by Ross Petras
from a Journal of Educational Psychology article
The most important consequence might well be that the theory of autopoetic systems seems to bar all ways back to an anthropological conception of man. It precludes, in other words, humanism…. This means we have to invent new conceptual artificialities in order to give an account of what we see when we meet someone who looks and behaves like a human being. How do we know that he is one?
Niklas Luhman, “The Individuality of the Individual,” Reconstructing Individualism
It is a tricky problem to find the particular calibration in timing that would be appropriate to stem the acceleration in risk premiums created by falling incomes without prematurely aborting the decline in the inflation-generated risk premiums.
Alan Greenspan, chairman of the President’s Council of Economic Advisers, in testimony before a Senate committee
[We] must continue to be deeply concerned about abuses to human rights wherever they occur; but, there are such questions as whether amelioration of those abuses is best achieved under the glare of public criticism and animosity and confrontation, or whether it is best achieved in a quieter dialogue between states with a healthy relationship.
Alexander Haig, Secretary of State, in response to a Time reporter’s question of whether he thought human rights diplomacy should be conducted privately instead of through Congress
The management of information requires organizing and structuring data into conceptually clear and logical component ideas that can be transmitted in forms that are user-friendly.
from a New York City Board of Education memo
Concretizing Mission … capacity building of personnel resources and personal abilities of central board of education, districts and school to facilitate generating vehicles to assist schools in nurturing student achievement.
from a memo written by the New York City director of the Office of Professional Development and Leadership Training, when asked by the schools chancellor to report to him about her most pressing problems and how she was intending to solve them
At the moment, we are subsumed in the vortex of criticality.
Alexander Haig, then Secretary of State
At such a time, the stimulation of trans-national linkages necessary for meaningful two-way communication must supersede propagandistic and chauvinistic functions which in the past constituted too large a share of our activities.
Joseph Daniel Duffey, Assistant Secretary of State for Educational and Cultural Affairs, in a written public statement about the work his bureau did
I think our performance in terms of the liftoff performance and in terms of orbital performance, we knew more about the envelope we were operating under, and we have been pretty accurately staying in that. And so I would say the performance has not by design drastically improved. I think we have been able to characterize the performance more as a function of our launch experience as opposed to it improving as a function of time.
a NASA administrator, being interviewed during the official investigation of the space shuttle Challenger explosion, replying to a question about whether the performance of the shuttle program improved with each launch
The criticality in answering your question, sir, would be a real foot race as to which one would be considered more critical, depending on the particular time that you looked at your experience with that.
a NASA official testifying about the space shuttle Challenger explosion (Nom-NASA, Morton Thiokol, and Rockwell International were awarded the 1986 “Doublespeak” award)
S
On Salaries:
People think we make $3 million and $4 million a year. They don’t realize that most of us only make $500,000.
Texas Ranger baseball player Pete Incaviglia
On Salvation:
It was necessary to destroy the village in order to save it.
an American officer in Vietnam in a 1968 report on the razing of Vietnamese village Ben Tre
On Samoans:
You all look like happy campers to me. Happy campers you are, happy campers you have been, and as far as I am concerned, happy campers you will always be.
Vice-President Dan Quayle, addressing a group of Samoans during a Pacific trip
On School Administration, Great Ideas on:
Notice to Teachers: All teachers seem to have the wrong conception of the course of study about teaching the grades. I say to all teachers that “All grades are to be taught every year.” Do not quibble about this with your patrons. It must be as I say.
The Odd Grades as Major Grades and Even Grades as Minor Grades to be taught in the Even Years. And the Even grades as Major Grades and the Odd Grades as Minor Grades in the Odd Years. Respectfully, T. J. Leathers, Supt.
Kentucky notice to teachers, 1924
On School Administration, Great Ideas on:
No. 1, to determine what it is, at different age and ability levels, that children ought to know, believing that we can never determine if children know what they ought to know if we haven’t determined what it is we think they ought to know.
Kentucky Governor Wallace Wilkinson on his education reform package, in the 1970s
On Scores:
And Kansas City is at Chicago tonight, or is that Chicago at Kansas City? Well, no matter. Kansas City leads in the eighth, 4 to 4.
Jerry Coleman, Padres announcer, going through the scoreboard on air
On Screenplays:
You call this a script? Give me a couple of $5,000-a-week writers and I’ll write it myself.
producer Joe Pasternak
On Seasickness, Where to be Overcome by:
Yogi Berra:
You mean you get seasick?
Rube Walker:
Do I ever!
Yogi Berra:
On water?
as reported by sportswriter Phil Pepe
On Seeds, Flaming:
God hath kindled a seed in this nation.
Oliver Cromwell, seventeenth-century Lord Protector of England, in a famous address to the nation
On Seeing:
I saw no corn standing in ricks, a thing I never saw before and would not have believed it had I not seen it.
William Cobbett, late eighteenth-and early nineteenth-century English writer and champion of the poor, in his most famous book. Rural Rides
On Segues, Great:
If you think the football game was exciting, wait until you hear the report from Tom Aspell from Amman, Jordan.
Tom Brokaw, NBC News anchorman, just after an NFL game had been broadcast, in his lead-in to a story about the Gulf War
On Self-Identity:
Hi, folks, I’m Jerry Gross. No, I’m not, I’m Jerry Coleman.
Jerry Coleman, San Diego Padres announcer on air
On Sermons, Surrealistic Ones:
We often pursue the shadow until the bubble bursts and leaves nothing but the ashes in our hands.
from a sermon by a British clergyman
On Servants, Headless:
We have spoken of that sanguinary year, 1793. In those troubled times it was that French domestics set an example of the greatest devotion. There were many even who, rather than betray their masters, allowed themselves to be guillotined in their place, and who, when happier days returned, silently and respectfully went back to their work.
Figaro, Paris, February 1890; from an essay on home life during the French Revolution
On Sex:
Making love is a mental illness that wastes time and energy.
People’s Republic of China, official Communist Party proclamation, 1971
On Sex:
Sex will outlive us all.
movie mogul Samuel Goldwyn
On Sex and the Bible:
Sexual orientation is against everything in this book [said while waving a Bible].
Robert Shaw, Chicago alderman, in a city council debate on gay rights
On the Sexes:
Letter from A.M., Mc.W. to Watertown (New York) Daily
Times:
Is it possible for a doctor to determine the sex of an unborn child by listening to the fetal heartbeat? (A.M., McW.)
Answer:
No. In any case, anybody’s guess is as likely to be right as wrong. About half of all babies are boys or girls.
On the Sexes:
Ladies, without distinction of sex, would be welcome.
from a handbill for a political demonstration in the early 1900s
On the Sexes:
My sister’s expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an uncle or an aunt.
Chuck Nevitt, basketball player at North Carolina State University, as reported in Sports Illustrated
On the Sexes:
The Great Synod of 1920 will always be memorable for having at length admitted women to be enrolled in the list of registered vestry men.
the Very Rev. Dr. Ross, speaking about the Tuam Diocesan Synod
On the Sexes, Determining Physical Differences Between:
I don’t know. They were wearing a paper bag over their head.
Yogi Berra after he had seen a streaker and was asked if the person was male or female
On the Sexes, Differences Between:
As poet, actress, literary critic and artist, Mrs. Wyatt Cooper, better known as Gloria Vanderbilt, has often been called an up-to-date and very feminine version of the many-faceted Renaissance man.
a Life magazine staff writer in the introduction to a series of photos of Gloria Vanderbilt (October 4, 1968)
On the Sexes, Differences Between:
You should hear her sing. She’s a female Lena Horne.
producer Joe Pasternak
On Sexual Harassment:
Sexual harassment on the job is not a problem for virtuous women.
Phyllis Schlafly, conservative activist and founder of the Eagle Forum
On Sexual Preference:
We’re well aware of the male homosexual problem in this country, which is of course minor, but to our certain knowledge there is not one lesbian in England.
Lord Chamberlain of England to Lillian Hellman during a discussion of the play The Children’s Hour (from Lilly by Peter Feibleman)
On Shakespeare, Little-Known Facts About:
Quite a number of people also describe the German classical author, Shakespeare, as belonging to the English literature, because—quite accidentally born at Stratford-on-Avon—he was forced by authorities of that country to write in English.
from the Deutscher Weckruf und Beobachter, 1940
On Shakespeare, Soviet Confirmation of Little-Known Facts About:
I asked one of the principal actors of the dramatic theater about Shakespeare, and he told me that he is just learning German, so that he may soon be able to read Shakespeare in the original.
from the Soviet literary magazine Literaturnaya Gazeta, 1940
On Shakespeare (Wilhelm), Unique Contributions to Human Literature:
Shakespeare has not only shown human nature as it is, but as it would be found in situations to which it cannot be exposed.
Samuel Johnson, great eighteenth-century English writer
On Shoes:
I never put on a pair of shoes until I’ve worn them five years.
movie mogul Samuel Goldwyn
On Shoes:
A tax on leather would press heavily on the barefooted peasantry of Ireland.
Crofton Moore Vandeleur, British statesman
On Silence, Sounds of:
Lead us in a few words of silent prayer.
ex-Houston Oiler and Florida State coach Bill Peterson
On Silos, Senatorial Interest in Missile:
Wait a minute! I’m not interested in agriculture. I want the military stuff.
Senator William Scott (R-Va.) during a Pentagon briefing in which army officials began telling him about missile silos
On Similarities:
Me and George and Billy are two of a kind.
Mickey Rivers, Texas Rangers outfielder, on his warm relationship with Yankee owner Steinbrenner and manager Billy Martin
On Singing Styles:
They were singing without accompaniment. You know—acapulco.
director Gregory Ratoff, telling of hearing a singing group
On Sleep:
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
attributed to Senator S. I. Hayakawa
On Sleep:
I usually take a two-hour nap, from one o’clock to four.
Yogi Berra, explaining what he does before night games
On Sleeves, Where Found on Human Body:
The time has come to strip to the waist and tuck up our shirt sleeves.
overheard during political debate
On Smokescreens by a Presidential Candidate:
I didn’t inhale.
Bill Clinton, as Democratic presidential candidate, answering rumors that he had smoked marijuana
On Solidity:
We appeal down to the fundamental principles which underlie the tossing waves on the surface.
former Archbishop of Canterbury, in speech in House of Lords
On Space Exploration:
Mars is essentially in the same orbit. Mars is somewhat the same distance from the sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe.
Vice-President Dan Quayle
On Space Exploration, Bad Predictions About:
Space travel is utter bilge.
Sir Richard Woolley, 1950s Astronomer Royal of Britain, predicting the likelihood of space travel
On Space Exploration, the Final Word on:
I think space exploration is very important and can yield a lot of knowledge.
contestant for Mr. New Jersey Male, when asked what he would do with a million dollars
On Speaking:
Mr. Speaker, if I had said that I would not have been allowed to.
anonymous speaker during British parliamentary debate
On Speaking, Without Speaking:
I am not going to trouble the House further than to express my unutterable disgust at the way in which I have been treated.
John O’Conner, M.P. in House of Commons, 1907
On Speech:
Ladies and gentlemen, if this coercion measure is passed no man in Ireland will be able to speak upon politics unless he is born deaf and dumb.
Lord Charles Russell, Liberal Member of Parliament, in an 1880 speech
On Speeches, Great:
Having a speech writer would definitely be too plastic. I just try to remember six key words before every talk.
Mark Spitz, swimmer and Olympic gold medalist, on whether or not he had people write his speeches for him
On Speeches, Great Political:
Ladies and gentlemen, it is a great pleasure to be with you today. For immediate release only.
New Mexico Senator Joe Montoya, at a dinner speech in Albuquerque. He had rushed in late and read straight from his press release.
On Speed:
Brooks Robinson is not a fast man, but his arms and legs move very quickly.
Curt Gowdy, network sports announcer, on air during the 1971 World Series
On Spelling:
Mr. Speaker, this bill is a phony with a capital F.
congressman during a heated congressional debate
On Sponsorship, Appropriate:
This portion of “Women on the Run” is brought to you by Phillips’ Milk of Magnesia.
Harry Von Zell, radio announcer in the 1950s
On Spontaneity, Political:
[It was a] semi-planned spontaneous stop.
Douglas Scamman, 1992 Bush New Hampshire presidential campaign manager, on a staged campaign stop at a farm
On Sports:
Baseball is 90 percent mental. The other half is physical.
Yogi Berra
On Sports:
No
w Juantorena opens his legs—and really shows his class.
David Coleman, broadcaster at the 1976 Montreal Olympics
On Sports:
No manager is ever going to run a tail-end club and be popular because there is no strikeout king that he’s going to go up and shake hands with and they’re going to love you because who’s going to kiss a player when he strikes out and I got a shortstop which I don’t think could have been a success without him. If you mix up the infield, you can’t have teamwork. It’s a strange thing if you look it up that the Milwaukee club in the morning paper lost a doubleheader and they got three of my players on their team and you can think it over.
Casey Stengel, Yankees manager, talking about how he managed
On Sports:
Luis Tiant comes from everywhere except between his legs.
Curt Gowdy, on air discussing pitcher Luis Tiant during the first 1975 World Series game between the Reds and the Red Sox