She swallowed the lump in her throat as she gazed out the window. How she wished it was that simple, like releasing a leaf on a current of wind. Maybe the reason she had come home was more than to help with Grandma Bertie or celebrate Advent and Christmas with family. Maybe her subconscious had been telling her for a while that it would be impossible for her to truly move forward in her life until she took a long, hard look at her past, and she was only just beginning to listen.
Chapter Three
Ben passed his parents’ ranch house with its sprawling lawn and turned into the Engels’ driveway, the homes in this part of Starling set further back from the road than the ones near Main Street. Where northern Vermont was covered in ice, his part of the Adirondacks had received a healthy layer of fresh snow. It made sense the Engels and his parents, like most residents here, decorated their homes with Christmas lights and wreaths over the Thanksgiving weekend. Winter came early in this part of the world.
He parked behind the Engels’ Subaru sedan and shifted into park, his SUV in line with the shoveled stone path leading to the front porch of the yellow four-bedroom contemporary cape. How many hours had he and Jade spent as little kids sitting on that split rail fence on the perimeter of their properties—blowing bubbles, sharing knock-knock jokes, or plotting their next adventure? Sure, he’d been friends with her brothers, Jack and Jeremy, too, but they’d been more into Star Wars and video games, and he couldn’t have cared less about those things. He and Jade were the ones who’d really connected, in their shared love of being outdoors in all kinds of weather.
His gaze fell on his passenger, the afternoon winter sun reflecting off the snow onto her face, her guard down in sleep. His breath caught. How could the mere sight of her affect him so much?
Hell.
He swallowed the thickness at the back of his throat. She had apologized, after all this time, and he honestly didn’t know if she’d needed to. He hadn’t given those memories much attention in years. In the end, he’d dismissed the painful end to their friendship as just the differences between girls and boys when they hit puberty. What surprised him was the pain in her voice, and that he now felt so compelled to make her feel better about her actions. Today was the first time he’d ever considered there might be more to the story. What had caused Jade to turn on him so suddenly?
She opened her eyes and turned to him, stretching. “Wow. I can’t believe I slept again.” She threw him a sheepish look and pulled her designer handbag onto her shoulder. “Thanks for the ride.” Her chocolate eyes filled with gratitude and something else.
He ignored the immediate response in his gut. Jade Engel was oh so tempting, and that could only spell trouble right now. “Sure thing.”
“You want to come in?”
He shook his head and gestured to the back where Sadie sat on her haunches, coiled with unleashed energy. “Got to get her home and let her run.”
She reached for the passenger door handle. “Oh, okay then.” She glanced up at him through chestnut lashes, smiling shyly. “Guess I’ll see you around.”
He opened his door, ignoring the urge to pull her toward him. “I’ll get your stuff in back.” He made quick work of retrieving her luggage and met her on the sidewalk, handing her the suitcase. She was careful to avoid contact, which probably sent more of a message than if she’d touched him.
Sadie whimpered, sending a message of her own.
“Coming, girl.” He jogged around the SUV and hopped in the driver’s seat, with a feeling deep in his bones that this Christmas was going to contain a gift and a miracle or two.
Jade reached out to open the brick red door to her parents’ house but stopped short, turning around as Ben Stephens’ SUV pulled back into the street. She dropped her hand. He was the first man in eighteen months to make her rethink giving up on love. That wasn’t good. She should know better after what happened that last time. She shivered and wrapped her arms around herself as she pressed her forehead against the cold, hard door, thinking back...
Alex sank next to her on his pristine white bed that matched the rest of his house, or at least the rooms she had glimpsed upon entering it for the first time tonight. He nodded at the bottle on the nightstand next to them. “More Cristal?”
She shook her head and smiled. They had dated for months and he was as close to a perfect man as she had ever known.
I’m ready, she thought. He’s the one I want.
The roughness of his jeans brushed against her thighs as he turned to her, one hand snaking under the short skirt he’d bought her.
She leaned into the man she trusted and welcomed his kiss.
“I like you in this,” he breathed against the nape of her neck. “You should wear a skirt like this every day.”
She swallowed. He was so damned sexy in his black silk button-down and pressed jeans. Her heart swelled and she opened her mouth to share those three little words on the tip of her tongue, three little words she’d never shared with any man before him.
But he broke eye contact, pulling her close, their chests pressed against each other, and his mouth seeking hers, hot and insistent. “You have such gorgeous legs,” he said between kisses. “Don’t hide them.” His fingers reached her panties.
She gasped; nerve endings on sensory overload between the champagne and caresses.
As Alex lifted the silk tank top he’d gifted her over her head, she let go of coherent thought, her eyes closing in anticipation. “I love you,” she vowed.
A woman’s shriek tore into the bedroom. “I knew it!”
Alex jumped to his feet, tossed the discarded blouse in Jade’s direction, and threw his hands up in the air. “Are you crazy?” He pointed at the polished, irate blond. “If you thought I was doing something, why would you bring our child into it?” he spat. “You’re sick.”
The woman shoved him backward, knocking him into the nightstand, the bottle crashing to the floor, champagne soaking into the white carpet. “I’m sick?” She glared at Jade. “You’re the one with the whore on the bed.”
“I am not—” Jade stopped and looked down. She was half-dressed, her hair a mess, her pale skin heated from Alex’s touches...that woman’s husband. She looked at the little girl standing there, frozen and wide-eyed, the one with Alex’s eyes. Jade’s heart stopped and she clutched her stomach.
He was married. Had a family. Didn’t love her. Just wanted a piece on the side.
Hands trembling, unable to look at the piece of slime apologizing to her for getting them caught, she bolted with what was left of her dignity.
Jade hadn’t dated since.
Now, she pushed the memory aside and opened the door to call, in a voice that still shook way more than she wanted, “Mom? It’s me. I’m home.”
Her mother called from the back of the house. “In the kitchen.”
Dropping her backpack and purse on the bench beside the door, Jade parked the suitcase in front of it and followed the mouth-watering scents of cinnamon and pumpkin. She took deep, steadying breaths. Everything will be fine. She smiled at the family photos lining the wall as she ambled into the airy kitchen. “Hey, Mom.”
Gabriella Engel turned from her work at the counter, hands dusted with flour. People in town had always said Jade was the spitting image of her statuesque mother and she considered it a compliment. As far as Jade was concerned, the laugh lines around her mother’s eyes and the pounds she’d slowly added over the years only accentuated the woman’s blond beauty. “Hi, darling. I’m so thankful you’re home. I was so worried.” She looked behind Jade. “He didn’t come in with you, did he?” she asked in a rush. She meant Ben.
“No. Why?”
Gigi wiped her hands on a kitchen towel. “I’ve been a wreck, thinking about that boy bringing you home. Your father would have picked you up if we’d known you didn’t want to drive by yourself.”
Jade took a step back. What had Ben Stephens done to garner that much dislike from her mother? “What’s so wrong with Ben
ji? You’ve known him forever.”
Her mother’s expression turned stubborn and closed. “He’s changed. I’m sorry. He’s a bad influence on people who should be his friends. Like Jeremy.”
“What? How?”
“Enabling your brother’s drinking. Encouraging it. Making it worse.”
“I can’t believe that!”
“That boy is a bad seed.” The stubborn expression grew stronger, while Mom’s hands shook. “We could have lost your brother.”
Jade took a step toward her mother. “But we didn’t. And I can’t believe it was Ben’s fault. In any case, Jeremy is sober, and as for me, nothing bad happened on the ride home.”
Gigi locked eyes with her. “Promise me you’ll have nothing more to do with him.”
“Mom, I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself.”
“You’re right. I – I get a little carried away. Let’s not waste our precious time together talking about it.” She leaned forward and brushed Jade’s hair back like when she was five. “Come here.” She pulled her close. “I’ve missed you so much. It’s not the same when we visit somewhere else. I like having you here.”
Jade leaned into her mother’s soft, welcoming embrace and breathed in her sweet scent. “Me too. Glad to be home.” After a long moment, she stepped back and took a seat at the large farm table. She needed a little distance to share what she needed to tell.
“You must be hungry.” Her mother opened the fridge. “Want something to eat? There’s plenty of beef stew left over from yesterday.”
Jade dismissed her offer with a wave. “I’m good.” Thanks to half of Ben’s sub.
But her mother grabbed a large bowl anyway, spooning a healthy serving of the comfort food into a saucepan and setting it on the stove to heat. “Have I told you lately how proud we are of all you’ve accomplished?” She checked on the pies in the oven before joining Jade at the table. “You’ve put that marketing degree to good use. Didn’t make the same mistake I did.” She snorted. “What good’s an art history degree in upstate New York?
No, I didn’t make the mistake you did. I make different ones. Jade scrunched her nose. How was she going to tell her parents she’d quit the job they considered the perfect profession for their only girl? “Mom?”
The oven timer buzzed and Gigi popped out of her seat. “Your stew needs stirring or else it will stick.”
Jade joined her at the stove and began to stir. How could she tell her mother about her self-doubt? Her loneliness in a city of more than four million people? Her belief that this wasn’t how life should be at a few months shy of thirty? She listened to the ticking of the kitchen’s wall clock. “Where is everyone? The house is so quiet.”
Her mother turned from the cooling pies on the counter. “It’s a school day, so the little ones are there. Jack and your sister-in-law are at work, of course, and your father took Grandma Bertie for her weekly hair appointment.” She caught Jade’s expression and shrugged. “I guess he figured it was better than staying here and washing dishes.” She glanced at the clock. “Oh dear, I’m cutting it close. Your grandmother insisted on dressing up for her outing and she’s too proud to have her son help, so I stepped in.” She placed three more pies into the oven and reset the timer. “We’re having a bake sale today to help pay for the new altar at church. Wait till you see it, it’s beautiful.” She pulled a small bowl out of a cabinet and handed it to Jade.
“What about Jeremy?” Jade filled her bowl with stew, grabbed a spoon from the silverware drawer, and returned to the table. Her younger brother had been unemployed since a serious motorcycle accident that had left him with chronic pain and deep depression.
That was why the drinking had started, surely, not because of Ben’s influence.
Her mother leaned back against the counter and crossed her arms. “He’s still living over at Del Harvey’s old place on the north side of Starling Lake all alone. I don’t know how he manages to pay the rent. Don’t expect to see him in town much this month while you’re home. I practically have to beg him within an inch of my life to get him here for Sunday dinner once in a blue moon.” She sighed. “But he’s sober now. Knock on wood,” she said, rapping the oak cabinet next to her, “he doesn’t start again. He needs more in his life...”
Jade listened to her mother vent. Gigi didn’t often get a chance to share her worries. She was always the strong matriarch, holding the family together, guiding everyone’s life with a firm hand. She’d suffered her share of losses in life, starting with the early death of her parents, being raised by her stern grandparents, then suffering a late-term miscarriage between Jade’s and Jeremy’s arrivals. Then on September 11, her close friend, Marie, had been killed when the Twin Towers came down.
Jade’s mother had a strong faith, and, in spite of it all, looked at the bright side of life. She liked to think she’d inherited her mother’s optimism in addition to her looks. Returning home without a job and without solid plans wasn’t a tragedy compared to those her mother had endured, but a minor hiccup in her career plans, an opportunity for new adventure.
If only she could find the words to tell her mother about the plan. In the meantime, “Jeremy’s a fighter. He’ll pull through this.” Jade’s throat squeezed.
“We didn’t get a chance to talk much last week while we were at Enza’s in Holly Point. What’s new? How’s work?”
Jade bit her lip. She wanted to tell her mother, she really did. But how could she add to the burdens the poor woman already shouldered, worrying about her mother-in-law’s health and her youngest child’s struggles? Thank goodness Jack and Hannah were doing well at the factory, both having worked their way up to supervisor positions after more than a decade of dedication. Their five-year-old twins were precious, too. She couldn’t wait to spend time with them this month and get reacquainted.
She rose to bring her empty bowl and spoon to the sink. “I promise to tell you everything, but how about I help you clean up first and we’ll talk while we take these pies over to the church hall?”
“Oh my, yes. We’ve loads to do.” Her mother scurried over to the sink and filled it with warm water and dish liquid.
As Jade dried dishes, she mulled over all her mother had shared. They had always been close, perhaps because she was the only girl sandwiched between the two boys in the family, but her mother’s stubborn opinion about Benji made it crystal clear that she couldn’t inquire about the man’s romantic status. It wasn’t relevant, anyhow. She was only going to be home for a short time. If Gigi didn’t want her near him, she’d stay away. It would make everyone’s life more pleasant.
Chapter Four
Ben arrived at his log cabin on the edge of Starling’s town limits, about fifteen minutes from his parents’ house. After letting Sadie run off her energy in the pine trees surrounding the south side of his fifty-acre property, he brought her inside. He loved his house, situated as it was on Starling Lake and sheltered on the other three sides by mountains. He’d like to say he’d earned all the money that had gone into the building of his dream home, but as an only child of parents who were themselves only children, he’d inherited a healthy sum of money in his early twenties after his fathers’ parents died.
The inheritance hadn’t been good for him, back then. He’d lost too many people he cared about, he’d been bitter and full of questions. What was the point of anything, except partying hard?
It had taken a few years and a brush with death, but he managed to turn his life around and finish college a year late. He’d invested a third of his grandparents’ hard-earned money into his fledgling business, another third into stocks and mutual funds, and the final portion into the property, and he was secure now, and sure of himself.
Okay, not in everything.
He walked into the gourmet kitchen of stainless steel appliances and ran his hand along polished granite counters. He’d fooled himself into thinking that if he included all the modern touches in this dream house Sofia had desired, she
would fall in love with Starling and stop complaining about living in the middle of nowhere.
Hadn’t happened.
His landline phone rang in the living room, pulling Ben back to the present.
He grabbed a beer out of the fridge and walked into the next room to pick up the receiver. “Hey.” He sat at one end of his leather couch the same hue as his ale and flipped the cap off the bottle.
“I have a question for you.” His friend Jeremy’s voice sounded a little too cheerful, and the usual preamble was absent. “Millie at the post office tells me you drove my sister home.”
Ben remained silent, suddenly wary about what was coming next.
“No response?” Jeremy prompted.
“I’m waiting for the question.”
“Okay, then. What the hell is going on? You leave for Vermont with one woman and come back three days later with someone new? And she’s my sister?”
“All I did was offer her a ride home. I just wanted to save her the trouble of a rental.”
“I don’t get it. What happened with Sofia?”
Ben leaned back, beer still waiting. “That’s over. We broke up last week. She didn’t come with me to Vermont.” They’d had their blow-up argument the night before he left. She must have packed and left shortly after he had the following morning. If he were honest, the relationship had been over much longer than that. What healthy couple in their twenties had sex only once every few months? He’d blamed it on their busy schedules, but now he realized they hadn’t been compatible in many ways.
“What about Jade?” Jeremy said, still sounding antsy about it. “She’s not the rebound type.”
Ben pinched the bridge of his nose and exhaled. “Which is fine. Because nothing happened. Your sister and I go back a long way—as friends—and people know that.” He left off the part about how he’d felt he connected with her today and how he planned to pursue the spark between them. Jade’s family would have to back off and let her make her own decisions.
A Light in the Window Page 3