And what she knew should have made me feel better. According to Mom, they dated a few times then decided to remain friends, but there was nothing romantic between them. But that’s the thing that won’t allow my heart to settle down. At one point, Grady and I were just friends, too.
“Sorry,” I mumble, and she beams her pearly whites down at me, her bright blue eyes twinkle as her gorgeous blonde curls bounce around her. Her hand settles on my upper arm to steady me.
“No problem. I wasn’t watching where I was going, either.” She looks at me a little closer and for a brief moment I swear I see her smile falter. It’s so quick I can’t be sure, though. Her fingers lightly squeeze once, and she moves on to her destination.
Grady.
My heart sinks to my toes as I watch her approach their table, her long legs eating up the distance between where I’m standing and him in only a few strides. I glance down at my feet but the masochist in me can’t look away for long.
She slides a well-manicured hand, the one that had just been touching me, across the top of his back in a move so familiar and intimate, it makes me ache.
That used to be me.
He turns his head and looks up at her, he smiles and stands to greet her with a kiss on the cheek. She beams in response and my body heats. He pulls out a chair for her and she sits in it, leaning a little closer when it appears she’s trying to tell him something.
She smiles at him like he’s her everything.
I get it.
He was once my everything, too.
I feel like someone’s watching me and look to see Cole’s eyes on me, knowing I’m watching the interaction. His head gives a small shake and I shrug because, what am I going to do? Go over there and rip out her beautiful hair for being a friend to Grady when I was too much of a wuss to realize I was making the biggest mistake of my life?
Grady leans back in his chair, his arm not sliding to the back of Kennedy’s chair, but over Mia’s. He grips her shoulder and pulls her in to his side.
I sit on a stool next to the bar, watching the table full of friends I once considered family talk and laugh, sing along and dance together as Brandon continues to entertain the growing crowd.
Strangers, or at least I think they are, approach Grady, offering him their congratulations. Grady takes it all in stride.
Smiling.
Welcoming.
Generous with his time.
As hard as I try, I can’t take my eyes off him. And every so often, I notice him watching me, too. I’m like a sponge, soaking up every bit of Grady’s presence I can get that I’ve been missing over the past six years. Funny how you don’t realize how much a person is a part of you, until they’re gone.
I sip my water, knowing I can’t be confusing myself with the effects of alcohol right now. Brandon’s band continues to play. I’ve been wanting to hear them in person for so long, I could kick myself for not allowing myself to enjoy it. But right now, my heart isn’t into it.
I finally drag my eyes away from where the group sits, and I reach for my purse, sliding a ten-dollar bill to the bartender who was nice enough not to judge me or stop refilling my plain water. Just as I’m ready to leave, to stop behaving like a forlorn lover, a commotion catches my eye.
And the disturbance only continues when I hear Brandon shout into the microphone, “Sorry folks, I’m gonna have to leave you in the hands of Jude for the rest of the night! I’m about to be an uncle!” He whoops and hands his guitar over to who I assume is Jude then jumps off the stage, rushing to his twin sister’s side. Mia folds over in pain, and a huge puddle of what I hope is water gushes underneath her.
In another time, I would be running out the door with the family.
Instead, I watch as they rush past me, not even glancing in my direction or giving me a second thought.
Grady
“It’s a boy!” Cole shouts as he slides around the corner into the family waiting room we’ve been pacing around.
My dad and mom crush him in a hug while Lauren and Josh, Mia’s parents, hug him from the other side.
Our families have known each other since our parents were kids, even before they were high school sweethearts. It’s no wonder Cole fell for his and I fell for mine.
“Finally! Do you know how hard it was to keep this one out of the delivery room?” Josh asks, gesturing to Lauren.
“I’m the mama! I should have been there!”
“He’s perfect,” Cole says through a watery chuckle, ignoring what I’m sure was a constant argument about who would be in the delivery room when their baby was born. His hands shake as he fumbles with his phone, presumably to show us the first picture of his son.
I reach over and help him when he lets out a curse. I find the picture in his camera roll and stare at my new nephew. Brandon stands next to me, holding the phone with me. I glance up at him to see him discreetly wipe away a tear.
As much of a mess as the little guy is, Cole’s right. He’s perfect.
He takes the phone back and stares at it with a look of awe as my sisters Maggie and Harper come running in.
“Did we miss it?” Maggie shouts, a little out of breath.
Maggie is two years younger than me, but Harper, the baby, was the exclamation point to the Ryan family. In every way. She’s full of sass and pretty much brings each one of us to our knees. Unlike when Maggie and I were in high school together, Harper’s on her own for chasing away the little punks. I feel like I’m close to losing my mind nearly any time she doesn’t return my text or Snapchats instantly.
I’m pretty sure it would be frowned upon for me to follow her and her friends around. I’d end up on a most overbearing brother list.
“Nah. He just got here.”
“A boy! Yes! I knew it! You owe me ten bucks,” Harper says to Maggie, who rolls her eyes.
Everyone oohs and awws over the picture, passing Cole’s phone around; the moms are crying, and the rest of the family is beaming.
“Do you have a name for our grandson?” my dad asks.
“Anderson Jarrett Ryan,” he says with a proud smile.
All the parents in the room gasp, the moms both bursting to louder tears. Brandon and Savannah aww and I do my best to discreetly wipe away the moisture trying to escape my eyes.
Damn. I had no idea becoming an uncle for the first time would make me so emotional.
“We wanted a way to honor you guys. To combine Barrett and Josh, it was either Bosh or Jarrett. And since you guys gave me Mom’s maiden name, we wanted it to carry on the tradition but add a little of our own. Hence, Anderson Jarrett.”
“It’s a great name, Cole, and an honor,” my dad says, clasping him on the shoulder and pulling him in for a hug.
“When can we see him?” Lauren asks, bouncing on her toes and looking about ready to bust through the family waiting room door any minute now.
Cole smiles and holds up a hand.
“Give us a minute, Grandma. The doctors are still getting everyone settled, but I knew you guys couldn’t wait to hear the news.”
“We’re Grandmas!” my mom shouts excitedly, clutching Lauren close before releasing her best friend and hugging me.
“Grammy Tess,” I murmur to her and she beams.
For the next few hours, we take turns meeting and loving on the newest addition to the Ryan family. We try to keep the number of people in the room with the new family limited, spending time in the waiting room in the meantime. I’m pretty sure my dad’s phone is going to die soon from the millions of pictures he’s taken.
“I’m gonna leave you guys to it,” I tell Mia as I bend down to kiss her on the forehead. “He’s beautiful, mama. You did good.”
“I’m so glad you could be here, Grady. You doing okay?”
I watch out of the corner of my eye as my mom perks up hearing Mia’s question.
“I’m good. It had to happen eventually, right? And besides, I’m pretty sure she’ll keep things professional after the scare you
gave her.” I wink, but she returns it with a sad smile.
I lean down and kiss my new nephew on the cheek, my palm on the back of his head as my thumb runs over his fuzzy hair.
I say my goodbyes to the rest of the family and don’t make it three steps before my mom’s hand is on my arm, stopping me.
“Grady? What did she mean? Are you okay?”
She gives me the look. The one that says she’ll know if I’m bullshitting her.
“It was nothing, Ma. Go enjoy your new grandson.”
“Don’t bullshit me, kid.”
A laugh threatens to bubble up out of me at her calling me kid, but I know better. In the twenty-six years I’ve been alive, I’ve never been able to lie to her. Not once. It’s freaky how much the woman sees and can read between the lines.
I sigh and shake my head, looking at my feet. I scrub the back of my neck before returning my eyes to hers.
“Saw Bri tonight,” I mutter.
Her bright blue eyes that match mine widen and her hand covers her mouth.
“How did that happen? Where were you? What did she say? Did she confront you? Talk to you? How did she look?” I raise my eyebrows at her rapid fire of questions, and she steps back, taking a deep breath with a small head shake, seeming to steel herself.
“Sorry. It’s not at all what I expected you to say. How are you?”
“I’m good. I promise. She uh…”
I hesitate because I don’t really know how to tell her she’s going to be tagging along with me for the next several weeks.
“She what?” she asks impatiently, crossing her arms over her chest and tapping her foot.
Bri may have broken my heart, but my mom still loves her, probably would be throwing a damn party just to see her again. But if we got back together too? She’d jumpstart some wedding planning. Regardless, I’m still her baby boy. She’s going to be on my side no matter what.
“She’s the one assigned to do the feature on the team.”
“You’re kidding.”
“Nope. When the PR team contacted SI, they told them they needed someone who would do the team justice, who understood our program and…” my words trail off, but my mom doesn’t hesitate to finish.
“In walks Bri. Aside from you, I don’t know anyone who understands it better,” she murmurs her agreement. She takes my hand and walks us to a different waiting room than the rest of the family is congregating in, guiding us to a couple chairs, we both sit. I lean my head back against the wall behind us and turn my head in her direction. “And you saw her?”
“Yeah. She showed up at Brandon’s show, and Mia kind of put her in her place. Well, before she went into labor and her water broke all over the bar floor.”
“I bet she did,” she says with a smirk. “She’s always felt protective over you.”
“Yeah,” I agree. “Mom,” I pause and close my eyes and breathe in deeply through my nose, trying to center myself. When I look back into my mom’s eyes, they’re swimming with emotion. “It was… a shock. To say the least. She…” I sigh and look to the ceiling. “Damn, Mom. She’s still so freakin’ beautiful, it took me back six years, like no time had passed at all. How is it she still affects me this way? Why can’t I move forward?”
“You’ve been waiting for her to come back since the day she left, son. I know it’s hard to admit, but it’s the truth. You may still be angry, bitter even, but like it or not, you never fell out of love with her. Even when you and Kennedy started spending time together, it was like you were holding back. No girl has ever been the same for you. There’s a strong chance no one will ever be.”
Mom’s pretty good about reading my mind. Freaky woman. “How pathetic am I, huh?”
“Not pathetic, honey. She was your best friend, your first love. It took you a long time to come to terms with how deeply you loved her, but when you finally admitted it, I know that was it for you. She was your one and, let’s face it, you’ve never been one to give up. Just because you broke up doesn’t mean that connection breaks. She’s in your heart, it’s not easy to let go.”
“Seemed pretty damn easy for her,” I grit out harshly.
Always. So. Bitter.
Her eyes soften, and she tucks her right leg under her left leg as she shifts toward me. “You gotta let the anger go.”
“Like she let me go, huh?”
She sits quietly for a few moments. Probably reading my thoughts and knowing I’m full of shit.
Because the truth of the matter is, I want to be angry, but I can’t find it in my heart to be.
“I’m fine, Mom. It was hard to see her last night is all. Would’ve been a heck of a lot easier to see her if she’d miraculously gotten ugly,” I joke.
She gives me a half smile.
“Do me a favor?”
“You know I can’t say no to you.”
My mom smiles, her blue eyes twinkling. “I’m counting on it. I want you to hear her out, for both of your benefits, okay? It will do your heart good to have it sorted.”
I take a deep breath, knowing she’s right but not wanting to admit it out loud. I’ve kind of gotten used to the anger, and I’m not too fond of letting it go just because she’s back.
“Remember what started it all, her fear that love wasn’t enough. But we know it is. Anger isn’t worth holding onto, Grady. It will blacken that beautiful heart of yours. I love you. I’m so proud of the man you’ve become. I’m always only a phone call away.”
“I love you, too.”
She pats me on the leg and stands up. I follow and give her a hug before she joins the rest of the family while I turn to leave.
I step out of the hospital and into the cool early morning air, reminding me of how much I love summers in Michigan. The temperatures are tolerable even in the heat of the day, but the mornings? They’re perfection. I take a deep breath. So much has happened in the last eight hours, my body feels like it’s running solely on adrenaline. Mia was lucky she barreled through delivery fairly quickly. In fact, our parents only waited at the hospital for a few hours after they arrived. I called them and told them Mia was in labor, and I’m pretty sure they broke a few speed limit zones to get here in time.
I make my way to my pickup and feel my phone buzz in my pocket.
Bri: I know I don’t have a right to even ask, and you probably deleted my number from your phone, so this might not even go through, but how is everyone? Baby yet?
I’m standing in the middle of the parking lot. Feet glued to the asphalt as I stare at the screen.
No, I never deleted her number.
I didn’t have the heart to go through with it, no matter how many times my thumb hovered over her name.
Not that it would have mattered. Deleting her number wouldn’t have deleted her from my mind.
“Dammit,” I mutter, shoving a hand through my hair and squinting at the sun starting to make its appearance in the early dawn hours.
I climb into my pickup, drive to the nearest coffee shop, and order a large black coffee and breakfast sandwich to go. I know if I don’t grab something before I go home, I’ll be too tired to make anything, so I’m willing to wait for a few minutes. It’s just long enough to give me time to contemplate whether or not I should reply to Bri’s text.
And long enough to remind myself I’m not a dick, nor could I ever ignore her.
I take a seat as the barista brings me my coffee and tells me the sandwich will be another few minutes. I nod my thanks.
Me: I didn’t delete your number.
Me: Anderson Jarrett Ryan arrived a few hours ago. Healthy. 8 lbs 7 oz and 21 inches long.
I smile, feeling proud of myself for remembering the details my mom told me were important and that everyone would ask.
Bri: Oh my heart. His name!
Bri: Uncle Grady ☺
I let out a low laugh and look out the window, letting the side of my head rest against it as my left ankle sits atop my right knee.
When I saw her at th
e bar, I felt like my emotions were at war with themselves. So freaking elated to see her again, I only wanted to take her in my arms, kiss the crap out of her and remind her of what we were.
When Brandon was on stage talking about me, my accomplishments, I couldn’t help but glance in her direction.
An ugly moment of pride swelled up inside me, hoping she was feeling a pang of regret for not being by my side in that moment. But if I’m being honest with myself, deep down I wanted her there with me, like she was always meant to be.
I watch as the three little bubbles appear and disappear a few times.
“Your sandwich,” the barista says, placing a paper bag on the table in front of me.
I sit up straight, phone still in hand. “Thanks, appreciate it.”
“Have a good day,” she calls out to me before I push through the glass door.
I slide into the driver’s seat and take a drink of the hot coffee. I rub my leg, feeling the familiar ache that always occurs when I’ve been busier than normal, and sometimes, out of habit or when the weather is about to change. I reach for the gear shift just as my phone buzzes again, I release it and sit back against the seat.
Bri: I know I don’t have the right to say this either but… I’m sorry.
My immediate reaction is to text WTF for but I’m not a dick so…
Me: For what, exactly?
Bri: More than I could list in a text.
I suck in a breath, put my pickup in drive, and head home.
Grady
It’s Monday morning and I’ve been up since four. Today is Bri’s first day following me around, and my stomach has been in knots since I woke up.
Cole already sent me a selfie this morning of him and Anderson with the words “We got your back” on the picture. Anderson’s head is lulled off to the side, his mouth hanging open in his sleep, and Cole looks tired as all get out, but happier than I’ve ever seen him, aside from the day he and Mia got married.
It made me smile and forget everything that was happening for a few minutes. Well, until the reality of the day hit me like a sledge hammer to the chest.
Waiting for Her Page 5