Headed uptown.” I climbed on.
Jim had worked a double run and was off shift at eight. I rode with him until he left the bus at the transfer station for another driver and offered to buy me breakfast. We walked down a tree-lined side street to a little diner with stools at the counter and a row of booths along the front. A beguiling fragrance drifted through the pass-through to the kitchen.
“How are you getting along?” Jim asked, after the waitress brought us coffee and we gave our orders.
“Still looking for my man. Have you seen him again?” I asked. “The one in the photo?”
“I saw him yesterday, about noon. On the street. He was hanging out close to the Den. He’s not going anywhere, if you ask me. This place is the end. Most never get out—including me.”
“Where would you like to go?” I asked between sips of coffee.
“Maybe to a beach.” Jim grinned. “Long as it was close to a VA hospital.”
I decided to ask Michael if he needed a chauffeur. It had to pay better than the city transit system, and might be safer. We laughed a lot, and when two other transit drivers came in, Jim introduced me like a daughter home from college. He made me feel like family. Jim told me about two stores I could walk to that might have good clothes.
* * *
After breakfast I bought a basic, well-fitted black suit with a jacket that would cover the gun and knives. The jacket had inside pockets to hold ammo. I matched it with a silky pale blue shirt, one that matched my eyes. The shirt had a V-neck, fancier than the button-up, but the jacket would keep it from being too sexy. Nicely tailored pants, also with good pockets, and killer black leather ankle boots made the outfit just right for a bouncer.
I caught the bus again and arrived at Harry’s at noon. I carried my new clothes to my room. Then I walked into Tony’s Grocery Store, two buildings south of Harry’s, where I’d purchased the sandwich meat and steaks. It served the small community with the basics.
Tony, the owner, was gray haired and tired, but friendly enough. He’d seen me, of course, but we hadn’t spoken. I needed something special from him, though, and managed to get him talking about himself: retired, put too much of his retirement savings into the store, barely getting by, unable to sell the business and get out. He had no problem with my request for wholesale boxes of veggies and cases of chicken. He had a truck and would deliver the goods where I wanted, but then he surprised me.
Tony glanced around the store. There were no other customers. “It’s for them things. The ones who live out there.”
I nodded. It didn’t surprise me. People in this place always seemed to know more than they let on. What a mystery. Hildy feared these Drows, and yet other people seemed to accept them as part of the neighborhood. My own experience was, of course, mixed.
“I’ll take care of it,” he said. “When I have it, I leave clean stuff outside by the Dumpsters. I just don’t make much money here. Try not to have too much waste.”
“You know they won’t hurt you?”
“I know. They take care of those filthy Bastos.” He grinned and his tired eyes came to life.
It seemed that Tony was more in touch with the Barrows than Hildy. I smiled back. “They do indeed.”
They called the Barrows a place of evil. It was. And yet I had found much good here, too. It seemed to be the perfect battleground between chaos and order.
I did purchase some sandwich meat for Spot and Grace. Spot sulked a bit, but then he ate when I told him I couldn’t afford steak every day. I changed into fresh jeans and a shirt. Spot was gone when I came out of the bathroom. I went down and paid Harry for another week. After I paid Harry, I crossed the street to the pawnshop. I needed to talk to the Sisters about finding my man.
As I started to open the door, Spot landed on my shoulder, almost knocking me to my knees. Oh, well. I had walked down the street with him on my shoulder the day I rescued him. What would it hurt now?
I went into Hildy’s shop.
Eunice, having taken over Hildy’s business and completely emptied the pawnshop’s main room, had placed a large practice mat on the floor. I shivered. How many times over the years had she slammed me down on one just like it?
I didn’t see Hildy. Eunice amused herself on the mat with furious push-ups. She’d forsaken her usual fatigues for shorts and a tank top. She was a woman, yes, but her relentless physical activity and substantial muscles would make a female bodybuilder proud. All solid muscle and bone, covered with a shiny sheen of sweat.
“One hundred, damn it,” Eunice muttered under her breath. She popped to her feet like a champagne cork from a bottle and spotted me.
“What the hell is that?” Eunice demanded. She planted her hands on her hips and focused on Spot.
Oops. Trouble. “My pet iguana.”
“Iguana, my ass. Fucking thing has wings.”
“Come on, Eunice. Don’t you have a pet?”
“I got a pet. Her name is Madeline. Come on, little Sister.” She beckoned me to join her. Other than the moisture on her skin, there was no tangible evidence that a hundred push-ups cost her any more effort than a stroll to the refrigerator for a beer. She wasn’t even breathing hard. “Let’s you and me go a couple of rounds, girl.”
I shook my head. I didn’t need bruises today.
“What? You leave Justice less than a week and go soft. Lazy.” She grinned, taunting me.
“I wouldn’t want to embarrass you again.”
Eunice bellowed out a laugh. “Ah, poor baby. Come on. I’ll go easy on you.”
I had my newfound speed, but if she ever got a hand on me, I’d go down. She wasn’t likely to leave me alone, though. I hadn’t practiced in days. Maybe she wouldn’t hurt me too bad.
I removed my jacket and weapons and shoes. Spot flew to the counter.
Eunice stared at him, narrow-eyed and suspicious, but she quickly turned her attention back to me. She grinned and her eyes lit up. Before I could move, she had me locked in her huge arms.
“My pet’s name is Madeline,” she shouted as she tossed me onto the mat. I landed on my back with a force that racked sharp pains up and down my spine. I rolled to my feet. “Pet abuse,” I shouted. “Someone call the Humane Society!”
She tackled me and slammed me down. Oh, it hurt. I had forgotten. Then she bounced on top of me, all two hundred and forty pounds of her. She straddled my hips and caught my wrists in her hands.
“Now,” she said. “Maybe I should steal a kiss.”
I gasped for breath. “Steal is the only way you’ll get one.” I twisted, but I couldn’t budge her. “What’s the matter, Eunice? Your little girlfriend abandon you?”
Eunice chuckled and rocked her body. I groaned as my hips protested.
“You know,” she said, “that’s the problem with some women. Too soft.”
Her weight eased and I shoved her over. She let me do it, releasing my wrists, probably sure she could get me again. I made it to my feet and found her staring at me in surprise.
“How the hell did you get that fucking fast? You were good at Justice, but . . .”
“Things change, Sister.”
She crouched and circled, then charged. I stepped out of the way in plenty of time.
“You gonna run, bitch?”
>
“Of course I am. I’m not stupid.” She charged again. Again, I stepped away.
She tried something different.
“I hear you spent the night with your pretty man.” She leered. “Is he big and blond all over, or is he just a pretty face?”
How did she know that? A picture of Michael in the shower flashed through my mind. She had, as she’d intended, distracted me. Only a fraction of a second, but that’s all it took. Eunice slammed down on top of me.
I landed butt first, and she straddled me again. It drew a painful cry from me.
“Shit, Eunice. You’re going to break something.”
“Naw, I’m a professional. I only break when I want to.”
With a flap of wings, Spot landed on her head.
She roared. She lifted her weight and threw her hands up to grab him. He flew away. I shoved her off and pushed myself to my feet.
Spot had landed on a low-hanging fluorescent light just out of her reach. He barked like a rabid Chihuahua attacking a pit bull. He danced the length of the light, wings pumping, feet stomping, furious, obviously challenging her.
“What the hell!” Eunice roared. She slapped her hand across the top of her head. Her eyes popped open. She whipped the hand down. It was smeared with green stuff.
Eunice was on her hands and knees. She gagged and heaved over the mat, her body undulating like a fish on dry land.
The odor spread. I gagged too.
Spot flew down to my shoulder. I stumbled, but managed to stay on my feet. Retreat seemed the best course of action at that point. I grabbed everything up in my arms and ran. I dodged Hildy and Lillian as I burst out the front door.
“Better wait to go in there,” I yelled at them. I trotted down the street in my socks, carrying all my possessions in my arms and Spot on my shoulder. Eunice had treated me a little better since the day I left Justice, but she still scared the shit out of me. Years of fear did not dissolve with a few kind words. I had no desire to spend the day scrubbing and deodorizing the pawnshop.