“Are you sure?”
“I paid for her, I took her, and I didn’t care if she hurt. I’ve become him. I am just like my bastard father.”
She knew she had to get this under control, and fast.
“Did she tell you no, Dimitri?”
He shook his head.
“Did you leave marks on her?” she asked.
“I bit her.”
Okay, this wasn’t as bad as she’d thought. It sounded like rough sex. That wasn’t the problem. He was trapped, and she needed to reach him beneath all his self-loathing.
“Did she walk out alone?”
“Yes.”
It was time to get to the root of the issue.
“Marissa?”
Her name was the only thing she had to say.
He nodded. “Yes.”
“Are you doing this to punish yourself, Dimitri? Is she really the one?” Emma asked.
He wasn’t sure. “I don’t know.”
“Can I just point out the obvious?” she asked.
He nodded again.
“Everyone I’ve ever met and talked to has said one thing when they fell in love. They said they knew. You don’t. Maybe, you’re putting all your hopes on one person, and she isn’t deserving of it.”
“How can she love me? My brother killed her sister. I couldn’t love her if it were reversed.”
“Then it was never love, Dimitri. That’s the point. If she loved you, really loved you, and you her, then this would be something you both fought together.”
He listened.
“You might have felt like she COULD be the one, but she may not have been.”
He wasn’t sure if that gave him hope or made it worse.
“Emma,” he whispered.
She held him. On that rumpled bed, smelling like another woman and sex, she took care of his heart and soul. Her hands gently caressed his back, offering him peace. The whole time, she could feel the vicious, healed scars from his father as a small child.
He was a mess.
Physically, mentally, and emotionally.
“I let her in.”
“And?”
“I regret it.”
There.
He’d said it. Truth be told, he’d gotten attached to the idea of Marissa.
They’d slept together, and they’d started something.
Then she’d walked away, and his ego was damaged by it. He was supposed to be impermeable to all kinds of pain like this, and here he was, broken.
“You may have to let her go in here,” she said, touching his head.
He was aware. Dimitri was pretty sure she wasn’t coming back. She took her sister’s body, and they headed out. Dimitri checked.
She’d landed in Raleigh, and that was it. Could he find her?
Yes.
Would he?
No.
Dimitri just needed someone to help him. Emma came, and he’d lean on her, like he had before.
“Thank you.”
Emma leaned back, and they both laid on the bed.
Then it hit him.
“I had a hooker here. You shouldn’t…”
She stopped him with a kiss to his lips. “Shhhhh. Just let me hold you. You’ll feel better.”
He did.
Emma had that magic touch. She made everyone feel safe. She also held everyone’s secrets.
Like a mother.
God!
He loved her so much for that.
“Greyson is lucky,” he said. “I’d kill to have what he has. I hope he never forgets it.”
She laughed. “I tell him how lucky he is every day. He should be reminded.”
Dimitri smiled.
“I tell you what. When he tosses me over for some younger babe, I’m all yours.”
He grinned and his heart felt a little better. “Deal.”
Emma let him rest his head on her shoulder.
“Am I like him?” he asked out of the blue.
“No.”
“You’ve never met him, so how do you know?” he asked, thinking about the monster who had sired him.
“Because as a cop, I’ve seen many people like him. You aren’t a bad person. You’re just hurting. You didn’t sleep with a hooker tonight with the need to hurt her, you did it to feel. There’s a difference.”
He listened.
“Look at the man who hurt Sam.”
He didn’t say anything.
“You took care of it. That was violence done out of love and protection. Did your father ever try to protect you and Katerina?” she asked.
“No.”
“Would you let your friends rape her?”
He wanted to be sick.
“Never. I’d die first.”
“Does that sound like him?” she asked.
It didn’t.
“You’re good at this mother thing. Your child will be lucky to have a mom like you, Emma.”
She held him tighter.
When you loved someone, and they struggled, that’s exactly what you did.
Dimitri was a good man buried beneath a shitload of self-hate. That was his only problem.
“You will be okay, Dimitri. With time, you’ll be fine. I promise.”
“I can’t handle much more.”
She could tell. She only hoped that fate cut him a break. She’d get him through it the best she could.
“Why does love hurt?”
Emma brushed the hair off his face. “It hurts to remind you how precious it is. When you find it, and you’ve been hurt before, you never forget to cherish it.”
“I’ve hurt a lot.”
“You have us, Dimitri. I know you look at all of us, and think you’re alone, but you’re not. You have me, and Greyson, and everyone else. We have you.”
He relaxed.
The tension released from his body.
He needed this.
“Why did you get rough?” she asked.
Emma knew he’d have to face his demons.
“I was angry, so I called Stephanie and hired an escort. She came, and I couldn’t get off. Her mouth was all over my dick, and I couldn’t do it.”
Dimitri knew he should be embarrassed to be saying any of this to a woman, but Emma was different. When he talked to her, Dimitri felt safe.
“I got angrier.”
Emma let him talk.
“Then I took her. I was rough. I’m not that man, Emma. I saw him. I saw that bastard, and it scared me.”
She kissed him on the forehead. “You are entitled to feel, and I’m betting you didn’t hurt her as much as you think you did.”
He hoped she was right, but still, he was an asshole.
“I was rough with a woman. That’s not me. She barely looked eighteen.”
And here it was.
Dimitri, a man who saved young girls had used one and felt horrible. Now Emma got it.
“Does Stephanie employ girls, who are underage?” she asked.
“Not to my knowledge.”
“Then she was likely eighteen.”
God!
He hoped so.
If not, then he’d…
Dimitri couldn’t even think it.
She hugged him to her body, and he didn’t hesitate to take that offered affection. He pressed his body against hers in hope that some of her peace would seep into him.
Dimitri needed her to chase the darkness.
“You are a good man, Dimitri, and you’re entitled to hurt. Rough sex isn’t abusing her.”
He let that sink in. Then, he really dropped the bomb.
“I didn’t use a condom.”
Oh, that worried her.
“Honey.”
“I know. I have a death wish. I am feeling so lost right now. It was stupid.”
And just what his father had done.
He’d spread his seed all over that small town in Russia, and look what it had gotten them.
He had a homicidal brother, trying to kill him.
; “Can I ask for something?” she inquired.
After all she did for them, he’d die for her. Asking for something was nothing to him.
“Anything, Emma.”
“Stop with the hookers. You’re looking for something that’s only going to make it worse. You have to see value in you so you can heal.”
He listened.
“You save them because you feel bad about what you’re doing. I can always tell when you come back from a hooker hunt. You’re darker, angry, and broken over it.”
She was right.
He loathed that weakness.
“Sometimes, I just need this,” he said, as she held him. He could live without sex. It was important, but he’d learned things mattered more. Dimitri simply craved that connection to someone. His life had been lonely.
Yes, he’d raised his sisters.
Yes, he had a family.
He still had no one to just hold him when he was struggling.
This was what he longed to have in his life, and he couldn’t figure out how to get it. Buying sex hadn’t helped.
So what was left?
Emma made him look into her eyes. “Then you come find me, and you can have all the affection and hugs you want. I’ll always hold you when you are hurt, Dimitri.”
“And when the nightmares come?” he asked, keeping his voice low.
“You can always wake me up. I’ll sit with you. I’ll crawl into bed and keep you safe.”
He closed his eyes.
“Lucky bastard. Do you have a cousin? Aunt? Old grandmother?” he teased.
She laughed. “Yes, he is, and no, I don’t. I’m the last Starling standing.”
He spoke to her in Russian.
Emma handed her love back.
“Thank you for coming.”
“Do you feel better?” she asked. “Do you feel like you can get through this?”
“I need a few more minutes.”
She gave it to him.
Emma laid there with him for the next ten minutes. Neither spoke, but she could feel his body language change.
He wasn’t tense.
The anger was dissipating.
Finally, he spoke, breaking the silence.
“You should call Greyson to come get you. You have Steele and Dante’s dinner in an hour.”
“Are you coming?”
“I don’t think so,” he said.
“Then I’m staying with you. They’ll understand. I’ll send Greyson. You’ll be doing me a favor. I can avoid Reggie.”
“I can shoot her.”
She snorted. “Oh, how I wish I could take you up on that offer. I might just leave my caveman for someone who could silence that monster for me.”
He laughed and didn’t buy it for a second. Emma Croft was madly in love with her husband. She’d die first.
Still, it was sweet of her.
“Would you really give up tonight for me?” he asked, his voice carrying that Russian accent he tried often to hide.
“In a heartbeat. Greyson would too.”
He needed that.
Dimitri needed to know people would have him, and he didn’t have to be the strong one. It was a lesson he was continually learning.
He grabbed his phone and sent Greyson a text. “He’s going to arrive. I should let you go. It’s bad enough I have you in a bed where I just had a prostitute, but I’m holding his wife.”
She didn’t care, and she knew her husband. Their lives had depended on this man, and he’d never let them down. Dimitri had saved them all a few times.
Giving him this…
It was a small concession.
So, Emma held on.
“He won’t be angry. I know him. He’s worried about you, Dimitri. We love you.”
He loved them too.
At the knock on his door, Emma called for her husband. “Grey, it’s open.”
Her husband entered.
On the bed, he found Emma holding Dimitri. He wasn’t shocked. He knew the man was suffering.
Walking in, he took a seat beside Dimitri’s legs. His hand went to his friend’s hand.
The Russian was watching him with guarded eyes. He expected there to be some comment.
Greyson gave him one.
“I love you, Dimitri. You are our family. You’ve saved us, and now you need to let us save you.”
That staggered him.
It wasn’t what he was expecting.
Emma was special, but now he was seeing the truth. With this man, his friend, his brother, and his partner, he could let him see what he was fighting.
Dimitri let his guard down so much that they saw the pain. His eyes filled with tears and that hopelessness shone through.
“Please save me. I’m lost.”
That was all he had to hear. Greyson did something that the man had never expected. He climbed onto the bed, taking a position behind Dimitri, and he wrapped his arms around both of them.
“I have you, brother. I have you.”
Dimitri, for the first time in his life felt something.
He felt safe.
He did what he said.
In that hotel room, after fucking a hooker, he found what he’d been looking for all his life.
He found someone to do the protecting.
For him.
He found people who loved him, and who would never let him down.
And it bought him some time.
Until he could find real love.
* * * G r e y s o n C r o f t * * *
Across Vegas
Bentley Herron was really nervous. As he got himself ready for the rehearsal dinner, he was worried that his brother wasn’t going to be open to meeting him.
His brother’s fiancé had been pretty clear.
Steele didn’t know he was coming.
Was this the kind of surprise you wanted on your wedding night eve? Would he welcome him with open arms, or was this going to damage any chances he had to connect to his half-brother?
He was worried.
Still, Bentley had always wanted a brother more than anything. He knew the story of his past, and how he’d been the product of his mother’s love of a married man.
He knew his father had been murdered—left to rot in the ground, but he wanted to find the man who’d helped find him.
He wanted a relationship with his blood.
It mattered to him.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” Vonda Herron asked, as she watched him picking out a tie. “The Bentley’s don’t really like me. Camille would rather see me run over by a lawnmower than to see any happiness.”
“Did Steele ever say he didn’t like you?” he asked, being the logical one. His mother ran on emotions. Ben had learned that wasn’t always an option.
Sometimes, you had to think things through, and for this, he had.
“No, but Camille, your father’s wife…”
“I want nothing from her or them. I only want to meet my brother. I want to see him. I need to see him. When it’s all said and done, Mom, this isn’t about her or you. It’s about us.”
She got it.
Vonda never had any more kids. Bentley had been named for his father’s family out of love and respect, and memory. When her true love in life had died, she’d given up that hope there could be another. She’d loved Bentley’s father with all of her heart.
“I hope they don’t hurt you.”
He didn’t care. Bentley wanted to meet his brother. He was getting married, and he wanted to tell him he supported him.
Hopefully, the man wouldn’t hate him for the sins of their parents.
Bentley didn’t make his mother have the affair with a married man. He’d had to come to grips with that on many occasions. What he wanted was a relationship with his brother, and nothing more.
This wasn’t about Bentley money.
This wasn’t about Croft money.
This was about two men who were screwed over the day they were born, and he wanted t
o fight to make it right. He wanted his brother in his life.
“Are you okay with him being…you know?” his mother asked, not saying the word.
“Gay?” Bentley offered. “Is that what you’re saying?” he asked.
“Well, yes, it’s pretty high profile.”
He was more than okay with it. He would love his brother whether he was straight, gay, bi, or trans. This was his brother. That had NOTHING to do with who he slept with in bed.
This was about blood.
“I don’t mean to upset you,” Vonda said, seeing the look on his face.
“I’m not upset, Mom.”
And he wasn’t.
His generation wasn’t as offended or bothered by it, and he could tell his mother was worried that maybe it was contagious.
“Are you worried that there’s some gay genes hidden in my DNA?” he asked, fixing his tie.
“A little.”
“Mom, I’m not gay, so you can stop worrying that I picked up the homosexual gene from the Bentley family pool. I like women.”
She relaxed.
It made him laugh.
“I just want my brother to know I love him. I want to get to know him, and I want…”
“What?”
“I want a relationship with him where we can talk on the phone, or get a beer. I want to be there for him when he needs me, and I want him to be there for me one day when I get married.”
She understood that.
And she respected her son.
“Well, I hope you have fun at the Croft party. Just don’t get shot, killed, or anything else. He’s the mob, Bentley. Your brother is marrying the mob boss’s brother. That’s dangerous.”
He didn’t care.
He was blood.
“I’ll be fine. I’m going to be a doctor, like my brother. I’m going to look into eyes that match mine, and I’m going to see someone I’m connected to for the rest of my life. I have someone who will be my sibling.”
She gave him a kiss.
“How do I look?” he asked, turning around.
She straightened his tie and tucked it into his suit. “When I see you, you look like your father when he was younger. I’ve seen pictures. You’re handsome, and you look like your brother too.”
That made him smile.
“I won’t be home late.”
“I’ll stay up. I can’t wait to hear all about it,” she said. “It’s an adventure, and even though I was the mistress, I want to hear all about them.”
Wedding of Our Dreams: Dante & Steele (Croft Family Mob Series Book 0) Page 8