From the time he was a child he’d known Alycie Maxwell was to be his wife. Both his mother and hers, Grizel Maxwell, had approved the marriage, encouraged it for as long as he could remember. He’d taken for granted their lives together without ever a single thought to the girl herself.
Had he loved her?
He had no idea what love was. All he knew was that he’d been unable to hold her, unable to forge a bond such as he’d seen between his parents. Though he’d always prided himself on his ability to understand those around him, he’d been oblivious to Alycie’s true desires.
In her desperation to be rid of him, she had betrayed his family. He’d driven her to it.
And since then, following his heart had brought nothing but ill to those dear to him. So much for the value of his love.
Dedication and duty—those he understood. Loyalty. Sacrifice. Responsibility. All were the tenets he held dear. The ones to which he’d devoted his life.
But love? That word was not part of his destiny in any sense other than his love for Dun Ard, his family, his people. Beyond that, it was nothing to him. A useless emotion meant for others, not him.
Besides, those dear to him were all better off when he kept his mind to business and his emotions tightly reined. When he didn’t, when he allowed his emotions to lead him, it caused only grief.
Hadn’t he been the one who had insisted Drew come along that day they’d faced off against the Fae warriors and their men? It was his fault Drew had been injured, that he carried the pain and scars on his leg.
When Colin had come home from battle, hadn’t he been the one who had insisted Drew continue to practice in the lists with Colin?
It was his fault Colin’s sword had left that horrible scar down Drew’s chest, stealing whatever confidence Drew had left. His fault Colin bore the guilt for the accident.
His fault Colin had gone off to fight in every battle he could find, that his youngest brother considered himself unfit for anything but death and destruction. The instant Colin’s sword had sliced down Drew’s chest, Caden had seen it in his eyes.
He’d stolen Colin’s honor.
And now he thought to ruin the woman who had been sent for Colin? The one woman who might restore to his brother what he had taken away?
“No,” he repeated as he pushed himself away from her. “I’m no the one, lass. I had my chance with a woman I loved and she rejected me. I’ll no put anyone through that ever again.” Not him, not his family.
How like the Fae to send so great a gift for his brother with such potential for pain attached.
What was he to do? He couldn’t seem to keep his hands off this woman. This woman the Faeries had destined for his brother.
He turned his back and started for the door of the workshop.
“In the future, you’re no to come to me unaccompanied, do you ken? I’ll no be left alone with you again.”
That should solve the problem. He wouldn’t allow himself the opportunity to be tempted.
He strode from the work shed across the bailey toward the keep, only now noticing the activity there.
Riders!
He picked up his pace, fighting not to break into a run.
How could he have missed the call of the guards?
Foolish question. He knew exactly how he’d missed the cry of “Riders at the gate!”
His steps slowed as he recognized the men who even now dismounted.
Steafan had returned with his mother. He had brought Grizel Maxwell to Dun Ard to await word of her son’s fate.
But who was the woman at Grizel’s side? The one who even now dropped the hood of her cloak, looked up and caught his gaze.
“Holy Mother of God.”
Alycie Maxwell had returned to Dun Ard.
What an idiot!
Ellie slowly got to her feet and walked to the door of the work shed, using a hand against the doorframe to steady her balance. Somehow her legs felt too weak to hold her up properly.
She’d thrown herself at the guy. She’d done everything but rip his clothes off, and given a few more minutes, she might have done that, too. Right out in public where God and everybody could just walk in the door and catch them.
She watched him stride away, and when he halted halfway across the courtyard, straightening his back as if he felt her presence, she quickly ducked behind the doorway.
Never, never had she embarrassed herself so badly.
She waited a couple more minutes before bolting out the opening of the little work shed and around the back, headed for the garden behind the keep. There she should be able to find some peace and quiet.
She hadn’t made it through the gate before her hopes were crushed.
You upset. What Big One do?
Missy and Baby trailed silently behind her. Baby’s neck hair bristled as he swung his big head back and forth between her and the direction from which they’d come.
“Not now, guys. I need some alone time.” She spoke aloud as much to calm herself as to answer Missy.
We keep Big One away.
Ellie snorted her disbelief, not caring about the unladylike sound. As if Caden would be coming anywhere near her ever again.
“Big One didn’t do anything. It was me. I screwed up big-time.”
Ellie had reached the center of the garden, where a lovely bench stood under what would be a wonderfully shady tree not long from now. She sat down and dropped her head into her hands.
What on earth had possessed her? As if it wasn’t bad enough that he already didn’t trust what she told him about treating the sheep, now she’d gone and completely ruined whatever credibility she might have had. Whatever would have made her think Caden had any interest in her?
Well, of course he had an interest. That much was pretty darn clear. Any guy would be interested in a woman who threw herself at him. Human nature didn’t change just because you were thrown off a few centuries.
But she could have sworn she felt more than just a physical attraction when she was with him. A connection.
“I’m a total freakin’ idiot,” she muttered. That didn’t begin to cover it.
As if ignoring her continued nagging to try her sheep solution hadn’t been clue enough what he thought of her, he certainly hadn’t minced words this time. He’d told her exactly what he thought of her, of how inappropriate her behavior was. He’d had enough. He didn’t want to be around her anymore. He’d made that clear.
And to top it all off, apparently he still mooned over some woman who’d dumped him. The perfect woman who obviously hadn’t had any problems with being immodest or acting inappropriately.
“She may be all that, but she certainly wasn’t very smart,” Ellie confided to the dogs as she sat up straight. “Can you imagine anyone turning down a guy like him? I mean, how perfect could she be if she didn’t even have the good sense to hang on to a guy like that?”
Both animals stared at her, eyes wide and unblinking.
“I could compete with her. If I wanted to,” Ellie mumbled, scrubbing her face with her hands.
But Big One’s angry.
There was that minor detail. Caden was angry. And she’d made a complete and total fool of herself.
The embarrassment she’d held at bay flooded back. How was she ever going to show her face in front of that man again? She just wanted to curl up in a ball. Wanted to escape. Wanted to turn back time and have another chance at the last hour of her life.
“But those damn Faerie things wouldn’t do that, would they? Oh no, they’ll dump me here, hundreds of years out of my element. And then I’m totally on my own without a single do-over in sight.”
You would do different? Don’t think so. Missy’s words echoed through her mind as both dogs continued to stare.
And there was the frustration of this whole mess.
The damn dog was right. She wouldn’t do anything differently. If she were thrown back into the same spot, her body straddled over Caden MacAlister’s, she’d react exa
ctly the same way. And she couldn’t even come up with a good reason why other than it just felt right.
He was an overbearing, stubborn, controlling sheepherder but none of that seemed to matter one damn bit when she was around him.
“Well, crap.” She reached down and pulled the little dog to her, cuddling the creature in her lap. “You already know me too well, don’t you?”
“Who are you talking to?”
Ellie looked up in surprise at the words. Her new little friend, Anna, stood only a few feet down the path from her.
“Thanks for the warning, guys,” she muttered before smiling her welcome at the child. “Only myself, Anna. Just hiding out here talking to myself.”
“I come to hide here, too. Do you mind if I sit with you?”
Ellie patted the bench beside her in invitation. “And what are you hiding from?”
The child shook her mass of red curls, rolling her eyes as she did so. “Cook’s in a fair frightful mood. Says the family is in for it now and she’s no happy about it in the least. And when Bridey MacInnis is no happy, the whole of the kitchen suffers, believe me.”
“What’s happened?”
Though she asked calmly, her stomach churned with nerves. She would absolutely die of embarrassment if anyone knew how she’d behaved. Caden had been awfully upset with her, but surely he wouldn’t go say anything.
“Guests have arrived, and one of them”—the girl lowered her voice and looked around conspiratorially—“is the lady who was to have married Master Caden all those years ago. Cook is fit to be tied that the woman would show her face here even if her brother is missing with Master Colin.”
The woman Caden still loved was here? Now? How horrible was that. If he were the one, her only way home, how was she supposed to find out with the woman of his dreams showing up?
The little dog in Ellie’s lap growled. Challenge her. It’s your pack now.
Ellie scratched at Missy’s head absently.
Maybe the dog had a good idea.
Sixteen
That was, without a doubt, the stupidest idea she’d ever had. But what could she expect when she was taking advice from a dog?
Ellie prodded at the food on her trencher and stole another glance to where Alycie Maxwell sat right next to her.
She couldn’t compete with that woman. Alycie was, as far as Ellie could see, perfect.
Though she looked to be a few years older than Ellie, she was a tiny little thing, barely reaching Ellie’s shoulder. She wore her shiny brown hair in a braid that reached well below her thighs. Her light brown eyes smiled at everyone they lit upon. And every single word that came out of her perfect little pink mouth was kind and gentle.
Alycie Maxwell was truly gag-me-with-a-spoon nice and Ellie hated her. Or she would if she weren’t having such a hard time trying to find something to dislike about the woman.
When Ellie had finally tried to sneak into the keep, Rosalyn had spotted her and taken her to the ladies’ solar, where she’d been introduced to Alycie and her mother, Grizel.
Alycie had been warm and kind from the first moment, offering to help when the stitching Rosalyn had given Ellie to work on had become tangled. She’d patiently unknotted the mess Ellie had made and then showed her an easier way to work with the cloth.
Granted Alycie might have been stupid years ago when she dumped Caden, but she sure didn’t seem stupid now. And she was, after all, back.
And now, as if sitting right next to Miss Perfect wasn’t bad enough, at any moment Caden would enter the hall and she’d have to face him. With both of them knowing how she had behaved this morning. And how he’d rejected her.
Ellie downed her second cup of spiced wine and held it up to the serving girl for a refill.
She lifted her newly filled cup to her lips and glanced over the rim to see Caden stride into the hall.
His hair was loosed from the tie he normally wore and she almost swore she could see the individual strands picking up the glint of the candlelight. He paused just inside the doorway, his eyes scanning the table until he spied her.
Though he quickly looked away, she could feel the burn move up to her cheeks. Or maybe that was just the wine. She watched, unable to tear her eyes away as he entered and took a seat at the center of the table, well away from her.
Well, no wonder. Not only did he have today’s little incident as a reminder of what he didn’t like about her, but here she sat, right next to the woman he actually loved. What better contrast could she possibly provide? Great big ol’ immodest, inappropriate her, side by side with sweet little Miss Perfect.
She felt physically ill.
“Finished, milady?” Anna stood at her shoulder with her hand outstretched.
“Finished?” Ellie gulped down the last of her wine and handed the cup to the girl.
“Yer trencher, Ellie,” the girl whispered. “Are you done with that? It’s time to change the courses.”
“Take it.” Who could eat? Her nerves had her stomach dancing like crazy. Food wouldn’t go well at all with that mix.
Anna whisked the food away, leaving Ellie to stare at her hands, fingers splayed out on the bare wood of the table. She wouldn’t look up again. She certainly wouldn’t risk looking down the table to see if he might be looking back.
“As if,” she muttered. Well, he might be looking her direction, but it wouldn’t be at her. It would be right past her. One seat past her, to be exact.
“Are you feeling unwell?” Alycie leaned close, trailing the scent of roses and spice along with her as she touched her hand to Ellie’s forehead. “Yer skin is quite flushed. Would you care to retire to yer room?”
“Fine. Feeling just fine.” So now Miss Perfect was trying to get rid of her. But wait. Wasn’t that what she wanted? This could be exactly the excuse she needed to escape. “You know what? I think maybe you’re right.”
Ellie pushed back her chair and stood, immediately wishing she hadn’t as the room began to spin around her.
“Steafan!”
Alycie’s hiss seemed to come from all directions at once as Ellie clamped her hand on the back of the chair to keep from falling.
Lord, how strong was that wine?
And then she was moving, someone’s arm around her, directing her forward, down the side of the huge crowded room and toward the hallway.
“Need some air.” She managed at last to form the words that jumbled around in her head.
“Perhaps your room would be best, milady.”
Steafan. It was Steafan who held her on her feet. Steafan was Caden’s friend. And guys always talked to their friends. Did he know how she’d behaved with Caden? Was that why he wanted to take her to her room?
“No. Outside. Fresh air.”
She had to get her head clear so she could deal with this guy.
The next thing she knew they were in the open moonlight, cool, fresh air caressing her heated skin. “Oh yeah. Much better.” She stood at the far corner of the balcony, her cheek pressed against the cold stone wall, her hands draped over the railing. Just a minute or two of this and she’d feel better.
“While we have time alone, milady, I feel it only fair to give you warning.”
“About what?” Ellie didn’t open her eyes. Sight would only make the spinning start up again.
“Keep yer distance from Caden MacAlister. He’ll bring naught but trouble for you. Do you hear me?”
Ellie nodded once, but stopped as the darkness behind her eyes began to swirl. “I hear you, but I don’t have any idea what the heck you’re talking about.” Humiliation swept over her in a wave even as she feigned ignorance. He knew! Caden had told him everything and he was warning her away to protect his friend.
“I dinna ken the reason for yer being here, but if it’s to find yerself a husband, Caden is no the one for you to set yer mind on. Yer no to have anything to do with him.”
Is that what Caden thought? That she was out to find a husband? Had he said those thing
s to his friend? “No, that’s all wrong.”
Rough hands clamped down on her already heavy shoulders and her head snapped forward and back as Steafan shook her.
“Open yer eyes and look at me! Do you hear what I say? Caden is to wed my sister. Yer to keep yer distance from him. He’s no for the likes of you. Will you remember this?” Another shake and everything shattered around her with the movement, nausea rising to overtake her.
“She may not remember, but I certainly will.”
The shaking stopped and Ellie put her hands to either side of her head to stop the uncomfortable rotation, trying to focus on that deep voice as she opened her eyes.
Drew strode across the balcony directly toward her, an angry scowl on his face. He moved in closer, stepping in front of her, blocking her view of Steafan.
“I only spoke the truth.”
“As you see it, perhaps.” The world spun out of control as Drew lifted Ellie from her feet. “We’ll talk about this another time, you and I.”
And then she was moving again, out of the fresh cool air and into the confines of the keep.
“Wine got the best of you, did it?” Drew’s chuckle rumbled in his chest. “Yer no a drinker, that’s a fact.”
Her mouth felt too slow to form an answer so she started to nod, but stopped immediately when the world began to move in the opposite direction. She closed her eyes again, trying to stay very, very still as he carried her up the stairs and down the hallway to her room. Everything had grown fuzzy by the time she heard Alycie’s gentle voice behind them.
“Allow me to help you.”
Drew’s hold on Ellie tightened. “We dinna need any of yer help, Alycie Maxwell.”
“I disagree, Andrew. In spite of how you may feel about me, you canna undress the lass and put her to bed as I can. Now lay her down and be on yer way. I’ll care for her.”
The air stirred around Ellie once again before the dark closed in and she remembered nothing more until she awoke sometime later, snuggled in her bed, a cool cloth draped over her forehead. A soft voice murmured at her side.
A Highlander of Her Own Page 12