“Isn’t that enough?”
* * *
It was a pleasant life, living as Daniel’s servant. Yes, servant, for the first thing Daniel did was manumit me. After three years, I was no longer a slave. I was free. Free. No one owned my body but me, and if I chose to walk out of Daniel’s garden and out of the palace and go anywhere the wind took me, I could do so.
I did not choose to leave, for I now dwelt in the best place possible: the palace. Power coiled itself within palace walls; I needed power if I were to destroy Haman. I would have stayed with Daniel in any case, once I discovered who he truly was. For he was a man of such importance that King Darius had brought him from Babylon. Daniel was far-famed as a master of dreams. Kings had bowed down before him.
So I willingly remained with Daniel and the two who lived with him, Arioch and Samamat. Unlike most, I did not find it odd that one of Daniel’s dearest friends was a woman; the life I had been forced to lead had taught me not to despise women. Arioch had served King Darius as captain of the palace guard. Samamat was Arioch’s wife. An astrologer from Chaldea, and very learned, I soon realized that she softened Arioch’s keen mistrust and anchored Daniel’s absentminded tolerance. Both men loved Samamat—that I saw at once.
Just as I saw that Daniel also loved Arioch. I wondered if either man knew it.
Naturally my first scheme to gain Daniel’s goodwill was seduction, but he seemed oblivious to my advances.
I tried to flirt with him, indicate I found him desirable despite his age. But I soon realized that Daniel didn’t care how exquisite my eyes were, how flawless my skin. I didn’t know whether to be grateful or angered—everyone I had yet met, man or woman, had at least acknowledged my beauty. Daniel ignored it.
So I turned my efforts to making myself indispensable in other ways, flatly telling Daniel I wished to learn all I could.
“About what?” Daniel asked, and when I said, “Anything,” he laughed, and said he would teach me what little he knew. To hear him tell it, he knew nothing more than any man with common sense might. “You would learn more from Arioch, and far more from Samamat.”
“I would learn from all three of you,” I said, and that was how I became Samamat’s student, learning mathematics and the science of stars, as well as the ancient tongue of Chaldea. Captain Arioch occasionally would trouble himself to give me a lesson in using a sword, or a dagger—but most of what I learned from him, I learned by watching, and listening. He had a keen sense for danger, even when the threat was still barely a thought in a man’s mind, an excellent skill to acquire.
The three of them had survived the reigns of the last kings of Babylon, and that was no easy feat. Then they had been swept up by all-conquering Darius and carried here to ancient, royal Shushan. Kings seemed to find Daniel irresistible, as I once overheard Commander Arioch say.
Even though Commander Arioch and the lady Samamat had married, and she had borne him a son—who was now a man grown, a warrior as his father had been—they shared Daniel’s dwelling. The most valuable lessons I learned from them, they did not even guess they taught. For as I studied them, stalking every advantage I could gain, I slowly began to comprehend the emotions that bound the three together. Friendship, love, trust—and in the depths below, yearning, hunger, guilt. I saw the bright passion burning between Arioch and Samamat, and Daniel’s dark craving for them both. Samamat knew. Arioch did not.
And Daniel refused to know.
Once my eyes were opened to the invisible currents flowing between Daniel, Samamat, and Arioch, I practiced my new skill any time I encountered two or more people gathered together. Tongues lie; bodies reveal truth.
* * *
So do our dreams. To my dismay, the lotus twins, Padmavarna and Padmavati, haunted my sleep. I tried to ignore them, told myself to forget. I refused to care. I will not risk the ruin of all my plans. No.
But one morning I found myself asking Daniel if he would be willing to purchase two more slaves from Isqanqur. Once the words had flown free, I stood and stared at Daniel in silent horror. Now he would question me, demand to know why, and I knew I would have to answer …
Daniel apparently found nothing odd in my request. “Friends of yours, I suppose? I am sorry, Hegai—I should have asked if there was anyone…”
At first his words seemed to echo oddly in my ears; sounds that made no sense. I stared at the floor so he could not see the tears burning my eyes. The only questions Daniel asked were those needful to ensure he acquired the right girls.
“I don’t know if we really need two girls here, but I’m sure you’d like to see them again, so I’ll ask Samamat. She’ll think of something—”
“No,” I said hastily. “No. Not here.”
“That may be for the best,” Daniel said, after a moment’s thought. “I don’t think I want to explain to Arioch that I’ve just bought twin Hindush slave girls.”
I kissed Daniel’s hands, not caring that the homage embarrassed him. He promised he would tell me when the twins were free of Isqanqur, but I never wanted to see or hear about Padmavarna and Padmavati again. When I said that, Daniel merely nodded and said, “All right, Hegai. It shall be done as you wish.”
Those were the last words Daniel ever said to me about the matter. He never needed to tell me anything more. I knew the lotus twins were safe, because they no longer danced soft-footed into my dreams.
* * *
The day I turned eighteen, I asked Daniel if he would grant me a boon—“If it pleases you, of course.” After all, I had acted as chamberlain, scribe, and messenger to Daniel Dream-Master for over a year, and in that time I had learned the palace ways and ingratiated myself with court officials, high-ranking servants, and even with slaves. Since I was a eunuch, I could enter any portion—men’s or women’s—of the vast complex of palaces, courts, and gardens that formed the royal citadel—and I had charmed a number of the harem women. Most of them were delighted with a flirtation even with a eunuch, as the king who owned them was only seven years old.
“You want me to grant you a favor? Of course,” Daniel said. “You want to leave, I suppose? I have to admit I’ll miss you, Hegai.”
“Oh, no, I have no wish to leave.” Leave the palace? Why would anyone want to do that?
“Oh.” Daniel looked faintly baffled. “What do you want, Hegai?”
“If I have pleased you, my lord, and found favor in your sight—”
“Just ask,” Daniel said.
“Yes, just ask, Hegai.” Arioch wandered into the room from the garden; even at his venerable age, he had a knack for untimely—and very silent—entrances. “You know Daniel hates it when people grovel.”
I bowed my head. “Very well. My lord Daniel, my petition and request is that you recommend me to the Chief Eunuch of the Women’s Palace.”
“You want to work in the Women’s Palace? But why?”
Only Daniel would ask such a question. “It will provide me with greater scope in my livelihood.”
“Scope?” Arioch said with blatant disbelief.
“Yes, my lord Arioch.” I kept my voice bland, my face smooth. “Scope.” Few people held as much power as the Chief Eunuch of the imperial harem. I lusted after that power, but to grasp it, I must first gain a place in the palace hierarchy.
“Very well, Hegai,” Daniel said. “If that’s what you really want, I’ll arrange a meeting for you with the Chief Eunuch.”
* * *
In those days, the Chief Eunuch of the Women’s Palace was an amiable, indolent creature called Giti, who had held his office more years than I had lived. To become the Chief Eunuch was the height of ambition for my kind, so once Giti must have been capable and cunning. But now … now the king was a small child, the harem’s women had belonged to the last king, and the Women’s Palace languished, useless. Giti’s skills languished as well, and he became content to grow old in comfort.
All Giti wished to do now was bask in sunlight and admiration, and indulge in sweet fo
od and wine. I intended to ensure that Giti’s simple wishes were granted.
That Daniel Dream-Master offered me to him pleased the Chief Eunuch a great deal. I was a visible sign that Daniel held Giti in high regard—and Giti knew how well I cared for Daniel’s affairs. On the occasions I had encountered the Chief Eunuch, I had carefully flattered him and offered him admiration that was not entirely feigned. Giti had, after all, managed to grow old as Chief Eunuch; he had much of value to teach—survival is a valuable skill to learn.
So to the satisfaction of all parties involved, I became the Chief Eunuch’s servant. I intended to become as indispensable to Giti as I had tried to be to Daniel. I knew I had never truly become necessary to Daniel—but Giti was a much simpler master to manipulate. I intended to become Chief Eunuch someday. Becoming essential to the current Chief Eunuch, to the smooth running of the Women’s Palace, was a vital first step to that goal.
I thought at first that I would have to offer the coin of my body to obtain advancement—but although Giti openly admired my beautiful body, his true desire was to be granted the respect due his rank and age. I granted him both, as well as the added pleasure of instructing me as I listened with avid interest. By the time I was twenty, I acted as Chief Eunuch in all but name.
I intended to have the title as well, in time. The Chief Eunuch held nearly as much power as a king, or as a queen mother. Now I began an unhurried campaign to persuade Giti he wished to retire and to recommend me as his successor. Giti began to speak wistfully of rest after his long years of service, of the joy of simple living in a small palace in the cool mountains, fantasies I happily encouraged. Then Giti died by sheer mischance; between one bite of honey-cake and the next he lay dead, a look of faint surprise on his round face. I had been Giti’s creature; I had acted as Chief Eunuch with Giti’s goodwill, but I did not possess the title. All my careful plans lay in ruins.
Or so I thought. For even as I arranged ostentatious funeral rites I knew would have pleased Giti, I received a summons that nearly stopped my breath. Queen Mother Amestris commanded me to appear before her.
Of course I had seen the Queen Mother, but I had never been permitted near enough even to hear what her voice sounded like. Palace gossip slid around the subject of Amestris; unwary words too easily reached her ears, for she had spies everywhere—or so it was whispered. Daniel had mentioned her rarely, and Samamat cautiously. Arioch never spoke of her at all.
I had emulated Captain Arioch; I listened when others spoke of the Queen Mother. For Great Darius’s death had bestowed upon the empire a new King of Kings barely five years old, and Queen Mother Amestris seized the reins of power and ruled in her son Ahasuerus’s name.
Even the council of the Seven Princes bowed to Amestris’s will. In the Women’s Palace, rumor had it that Amestris controlled the Seven with fear and lust. No one would dare say the Queen Mother ordered death, or that she welcomed men, or women, into her bed. But somehow she knew everything—or so it seemed.
I cared only for the fact that the all-powerful Queen Mother had sent for me.
Giti must have spoken of me to her. Can she possibly wish me to replace him? A hope I dared not indulge when I needed to prepare myself for the most important encounter of my life.
At last I would meet the true ruler of the empire, for until the king was no longer a child, power lay in Amestris’s lap.
* * *
Of course I wore my finest garments and gems; nothing less would do for this occasion. At the appointed time, I walked through the harem gardens to the Queen’s Palace, which Amestris still inhabited even though protocol demanded the Queen Mother remove herself to the Queen Mother’s Palace once the king her husband died. But Amestris created her own rules.
She did not receive me in her reception hall with its queen’s throne, but in a private chamber as brilliant as a jewel-box. Amestris formed its most precious gem. When I was ushered into her presence, she sat on a couch, playing cup-and-ball. As I bowed low, she flipped the ivory ball into the cinnabar cup with great precision. Her garments of blue and silver shimmered in the lamplight.
“Oh, rise,” she said. “I cannot judge you without seeing your face.” Her voice should have been a delight to the ear, soft and sweetly modulated. But I used my own voice as a weapon and as a mask, so I recognized the tactic.
I straightened and then, when I saw that I towered over her, I sank gracefully to one knee. “Thank you, O great queen. May you live forever.”
Amestris looked upon me, smiling; I knew she studied me as intently as I did her. “Did you know that Giti spoke of you to me?”
“No, O queen.” Truth: I did not know—but I had guessed, for Giti had hinted of it to me often enough. “That was kind of him.”
“He spoke very well of you. Now that he is dead, a new Chief Eunuch must be appointed.”
“As my queen says,” I murmured; behind my bland words and smooth face, my heart beat fast and hard. I could not let her see how very much I desired that appointment. The Chief Eunuch of the Women’s Palace held more power in his hands than many kings.
Amestris sent the ivory ball into the air again, caught it neatly in the cinnabar cup. “Do you think yourself fit for the position?”
And here I had thought it would take hours to come to this point! I smiled. “Yes, O queen.”
“You are very direct.” She did not sound offended.
I took a risk. “So are you, O queen.”
She laughed softly. “Why, so I am. So you think yourself fit to replace our dear Giti? Well, he seemed to think so. I believe you call yourself Hegai?”
“I do, O queen.”
“Well, I suppose it is appropriate. And you are loyal, are you not?” Amestris stared at me, assessing, her eyes cold and flat as a snake’s.
I bowed, so I did not have to face those serpent eyes—and so that she could not look into mine. “I am loyal to my queen,” I said, and by the time I straightened, I was smiling. To my intense relief, the Queen Mother also smiled.
“I am a generous mistress,” she said. “And I have women who can make you forget you are no longer a man.”
“Thank you, my queen. But I would rather have women who can make me remember that I am not a woman.”
“So, Hegai…” Amestris seemed to taste the name, savor it upon her tongue. She smiled, an expression I did not trust.
I kept my face smooth and bland as milk. Let Amestris speak, and so reveal her thoughts. I would keep silent, and reveal nothing.
But she surprised even me; as I stood and watched her, the Queen Mother rose gracefully to her feet and walked, slow and deliberate, down the steps from her couch. She reminded me forcibly of a panther, sleek and dark and deadly. She stood before me and regarded me with bland malice.
“So you wish to serve as ruler of the Women’s Palace? You wish to command the women of the King of Kings?” To hear Amestris speak, one never would guess that the King of Kings had not yet attained the age of fourteen. “Very well, show me your skill. Undress me.”
Panther indeed; I dare not hesitate. I neither startled nor smiled. I merely said, “As my queen commands,” and unpinned the brooches at her shoulder. Nor did I pause when all that still covered her body was a shift of silk so finely woven her skin gleamed through the cloth. Since she did not countermand her order, I unlaced the gilded cords closing the shift, and then Queen Mother Amestris stood before me clad only in her jewels and her sandals of crimson leather.
“Well?” Amestris said. “What do you think, when you look upon me?”
I studied her calmly. “I think that you are very beautiful.” Small and lush and perfect, her beauty was that of a flawless sculpture. “But of course you know that. Do you wish me to remove your jewels and unbraid your hair, O queen?”
She laughed softly, and put her jeweled hand upon my chest. “No, Hegai. That is not what I wish. What I wish to know is just how great is your desire to serve me.” Her hand slid lower; I could feel the heat of her
skin even through my clothing. “Are you a true eunuch, Hegai? Did the knife cut away ambition?”
So the Queen Mother wishes to test my resolve, does she? Well, let us see if I can surprise her. I regarded her steadily. “Ambition is not what I lack, O queen. Nor do I lack skill.”
Amestris raised her slim, elegantly arched brows. “Ambition and skill both?” Words almost whispered, gentle and tender—but I heard a cruel purr beneath the softness. She stepped back, as self-possessed as if she wore royal robes rather than nothing but the perfumed air. “Well, let us see—and let us see what lies beneath those splendid robes.” Now her words cracked whip-sharp.
But if she thought to see me blush or flinch, I disappointed her. “As my queen commands.” No emotion disturbed my voice or troubled my features. I neither frowned nor smiled as I obeyed Amestris’s command. I did not smile even as I, too, stood naked to the lavishly scented air, and she gestured in wordless demand. I merely set my hands and then my mouth upon her, and learned her sharp harsh needs.
And as I tasted the bitterness of her perfume and felt her gilded nails etch my skin, I silently thanked the courtesan Zebbani. Of all the truths Zebbani had taught me during that one fierce night, the one that saved me was this:
The body is nothing. Never give more than your body, Jasper. If your body is all they possess, they have no power over you.
* * *
Afterward, Amestris ordered me to dress her again; she stood silent as I performed that task. When I had finished, I bowed, and waited—waited, calm and patient, until Amestris indicated that I might dress as well. Then I waited again. At last Amestris said, “Do you not wish to know my decision, Hegai?”
“Of course, O queen. But you will reveal it when it pleases you to do so.” I knew I dared greatly, but I could do nothing if I did not know Amestris better than she knew herself—and if she did not respect me.
Her eyes narrowed—if I had not been studying her face, I would not have seen that revealing movement. But that was all; she smiled, and said lightly, “Wise as well as beautiful and skilled. Now run along, Hegai—and think upon how you will order things now that you are Chief Eunuch over all the women in the palace.”
Game of Queens Page 11