“What are you talking about?”
He took a deep breath and he said, “When I was fourteen I was diagnosed with what they called a pineal germinoma. It’s a form of childhood tumors of the brain. It metastasized to my spinal cord. I had surgeries, but they never could get it all. Part of it wrapped itself around my brain stem. They did chemo, and radiation, and for a while I was in remission. The doctor told me there was only like a one in five million chance that it would ever come back….but it did. It’s inoperable again, but they’re trying some new medications. That’s why I’m here too, just like you. I should have told you before, but….”
“But you thought that would make things weird between us? Trust me, that part I understand.” I couldn’t believe what he was telling me, yet I did. It explained a lot. The special diet, the juice drinks with all the vitamins, the fact that like me, he didn’t drink. “So, are you okay?”
“I’m doing okay, yeah. So far, it hasn’t grown and I’m not having too many side effects from the meds.”
“The night you got sick…when we watched Benny and Joon?”
“Yeah, that was night four. I only take the meds five days a week. Four is the worst. It’s today, in fact. So far, I’m hanging in.”
“Wow,” I was just blown away. “I’m sorry.”
He smiled and said, “For what?”
“That you have cancer,” I said. I know that sounded stupid, but all of a sudden I was at a loss for words with him.
He laughed and said, “Me too. I’m sorry for you too. Can I walk you home?” I nodded, and then I said, “Where’s Suzie?”
He said, “You’re the only girl who has ever called her by her name. Thank you. She’s in the shop, getting a new starter. I’ll tell her you asked about her though, that will make her happy.”
I laughed and said, “Are you a little bit crazy?”
“Just a little,” he agreed.
After that we walked in silence until we got to the dorms. He even carried my little patient belongings bag for me. When we got there he said, “I have a gig at Aqua tomorrow night. I think Jake and Megan are coming. Would you like to go too?”
I had so much crap in my head at that moment I barely knew my own name. “Can I let you know tomorrow?” I asked him.
“Sure,” he said. “Good night, Molly.”
“Good night Brock, and thank you.” I was used to my cancer, and as bad as it sucked, it had become part of me by now. I wasn’t used to his though, and I didn’t like it. I was glad that he took such good care of himself though.
“Maybe you’ll beat it for good this time,” I said.
“Sure,” he replied. “Good night, Molly.”
Chapter Sixteen
Brock
I walked home like one of Jake’s zombies. I couldn’t believe I told her that. I hadn’t told anyone else besides Jake and of course other medical people and stuff. My heart was breaking for her, and I got the feeling that she was in the hospital for more than dehydration. I didn’t blame her for not telling me though. She was right, back in school things got so weird after I was diagnosed, even with my good friends. Except for Jake, of course. He never treated me any differently than he had since we were seven. I’m glad Molly has Megan too. She and Jake really were two peas in a pod, and Molly and I really were lucky to have them both. I needed to remember to be nicer to him. I wish he would make it easier.
When I finally got home, Jake was there on the couch, staring at God knows what on the television. I went over and gave him a backwards, sideways hug and said, “I love you man!”
He looked at me like I had grown a second head but then he said, “Yeah, me too.” Then he went back to his TV. I started to head for my room when I felt it…that tell-tale rumbling in my stomach. The one that always hits me right before the nausea comes. I bypassed my room and headed for the bathroom. I stood leaning against the counter for a minute, hoping that it was just going to pass. When it did, I leaned down and splashed cold water on my face. I reached for the towel and as I did, I suddenly felt the bile rise up in the back of my throat. I moved quickly to the toilet and promptly deposited the remnants of the avocado and turkey sandwich I had eaten for lunch. My hands were shaking now and I could tell that this was going to be one of those nights. I reached for the counter to pull myself up off the floor and my hand slipped. I went down hard, luckily bracing the fall with my shoulder, rather than my head.
“Hey, are you okay?”
It was Jake, knocking on the door. I didn’t answer right away, so Jake just let himself in. He saw me on the floor and was on his knees next to me in a flash. “Did you fall? Did you hit your head?”
“No, I hit my shoulder. I’m okay. Help me up, please.”
Jake did, and once I was back on my feet, another wave of nausea hit and I went back down to the toilet. Jake, bless his heart, stood there and waited until I was finished. When I had nothing left in my stomach to expel, he handed me a wet washcloth and while I brushed my teeth, he went into the kitchen and brought me my Zofran. I leaned against the counter again after I put it under my tongue and I waited for the next wave to pass. Jake stayed right there, not saying a word. You can’t buy friends like that.
When I thought I could move without the motion making me want to puke again, I picked up the little metal wastebasket and a towel and said, “I think I’ll take it in my room. Thank you, Jake.”
“No problem,” he said. “Let me know if you need anything.”
“I will,” I said. Then on my way into the room I looked over my shoulder and said, “I told Molly tonight.”
Jake stopped and turned around. The look on his face was pure disbelief. “Wow, what did she say?”
My stomach gurgled again, so I said, “I better tell you about it later. Good night.”
“Night.”
It was a night…a long one. I slept off and on with my head hanging off the side of the bed. I think the most I slept in a row all night was about half an hour. Then the wave of nausea would hit me again and I’d have to roll over and heave nothing but bile and stomach acid into the bucket once more. Sometime during the night it occurred to me that I had told the one person whose opinion really mattered to me that I was walking around with a tumor in my head. Too bad she couldn’t see me now; she’d know what a real prize I was.
Chapter Seventeen
Molly
“I’m so happy you’re going!” Megan’s enthusiasm was cute, sometimes. We were getting ready to go to Aqua and watch Brock. He was singing again tonight with his friend’s band and I was really looking forward to it. It was the first time in four or five days that I felt really good. I had drunk a lot of water, took my vitamins and wrote down how much I peed. I had to leave this funky looking little “hat” in the toilet to catch and measure my urine. I made sure to take it out and clean it each time. I didn’t want to gross out Megan. I told Megan that Brock knew now, about me being sick. It was weird, but that made her really happy. I didn’t tell her about him. I didn’t know if Jake knew and I’m pretty sure that my illness was the only thing she had ever not told Jake about. I didn’t want to tempt her.
“What are you wearing?” I asked her.
“I got a new dress yesterday,” she said with a guilty smile. Megan’s dad loves her; he dotes on her as a matter of fact. He had given her a credit card before she left for college and told her it was for emergencies. Megan thought having nothing to wear to the club was an emergency. I found myself wishing that my dad was like Megan’s as I rummaged through my clothes. That was a joke. I had spent the first ten years of my life wishing that he just had a name. After that, I accepted that I would probably never know who he was, and I suspected that my mother didn’t either.
I stood staring at my clothes while I had these thoughts. I really wanted to look nice tonight. Megan tried to get me to wear a black sundress that I had bought over the summer and I accused her of wanting me to die from pneumonia. I tried to wear a black sweater dress and she said it
was fine and to call her after the funeral. We both finally settled on a blue knit blouse that was cut almost to my waist in back, but not too low in front and a matching skirt. It wasn’t long, but it wasn’t so short that I had to worry about matching it to the color of my panties either. When we were both finally ready, I was satisfied. Not overwhelmed, or wowed, but satisfied. As we walked out to the car I had the Bruno Mars song Brock had sang to me in the hospital in my head. It gave me chills to know he thought that I was beautiful. He made me feel beautiful too, and that was really all that mattered.
We stopped for Jake on the way. Brock had gotten Suzie out of the shop earlier in the day. He had to be there early to set up but he said he left our names at the door as his guests, so we didn’t have to wait in line. The club had become very popular, and Jake told her it had a lot to do with Brock’s singing and guitar playing. I didn’t doubt it, even if I didn’t know him, after hearing him sing I would go back.
The club was already packed when we got inside. Brock saw us as we made our way through the crowd and waved us over towards the stage. He pointed out two tables that were roped off. “Those are mine and Joe’s, pick one and have a seat,” he said. He looked so good tonight. He was wearing a Grateful Dead T-shirt. It was all black except for the eyes on the face in front. Those were blue, like his. I had to wonder if he had bought the shirt because he knew it matched his eyes. I knew him now though, and even if he did know he was pretty, I knew enough about him to know that he hadn’t let it go to his head.
His dark hair was stylishly mussed and he looked like he hadn’t shaven today. It gave his face an older, rugged look. It was hot. Before I went with Molly and Jake to sit at our table I said, “Good luck.” He winked at me, which really did things to my insides.
“I’m already lucky,” he said, “you showed up.” I walked over to our table on wobbly legs.
The band he was playing with was really good. They did a few sets with Brock playing the guitar and Joe’s wife singing, and then she and Brock did a duet. I tried to look at other things in the club, the people, the décor, Megan and Jake, but my eyes kept being drawn back up to the stage, on Brock. I liked the way he took the microphone off the stand when he sang and pressed his lips down close to it. I began to notice how his voice got deeper and….yes, sexier when he sang a love song. I even noticed how the veins on his muscular arms seemed to come alive and dance as he moved around on stage.
Every so often, he would look at me and smile. There was something so intimate about that to me. It was just a smile, but he and I both knew that it was just for me, and I had to admit that I was coming around to the idea of dating him. Maybe it was being freed of my secret, maybe it was just because he was the hottest guy around, and maybe it was because he proved over and over what an amazing and kind spirit he had. I’m not sure what prompted the change, but I knew all of a sudden if he tried to kiss me again, I was going to let him.
They played about five songs and then Joe said they were going to take a ten minute break. Brock came straight over to our table, and I couldn’t help but notice the looks of envy most of the single girls in the club were throwing my way. He sat down next to me and opened a bottle of water he had in his hand. He downed more than half of it in one drink and then he leaned over and whispered in my ear. All he said was, “Have you been drinking enough water?”
“Yes,” I told him, plenty. I wasn’t lying either. If drinking water was going to stop me from having to go back to the hospital, I’ll hook up the garden hose.
“Why aren’t you dancing?” he asked me. “You look too pretty to just be sitting here.”
I didn’t think about what I was saying, I just said, “Because the only person I want to dance with is on-stage tonight.” I heard it come out of my mouth, and I knew it to be the truth, but I was shocked that I’d actually said it.
He smiled and leaned in close again. He put his lips near my ear once more and said, “Save one for me when we’re finished up, okay? The next band playing is pretty good.”
I smiled and told him that I would. He saw Joe headed back for the stage so he went too. I watched him go, and then I realized that Megan was giggling. I looked at her and she and Jake looked extremely guilty.
“What?” I said.
Megan shrugged. “There’s a lot of whispering going on with you two,” she said.
“He was talking to me. It’s loud in here,” I said. In our defense, it was the truth.
“Jake says he used to sing a lot of hard rock and suddenly he’s all about the love song. Did you notice that Molly?” she asked me with another giggle.
I was saved by the band that struck up once again. Megan and Jake went off to dance and I turned down three guys while they were gone. There was no reason for it, I just didn’t want to dance…with them. I was saving one, and we would see where that went.
The band played three more songs, picking up the tempo a bit with Joe’s wife doing most of the singing. Brock sang with her for one of the songs, but for the rest he just played his guitar. I liked watching his face when he played. It was so intense, like his very life depended on getting every note just right. I watched him as he stepped up to the microphone. I thought he was getting ready to sing his last song, but then he said, “I want to dedicate this song to a very special person here tonight. I think she knows who she is, and if she doesn’t yet, I hope to convince her someday.
Megan reached over and squeezed my arm. When I didn’t look back at her she said, “He was talking about you.”
I laughed and said, “You think so?”
Brock started singing then, and as I listened to the words and music, I realized he was doing “Somebody’s Heartbreak” by Hunter Hayes. It was one of my favorite songs, and now he was singing it to me. While he stood under the spotlights of the stage and crooned out the melody, I felt things inside of me that I didn’t even know existed. He carried the microphone to the edge of the stage and as he looked right at me he sang the lyrics.
Megan and Jake went to dance again but I couldn’t take my eyes off of Brock. I could hardly catch my breath. Then, the unthinkable happened. I was staring across the room, up onto the stage, looking into Brock’s eyes when suddenly someone was standing directly in front of me. I looked up to tell whoever it was to move, or more accurately, to get the hell out of the way. Looking back at me was my ex-boyfriend Zack. I was stunned. I hadn’t seen him since just before I started school here and he had decided that he wasn’t up for the whole sick girlfriend thing. While he stood there, the last person in the world that I hoped to see, the song ended and Brocks beautiful voice stopped singing.
“Hi Molly.”
Hello, coward.
“Hi Zack.”
I didn’t see the need to be confrontational. Play nice for a minute and he’ll go away. After all, I already knew how good he was at walking away.
“How are you? Are you still sick? Do you still have those nasty tumors on your kidney?”
“I’m fine, thanks Zack. How are you?”
He smiled, “I’m good. It’s really nice to see you. You look really pretty.”
“Thanks,” I said.
Now go away.
“Hey Molly, are you okay?” Megan had walked up then.
“I’m fine, Megan. You remember Zack?” Megan gave him a distasteful look, like there was something sour in her mouth.
“Hi Megan!” he said with a big smile and way too much enthusiasm. Even if he wasn’t smart enough to figure out that I wasn’t happy to see him, he had to know without a doubt that she wasn’t.
“Yeah, hey,” she said, dismissively. “Were you riding home with Brock tonight?” she said. Good ‘ole Megan.
“Yeah, I think so,” I said. “I’m just waiting for him to finish up.”
“Okay, Jake and I were going next door to get something to eat. You sure you don’t want to come with us, just until Brock’s ready?” She looked at Zack every time she said Brock’s name. I love this girl.
&
nbsp; “No thanks, Meg. He shouldn’t be long.” She hugged me and whispered, “Tell him to take a hike, a long one, off a cliff.” I laughed and said, “Don’t worry, I will.” When Megan left, Zack said, “Can I sit for a minute?” I started to say no, but then he said, “I just want five minutes Molly. I need to apologize to you for being such a big jerk.”
“Okay,” I said. I liked hearing him call himself a big jerk.
He sat down and said, “I loved being with you in high school, Molly. I haven’t been able to find anyone even remotely like you since. I miss you, and I never should have walked away.”
“Thanks Zack,” I said. I appreciated the apology, for what it was worth. I mistakenly thought that was all, however. Then he went on. “My fraternity is having an after-party tonight. Why don’t you go with me?”
“No thanks, Zack. I have plans.”
“Okay, another time then? We could have dinner, catch up?”
“Zack…What exactly is it that you want to catch up on?” I asked him. Things were fine between us until I got really sick, then he was gone. Does he really want to know how I fought it, got better and now have to start the fight all over again?
“It would just be nice to talk and find out how you’re doing, what you’ve been up to….I miss you, Molly,” he said again.
“I’m doing fine. I’m going to school and working….and I still have cancer Zack.”
“Oh,” he said. Here we go. “You look so….healthy,” he said.
“Looks can be deceiving like that. You can run away now, it’s okay. This time, Zack I won’t even bat an eye.”
“Aw, come on Molly. I was a kid.”
It was less than a year ago...but okay, sure…we were kids.
“I was looking at getting out of high school and going on to have a great time in college…with you on my arm, Molly. Then I found out how sick you were and I freaked out. I didn’t know how to handle it….”
Dirty Biker (An MC Motorcycle Romance) (The Maxwell Family) Page 60