by Wendy Louise
Liv’s face brightens and she runs her hands behind my neck. “I love you,” she says as she stares into my soul. I squeeze her tightly against me.
“I love you too baby, so fuckin’ much that I can’t even entertain the thought of us not being together. Forget everything Ruby said. She’s nothing to us and she had no right. I love you Olivia Lucas, you’re mine, I’m yours and nothing and no-one else matters.”
“Okay.” Olivia smiles at my words.
It’s a smile that sends a bolt through my veins, straight to my heart causing it to double in rhythm. I take her hand, take a deep breath to calm my nerves, and vow to myself that I will be talking to Rafe in the morning about Ruby’s next assignment.
Away from Awesome Rebel.
Unwell
I don’t want to do anything that may hinder Gray’s career. Everything Ruby said to me last night hit home in a very big way.
I know how this business works. The same conversation Ruby had with me, I have had with my own Publicist and Manager in the past.
The public want you, and it is our job to make them believe that they can have us at any cost. They need to be able to believe the fairy tale, to believe that just once they can fulfil their fantasy with the famous actress or sexy rock star.
I get it.
I know how it goes.
I just don’t like hearing it from Ruby.
It’s like all the silent fears that I have were made real as soon as she vocalised them. I know that Gray doesn’t want to buy into any of it, and I don’t either, but at the same time, I will not be the one who is responsible for tearing apart the band or affecting their success in any way.
I think that pulling back publicly may be a good thing, but getting Gray to agree to that will not be easy. He is adamant that nothing will affect our relationship.
I love him for that.
I love him for putting me first, but I worry that if things go south, will he resent me, or blame me for taking too much of his attention away from his dream?
Right now his focus needs to be on Awesome Rebel, and I love him enough to let that be the case. Convincing him that he needs to let our relationship take a back seat is going to be the difficult part.
Ava, Ethan and I all head back to LA this afternoon and Gray heads off on the next leg of his tour. I have a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach because it is going to be a longer stretch apart this time. It was hard enough for just two weeks, so surviving longer than that will be difficult.
I wrap the tie of the hotel robe tightly around myself and plaster a smile on my face before leaving the bathroom. I want our last few hours together to be special, not overtaken by the sorrow of our impending separation.
“Breakfast is served baby,” Gray says with a dramatic sweep of his arm as I walk into the dining area. The table is covered in every single breakfast item known to man.
Pancakes, fresh fruit, eggs, bacon, waffles, you name it, and it’s here.
Grayson is standing there with only his pyjama bottoms on, sitting low on his sculptured hips, with all those yummy tattoos on display.
He takes my breath away.
“What’s all this?” I ask with a smile.
Grayson pulls a chair back for me, places a napkin in my lap and kisses me on the cheek. “This, baby, is your breakfast. I wanted it to just be us. I wanted us to have time alone with no interruptions or distractions. This is our last breakfast together for a while.”
He pulls a lid off a small dish in the centre of the table as he takes the seat beside me, “Look, I even ordered your vegemite shit.”
I can’t help but laugh at his assessment of my favourite breakfast condiment. “Then you thought of everything baby,” I say as I kiss him on the lips.
I grab a spoonful of scrambled eggs, and a small side of bacon, along with a pancake. Grayson places a coffee in front of each of us and we dig into the exquisite spread in front of us.
Gray and I are both really lucky.
We have the type of metabolisms that allow us to eat pretty much anything we want, as long as we both continue with our workout regimes. I’ve been a little slack with that of late, but I will be getting back into it in a big way once we get home.
Ava makes sure of it; she’s as disciplined as they come when it comes to working out, and she drags me along for the ride.
“Thanks for this, it makes this last morning together really special. I don’t want to go home.”
“I don’t want you to go home either, but I will just start counting down until we’re together in Vegas in a few weeks.”
Gray turns his attention to buttering his toast.
Here goes!
“Gray, I think we need to take the opportunity to stay out of the tabloids when we are together over the coming months. What Ruby said to me last night hit home, and I feel like I could hinder the perception of the band if we continue to flaunt our relationship the way we are.”
Grayson scoffs. “What do you mean by flaunt the relationship? Liv, we’re together, that’s fact, I don’t give a shit what Ruby says, or what the fuckin’ public think of that. I love you, we’re together - end of story. I will not hide from the media just so that Ruby can have her way. Fuck that. It’s you and me baby, nothing else is on my radar.”
“But what if she’s right Gray and our relationship hurts your public image, or affects record sales. I would never forgive myself for that. This is your dream. I won’t mess with that.”
Grayson shakes his head from side-to-side and grabs my chin, directing my gaze to his. “YOU are my dream Liv. I told you already, I would give all this up if it meant having you forever, nothing else matters. I love what I do, but I love you more.”
I throw myself at him and land in his lap. I kiss him hard and fast. I love him so much that I feel like I may explode right here on the spot. I want him to understand how much he means to me, how much I want him and how much I love him with just one kiss. An impossible task, but I am rising to the challenge, and so is he I might add.
He pulls back and we’re both breathless.
“Wow,” he says as he runs his fingers down my cheek, his green eyes boring into mine. His beautiful smile lighting his face.
“Wow.” I repeat.
“So no more talk about separations, hiding from the media and all that Liv. This relationship is what’s important and I won’t have Ruby, Rafe, the public, or your Studio telling us what we can and can’t do. Our careers are the public side of us, but this,” Gray says, gesturing between us, “is private. No one has a say over this except for us.”
I agree to what Gray is asking of me, but I won’t be painted as the person who hinders any success he has coming his way, so I silently vow that I will do everything I can to ensure that his career sky rockets publicly.
Even if that means keeping our distance in front of the cameras.
What Gray doesn’t know won’t hurt him.
At least with us going our separate ways over the coming weeks, it won’t be an impossible task. There won’t be any photo ops if the two of us are in separate cities.
Suddenly the pit of my stomach feels like it is weighed down with concrete.
I don’t want to leave him. But I have to.
It’s been ten days since I left Gray.
Yes, I know it sounds silly, but I am counting the days, I can’t help it.
I cried, and I thought I saw his eyes shining with unshed tears, but he didn’t give into it. All that macho crap about not crying I’m sure, but still I didn’t miss the fact that he was as torn up about my leaving as I was.
Our time in San Francisco was amazing. Gray’s family are wonderful, and I feel so much closer to him after meeting them and talking with Monica.
I really need to make some time to do some online research about Gray’s heart condition so I can get my head around it. I need to understand it.
For him and for me.
I want to be sure that he is not sugar coating the issue to make
it easier for me. I know how protective of me he is, and I don’t want him hiding any of this from me. We’re in this together and I will do whatever I can to protect him.
Ethan and I have been working really hard on set this past week, there has been little time for anything but work and sleep.
Really, that has suited me; it’s given me less time to miss Gray.
We have a full week of shooting ahead of us too, including a location shoot for three days in Vegas. I‘m looking forward to it.
I’ve only been there once before and I’m excited to check it out before I meet Gray there in a few weeks’ time for the Vegas leg of his tour.
Ava is beside herself, she’s never been to Vegas and she has a very secret obsession with Celine Dion - not that she would tell anyone. She is freaking out over the fact that she can go to see Celine live at Ceasers Palace.
Ethan thinks it’s hilarious, but I know that he is trying to arrange a meet-and-greet for Ava as a surprise. His Manager knows Celine’s Publicist or something, so he is trying to see what they can do. After her embarrassing meeting with Jason Derulo, I’m not sure if Ava will be thrilled to meet Celine or not. She couldn’t even form sentences around Jason she was so star-struck!
The only issue I’ve had over the past week or so is the fact that I think I’m coming down with something.
I’ve had a constant headache, and my body aches.
The worst part has been waking up feeling nauseous on more than one occasion. I’m fighting it at the moment but I think I may need to head to the doctor before we go to Vegas to grab some antibiotics to get me through.
I hate feeling sick, and this is just draining me.
Of course my period is due too, so that just adds to me feeling miserable. I’m determined to make sure that I get through it, so giving in to whatever is trying to bring me down is not happening.
Gray and I have been Skyping and talking daily as usual.
I love him more and more every time I speak to him. He is such a sweetheart under all that muscle and those tattoos that drive me insane. I haven’t told him that I’m not feeling well because he will just worry and try to somehow get to me. I want him to concentrate completely on the tour and his career at the moment.
I can handle whatever it is that’s going on with me.
We have both been really good at keeping out of the tabloids over the past ten days too.
There were a lot of pictures and stories following my trip to join Gray in San Francisco. Thankfully, they were all good stories, but they did nothing to cool Ruby’s temper. We were front page on most of the weekly publications.
Now, some poor under-age soapie actress is caught up in a scandal with her Director so that has been the main story for the newshounds of late.
Poor kid. They really are vultures when they want to be.
After talking with Rafe after the San Francisco Show, Gray acquiesced and allowed Ruby to stay on for the remainder of the tour on the condition that she laid off on our relationship. She wasn’t happy, but Rafe managed to get them to arrive at an agreement, and so far Gray says she is abiding by it.
He will have her off the tour in a heartbeat if she doesn’t.
The boys were really good about it and were happy to go along with whatever Gray wanted. They really do stick by one another through thick and thin.
All that aside, I miss my boy like crazy and I’m glad to be so busy with work. Sienna is back with me in LA too, so she is a very welcome flatmate and distraction.
“Morning Liv, you look tired, are you okay?” she says as she wanders into the kitchen.
“No, I’m still feeling like crap Si, but I’m too busy at work right now to make the time to visit a doctor.”
“Liv, there is a bad bug going around, don’t leave it too long before you get some medicine for it, you may end up in bed not able to do anything. One of the girls I dance with has been in bed for over a week with it.”
“I know. I’ll talk to Ava today about scheduling me an appointment. Please don’t say anything to Gray if you’re talking to him, I don’t want him to worry. I’m sure it’s nothing.”
Sienna nods. “Cross my heart Liv, I won’t say a word.”
I give her a smile. “What’s on your agenda today?”
“I have an audition for another film clip,” she says excitedly. “After appearing in Gray’s clip, my Agent has been getting a few calls a week. At the rate I’m going, I think I’m going to be here for a while yet.”
“Well you know Gray and I love having you here, so there is no hurry for you to go anywhere from our perspective.”
“Thanks Liv. You know, you really do look under the weather, can I do anything for you?” She places her hand on my forehead. “Geez, you’re really hot too Liv.”
“I have to go into the Studio today Si, we have rehearsals. Thankfully we’re not filming. I would be worried about how I would look on camera today; make-up can only work so many wonders.”
She laughs. “Liv, sick or not, you always look gorgeous, you have nothing to worry about on that front.”
“Thanks Sienna, you always make me feel better.”
Si drops a kiss on my cheek and makes her way back towards her room, coffee in hand. “By the way Liv,” she calls back, “once you’re feeling up to it, I think you, me, Ava and Chelsea need a girl’s night out, what do you say?”
“I’d love that.”
She claps her hands together. “Great, I’ll work on arranging it.”
I down the rest of my coffee and drag myself towards my bathroom to shower and get ready to head into the Studio. I will need to dose up on paracetemol today to get through.
I send Gray my usual “Good morning” text and make my way into the shower, turning the water on hot to try and wash away the dull ache in my head.
Ava has been fussing around me like a mother hen all day. She is starting to get on my nerves. Honestly, she reminds me of our mum when she is like this.
I gave in to her nagging an hour ago and asked her to get me an appointment with my doctor for tomorrow. At least that will get her off my back. You would think that I’m dying by the way she is stressing out.
“Liv, can I get you anything else?” She asks. “Another herbal tea maybe?”
“Ava, really I’m fine, you have to stop worrying over me. It’s just a cold or flu or something.”
“I hate seeing you sick Liv, especially when Gray is away. Why don’t you come and stay at the house with Ethan and I, that way I can look after you.”
“Ava, honestly I just want my own bed. Thanks all the same, but I’m fine. Really.”
I know I don’t sound too convincing, but I just want time to myself to take it easy. I gather up all my make-up supplies and start to place them all back in the vanity case on my dresser. Rehearsals went well today despite my feeling unwell, but I’m really glad that the day is over.
A wave of nausea washes over me and I grab the edge of the counter to steady myself. Ava is at my side in an instant.
“Liv, are you okay?” she asks, sounding panicked.
I take a deep breath in through my nose to try and quell the rising nausea and blow it slowly out of my mouth. “I’m fine Sis, just a bit of nausea.”
Ava takes my elbow and guides me down into a chair. I shut my eyes and place my head back on the head rest, breathing deeply to try and get through this wave.
“Liv, I didn’t know you were feeling sick too, what the hell is this? How long have you been feeling nauseous?”
“Only a bit in the morning when I wake up Ava, nothing to be too concerned about.”
I don’t want her to know that I’ve been getting bouts of feeling queasy in the afternoons as well, that will only cause her to panic more.
Ava looks over me carefully before deciding to speak whatever is on her mind. “Liv, you don’t think you’re pregnant do you?”
I feel the blood drain from my face. I literally feel it tingle as it moves away from the skin on m
y cheeks.
My heart rate doubles in speed and the nausea is back tenfold.
Fuck! Why didn’t I think of that?
I drop my head into my hands.
God, could that be what this is?
I find my voice and answer Ava. “I don’t see how, I’m on birth control and we have only ever had sex a couple of times without Gray using protection.”
“It only takes one time Sis,” Ava says with her eyebrows raised.
Now she really does sound like Mum, and it is pissing me off.
“Thanks for that Sis, I’m freaking out here and you’re going all high and mighty on me.”
Ava comes over and wraps her arms around me. “Sorry Liv, I didn’t mean it like that. I was trying to make light of it, I could see you zoning out on me. Is there any possibility that you could be?”
“I don’t think so; I mean I haven’t missed any of my pills. I didn’t have much of a period last month but I put that down to the stress of filming, it didn’t occur to me that I could be pregnant.”
I cast my mind back trying to think of any time over the past month or so that I have skipped my pill. I look to Ava.
“The only thing that I can think of is the fact that I was taking antibiotics for that ear infection before Gray went on tour. I know that medication can sometimes affect the pill, but I didn’t even think of it at the time.”
I start to panic and I think Ava can see it on my face. She leans down and kisses me on the cheek as she squeezes me around the shoulders.
“Don’t stress about anything Liv until we see the doctor tomorrow. I’ll go with you and we can find out for sure. It may be nothing. It may just be the flu. No use worrying unnecessarily.”
If Ava thinks I’m waiting until tomorrow to find out if I’m pregnant or not she has another thing coming. I will be swinging past the drug store on the way home and buying up pregnancy tests.
It suddenly occurs to me that I can’t do that.
I’m Olivia Lucas for Christ sake. If anyone gets wind of me buying pregnancy tests then the media will have a field day.
The last thing Gray and I need is that.