by Jessica Sims
Yeah, there was no way I could put a happy spin on this.
To my surprise, the bed shifted and Hugh sat down on the floor next to me, leaning up against the bed. He sat close enough that our shoulders rubbed, and then he awkwardly patted my shoulder. “I will not let anything happen to you, Ryder.”
For some reason, that quick, impersonal touch just made things worse. I only cried harder.
“You are not comforted?” He sounded chagrined.
“You’re trying, and I appreciate that, but . . .”
“But it is not how a man comforts a woman,” he guessed. “And this makes you sad.”
Hearing it said aloud made a sob catch in my throat, and I nodded miserably. “I . . . can’t . . . even . . . be . . . held,” I choked out between sobbing hiccups. “It’s not fair! Why can’t I be normal?”
One big hand landed on my hair, and the next thing I knew, my face was mashed against Hugh’s broad chest. He rubbed my shoulder, and his arms went around me. “I will hold you.”
My heart melted at his thoughtfulness. “Thank you,” I said around the knot in my throat. I leaned against him, careful to avoid his skin. “You’re sweet.”
“I am sorry you are sad.”
I sniffled. “I just . . . want to be normal. I want a boyfriend. Someone that will hold me when I’m scared and love me for me.” I thought of Marie’s engagement ring with a pang of envy. “Someone to share my life with.”
Hugh said nothing. He simply continued to stroke my hair.
That was fine, really. It wasn’t a situation that could be solved by kind words. It was just me, full of self-pity that I normally didn’t allow myself to indulge in.
We were silent for long moments, my head snuggled against his chest as his hand slid over my hair. “I know how you feel,” he said after a pause. “This world . . . I see people together, and it makes me envious. I see men walking with their women, and holding their hands. I see the easy touches of couples. I see their children. I see families, and I realize that my men have nothing. We have nothing but a bare, lonely existence in our realm. And . . . I want things, too.” He sighed, the sound heavy and sad. “I cannot help but want more.”
I felt a weird kinship with Hugh in that moment. He was just as lonely as I was, just as stranded and isolated in this sea of happy, normal people. He understood how alienating it felt to watch someone casually caress a loved one’s cheek and know that you could never have the same.
He got it. And he got me.
The thought was so incredibly warming that I lifted my head from his chest to look up at his face, to tell him that I understood. That I knew what he was talking about and how he felt.
And when I looked up, I realized that his face was mere inches from mine.
Hugh’s gaze dropped to my mouth, and my breath quickened when I realized what he was thinking. He was thinking about kisses. Hot, wet, delirious kisses like he’d seen in the movie. I knew this, and knew I should pull away.
But I didn’t. I pressed closer to him, my breasts brushing against his chest. My hand clutched at his T-shirt, and I tugged myself up against him, my mouth angling closer. Any second now, he’d push me away. Demand that I cease. So I figured I’d get as close as I could before he did so.
Yet as my mouth moved closer to his, my breathing escalating into small, excited pants, I flicked my gaze to Hugh’s. Wasn’t he going to stop me?
The look in his eyes was scorching with heat. It made me suck in a breath to see all that desire storming through those catlike pupils, to see the ache in them.
He wanted to kiss me. He wanted it just as badly as I did. My pulse settled low in my thighs and I whimpered, even as my other hand dug into his shirt and I slanted my mouth down over his.
And then, I was kissing Hugh.
Our teeth banged together, startling me. I wanted to pull back and apologize; I wasn’t very good at this, and my experience was limited. I was good at letting others kiss me and then running away. Me starting the kiss? Clearly I needed work.
I moved to pull back . . . and Hugh’s hand was on the back of my neck, suddenly, holding me against him. His mouth slanted over mine, shocking me with the heat and intensity of it.
I melted against him. The feel of his lips against mine was stunning . . . and wonderful. Hugh was clearly a quick learner; I felt his tongue press into my mouth, seeking entrance. I opened to let him in and was shocked by the wave of arousal that swept over me when his tongue touched mine. I licked him back, and when he retreated, I grazed my tongue over one of his extra-long canines, earning a throaty groan for my efforts. Then he was tonguing me again, stroking into my mouth.
His body was rigid under mine. Even as our mouths meshed, I could feel under the throbbing of desire the prickle of my skin as I transformed. The hands digging into his shirt were turning to claws, and my back ached, my wings thrusting out of my skin even as Hugh’s tongue thrust into my mouth again. It left a wild ache between my legs, and I moaned.
The sound was gutteral; inhuman. During the kiss, I’d transformed into my changeling form. Even now, I could feel the scales over my nipples pushing against his chest. The feeling was oddly erotic. I wanted more of it, and I brushed up against him as he continued to kiss me.
But just as quickly as the kiss had started, it ended. The hand that had landed on the back of my neck to pull me toward him? Suddenly pulled me backward and jerked me away. My eyes flew open—I didn’t even realize I had closed them—and I stared at Hugh in surprise, panting.
He’d transformed during our kiss, too. His face had changed, his nose flattening, the whiskers along his sideburns becoming more prominent. His fangs had extended and his eyes had no whites, and I could feel his claws pressing against the now scaly skin of my neck. It was like he lost control of his humanity when he got turned on. Seeing that gave me pleasure. He was just like me.
I leaned in to continue our kiss.
Hugh shook his head, jerking away. “No.”
“No?” He shook his head again and shoved backward, the bed sliding across the room. Hastily, he stood, spilling me to the ground. He wouldn’t look me in the eye, either. Instead, he went to the window and peered out the curtain.
And I was left sitting there, my tail and wings lashing through my clothing.
Utterly humiliated.
Utterly devastated.
He saw my transformation and didn’t want to kiss me anymore. It was okay that he’d turned more tigerlike; I’d actually found that arousing, because I’d known it had meant he was losing control. But me? I didn’t turn into something pretty. I turned into something ugly.
And he didn’t want to put his mouth on that.
The tears returned, and with a choked sob, I fled to the bathroom and slammed the door shut behind me, then locked it and leaned against it. The mirror was to my side, but I turned away, not wanting to see my hideous reptilian face.
I was so ugly I was beyond kissing, even to a shapeshifter like Hugh.
I was doomed.
Chapter Ten
When I’d composed myself, I sucked in a deep, steadying breath and studied my face in the mirror. I’d transformed back to the old, familiar, human Ryder. My blond hair was delicately mussed, my bangs shifted over to one side of my forehead. My eyes were red-rimmed and puffy from crying, and the tip of my nose was red as well. Not a cute look, but better than the alternative.
I headed out of the bathroom and shut the door behind me. No more hiding.
Hugh turned away from the window and looked over at me. “Is everything well, Ryder?”
Was everything well? Was he just messing with me now? I ignored his question and grabbed the remote, flopping onto the side of the bed and clicking it on. Screw him. I turned on something boring. It looked like a home improvement show. Whatever.
“Ryder?” He moved to the other sid
e of the bed and sat down on the corner. “Are you ignoring my questions?”
I shot him a glare. “What does it look like?”
He seemed astonished by my reaction. “You are upset?”
Why was he surprised by this? “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“I do not understand.” He got up from the bed and moved around it to my side. Then he leaned over and peered at my face. When I scrunched down, scowling, he frowned. “Have you been crying?”
“Of course I’ve been crying,” I said bitterly, trying to avert my face from his inquiring gaze. “You would be, too, if you were in my situation. And for the record, I’m sorry I pushed my gross mouth on yours. I should have remembered how disgusting I am. It won’t happen again.”
Silence.
Then, to my dismay, Hugh sat down next to me on the bed, blocking out my view of the TV. “You think you are disgusting?”
I jerked my gaze to his. “I have a mirror, Hugh. I know what I turn into.”
“That is what you turn into right now,” Hugh agreed. “The closer you get to your peak, the more you transform. Or didn’t you notice?”
“I try not to look in the mirror,” I pointed out stiffly. “I don’t like what I see.”
“I do not think you are hideous, Ryder,” Hugh said in a low, gentle voice. “If I did, I would not have kissed you. And make no mistake, it was I that kissed you. I did not forget who and what you are. I pressed my mouth to yours knowing this. I touched my tongue to yours fully aware of this.” That hot look returned to his eyes. “And I pulled away not because I forgot what you are but because I did forget what is waiting for me should I fulfill my vow.”
A knot of emotion choked my throat. “A mate for you.”
“A mate for all of my men. An end to our loneliness. If I deliver you, there will be children for my people. Mates to warm us at night. It is the thing we dream of most. How can I deprive my men simply because I am selfishly attracted to you?”
I felt curiously warm. “You’re attracted to me?”
His gaze was deadly earnest. “I am.”
“Even knowing what I turn into when I’m touched?”
“It does not offend my senses. It is simply part of who you are, and I like all of you.” His expression became rueful. “And you are not the only one that transforms when you are touched.”
I sat up, suddenly fascinated by this conversation. He . . . didn’t find me revolting? In my monster form? My touch made him shift into his form a bit more because he lost control? “I noticed that. It was because you got turned on?”
He nodded.
“You’re not just saying this to make me feel better?”
“I never lie.” He looked affronted at the thought.
I waved a hand at that. “I know, I know. But you also didn’t say anything just then. You just kind of nodded.”
“I am attracted to you,” Hugh said gruffly. “In either form. Does that satisfy you?”
It made me giddy, actually. “But you won’t touch me because of your vow?”
“That is correct.”
“Then why did you kiss me?” I asked, feeling a little breathless. My gaze went back to his mouth, fascinated by the tension there. “Why didn’t you pull away when I leaned in?”
“I wanted to see what it was like,” he admitted. “This kissing with tongues.”
“We can practice some more,” I said eagerly, sitting up on the bed. “You probably want to have more experience for when you get your woman—”
Hugh shook his head, his gaze hot and dark on my face. “I dare not.” He stood. “And you should get some sleep. I will keep watch.”
I settled back down into the blankets, feeling oddly pleased with this turn of events. So Hugh didn’t find me disgusting after all? That was fascinating. He’d pulled away only because he’d wanted more, and he was trying to remain true for his upcoming bride. Mate. Whatever. I fluffed one of the pillows and snuggled it, turning back to the boring home improvement show but not paying a bit of attention as they waxed rhapsodically about resurfacing cabinets.
Hugh was attracted to me. I hugged the thought close, happy.
Then I stopped. I was thrilled that Hugh liked me . . . at the expense of his own happiness? It was clear that he was tormented by his attraction to me because it carried such heavy ramifications. If he made me happy, he made so many others miserable.
The thought was not an encouraging one, and for the first time, I felt jealous of the nameless, faceless female that had been picked out for Hugh’s mate. He’d treat her like she was the most amazing, incredible thing in the world. He’d be ecstatically happy.
And I’d be miserably busy breeding little changelings for my fae master.
The night passed uneventfully. No fae showed up to bust down the doors of the hotel room. It was as if nothing had happened and we were just being silly and paranoid. Of course, I imagined that was what I was supposed to think. I would let down my guard, and as soon as I did, I’d be snatched. I knew how the game went. I wasn’t stupid.
I was, however, utterly distracted.
All night, I’d dreamed about Hugh. Delicious, sexy dreams in which we were in the primordial lands, all alone. Just the two of us and misty, wild trees all around. I was naked, and so was Hugh, and when he stepped close to me, I couldn’t resist brushing my hands over his body to see his reaction. And he always, always reacted.
I woke up with a little shiver and looked over at Hugh, but he’d maintained his post at the window. Darn.
Still, for all that it had been a naughty dream, it had been a good one. I yawned and stretched, then swung my legs out of bed, surprisingly cheerful. Tonight after work, I decided, we’d get a nice, swanky hotel room. After all, if I was going to end up in the fae realm for good, I might as well go out in style. I kicked off the covers and bounced up. “Morning, Hugh.”
He grunted.
“Someone clearly needs his morning coffee,” I teased, then glanced at the alarm clock. One in the afternoon. “Afternoon coffee,” I amended. “Do you mind if I shower before we head to work?”
He turned and gave me an incredulous look. “Work? We are not leaving safety so you may play at your desk.”
It was my turn to frown. I put my hands on my hips. “You’re kidding, right? I have to go to work. I don’t want to lose my job. I’ve already missed two days.”
Just in case I managed to wriggle myself out of this mess, I’d want to have my job to pay off the credit card bills this week was going to cost me.
Hugh shook his head. “It’s not safe.”
“But—”
“I have decided,” he said in a snarl, glowering at me.
Someone was definitely cranky. It didn’t deter me. He could snarl at me all he wanted—I knew he wouldn’t harm a hair on my head. And layered with the knowledge that I knew he found me attractive? Yeah, I was going to get my way in this. “But Hugh,” I said pleadingly as I put a hand on his sleeve, “I need to go to work or I’ll go stir-crazy, waiting for something to happen.”
When he looked over at me, I gave him my most innocent, vulnerable female look. And then I licked my lips.
His gaze went to my mouth and his eyes softened. Poor man had no chance against a woman’s wiles. “I—”
“And I need to work in order for us to stay in these rooms,” I told him. “Otherwise we won’t have the money. And I’m sure I’ll be safe with you around.” I ran a hand along his bicep and gave it a bit of a squeeze. Just a bit. “You’re strong. And capable.”
He sighed. “Do you say these things in a sweet voice to coax me, female?”
Maybe Hugh wasn’t as clueless as I thought. I grinned up at him. “Perhaps? But it’s all true. I do feel safe with you.”
He grunted. “And you must go to work to get money? For the rooms?”
Well, I
did have a nest egg, but what he didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him. “Yep.”
“Very well.”
“Wonderful!” I gave a happy little bounce and headed for the shower. “Just give me ten minutes to get ready and we’ll head out, okay?” I didn’t stick around for an answer.
I took the world’s fastest shower and just as quickly toweled off, tossing aside the small, rough towels as soon as I was dry enough. My hair was a wet, tangled mess, though, and I hated the thought of going in to work with it laying flat against my head. There was a hair dryer attached to the wall, so I pulled it off and flicked it on, aiming it at my hair.
The door to the bathroom slammed open and Hugh thundered inside, eyes wild.
I froze in place, staring at him in shock. “What is it? Who’s here?”
“That noise . . .” He made a weird gurgle in his throat and fell silent, staring at the hair dryer.
I flipped it off, straightening. “Oh, I’m sorry. I must have panicked you. I—” I stopped, realizing that he was staring pointedly at the now broken door that was hanging off its hinges and avoiding looking at a very naked me. His face was bright red. “Hugh?”
“You will put on a towel, female.”
Oh. So it was my nudity that was bothering him? I smothered a laugh. The man was the biggest, most dangerous person I knew . . . and he was blushing like a schoolboy because I was naked. “You’re the one that barged into the bathroom,” I told him. “You shouldn’t be surprised at what you see if you do.”
“I thought you were in danger.”
“Only in danger of having flat hair, sweetie,” I told him and put the hair dryer down. “You’ve seen me naked before, Hugh. Back when I transformed in the primordial lands, remember?”
He continued to stare at the broken door. “I did not look. I would not look. It is not . . . polite.”
Oh, my Lord, this was cute. I tousled my wet hair with my fingers. “What do you think? Is this a good look for me?” I teased him.
He refused to look in my direction, glowering at the wall.
“Or maybe I should pull my hair up.What do you think?”