Confessions of a Demon

by S. L. Wright

  I launched myself at him, with every intention of hurting him. I felt like an animal, filled with mindless rage. “You bastard!”

  He kept me from punching him, easily holding me off. Through his palms, he forced some of the energy he had stolen from Dread into me, feeding me his concern and admiration. He actually liked that I was fighting mad. “It wasn’t on purpose, Allay. I was hunting Pique. You would have died if I hadn’t jumped him outside your bar.”

  “That’s why you had sex with me. You wanted to kill Shock.”

  “It’s true that’s why I went upstairs with you. But, Allay, I never lied about how I feel about you. I’ve never met a woman with such resolve to do right, with such force of character and strength of will. What happened between us had nothing to do with any other demon. Never. The only lie is who I am.”

  My strength was growing by the second as he forced more energy into me. “What are you doing?” I tried to jerk my wrists away from him.

  “Dread nearly killed you. You need to take in a lot of energy fast, or you’ll be defenseless.”

  “No.” I tried to wrest my arms from his grasp, struggling to raise my shields to keep him from giving me his stolen energy. But I wasn’t skilled or strong enough to block him. “Stop it. Let me go or I’ll scream!”

  “The guards are probably used to screams coming from this room,” he said. But he let me go. My aura was glowing nicely now.

  I edged away from Dread, avoiding his feet. He was in bad shape, his clawed hands drawn up to his pinched face. His eyes were heavy lidded. He was still murmuring; I don’t know what. But it sounded more furious than pleading for his life. A demon like Dread had probably never imagined himself brought so low. Who had ever challenged Vex’s second-in-command?

  It was the height of irony that I, a possessed human, was supposed to do him in. I supposed for someone like Ram, it was easy. “How could you kill all those people?”

  “I have to maintain the balance, Allay. I can’t let demons overrun humanity; it would ruin everything. Take a look around you—even the poorest families live better than kings used to. If I hadn’t culled the most dangerous, despicable demons over the centuries, that couldn’t have happened. It’s good for demons, too. Civilization has to flourish for us to survive. We die with them when they fall.”

  “The last time someone wanted mankind to make great leaps, it involved cutting off my head.”

  “Forget about all that.” Ram pointed at Dread. “You have to consume him, Allay. We’ve got more than enough evidence that he tortures people, as well as demons, in this cage—”

  Abruptly, he stopped. I felt it, too—the first tingles of Vex’s signature. Vex was approaching quickly down below, outside the building. What if he had felt it when Ram lowered his shields?

  “Vex is coming. We have to move fast,” he said.

  I clutched the bars behind me, still shaking my head.

  “Allay, you have to take him. Now.” Ram ran a hand through his hair in frustration. Naked, wounded, he looked like my familiar Theo, but somehow he was completely different. “I have to go wipe the tapes. I can’t allow proof of demon existence to be linked to the death of the prophet. That would be catastrophic for civilization.”

  “What about Vex?”

  “I’ll take care of him. You do the right thing and finish off Dread.”

  Ram hurried to the door, but he paused on the threshold, looking back. I met his eyes, still angry and confused. Then I resolutely looked away.

  The door closed and Ram was gone. I couldn’t sense him now that he was shielded again. I had come to rely on my ability to sense other demons before I saw them. Avoiding them kept me alive. So the possibility that a demon could shield himself to the point that he felt completely human was terrifying. I had stopped thinking straight, or apparently, seeing straight. I had believed his line of bullshit, and accepted him for what he portrayed himself as—a man who had such a strong connection with me that he would give up everything to stand by my side in my hour of need.

  That man didn’t exist.

  But Ram had saved me again—this time from death at Dread’s hands. The energy he had forced me to take had been so satisfying… better than anything I had ever consumed. It had revived me from the brink of death. But getting drained had also intensified my aching need to take another demon, to renew my dying spark of life force.

  Dread was within arm’s reach. I slowly sank down to my knees next to him. He looked defenseless now, smaller and more fragile. His signature was a feeble thing, weaker than Shock’s had been when I had found her.

  It would take nothing, a brush of my finger to the back of his hand, and I could steal his essence away from him. I could see it glowing inside of him, vulnerable and ready to be taken. There was only a thin layer of energy keeping it from leaping into my core and it strained against those bounds, eager for my touch. I almost called to it, wanting it more than anything.

  It was such a small thing to do to gain two centuries of life, to give me all that I would do and see.… I was sure I would be productive, generous, useful—not a corrupt, greedy bastard like Dread.

  But I would be a murderer, a cannibal. People shouldn’t kill other people to survive. It wasn’t right, on the most fundamental level. It was what made demons evil.

  Vex’s signature was approaching, on this very floor. Vex was more attuned to Dread’s signature than anyone else. What if he felt Dread’s flickering signature and came to check it out?

  I reached out for Dread again, pushed to the brink by self-preservation.

  But Vex’s signature began to recede as he walked past, down the hallway toward his loft at the other end of the building.

  I pulled my hands back without touching Dread.

  I was still myself.

  It was a remarkable relief, despite the gnawing in my belly. And at least I could sense Vex. It was better than knowing Ram was right next door and I couldn’t sense him.

  Then I remembered seeing Theo and Vex grappling in the hallway. It suddenly took on new meaning. Ram had been trying to kill Vex, not the other way around. And I had interrupted him.

  Ram, the self-professed assassin, proved how right I was to hold tight to my last remnants of humanity. I had scared myself with the fear of becoming a human serial killer, but the reality was much worse. How many of his offsprings’ offspring had he eaten?

  And he was proud of it.

  I leaned in close to Dread’s ear. “I could kill you, but I won’t. You owe me one, Dread.”

  I got up and left the cage. The key was still in the lock, so I turned it—a final, irrevocable sound; then I pocketed the heavy iron key, leaving Dread curled like a small, empty husk on the floor. There, nobody would be able to reach him and accidentally become possessed.

  It was my only choice. If anyone deserved to die, it was Dread. But I was no executioner.

  17

  Somewhere along the way, I had accepted that I wasn’t getting out of this mess alive. But who does? Life always ends in death.

  My only choice was in how I lived.

  With Vex’s signature pulsing strong at the other end of the building, I cautiously opened the door into Dread’s loft. In a truly schizophrenic moment, I half feared, half hoped that Ram would be there.

  But the enormous loft was empty. The shattered remains of a speaker lay in front of several open wall panels holding electronic equipment. The sleek black machines had been dragged out, trailing wires, their guts smashed. That had to be Ram’s work, erasing the tapes of the torture chamber.

  I glanced down at myself; I was sticky with drying blood from my chest to my fingertips: Ram’s blood.

  I sniffed the back of my hand. It was definitely demon blood. Why hadn’t I recognized it when Ram was shot? I, of all people, shouldn’t have doubted that a demon could shield his signature. I had seen those motorcycle boots with my own eyes and hadn’t felt a signature. But still I hadn’t truly believed it.

  Feeling as
if dogs were nipping at my heels, I shoved aside the bamboo screen and washed myself in the large sink. I took off my shirt and bloody bra and practically had to crawl inside to rinse myself, scrubbing my face, as well. The water that ran off was pale scarlet, the color of old anger.

  Then I started checking doors, looking for the closets. There were several private studies and sitting rooms, but no bedroom. One large room was lined with cabinets, shelves, and bars for hanging clothes. It looked as if a tornado had blown through and taken some of the stuff, leaving the rest dangling from hangers and spilling out of drawers and across the floor.

  Lash had left in a hurry, it seemed.

  Using the hand towel to dry off, I chose black leggings and a dark empire-waist dress with a pattern that looked something like irises down one side of the skirt. I didn’t have much energy to spare to fully heal my throat, so I left the bruises alone. Then I fluffed up my hair and glanced in the mirror placed discreetly in a nook near the door.

  I stopped short, caught by my wide eyes. I was a stranger to myself, just another desperate girl. The city was full of them.

  Trying to calm myself, I reached for the door handle. I was plotting ways out of the Prophet’s Center, but I realized something else had changed.

  Vex’s signature was not as strong.

  I’d been thinking about running for the stairwell, but instead, a foreboding drew me down the long corridor. The door to Vex’s loft had been left ajar.

  I pushed it open and ducked inside to avoid the prying eyes of the security guards with their cameras in the hallway.

  Vex’s loft had the same sleeping mezzanine with a galley kitchen below, but his was decorated in industrial chic, black and silver. It was scattered with the paraphernalia of a skateboarding geek—video games, racing magazines, graphic novels of every kind. The lithographs and multimedia sculptures were bold, rough, grating on the senses. Neglect showed in the dust bunnies rolled against every wall in fat wads, as if the cleaning staff never entered.

  The windows were streaky and clouded, obscuring the sweep of the suspension bridge that crossed right in front of me. Orienting myself, I realized that Dread’s show office was one floor directly below.

  The sun was setting, casting golden flares off the wires of the bridge. Beyond it was the park on top of the Prophet’s Arena, along with the rooftops and towers of Brooklyn surrounding the bay of the old Navy Yard. Along the water’s edge were towering cranes like prehistoric giraffes. Rows of the reflective round pools of the Red Hook sewage plant were on the far side of the bay.

  I heard Vex gasp.

  Looking in, I saw that Ram’s arm was around Vex’s neck, putting one of Vex’s arms behind his back where it could do no harm. Ram had healed his body so there wasn’t a trace of the burns or his black eye, or of the cut on his forehead, though the butterfly bandages were still where I’d placed them.

  If this was a wrestling match, nobody would win. But Ram already had what he needed. He was pulling energy from Vex, drawing it through his strong shields one drop at a time.

  With his face pressed into Ram’s shoulder, Vex said breathlessly, “What are you?”

  I could tell that Vex was trying to find an angle—by playing meek, he hoped to make Ram overconfident. But Ram replied, “I’m Bedlam’s progenitor. I’m the one who killed him.”

  Vex seemed stunned. “No, that’s impossible.”

  With dark clouds moving in ominously close, the light in the room faded quickly, leaving only the lights on the buildings punctuating the darkness. They were facing away from me, so I wasn’t sure if they saw me or felt my signature in the midst of their battle.

  Vex struggled, oblivious to bones cracking and muscles tearing. His face was pressed sideways so he couldn’t bite into Ram’s shoulder. He kept trying to twist away, and he expended inhuman strength to flip them over. But Ram’s feet locked into his legs, keeping him from finding the leverage he needed. Vex was powerful after so many centuries, but Ram was thousands of years old and that much stronger. Ram also clearly knew a thing or two about shields.

  “I’ve… felt you before,” Vex choked out.

  Ram hooked his feet into Vex’s hips to keep him from slipping away again. “It’s true. I lured Bedlam into kidnapping me off the street one night—in the persona of a harmless Sicilian boy. But instead of taking me himself, he gave me to you and Glory, so I could feed you. I let Bedlam lock me up between your boxes—those iron-bound coffins you and Glory had lived inside from the moment you were born. You both reached your arms through the holes, grasping on to my legs. You were near starved, kept alive only to preserve your essence until Bedlam needed it. I fed you both well before I broke the link on the chain and set myself free.”

  Vex struggled harder, but he couldn’t budge Ram. The energy he was bleeding was starting to weaken him. His voice was strained from the head lock. “Glory told you that. She’s been working with you. She sent you to stop me from launching the Revelation.”

  “Remember how I pulled the long iron pin from the hinges on the side of the box and opened it to find you first? The lid blocked us from her sight. I smiled at you and reached out my hand to help you. I was afraid you were going to attack me and I was going to have to reveal that I was a demon in order to fight you off. But after a moment, you took my hand and let me pull you up. You were blinking around at the room, and you were so shaky, you couldn’t help me take out the pin on the lid to Glory’s box. When I opened it, she leaped out like a wild cat. But she bounced off me and scurried into a corner. I think you were as surprised as I was.”

  Vex let out his breath, as if he couldn’t doubt anymore. “I had seen only glimpses of that room through the hole: the fresco on the wall of a woman reclining on a sofa eating a banquet; piles of grapes; kneeling slaves presenting platters of roasted boar. We were being stored there, meat for Bedlam to consume.”

  “Yes, and when Bedlam saw that I had gotten loose and came in to investigate, you two bludgeoned him to death.”

  “Yes…”

  “But you didn’t take his essence.”

  Vex’s voice was fainter. “We agreed it was best to never speak of it. But it’s affected everything we did. We protected ourselves, surrounding ourselves with our offspring, preparing for his return. But he never appeared. I used to sometimes wonder if it was Bedlam out there causing the disappearances. Yet if he had lived, surely he would have taken vengeance on us.”

  “You two were better than Bedlam. The best thing about you was your détente with Glory. You’ve proved cooperation begets prosperity for both demons and humans. But for the sake of greed and power, you were ready to throw that all away. You intended to impose chaos and superstition on the world again, warping the natural flow of society by promising humans immortality.”

  “No, I understand now. Let this be the first step in our negotiations. I’m willing to work with you, and with Glory, too. Tell me what you want.”

  Vex’s strength was waning now, and his struggles were increasingly easy to subdue. I didn’t think it was an act to lull Ram. He had been draining off Vex’s energy as hard as he could for a while now. Vex’s signature was weakening right in front of my eyes. I couldn’t turn away from the awful sight.

  “Think of this as Judgment Day, Vex. I’m tallying up your sins. The people you killed. The harm you inflicted. You were convenient for me, keeping your line in check. But you’ve lost control of them. Two hundred years ago no demon would have touched Allay if that was your order. Now I wonder if you have a full count of your own line.”

  “Shock’s Petrify is the latest in my line. The last one before that was Slam. Was it you who killed him last month? But I admit… I could keep a better eye on my people. Your people, actually.” He gasped a few times, trying to catch his breath. “You’re our progenitor, Ram. We’re part of your line. You deserve to hold your rightful place among us.”

  Ram sounded sickened. “If I wanted that, I would have taken it long ago. I’ve done not
hing but pay for my useless pride, my stupidity in fighting Bedlam until everyone was dead. I’m complicit in the death of my own beloved progenitor. Nothing you could give me can change that.”

  The energy was pouring out faster now, as Vex’s shields finally dropped. Ram soaked everything up as quickly as he could, swelling even bigger. He began to transform in small ways, trying to bleed off the excess energy, changing his hair color in rapid succession, growing his chest larger, his biceps bulkier, then back to normal again.

  “Let me try,” Vex whispered. “Let me try to serve you.”

  He was softening, slumping in on himself. Ram had to tighten his arm to keep hold as Vex began to compress inward. His chest caved as his skin shriveled, and his arms and legs began to draw up. It reminded me eerily of Dread. My own urgent need called out to the core exposed at the heart of Vex, only a last few drops of energy remaining.

  The essence of his life was beautiful, sparkling like an enormous diamond, casting rainbows into my eyes. I took a step forward. I couldn’t have torn myself away for anything. Vex’s essence had been honed to a heightened brilliance over the centuries—alluring, hypnotic, irresistible.…

  “I gave you life when I freed you from Bedlam,” Ram whispered. “Now I take it back.”

  Ram drew in the essence that kept Vex alive, and absorbed it into himself. It slammed into him; though no bigger than his fist, it looked as if he had swallowed a blimp. It swelled inside of him, the power of life.

  “No!” Vex let out a final breath, a moan of bewilderment.

  His body quickly shrank in on itself, growing more intangible. Slowly the clothes collapsed onto Ram, and his arms weren’t holding anything anymore. A long, thin form hung in the air, curling and collapsing, growing smaller by the second. Tendrils of smoke rose as it rolled into itself, disappearing with an audible pop.

  There was a bad smell in the air, like burned oil—the unforgettable stench of dead demon.

  18

  It broke the spell that had held me frozen. Was it Ram’s mesmerizing voice that had kept me standing by as he killed Vex? What kind of strange powers did he possess?