I was halfway ready to tell him that no, Lucas claimed not to be the father, but then I remembered that he would prefer people not be corrected. "I've heard that too," was all I said.
Don didn't press it, so for the rest of the short walk back to my desk we were just sipping coffee. He said goodbye, and reminded me about Friday. I jumped right back into work without thinking about it. It was just as well – I suddenly wasn't in the mood for a big dramatic reunion, much less one that started in the cafeteria. That was not where "happily ever after" happened.
***
The big dramatic reunion wasn't going to be on Friday, either. On that day, an email from Don showed up in my inbox at four PM.
Ricky is making me redo his presentation right now and he's leaving tomorrow morning! Let's just have our dinner in Bangkok? You'd like that, right?
I replied, Sure, no problem. See you in Bangkok.
A familiar feeling nagged at me, but it took a while before I recognized it. There was once a time when I took Don's rainchecks and cancellations hard, but now was not one of those times. Maybe I was just that busy. Or maybe I didn't mind so much anymore.
"Hey."
I looked up to see Lucas in the space between my desk and Sandra's. I didn't see him at all this week either, apart from the occasional offer from him to refill my coffee. At first I wondered if he wanted to talk about the kiss, but he gave no indication of needing to discuss it further. I didn't mean that in a bad way, by the way – I just didn't have the time to think it through yet.
"Have a safe flight, okay?" Lucas said. "I'm taking off early."
"Don't talk to me," Sandra grumbled, head not moving from her monitor. "I have to finish the math on this in five minutes. See ya, Lucas."
"Lunch or dinner soon, okay?" I offered.
"I'll find you," he said.
Chapter 14
Bangkok, on the other hand, was a good place for a big dramatic reunion.
It was the place I retreated to when I realized that Don wasn't going to be coming back to me anytime soon. I had a great time there, and started to find the fun side of me again, and it was fitting that it be the setting of where we would talk about us again.
The Regional ExCom – at least the part we were invited to – would last three days only. First day was the day we arrived, but we were getting in on an evening flight and had no time to do anything else. Second and third day would be all work, and the fourth day we were free until our evening flight back to Manila.
I wasn't completely spaced out because of work. I knew that if Don wanted to make it special, he could only set up a dinner with me on our last night in Thailand. Work would be over by then, and we could skip the dinner scheduled with the officemates. I wasn't sure when his flight back would be but I didn't think anybody was leaving early the next morning, so we could talk – or whatever – all night if we chose to.
For my next personal trip I had decided on Bali (rather than Vietnam), but I dipped into the Bali fund to buy a new navy blue suit dress, two new tops that would look great with my favorite blazer, and splurged a little on something for dinner with Don. Just in case.
***
As someone who was only ever in Bangkok as a budget traveler, being there for work was like being in a totally different city. On my vacation I stayed mostly in more affordable areas like Pratunam, explored tourist haunts like Khao San, and ate street food. On this trip I was picked up by a fancy car at the airport (or rather, my boss was picked up by a fancy car but we were with him), the hotel where we were having our Regional ExCom was a famous business hotel along the river, and I had per diem.
Not that I had enough time to go shopping. We got to the hotel after ten PM and I only had time to dump my luggage in the room I shared with Sandra. Herman had a presentation the next morning and he had some last-minute tasks, and we were working in a room set up as a "business center" until past two AM.
When I checked my email the next day, there was something from Don:
What time did you get in? I'm going to be in sessions all day, Ricky's orders. But I made a reservation for dinner tomorrow night, hope you have the time for it.
Did I have time for it? I only did wait a year and a half for this moment, right. And there would be no distractions this time.
***
Technically my second day in Bangkok, but I spent all of it inside a hotel. A fancy, five-star hotel, sure, but I just realized as the day ended that I couldn't count this as a "trip" really. It shouldn't count if I was stuck in a function room for the majority of it.
Herman had another presentation scheduled for the next day, this time to a different group of bosses. He was fussing over it all afternoon, to the point that we missed the buffet dinner for everyone. As the only person who didn't go off and eat an afternoon snack, I was given the privilege of leaving early. It was already after nine PM and I hadn't had anything to eat in hours.
I didn't even know where to eat. I headed back into the hotel and took the long way around to the elevators, seeing directions for the restaurants I couldn't afford. It was wonderfully rich, this five-star hotel, by the way. I would never have decided to stay there if I traveled on my own, and was just glad that someone else was paying the bill. My tummy rumbled a bit as I waited for my elevator – and then someone familiar stepped out of it.
"'Tang ina," I said uncontrollably.
Lucas – alive and well and in Bangkok – laughed and took me aside. "You want to cause an international incident, Ellie?"
"What are you doing here? You never said anything about Bangkok!"
He shrugged. "I was busy. You were busy too. Figured I would see you here anyway."
"Sorry… it's great to see you here. I'm just – surprised. Did you just come from the dinner?"
He did, and when he described the scrumptious buffet that I had just missed, I and my stomach felt bad together. But then he offered to find a dinner place nearby with me.
"This really okay with you?" I asked. "You've already eaten."
"Eventually you'll learn that you can't really force me to do anything I don't want to do," Lucas said. "So yes, this is really okay with me."
***
It wasn't until after midnight that I noticed his tie. He was in a coat-and-tie ensemble, the expected (but not required) outfit of the lucky ones who had the time to show up at the dinner. I was sleepy, but I noticed that his shirt was an interesting shade of gray, which strangely seemed to complement his uneven tan, and said so. His tie was black, but there was some kind of yellow artwork on it, which I wanted to see more of.
I asked Lucas what it was. I didn't remember the answer.
Next thing I knew, it was three AM and I was snuggling next to him on one of the hotel lounge's sofas. He was sleeping, one arm around me, his head resting just over mine. I could feel through my hair that he was snoring softly. My own arm wasn't so innocent; it had snaked around his waist and was pinned by his body to the sofa, and I apparently had wrapped his tie – his black and yellow tie – around my other hand. I lay still, pretending to still be asleep, and let his heartbeat time my breathing.
So this was what being this close to him was like. I probably had five more seconds before my movement betrayed that I was really awake.
One: He smells like butter. Why does he smell like butter? Two: I'm single. This is not cheating. Three: I wonder if my hair smells okay. Four: This is really comfortable. Five: I wonder what time it is.
How did this happen again?
He walked with me to the 7-Eleven a few blocks down to get food. I bought a weird-looking bun, two packs of cookies, and two bottles of juice. I started munching on stuff on the walk back, and said thank you to him, I would just eat in my room. He said I should eat by the lounge instead and enjoy the night sky over the river, but could we drop by his room first so he could leave his coat.
I looked at him suspiciously for a second. "Yeah, drop by my room to leave my coat. I've never heard that before."
Lucas laughed and
shrugged off his coat for emphasis. "Well I can't walk around in this. And we're being friends, like you want."
Nothing else happened when we got to his room because when we got to 1123 ("My birthday, isn't that weird?" Lucas said) the Do Not Disturb sign was hanging on the door.
"No, that's weird," I said, still chewing cookies. "Who's your roommate?"
Lucas shook his head. "Anton. This guy I work with. That fucker."
"Literally," I said, giggling. "Did he actually bring someone into your room without telling you? Where are you supposed to sleep tonight?"
He leaned closer to the door and tried to press his ear against it. "You want to check?"
"Ew, no." But then my curiosity got the better of me and I leaned in too. "Do you hear anything?"
"No."
"I don't hear anything. You'd think they'd be louder. Or the soundproofing here is really good."
Lucas straightened up, away from the door, like it had burned him. "You know what? Let's just go. I don't think I want to know what Anton's doing in there."
So we ended up, as planned, at the lounge. The pretense was to enjoy the view of the river but honestly? I couldn't see much of it. And I was too tired to go and walk toward the viewing deck. As I finished the last of my pathetic dinner, Lucas started telling me about the plans for the sequel to the video game movie that I hated.
I almost choked on a cookie crumb. "Seriously? They're making more of that crap?"
He spent a considerable amount of time telling me what they should change about the sequel, conveniently ignoring that I had called it crap. But later, he started asking me stuff. He managed to find out about my family, and this was when I got comfortable. I sat a little closer, and was visibly more animated as I told him about my quirky semi-retired parents, my older sister and her doctor husband, my younger sister and her cooking experiments, and the cute thing Dylan did with his eyes the other day.
And when fatigue caught up with me again he told me about his lawyer parents. ("Both lawyers? I wouldn't have guessed." "Because I'm not a lawyer?" "Because at least one of them would have made you comb your hair properly.") How he dabbled in sports (got tired of it), and writing (couldn't finish anything), and film ("Just because I like it doesn't mean I should do it forever") before discovering that economics just made sense to him.
"Are you kidding me? Economics was a bitch," I complained.
"Not to me. It just made sense. And it sounded legit enough to other people. For once they stopped giving me advice about what I should do and how I should live."
I yawned. "I totally get that," I said. And then I noticed his tie.
And then I woke up.
I unwound the tie from my hand and reached for my phone, although I didn't exactly move away from where I was. There were five missed calls – all of them were Don. That made me pull all my limbs from wherever they were wrapped around Lucas, and the sudden movement surely jolted him awake.
"Don? You called?" I wondered if this was a work-related call and if I could have the roaming charge for it reimbursed.
"Where are you?"
"I'm at… the lounge. Why did you call?"
"I was looking for you. Dropped by your room but Sandra said she last saw you before ten and she hasn't seen you since. I didn't know where you were… didn't know where to find you. Did you go out?"
Okay, so I probably wouldn't be able to reimburse this. Don sounded concerned, something that he tended to be with friends, but I couldn't really recall him ever being that way with me.
"Don't worry about me," I said. "I wasn't alone. I'm going back to my room, I'll see you tomorrow."
Don insisted on picking me up at the lounge, but I managed to convince him that I was seconds away from my room. I ended the call and turned to see Lucas ninety-percent awake, arms already retreated to his sides and away from me.
"I'm sorry," he said quickly. "We should be getting back to our rooms now."
"I hope you can get into yours."
"I don't care what Anton's doing there at this point. I need to sleep." Lucas reached up and undid the knot on his tie. "So he's wondering where you were, huh?"
"Don and I are having dinner tomorrow. I mean, tonight, I guess," I said. "And you're not going to stop me."
Lucas leaned his head back against the sofa again and shook his head. "And you did such a good job being the cool one."
"I was just kidding then. I was never the cool one."
"I think we're both pathetic." He yawned, and a split second later I caught it and did the same. "Is this the long-awaited 'closure'?"
I didn't know what it was going to be, but I wasn't expecting closure. I was expecting Don to declare that he had made a mistake, that he still loved me, and that he couldn't go on without me.
Maybe Lucas didn't understand that, because it was his choice to leave his girlfriend. But I needed this.
"Oh, it's definitely long-awaited," I said. "Whatever it is."
"Fair enough," he said. He pushed himself off the couch and pulled me up along with him. He did that very well, and as he carefully dropped my hand I felt like we had just ended a slow dance.
Chapter 15
To his credit, Don did surprise me. I met him early that evening at the lobby and he brought me to the hotel's signature Thai restaurant, which had a stunning view of the river.
I wore my new dress, a green halter that came down to my knees, paired with a knit jacket. The jacket was a good call because our table was on the outdoor terrace and there was a cool breeze. I looked great, felt good about the just-concluded work stuff, and my shoes were perfectly broken in.
So yeah, I was in the zone.
"You look great," Don said as we sat down.
"Thanks," I said, accepting the compliment, with something that hopefully came across as modesty and grace.
He looked great too, but he always did when he dressed up. I wasn't really overwhelmed.
Another thing I noticed – and appreciated – was how attentive he was. As we went over the menu (wow, expensive!) he suggested dishes I might like. He was probably remembering the things I told him during those food trips I planned. He asked for a glass of wine for us, and confirmed with me if I still preferred red over white.
"Yeah, I guess," I said, not so eloquently. But I was a little impressed.
I asked him about work, because that's what came naturally to me. I knew he loved talking about it; his career was something he really cared about. But to my surprise, he didn't linger on that topic, and instead shifted to me.
"You were here in Bangkok recently, right?" Don said.
"Last year, yeah," I said. I cleared my throat. "After we broke up."
"I remember you talking about us going here together."
"Well, you weren't too enthusiastic about it."
"That was the wrong attitude, wasn't it? I should have been more excited about it. Because you were."
I liked where this was going. "It's okay, Don. I had fun on my own here, and you didn't have to want this, too. This was my thing, not yours."
"Yes, but I should have made more of an effort."
I checked his glass of wine just to make sure, and yes, Don wasn't intoxicated. He was completely sober as he was saying this to me.
On the other side of the table, Don leaned closer. "I guess the point is, I want to apologize."
At this, I took a sip of my red wine and smiled, feeling every inch a winner.
***
Don didn't just apologize, by the way; he had a monologue prepared.
He started it when I was having my salad, and was still at it while I was halfway into my green curry Angus beef. Not that I was bored or anything; I was thoroughly entertained by it. I had already said everything in my defense over a year ago, so that night I just let him talk.
It started with how, at first, he was so angry at me because of how some of our friends treated him after we broke up. Not that they ostracized him or anything (he was still friends with them af
ter all) but how he felt that their opinion of him changed. In subtle ways, like how they hesitated when he asked for the phone number of someone they knew.
I remembered that Charisse actually told her friend of how Don had broken up with me, how that could understandably make one wary of getting into a relationship with him. Did that happen more than once? What else did people say about him because of me?
Eventually Don started dating people outside of our friends' friends. It wasn't the easiest experience for him. He explained this in his own way, but I interpreted it in mine. I knew that he was a guy who wanted to be liked and respected by everyone. All his decisions in life and career were built on this. Being the new guy in any group meant starting from scratch every time, and I could see why it would be difficult for him.
"I thought I was happy, but something was missing. I couldn't figure it out then, but I wasn't enjoying myself with anyone. I kept making new friends and going out, but something about starting over with a new group all the time made me feel that… I don't know, that they weren't really seeing the real me. And then I remembered what we had."
We had fun, he said, because we were already friends. We had a lot in common. I made him laugh, and his friends liked me, and I liked them. He was wasting so much time going around chasing something that he had already had, and let go of.
"Because I was stupid and didn't bother to work on my relationship with you."
Wow. Just… wow. I asked the waiter for another glass of wine.
That was apparently the end of his speech, and he sat quietly, waiting for me to respond.
I cleared my throat. "Well… what exactly does this mean?"
"It means I want another chance with you."
This was it. This was why I bought the dress, accepted the dinner invite, spent so much time on my hair, bothered to find the right shoes and the right shade of lipstick. Validation of the decisions I made in the past year and a half.
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