by Zoey Draven
“There is a rumor that the lavrix’an,” Levrix started saying, “the human female that our Prime Leader mated did not want to conceive, that she asked a healer for a…a contraceptive. Is this true?”
Cecelia furrowed her brow, confused by Levrix’s question and wondering why she wanted to know. Besides a small, hardly noticeable clenching of her fists, the Luxirian female hardly seemed fazed by their conversation.
“I have no idea,” Cecelia answered truthfully. “I’ve only met Kate a couple times and it was obvious to me that even if she did want birth control, it didn’t work. Her pregnancy was in the third trimester already from the looks of things.”
Levrix’s face twisted slightly and Cecelia wondered what that emotion meant. Disgust? Anger? Confusion?
“It is hard for me to understand,” Levrix finally said slowly, her voice strained, “why a female would wish not to bear young.”
Cecelia straightened slightly, sensing that this was a delicate topic. “I’m sure she had her reasons, if the rumors are true,” she said.
“And yet she will bear our Prime Leader’s heir, an heir that will lead us into a new world. A hybrid,” Levrix said softly, her gaze flashing up to Cecelia.
Cecelia swallowed, the sudden tension making her fidget among the cushions. It didn’t help that she felt she might vomit as well.
“Rixavox told me about the Plague,” Cecelia said softly. “I can’t imagine what that must’ve been like, losing so many of your females in such a short amount of time.”
Levrix’s mouth twisted again slightly. “You will never know what it was like. And us that remain behind…we may as well journey to the blackworld too.”
“That’s not true,” Cecelia said, frowning slightly. “Don’t say that.”
“And now, females of different races will be the ones that continue Luxiria’s long and prosperous line, not Luxirian females. We have no use.”
Cecelia’s lips parted, struck by the sudden change in Levrix. Rage. It was there on her face. Helplessness. And a supreme sadness that made her throat burn just seeing it.
“I’m sorry,” Cecelia said, because she didn’t know what else to say. “I’m sorry that you had to go through what you did. I’m sorry for what you still deal with, every day.”
“I wanted to be a mother,” Levrix said, meeting her eyes. The glacial blue color seemed even darker with her sadness. “I wanted to bear young and see them grow and become proud warriors that would defend our race. I will never see that now.”
“Levrix, I understand,” Cecelia said softly, wondering how to try to calm her down. Her emotion seemed pent-up and for some reason, it was bubbling over now.
“No, you do not understand. You could never understand,” Levrix bit out, her voice hardening.
Cecelia sucked in a breath and blew it out slowly.
“I do, actually,” she said softly. Levrix gaze was steady as Cecelia told her, “I cannot have children either and I wanted to be a mother one day as well. So I do understand, at least a little bit of what you feel.”
“You cannot bear young?” Levrix asked, finally taking a breath. “Why?”
Cecelia explained quietly, “The treatments I received for my cancer…they damaged me.”
Levrix stared at her once she said the words, in silence. Her brows furrowed but her eyes lightened to their original light blue.
“Having children is important for Luxirians?” Cecelia couldn’t help but ask softly, sadly. She thought of Rixavox. Would he want children?
“Tev,” Levrix confirmed and Cecelia’s heart sank in her chest. “It is very important. Nothing will bring a family unit more pride.” Levrix seemed to force herself to add, although her tone was bitter, “The Prime Leader is a fortunate male to have a fertile female.”
Cecelia looked down at her lap. A wave of pain—from whatever the hell was wrong with her body—and of sadness made her want to curl up in bed for the rest of the day.
Levrix stood. “I will depart now.”
Cecelia nodded, glad that she would be alone with her thoughts. But something pricked the back of her mind and she looked up at Levrix, who loomed on the other side of the fire pit, bundling herself in her furs.
“Can I ask you something before you go?”
Levrix looked down at her, but her expression was stony. “Tev.”
“What does luxiva mean?” Cecelia asked, the question falling so easily from her lips.
Levrix’s lips twisted again and the chortling sound she made in the back of her throat echoed around the room. “I was wondering if he would tell you.”
Cecelia waited, but she believed she already knew the answer.
“Luxiva means fated one. A fated mate,” Levrix said. “Tell me he at least explained that to you.”
“He did,” Cecelia said softly, the final piece of the puzzle clicking into place.
And it didn’t shock her. It made sense…everything that he’d told her about fated mates, how powerful a connection it was, how rare they were…she’d felt it too. And now she knew that Rixavox had as well.
He’d known about Luxirian Instincts because his own Instinct had awakened. For her.
Cecelia looked up at Levrix, who had already turned to the door. Their time together had taken a turn and it was clear, perhaps to the both of them, that there was no future for a friendship. Levrix’s bitterness ran too deeply. That was apparent to Cecelia now.
Levrix turned to look at her one last time and inclined her head. And then she slipped out the door of Rixavox’s home and Cecelia wondered if she would ever see her again.
The house was quiet, except for the howling winds outside. Cecelia felt strangely calm, processing the confirmation of some suspicions she’d had. She wondered why Rixavox hadn’t told her…but she knew. If he’d told her from the beginning, it would have scared her off. She had already been processing the whole alien thing, and then the return of her cancer. He probably hadn’t wanted to overwhelm her, especially when they’d just met.
It all made sense though.
From the very first moment that they’d met…the intense attraction, that strange, erotic encounter when they’d first spoken. His vow to Privanax that he would not have sex with her while she healed. Privanax must’ve realized what had happened and hadn’t wanted anything to compromise her progress.
The intensity she’d always felt from him…
Cecelia sucked in a deep breath, her chest feeling a little tight. She could feel her heart pounding. It seemed to shake her entire body.
He’d told her that Luxirians mated for life. Mates were forever. Is that what he wanted from her?
Rixavox told her, last night in the Rillirax, that they had as many days together as she wanted. In his mind, their future had always been in her hands, not his, because she was the one who had the choice to leave, to return to her own home planet.
Because that would be what she was giving up if she chose to stay. Her home planet. The life she’d started to build for herself. Her degree.
But if she chose to return to Earth…what would happen to Rixavox?
Her head began to pound and she closed her eyes, trying to calm down. It was too much, especially in her tired state.
However, she knew that she didn’t have much time to figure out the mess in her head either. They would be leaving to return to the Golden City soon, in a couple more days.
Would she know what she wanted by then?
TWENTY-ONE
“Sessela?” Rixavox called when he entered their dwelling. He shook the silver ice off his furs before shrugging them off. He slung them over the cushions in the central hub, so they would dry by the fire in time for their journey to the Rillirax that night.
He strode across the floor and went down the hallway leading to their quarters, wondering if she was sleeping. She’d seemed tired the span before and Rixavox told himself that he would let her rest that night, to keep his hands off her so she could recover. It would be difficult, but he
would do it for her sake. She was still healing, after all, and she needed her strength for their journey back to the Golden City.
His body relaxed when he scented her in their sleeping platform. She was huddled under the furs and when he approached and scooted in beside her, she jolted from sleep.
“Hi,” she whispered, blinking slowly, her voice scratchy.
“Rest,” he murmured, smoothing his hand through her hair. “I did not mean to wake you.”
But then Rixavox’s palm grazed her forehead and he frowned. Her skin was damp and felt warmer than it usually did.
“Luxiva,” he murmured, worried, “Are you ill?”
“Luxiva,” she whispered, before moving to sit up in their furs. “I need to know something.”
“Sessela, I think we should run another scan,” Rixavox said lowly. The healer had said the scan from last night had been normal, that the hellixaxava hadn’t progressed. Was this something else? “I should summon Kirzalla. She can—”
Sessela cut him off, drawing her knees up to her chest, clarity returning to her sleepy gaze. “I want you to answer something for me first.”
Rixavox blew out an impatient breath, but then said, “Ask, female.”
“What’s the real reason why you don’t want to have sex?”
Rixavox went still, furrowing his brow. What in the Fates had prompted this question?
“That is not important right now, Sessela,” Rixavox growled. He ran his hand over her flesh, not liking how hot her skin was. “I need to get the scanner.”
He made a move to get off the sleeping platform, but her words stopped him. “It’s a simple question, Rixavox. I just want to know why. I want you to tell me.”
“It is not a simple question, female,” he growled in frustration, looking towards the hallway. He’d left the scanner near the Coms. “It is one of the more complicated questions you have asked of me.”
“Just tell me,” she pleaded softly. Rixavox turned to her, kneeling on the platform. Her eyes were glassy but he didn’t know if it was because of the fever that raged through her body or because she seemed sad.
Rixavox cupped her soft cheek in his palm. “Sessela. We will have this conversation when you are well. Right now, there is something wrong. I feel it.”
He turned from her and strode out of the quarters quickly, heading for the Coms in the central hub. He prayed to the Fates that Privanax was available.
Sessela was quick on his heels. He almost reached the scanner lying on the silver platform where the Coms were situated, but she grabbed his arm before he could reach it.
Rixavox whirled to face her, panic surging in his chest when he saw that her face looked leeched of color and that she was sweating, despite the chill in the air from the ice storm.
“Luxiva…” he said, reaching out to steady her when she wobbled. “Vrax!”
Quickly, he put in an emergency summons into the Coms for Kirzalla, Velraxa’s prime healer. His female needed immediate attention. Privanax could wait.
Nix, nix, nix. It didn’t make sense. The Rillirax was supposed to help heal her, not make her worse.
Fear imbedded itself in his chest like a dagger. What if their treatments did not work on her? What would happen to his female?
“Rixavox, please listen to me,” she said softly.
“You are worrying me, female,” he told her softly. “We will talk as much as you want once Kirzalla has attended to you.”
But she was already shaking her head.
And her next words made him freeze.
“I’m falling in love with you, Rixavox,” she admitted softly. “I wanted you to know that, regardless of what happens.”
“Female…”
“But you’ve been lying to me since I met you. And I just want you to say it, just once, so that I can understand.”
There was complete silence as Rixavox digested her words. Emotions pummeled him from all sides until he felt both beaten down and lifted up by them. It was an indescribable feeling.
But one thing was clear to him.
She knew.
It was not the situation in which he’d wanted to tell her. He’d thought of a million different ways to tell her, but this had not been one of them.
Even as dazed and sickly as she looked, his luxiva was not going to back down from this talk. He could see the stubbornness shining clearly in her eyes. Even though it frustrated him, seeing her this way, he admired her persistence.
He admired much about his female.
And at any other moment, where she told him she was falling in love with him, he would be the proudest Luxirian to have ever lived, blessed with the love of an amazing female. At that moment, however, his joy was dulled by his concern, his worry.
Still, he felt the words tumbling from him, all the words that he had collected for his female that he couldn’t voice before right then.
“You are my luxiva, Sessela,” he told her, grasping her waist and holding her weight. “My fated mate, the one female that the Fates have gifted me for the rest of my life span in this world. I have known since I first saw you, since you first awakened the dormant Instinct within me. There will never be another for me. It is you. You. It will always be.” He pressed her closer. “If anything happened to you, luxiva, I would not know how to process it, but if you chose to leave me, I would accept your decision.” He couldn’t stop the words now, even if he tried. “But if you choose to stay, with me, on Luxiria, to build your life here and live out the rest of your life span with me at your side, I will make you happy.” Tears started to glimmer in her eyes and Rixavox rushed to finish, worried that he would not be able to tell her everything that he wanted her to know before she stopped him. “I want to build a family unit with you. I want to sire offspring with you. I want you here with me.”
Tears began dripping from her eyes and Rixavox’s heart sank in his chest. Tears meant humans were sad, didn’t they?
“Luxiva…” he murmured, wiping away the strange liquid off her warm cheek.
“I c-can’t have children,” she said, more tears replacing the ones he’d smoothed away. “The chemo…and the radiation…I can’t—I can’t give you children, Rixavox. And Levrix said that they’re important, that—”
“Vrax what Levrix says,” he growled softly, crouching so that they were at eye level, his heart thundering in his chest. “No offspring then. It does not matter. What matters is you, tev?” More tears fell and he growled at the sight of them, hating to see them. This was too upsetting for her. He worried it would be too much. He brought her to his chest, embracing her, feeling her body against his. “Enough now. We will talk of this once you have been healed.”
“And what if it doesn’t work?” she asked softly, sniffing. Her voice seemed so small, so weak, and it only worried him more. “What happens then?”
“I will be there with you, luxiva,” he murmured down to her. “Have faith that the Fates will see you through. You were led here for a reason.”
“That reason was you,” she murmured quietly, looking up at him.
Rixavox’s chest ached and he wondered what was taking Kirzalla so long. He didn’t like the way she sounded resigned, like she was already expecting the worst outcome. How sick was she? Had she been hiding this from him?
“Be an idealist, female,” he said quietly. “Remember?”
She huffed out a weak laugh but then flinched. She was so pale that it made Rixavox’s stomach clench.
“Rixavox,” she murmured, her eyebrows furrowing.
“Tev, luxiva?”
“I…I don’t feel so well. I-It started getting worse after you left. I’m not sure if…”
But she never finished because her eyes rolled back into her head. Rixavox roared in alarm and caught her just as she fell, unconscious, in his arms.
After what seemed like rotations, he heard a hovercraft land on the terrace outside his dwelling.
He scooped up his female gently and carried her over to the cushion
s lining the central hub fire pit, his heart as heavy as stone in his chest, but pumping like howling wind. Just then, Kirzalla shouldered her way inside the dwelling.
Kirzalla was an older female, one of the few females that had chosen the healing profession. She was as straightforward and gruff as Privanax was, so it made sense that it was rumored they’d once been involved as pleasure partners.
More importantly, Rixavox trusted her and she was an accomplished healer.
“Step away,” she commanded when she saw Sessela. Immediately, she dropped down near his female and began unpacking her scanners and equipment. Swiftly, she made a cut on Sessela’s arm that had him growling when he saw her red blood drip. Kirzalla shot him a look. “Signal Privanax on the Coms. I cannot work with a warrior’s Instinct looming.”
Rixavox knew she was right and strode to the Coms to signal Privanax, channeling his warrior training. Panic and fear would accomplish nothing. He needed to be calm. For Sessela.
The healer’s face appeared on screen. He scowled when he saw Kirzalla but then his gaze focused on Rixavox’s female and he demanded, “What happened?”
“She was sick when I returned back to our dwelling,” Rixavox explained in a low tone. “Her skin was hot and damp and pale. She blacked out just before Kirzalla entered but she said that the sickness got worse suddenly before she did.” Rixavox’s hands clenched at his side, guilt overwhelming his senses. “She seemed fine earlier, when I left for the command center. I should have stayed. I should have made sure.”
“The scans you sent last span showed nothing progressing with the hellixaxava,” Privanax insisted.
“It is not hellixaxava that is causing this,” Kirzalla suddenly chimed in, looking down at her scanner, which was analyzing the blood sample she’d taken. “I do not know what this is.”
Rixavox ran a hand over his horn and he paced the floor in front of the Coms, a restless energy building. He strode over to Sessela, not caring if Kirzalla wanted him out of the way. He needed to be near his mate.