by stan graham
What a turn up for the book, I am surprised, I never thought she had it in her. Joan Terrapin from downstairs complained to the landlord about ungodly activities going on and she also wrote to the Gazette our free local newspaper who published her letter under the heading of Devil Worshippers at Sheltered Housing Unit. This prompted a spate of letters on the subject, some in favour and others against.
The Bishop of Burford apparently has approached the landlord and offered to come and perform an exorcism but the landlord said that was totally unnecessary as everything was well in hand. Pamela has been told that she can worship whoever or whatever she likes but she must do it in the confines of her own home and cannot use the Community room for religious practices.
She was interviewed on the local radio and said she was being persecuted just like the martyrs of old had been in this part of the country. She said that she had received threats that she would be burnt at the stake if she continued. The local Pagans threatened to hold a demonstration in solidarity with her and even the National papers were taking an interest, but it all seems to have blown over now. Even the Rev. Colin Clarke called to see me and ask if that had been the cause of my depression.
“I am afraid I hadn’t realised that you had to put up with the place harbouring a nest of devil worshippers. No wonder you were depressed dear lady. Perhaps now that it has all come out into the open we might see you back in church?”
I feel years younger already. First bit of excitement we have had for months, ever since Pamela got thrown out of the hospital for performing illegal medicine.
I’m still not going back to the Church of St Luke's; I’ve had enough of the Reverend Clarke with all his self-righteousness. I have heard of another church that might suit me better, it’s called St Mark’s. Not sure which denomination it is but it hardly matters, they are all the same.
Nothing like a bit of devil worshipping to start people getting excited. If only they realised how boring it all is. Do they really thing that they can call up Old Nick? Delusional if you ask me. Nah they just like a bit of dancing around. It’s the organised ones that cause the trouble if you ask me. Of course nobody ever does.
I tried out the new church this Sunday and it was very nice. It’s early days yet but I can see myself fitting in there. It’s a bit of a plain brick building most unlike the usual building one would associate with a church but apparently the old building was destroyed by a fire two years ago and the diocese couldn’t afford to repair it.
I have decided that I cannot stand this place any longer. I don’t like the other residents, especially that woman at number 39. Just knowing she is living opposite me ruins my day. I will take action to move, I should have done this months ago when I first arrived but nobody can say that I didn’t give it a good try.
Monday is no longer my washday as I do bits and pieces as necessary so it doesn’t build up. That meant that this Monday I was free to do as I wished and I went to inspect a site where some new flats are being built. If I like the look of them I might apply to move there.
Well I just got back and it was a complete waste of time. I spoke to the man running the site and he told me that all the flats had been spoken for six months previously. Apparently my only chance would be to do a swap with somebody who wanted to move to my area. I telephoned Jane at enormous cost and asked her if she knew anything about this and whether she could intervene on my behalf.
“I know my children have deserted me but I hope just as a gesture of goodwill that you could put in a word somewhere on my behalf,” I said.
“Now look mum, neither Peter or I have abandoned you, we both love you very much. It is just that at the moment we are both unable to accommodate you. I know you aren’t too happy there but it really is your own fault you must make more effort to fit in.”
“Heaven knows I have tried. I went to the community centre and have tried to make friends but the all seem to have become enamoured by this new woman who lives opposite and she and Dave Tontine have been telling lies about me. I want to be nearer you and Peter.”
“Is she abusing you? If she is I can do something about that, there are laws against that sort of thing.”
“No love nothing like that I just can’t bear to be in the same building as her. I can't go to the community room in case she is there. I am sure they both encourage the others to laugh at me. Anyway do you know anything about home swapping? I have heard that I can swap with anybody anywhere in the country, is that true?”
“I will look into it for you mum but don’t get your hopes up, after all everyone who wants to swap will have a reason and it might be worst than where you are. Anyway I will look into it and call you. I suppose some people like it there.”
“Yes of course they do. Thanks love don’t take too long will you? Bye.”
***********
Chapter 12. FEBRUARY.
It’s been three days since I called Jane and she hasn’t rung back. Children bah! They take all the best years of your life and then say its their turn that you have had your chance, well we never had television and mobile phones or computers when I was a girl.
If she thinks I am going to go begging and crawling when it’s obvious what the answer is, she should invite me to stay with her, but will she? No she would sooner put up waifs and strays than take care of her own flesh and blood. After all the pain I went through giving birth to her you would expect a bit of consideration in your old age wouldn’t you?
Peter phoned to tell me a bit of gossip which is very unusual for him As you know I’m not one for gossip and would normally tell him that I don’t want to hear it but I knew it must be important. Apparently Jane’s friend who is living with her is a lesbian. He is as shocked as I am. No Jane isn’t one but she says that they are all sisters under the skin. Well they aren’t my sisters. Still what can a couple of girls do?
The weather has turned cold again, only 34 degrees last night. This morning there is frost everywhere. I dare not go out in case I have a fall like that Pamela did, then where will that leave me? I haven’t got a circle of friends to rally round like she had. She seems to be doing aright for herself. After the fiasco with the devil worshipping and the New Years Eve shenanigans she seems to be keeping her head down. Good job I say.
Leafing through my Puzzle magazine I cannot seem to find any crosswords that aren’t done. I don’t remember doing that many but I suppose I must have. It’s another fortnight before I can be sure of getting a new one.
Well I could have sworn that my magazine was not due for another two weeks but I was browsing through the magazines in the local newsagents and I came across next month’s edition of the Puzzle magazine. I can only assume that it was put out onto the shelves early by one of the staff. Anyway I took it up to the counter and bought it without any trouble so I am aright for now although how I will cope if I have to wait six weeks for the next one I don’t know. At least I shall have something to occupy myself with tonight now that I have stopped watching those soaps on the television. I found that nearly everyone here was watching them, so common.
Would you believe it, that woman knocked on the door and asked if I would put her washing into my washing machine. Well I told her.
“I don’t have a washing machine, I do all my washing by hand and if you had anything about you, you would do the same. Haven’t you heard about how the machines are taking us over. We are much to dependent on them. Well I am not, all I have is my trusty little spin drier, and before you ask no you cannot use it.”
“Perhaps you would like to do mine by hand of course I would pay you.”
The cheek of the woman, This is what happens when they think you are getting short of money or on benefits.
“Clear off, I wouldn’t do your washing if you begged me. Think I want to handle those bags that you call your underwear?”
“Didn’t know you were a Luddite!” she screamed at me.
I slammed the door and sat down, I couldn’t stop myself trembling with anger
. Finally I made myself a cup of tea and had a slice of chocolate cake.
Pippa always managed with her machine and Mr Harness the previous tenant never asked me to do any washing for him. Mind you I don’t think he did much himself anyway.
The new issue of ‘The Newsletter’ has been named ‘Letters from Paradise’ and that woman opposite, Mrs Queenie Jenkins has her picture on the front page smiling and holding a Marks and Spencer voucher for £20. To cap it all, the landlord said that her suggestion was so good that he had doubled the prize. I am furious because I was going to enter for that, I had a brilliant name for it SHELTERED COMMUNITY UPPER MAGISTER.I was sure that would be a a winner. I could have done with a £20 voucher and would have put it to far better use than she ever will. I feel that she has stolen it from me.
He also stated that she had agreed to serve on the advisory panel checking what would be accepted for publication and judging whose efforts would win prizes as well as serving as Chairperson of the Tenants Advisory Group. I am sure that it is a fix.
Anyway I don’t want to stay here another minute. I am going to go round to the landlord’s offices and see if I can get a transfer. If Mrs Queenie Jenkins can get a move then so should I.
The rain has turned to hailstones and it looks very slippery out there. I have just seen Dave Tontine running across the compound slipping and sliding on his way to Jack Popes flat. It must be an emergency. I wonder what has happened?
Found out later that Dave had got Jack to phone up the doctors for him to cancel an appointment he had.
To my mind the evidence is overwhelming. Jack Pope is the serial killer. Now what should I do, confront him with it or give my evidence to the police? If I tell him I know will he stop or will he try to silence me, these are all things I need to consider. I suppose I should put my evidence on the table.
1.He is always around and knows all the deceased.
2.He is evidently familiar with firearms, see him pointing a finger as if it were a gun.
3.He has a criminal record.
4.He is having an affair with Mrs McTeith and hence needs money.
I called at the landlord’s office and made an appointment to speak to the housing officer.
The Housing Officer a Mrs Bluett was very understanding. She told me that I could put my name down for a transfer but I would not have a very high priority. She suggested that I try for a swap with someone who wants to move to my area. She had a big book with the addresses of people that wanted to move and we went through it together.
It is really amazing how many people are dissatisfied with where they live. Some of them seem to have been in the book for months, but the lady said that generally people got an early reply. Some of them are just time wasters, they never intend to move but just like to see what offers they get.
You have to say why you want to move, well that is a complete waste of time. I am not likely to say I can’t stand living where I am because of the neighbours, am I?
So neither is anyone else likely to give me the true story about why they want to move. However I really am desperate so I filled in a form and put myself into the book. Now I just have to wait.
I have been waiting for a whole week now and still haven’t had any enquiries about my swap. How long do these people need to take that’s what I would like to know?
Well talk of the devil I just got my first enquiry. Someone with a Studio flat wants to do a swap. Well that’s a waste of time. A studio flat is just a room with a cooker and toilet. Just one room I can’t be doing with that and I told him so. “Well you should have made it clear in your notice that you were fussy,” he said on the telephone when I told him. Fussy, me fussy, that’s the last thing anybody could ever call me. Am I never to get somewhere nice?
She can be a bit of a fusspot my Janice. Won’t take just anything. Then she will spend ages regretting her decision and wondering if she has done the right thing. Used to really get me annoyed that did. Try to second-guess you and then seem to make her mind up only to change it a little later. Talk about women and the wind. I bet that she will turn down so many that it will seem as if she doesn’t really want to move. Then before you know where you are she’s up sticks and gone without so much as a by your leave.
As to her thinking that Jack Pope is a serial killer all I can say is that she must have lost the plot. Of course people die here they are old. It’s as simple as that.
A week later another caller sounded promising. She has a two-bedroom first floor flat and she wanted to move here because her dog had died and the place held too many memories for her. That’s what she said. She asked if she could come round and of course I agreed. Well she turned up with a friend. Another lady about her own age, mid seventies. They spent the afternoon poking around and asking questions. Were my neighbours nice? Naturally I said they were a really friendly bunch. Did we have an active social club? I told them about the trips out to the bird sanctuary. Finally they said they must go, so I said “Do you like it? When shall I come and visit your place?
“Oh the place is very nice but not suitable for me and so there is no point in you visiting me.”
Time wasters, I was warned about people like that.
“Hello Mrs Bond, I see that you are applying for a move. I wouldn’t get my hopes up too high if I was you.”
“How dare you discuss my business Mrs Jenkins, it’s got nothing to do with you? Anyway it’s not true.”
“Oh Dave Tontine was browsing through the transfer book, it’s his hobby you know, and he mentioned that he saw your flat advertised. Said that you would like to move anywhere. Desperate are you?”
“I would thank you and Mr Tontine to both keep your noses out of my business if you don’t mind, and if you must know I am not in the book, he must have been mistaken,” I slammed the door and went inside.
They have spread my business all over the compound. I burst into tears. Everyone would know now and if I didn’t move they would start rumours as to why nobody wanted to swap with me. I have never felt more humiliated in my life.
I phoned up the Housing Officer and told her to remove my name at once, I will pretend that Dave Tontine must have been mistaken and when they check I won’t be in the book.
Two days later I got a phone call from Mrs Bluett. It seems that a gentleman had spotted my name in the book but it had been removed before he had time to contact me and he had approached her to enquire whether I was still interested.
Naturally I said that I was and so she said that she would arrange for us to make contact. An hour later I had a call from a Mr Michael Thompson who said he had a one bedroom first floor flat at Widdicombe and that he was looking for a move to Upper Magister to be nearer his relations. He has a daughter living in Upper Magister but he doesn’t want to move in with her. I agreed that he could visit to see if my flat would be suitable.
He seems to be a really nice man. He explained that he did not want to be a burden on his daughter and her husband but would like to be near them so that he could visit them and his grandchildren. He has to two granddaughters, Caroline aged 9yrs and Rachel aged 7 and a grandson Steven who is only 3yrs. Well he was delighted with my humble place and so I agreed to go and visit his. I told him that I too did not want to be a burden on anyone and that was why I was arranging the move myself. I explained that my children lived in the Midlands and had begged me to stay with one of them but that I still had my pride and preferred to row my own boat.
“That’s very commendable Mrs Bond. I can see that we see eye to eye over that,” he said.
The flat was a delight, with a lovely view of fields. I saw some cows in one and asked him if they made a lot of noise but he said that they were taken in at night so noise wasn’t a problem. The flat itself was very clean and bright, unlike many old men’s places, and not a bit smelly. There are only the two flats, in fact it is a house that has been converted.
He explained that his daughter came once a week and did a clean. Well she did a very efficient
job I must say and his son in law had recently painted the place magnolia. That I wasn’t impressed with, but one can’t have everything. I would be in the upstairs apartment which wasn’t really what I would have liked but beggars can’t be choosers. There is a bedroom, living room, fitted kitchen with one of those fans that remove all the cooking smells, bathroom with a shower attachment, airing cupboard and a storage room. The only thing we share is the front door and I would be responsible for keeping the stairs clean.
He introduced me to who would be my new neighbours and they were pleasant enough. A couple called Freddie and Maisie Tweedie who are in their seventies and seem nice, they say they are brother and sister, but you can never tell in the country, what with all this inbreeding and such can you? Anyway Mr Thompson told me that Freddie was a bit backward but completely harmless. Well after my experience with Milly I had no qualms on that score.
I fell in love with the place but didn’t think it would be wise to be too keen so I said that it looked satisfactory and that perhaps we could come to an arrangement.
Now all that remains to be done is for Mr Thompson and I to agree on a mutually suitable date to move.
It is a week since I heard from Mr Thompson. I have tried phoning him but there has been no reply. I am getting worried that something has gone wrong. I have decided that I better go and visit. Perhaps he got the impression that I wasn’t all that keen and would want more than he was prepared to give.