“But you cannot go alone.” As we all turned to stare, Hatach lifted his head. “I shall escort you to the throne room, O queen.” His voice trembled. But he said the words.
“Hatach. Thank you.” Esther put her hands on his shoulders, swiftly kissed his cheeks. “No.”
Tears shone in Hatach’s eyes—whether from sadness at Esther’s refusal or relief, perhaps even he did not know. “You can’t. All that way…”
She smiled. “All the way to the throne? It’s not so far, Hatach. All will be over soon. Now I must go—and you must do as I asked.”
“Prepare a banquet. Esther, why a banquet? I thought you wanted to ask the king’s mercy before all the court.”
“There I ask his mercy for me, that I may approach him unsummoned, and live. But that is not the time to ask him to revoke a law that we all know cannot be undone. So I beg him to come to a banquet prepared for him. Everyone will know I have some great boon to beg—and that it is not that he come to a banquet! But until the Adar Law is thwarted and my people are safe, no one must know what it is I ask. So prepare the feast and invite those I have told you. Please, Vashti—or should I say, the queen commands it?”
Esther turned to go; I knew I might never see her again. “Wait,” I said. I lifted my hands, carefully, for what I carried remained oddly heavy. Once I had thought I cherished this object above all else that was mine. I looked at the circle of gems glittering in my hands, and then I set the Star Crown upon Esther’s head. The crown burned bright against her burning hair.
“This crown belongs to you now, O Queen of Stars. You are the queen I could never have been.”
* * *
I did not see Esther walk out of the Queen’s Palace and through the courtyards to the King’s. Nor did I see what happened when Esther walked into the throne room and between the long lines of men until she reached the steps to Ahasuerus’s throne.
So I will tell the tale as it was told to me, and as it still is told from one end of the Royal Road to the other.
Knowing her people’s lives hung in fate’s balance, Queen Esther fasted and prayed, and then robed herself in a single garment sewn from silk white as the full moon. Wearing her royal crown as her only adornment, Queen Esther went to the king, knowing that if she approached and he did not hold out his golden scepter of Death and Life to her, the king’s guards would cut her down at his feet.
And when she set her foot upon the floor of the throne room, all gathered there fell silent as they saw her, until silence filled the vast chamber. For no one might come before the king unsummoned and live.
Queen Esther looked nowhere but at the king, and as she drew near the throne, she smiled at him. And the great king held out his scepter, and Queen Esther touched the tip of the royal scepter, and knew she had won her own life. Then the king said, for he could think of no other reason she had come to him in so extraordinary a manner, against all law and custom,
“What is your request of us, Queen Esther? What is your petition? Whatsoever you ask will be granted.”
And Esther the Beautiful replied, “If it please the king, let him come to a banquet I have prepared for him. And let the king bring with him the king’s friend Haman.”
ESTHER
For many years after, I woke crying out from dreams in which I walked that endless path to the throne. Sometimes Ahasuerus raised his scepter to me too late. Sometimes he turned away and refused to save me. And sometimes he stared and did not see me at all.
But at least I lived to suffer the bad dreams.
* * *
Once I had made my request that Ahasuerus bring Haman to a banquet at my palace, I expected to retrace my steps. No longer borne up by fear and hope strong as wine, I dreaded the long walk back through the throne room. But that ordeal I was spared; as I hesitated, Ahasuerus lifted his hand, and the captain of his guards came forward.
“Escort the queen back to her proper place,” Ahasuerus said, and the captain led me to a doorway in the wall behind the throne, through private corridors until we reached my palace. I thanked him fervently before we parted, and then ran to my own rooms. I longed to weep for sheer relief, but dared not permit myself such indulgence. I had told Ahasuerus to come at midday, and it was midmorning now.
My instructions had been faithfully carried out, and the banquet I had promised Ahasuerus was being prepared: simple, elegant dishes, cooling sherbets, fresh fruits, the most delicate of wines. Hegai and Hatach would serve us. My other guests already waited: Vashti. Daniel and Samamat.
And Queen Mother Amestris.
I had not been sure Amestris would accept my invitation. I had hoped the lure of so intimate a banquet, the other guests so carefully—so oddly—assorted, would draw her in. I had been right. Queen Mother Amestris could not endure ignorance of anything that passed in the palace; she came to see what I was plotting.
I bowed to her; she inclined her head.
“Do you really,” Amestris asked, “propose to entertain the king dressed like that?”
“Why not?” I said. “I walked the length of the throne room dressed like this. Apparently my attire and demeanor pleased the king, for as you see, I still live.”
Amestris glared at me; I smiled.
* * *
The banquet pleased Ahasuerus; the fact that Daniel Dream-Master and Samamat, Lady of Stars, had come at my asking delighted him. The banquet pleased Haman; that I, his intended victim, so honored him elated him. The rest of us sat tense, waiting—I for the right moment to strike. Amestris watched us all, wary. She sensed something wrong, but did not yet know what it might be.
Ahasuerus smiled at me a great deal.
At last, when Hegai came to the table to pour the king wine from a silver pitcher, Ahasuerus said, “Now tell me, Esther, what is your petition of me, and what is your request? It will be granted, to half my kingdom.”
Now. Now the true test begins. Slowly, I rose to my feet. “If it please the king—if it please the king—”
“Yes, queen of my heart? What do you desire?”
I looked around the banquet table; drew strength from Vashti’s passionate anger, from Daniel’s quiet wisdom and Samamat’s calm assurance. Daniel nodded encouragement, and I turned back to face Ahasuerus.
“If I have found favor in the king’s sight, and if it please the king, let my life be given me at my petition, and my people’s at my request. For we have been sold to be destroyed—”
“What?” Ahasuerus slammed his wine-cup down so hard the wine splashed scarlet over the table. “Esther, is this some ill-thought jest?”
“Ill-thought, yes. But it is no jest, my lord king. I am condemned, as is Daniel Dream-Master—”
Horror flared in Haman’s eyes; Amestris seemed turned to stone.
“—and every other Jew dwelling in your empire. On the thirteenth day of Adar, all Jews—from babes to elders—are ordered slain. It is law, written and sealed.”
Ahasuerus stared at me, and relief softened his night-dark eyes. “Esther, that’s impossible. Only the king could write and seal such a law. And I am the king, and I would never do so evil a thing.”
“I know,” I said. “It is Haman who wrote the law.”
Slowly, Ahasuerus looked to Haman. Haman’s face so clearly proclaimed his guilt I had no need to say more. I nodded to Hegai, who summoned the king’s guards. Ahasuerus did not trouble to ask how the guards came to be there; he ordered Haman bound and gagged and tossed at my feet.
Then Ahasuerus said, “What is the text of this wicked decree?”
I signaled to Hatach, who went and brought in my cousin Mordecai. I had ordered Mordecai to come to my palace, and to bring a copy of the Adar Law. Now he bowed and handed the law-scroll to Ahasuerus. “This is the text of the Adar Law, O king.”
Ahasuerus read the decree Haman had written; in cold anger, he said, “And who sealed this murderous decree into law?” Only silence answered him. At last, slowly, he turned his gaze upon Queen Mother Amestris.
“Mother,” he said, “do you have a copy of the king’s seal?”
“I ruled as regent!” Amestris cried.
“When I was a child. Answer my question.” Ahasuerus gazed steadily at her.
Amestris tried to stare him down. “I am your mother, Ahasuerus.”
“And I am your king, Mother.” Ahasuerus held out his hand to Amestris. “Give me the king’s seal.”
Queen Mother Amestris stared at her son the king, and the rich honey of her skin slowly darkened, then paled, until she looked gray as death. As I looked upon her, I felt sorry for her—until I reminded myself that this woman had sealed the death warrant for an entire people. Time and past time power left her hands.
“Mother. The seal. Now.”
Slowly, Amestris reached up to her throat; slowly, she drew a chain up from beneath her gown. A seal of jasper bound with gold dangled from the chain. Amestris lifted the chain over her head, weighed the seal in her hand. Her fingers clutched the seal and she closed her eyes for a long moment. Then, as we all watched, the Queen Mother bent her knee before the king and let the jasper seal slide into his waiting hand.
Ahasuerus closed his fingers over the seal. “I shall have a new Great Seal made. There shall be only one, and no law shall be sealed except by my new cipher.” Ahasuerus looked down at his mother, and added, “And I think I shall have a new royal ring created—to match my new seal.”
“That is wise, O king,” Mordecai said. “But there remains the problem of the order Prince Haman wrote and Queen Mother Amestris sealed into law. I have studied every scroll, read each text in the royal records. There is no way a sealed law can be undone. There is no precedent for revoking such a law.”
For long moments, no one spoke. Vashti broke the silence. “Then make such a precedent. Write a new law that states laws sealed with the king’s Great Seal may be altered.”
“That is unwise—” Mordecai stopped, then said, “O princess, that may seem wise, but it is not. It would invite chaos if sealed laws could be altered at a whim.”
For a dozen heartbeats, cold silence surrounded us. Every one of us remembered that it had been a drunken whim that had set into motion events that led inexorably to this moment. Had the king not called for Vashti, had she not refused to obey, had the king not sealed her banishment into law—
Had those things not come to pass, I would not now be Queen of Queens.
And if I had not been chosen queen, there would be no one in all the great palace who would have cared what Haman planned for the empire’s Jews.
My voice, clear and calm, broke that silent ice. “True, law should not be subject to whim—but every law in the royal records, every single law the Medes and the Persians now hold sacred, was once new and without precedent.”
“My beloved wife is right, and so is her cousin.” Ahasuerus glanced at Haman, shackled and silent. “But I have done too many deeds upon the bidding of others, and in haste. Let me think on this. The thirteenth of Adar is still a month in the future.”
I bowed; Mordecai looked as if he wished to speak, but did not. Ahasuerus turned to Daniel, who had remained seated, as had his wife.
“My lord Daniel, have you any advice for me? Speak freely.”
“Not just at this moment, great king. You seem to be doing well without anyone’s aid.” Daniel smiled, and moved slightly; when I looked closely, I saw that Daniel Dream-Master’s hand leaned heavily upon the lady Samamat’s knee. The lady Samamat was biting her lower lip. I wondered what she wanted to say, but decided this was not the time to ask. “Or interference,” Daniel added.
“Your good opinion of me means much,” Ahasuerus said. “I decree the following now: Haman is no longer prince, no longer entitled to look upon the face of the King of Kings. He is no longer vizier. All his ranks and honors, his lands and riches, are now the property of Mordecai the King’s Scribe, who is now the King’s Vizier in Haman’s place.”
Haman made a strangled noise; I thought he would burst like a rotten egg. With that decree Ahasuerus had all but killed Haman. Ahasuerus’s next words completed Haman’s fate. “And since Haman so thoughtfully built a gallows—hang him on it.”
The Immortals began to haul Haman away; I stepped forward. “My lord king?”
Ahasuerus’s face softened. “Yes, my queen? Would you have him flayed first?”
I swallowed hard. “No, my lord king. Death is punishment enough.”
Death, and the loss of all his ranks and fortune to the Jew he hates most in all this world and the next.
“Then what would my queen have of me?”
I would have been justified had I asked that all Haman’s sons be slain and his wife thrown naked into the street. But I could not ask for such evil and remain the woman my husband loved. “I would have Haman’s wife, and his children, taken under the king’s protection,” I said. I did not look at Haman. Whatever Haman’s eyes held, I did not want to know or to see.
HEGAI
I looked upon Haman lying bound and gagged at Esther’s feet. Two strides would take me to him. And I could at last reveal myself to him. Yes, “Father,” it is I, the son of your first wife, whom you murdered before my eyes. It is I, the boy you tormented for seven years, the boy you gelded and sold into slavery and prostitution. Look upon me and see how utterly you failed to ruin me and my life. Think of me as you die upon your own gallows.
I had yearned for this moment since I was seven years old; since Haman slit my mother’s throat. I had dreamed of vengeance upon him. Now Haman had fallen into a pit of his own digging. Revealing myself to him would add salt to his wounds. A last torment for him, and still it will not be enough …
As I stared at Haman struggling against his bonds, Vashti grasped my hand; laced her fingers through mine. I looked down into Vashti’s face, and knew I would not take those few steps to Haman’s side. For years I have dreamed of making him suffer as I did. But I cannot. Nothing could make Haman suffer as I had, for he cared for no one and nothing but himself.
And my suffering had led me to love. To Vashti.
With Vashti’s hand warm in mine, I turned away from Haman. And as I did, a burden I had not even known I carried slipped from me and vanished. For a moment, I seemed to feel soft, smiling lips against my cheek, and I knew who it was.
Thank you, Mother. And good-bye.
VASHTI
A week later, after Ahasuerus had considered carefully, and asked advice from the wisest men in Shushan—and the wisest women, too, for he asked counsel of both Esther and Samamat—he had a new decree sealed into Median and Persian Law. Once each year, it would now be the right of the King of Kings to revoke or to alter one of the decrees he had sealed into law. The moment he pressed his seal to that decree, he revoked Haman’s death-sentence on the Jews. As an added incentive to his subjects to keep peace with their Jewish neighbors, Ahasuerus created a second Adar Law: if any man took up weapons against the Jews, the Jews had the right to defend themselves. If they killed while defending their own lives, it would not be counted murder.
“And the Jews have the right to the property of any who raise weapons up against them,” Esther finished reading me the new decree, and smiled. “That’s one of the lady Samamat’s suggestions. She said the threat of loss of property would restrain more men from violence than the threat of loss of life.”
“Do you think she’s right?” I asked, and Esther laughed.
“Oh, yes, she’s right. I forget you’ve lived all your life in palaces, Princess Vashti.”
“So it’s all over now?”
“Yes, I think so. I hope so. I want only to live in peace with my husband.” Such love shone in Esther’s eyes my own heart ached. She seemed to glow; she laid her hand over her belly, and then I knew. Esther carried Ahasuerus’s child.
“I wish I knew what I wanted.” I should have been as joyous as Esther; instead, I felt dull and weary. Life in the palace as Esther’s friend stretched before me. “I wish…”
“What, Vashti?” Esther asked, her voice gentle.
“I wish—oh, not that Ahasuerus loved me as he loves you. But that someone did. I look upon Daniel and Samamat, and upon you and Ahasuerus, and—”
I stopped, for Esther was laughing.
“I am glad I amuse the queen,” I said stiffly, and rose to my feet. “May I have the queen’s permission to leave her presence?”
“Oh, sit down.” Esther reached out and caught my hand. “Vashti, you already have what you desire. How can you not know it?”
I stared. “Know what?”
“That Hegai loves you, Vashti. He loves you as a man loves the woman of his heart. Don’t you know that?”
I stared at her. “But—”
“But he is a eunuch? They cut off a piece of flesh, Vashti. They did not cut out his mind or his heart.”
“He has known me since I was a little girl. How can he love me so? Ahasuerus did not.”
“Ahasuerus has always been as a brother to you. Hegai watched you grow up, and he saw what Ahasuerus did not. That you became a woman. A woman he loved.”
I tried to stretch my mind to hold this revelation. Since the first day I entered the great palace, Hegai had always been there. Guarding me, caring for me. Loving me.
“Hegai loves me?”
“Deeply. Passionately. Can you love him, Vashti? If you cannot, you should release him.”
“But—if I take Hegai from you, you will have no Chief Eunuch.” I realized even as I spoke the words were nonsense; that I sought to not think of what Esther had said.
She laughed. “I think Hatach will do in that office. I would rather have a Chief Eunuch who thinks most highly of me, not one who’s madly in love with my predecessor! Now go, Vashti, and look into your own heart. And think well on what you do next.”
* * *
I did as Esther commanded. I looked deep into my own heart, and when I had, I knew that I could no longer stay in the palace, or in Shushan. If ever I were to claim life for myself, I must leave. If I did not, nothing ever would change for me.
I would live and die as nothing more than Princess Vashti, who once had been Queen of Queens.
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