by KB Winters
“Is she busy?”
“Just finishing yoga so you have to wait.”
I set the paintings down against the wall underneath a window and took the same seat I’d had on my last visit. I noticed the wheeze in his voice that Moon had talked about but didn’t know if I should mention it, so I just said, “What’s up, Beau?”
“Not much. I got new asthma meds but I don’t like them.”
“No one likes medicine, kid. We endure it because we don’t want to stay sick.”
“It’s not getting better. It’s getting worse and Mom is scared even if she says she’s not.” He pouted which was so strange when he sounded so grownup.
“Parents are always scared, it’s part of their job. You’ll be fifty and she’ll still worry about you like you’re five.” I stood, feeling uncomfortable talking to a kid about such personal things. Beau took in a deep breath and the wheeze intensified, giving me a taste of the anxiety Moon lived with. Shit. No kid should have to fight for air.
And then I was struck dumb. Mute. Paralyzed by the sight of Moon in skintight purple, her body contorted erotically. Just a sliver of a view into the patio as we walked by the living room and me unable to look away. Who knew yoga was so sensual?
“Want some cereal? Mom made it yesterday.” Beau was already headed to the kitchen, leaving me no choice but to follow him.
“She made cereal?”
“Yep. It has less fake sugar but it’s still really good.” He pulled out two brightly colored bowls and poured from a clear plastic container. When he grabbed the milk, I stepped in.
“Maybe I should pour the milk,” I told him and his skin turned bright red.
“Okay but Mom doesn’t care if I spill, she says people spill stuff all the time. That’s why kitchens are full of towels.”
“Hey Cross.” Moon breezed in still wearing her sexy purple getup, skin glistening and slightly pink from the sun. And the yoga. “Did we have a meeting today?”
“Nope.” I stared at her and she stared back, waiting for me to say more.
“Rocky asked him to drop off art,” Beau said, selling me out and pointing to the paintings in the living room.
I shoved a bite of cereal in my mouth and grinned. “Yeah, that.”
She smirked and dipped her head in the fridge, giving me a side view of the curve of her ass. It was as magnificent as I expected. “How do you like the cereal?”
I blinked at her change of subject. “Really good. You made this?”
“With my own hands,” she held them up and then took a long sip of water from a glass she had chilling in the refrigerator. “How are you?” The question was benign enough but the look in those green eyes said she knew all of my secrets, even the ones no one knew.
“Fine. Still tired.”
She sighed and did that sympathetic head tilt thing women were born knowing how to do. “Too bad. If you ever want to do yoga with me, the offer stands.” I opened my mouth to answer and she put up a hand to stop me. “Just think about it and if you decide to do it, just let me know.”
I nodded but her look said she knew I wouldn’t take her up on her offer and for that reason alone, I was seriously considering it.
“And how are you?” I asked to change the subject.
Her gaze slid down to Beau who was already deep in a book that I hadn’t even seen him retrieve. “Working on being okay. Doing a lot of meditation and waiting for the medication to kick in.” Her lips quirked into a smile as she ruffled her son’s hair.
We fell into that seven-second lull thing and I searched for something to say. “Need some help with the paintings?”
Her gaze shot to the paintings leaning against the wall and I saw the fear in her gaze a moment before she banked the look and shook her head. “Nah, I’ll take them when I go over to the shop. Later.”
“You sure?” She nodded and wiped some of the sweat gathering at the base of her throat.
“Want to stay for lunch?”
Beau looked up and smiled. “Yeah! We’re having chickpea burgers!”
That sounded awful but the company was the best offer I’d had in a long damn time. “I love burgers.”
“Me too! And Mom makes the best fries ever!”
Moon blushed prettily. “Ever?”
Beau nodded. “Yep! Even better than Carina’s!”
“It’s an organic restaurant,” she explained and I was in awe of Moon, going above and beyond to make sure her boy had the best life possible even with his limitations.
“It’s our favorite,” he said, smiling at me like we shared a secret. “Mom, we should take Cross, he’d like it. I know it!”
The kid was probably right but Moon gave him the answer hated by kids around the world. “We’ll see, honey.”
Unlike most kids, Beau nodded. “Okay.” Then he looked to me again with mischief in his eyes. “Can I ride on your motorcycle?”
I had no fucking clue what to say to that, but I knew enough from Jana, Rocky and Teddy to know that if I looked to Moon it would mean no so, I kept my gaze glued to his.
Then I shoved a heaping spoon of cereal into my mouth.
Chapter Eight
Moon
“Oh Jana, I came as soon as I heard!” An immense sense of relief washed over me as Jana’s big eyes stared up at me from her hospital bed. Emotions warred within me but I resisted the urge to pull her into my grasp and hug her with all my might. “I’m so happy to see you awake.”
She smiled at me and reached for my hand. “Moon. Thank you.” The tight squeeze told me she was thanking me for more than being here today. “You saved my life,” she said, her voice suddenly watery and I couldn’t hold my own emotions inside any longer.
Tears fell down my cheek as I looked at the monitors beside the bed. “You and the baby seem to be doing much better. How do you feel?”
“Like I’m ready to get the hell outta here. But now that I’m awake they want to poke and prod me until I go nuts and they get to lock me up in the crazy palace.” She smiled but the smudges under her eyes told me just how much of a toll this had taken on her.
“You’ll be home soon enough and your big strapping husband will wrap you in cotton until the baby is born.”
Jana laughed. “If he has his way he’ll swaddle me in it forever.”
“He must be so relieved. Although I think the nurses and doctors are more relieved,” I told her, explaining what a bear he’d been when we first arrived at the hospital. “Even the guys kept their distance,” I told her, never really sure what to call the Reckless Bastards. Calling them club members sounded too country club for those tough guys but saying the gang might make people draw the wrong conclusions, so I stuck with the all-encompassing guys.
Jana reached out for me again and I stepped closer, leaning against the side of the sturdy hospital bed to make things easier for her. “He told me that you held him while he cried, Moon. Thank you. He’s been doing great, but he could’ve gone down a dark path if you hadn’t offered your special brand of comfort. I’m just thanking you all over the place.” More tears fell and she cried harder as I comforted her.
I laughed nervously, uncomfortable with her praise. “I don’t need any thanks, Jana. You’re my friend and I did what friends do.”
She snorted. “I couldn’t have done what you did, no matter how much I might want to. Rocky thinks you’re a secret agent.”
That pulled a laugh from me. “Well she was pretty shaken up so her perspective is a little off.”
“Don’t believe her, Jana. She’s a total badass!” Rocky strolled in with her baby on her hip and Beau at her side. “Hey babe,” she said and gave me a one arm hug.
“Jana, hi!” Beau stood on the other side of the bed with a wide grin. He was close but not too close since he’d been given plenty of warnings that she was in pain. “How are you?”
“Better now that my buddy is here.” She reached out and tugged him close for a half hug. “Thanks for visiting me. How are you
doing, Beau?”
“I’m better now that you’re awake. I missed you.” He gave her hand a squeeze and then settled into a chair with his book.
I visited with Jana for a bit longer before plenty of other well-wishers showed up. The room got too crowded, so Beau and I headed home for some quiet time before dinner in a few hours.
“Mom,” he asked in a voice too worried for a little boy. “Will Jana be good as new?”
“Yep. The doctor says she and her baby will be perfectly fine.” And that was the best news I’d gotten all week. Things were finally returning to normal, mostly. The shop had reopened and things were fine. Everyone had come back to show their support, but it was only Wednesday. The truth would be revealed on Friday night. I wondered if the gunfire scared away the Friday night crowd permanently.
“Mom?”
Already on alert by his tone, I slid a gaze to Beau who had a red face and his chest was heaving. Shallow breathing followed by a wheezing inhale, and I knew he was on the verge of another asthma attack.
“Hang on, honey!” My sandaled foot hit the gas and I sped the rest of the way home because like an idiot, I’d left the batteries for the portable nebulizer on the charger. At home.
Minutes later I had my son in my arms, struggling to carry him into the house with only one thought in my mind. Get him to the nebulizer.
Beau’s room was upstairs, across the hall from mine. I managed to get him into his bedroom, nearly as out of breath as he was before I laid him on his bed with the Milky Way bedspread and began setting up the machine and the medicine.
“Stay calm, Beau. Just a moment.” I inhaled deeply and exhaled deeply until Beau followed along.
“It’s. Okay. Ma. Ma. Mom.”
That wheezing sound broke my heart. It wasn’t okay, none of this was okay. Beau was a sweet little boy who didn’t deserve this terrible problem. If I could, I would take on this burden for him. I put the mouthpiece between his lips. “Okay, now breathe.”
He inhaled deeply several times before his body began to relax. His eyelids slowly slid down, a sure sign that he was feeling better. His attacks were never easy for me either. They drained my energy for the rest of the day. I’d read all about status asthmaticus. Every day I worried that one of his asthma attacks would be fatal.
His eyes were shut and his breathing had returned to normal, slow and steady even though it was still a bit wheezy. I brushed his hair from his face and pressed a kiss to his forehead.
Now it was time to meditate. I needed to relax. Get my good juju back.
If I was being honest, meditation hadn’t been working this past week. I constantly felt on edge and no matter how much I meditated, communed with nature and tried to instill inner peace, nothing worked. Not even my pot-laced homemade granola. Or cornbread. There was something in the air; it crackled with electricity and tension. I didn’t know what was up, but I knew it was about to change everything.
Everything.
Trudging downstairs, heavy with fatigue, I was brought up short by the man standing in the middle of my living room. Scowling at me.
“Cross, what are you doing here?”
“A better question is why in the hell is your door wide open?”
While I appreciated his protectiveness, I did not appreciate his tone. “What business is it of yours? Do you always just walk into people’s houses without an invitation and yell at them?”
“The open door was the goddamn invitation! What if I was the asshole in the yellow and black car?”
I hated that he went there because the same thought had just flashed in my mind. “We both know he wasn’t looking for me.”
“It doesn’t matter. You can’t leave your door wide open like that, Moon!”
I sighed and dropped down on the sofa, exhausted. “You don’t think I know that, Cross? It’s not a habit.”
“Good, because it’d be a pretty fucking stupid one!”
He was testing my patience and I’d worked hard to keep it in check over the years. I couldn’t believe I was almost in tears. “Well next time my son is in the middle of an asthma attack, I’ll stop to lock the door so Cross doesn’t get all bent out of shape.”
He sucked in a breath. “I’m sorry. Is Beau all right?”
“He’s fine. I did the breathing treatment right away and now he’s fast asleep.” I pinched the place on my nose between my eyes, willing the tears not to fall.
“Good,” he said on a sigh and dropped down beside me. “How are you holding up?”
“Really? I’m not. His attack terrified the hell out of me and then some big bad biker came in my house and yelled at me.”
“Shit, I’m sorry to make things worse but…hell I’ve just been so worried lately.”
“Welcome to my world.” I took a deep breath. I didn’t want him to see me crying, see me weak. I was supposed to be Zen. Calm. Collected. “Want to meditate with me?” My question shocked him but he masked it quickly.
“I don’t know, do I?”
A laugh escaped me and I stood, nodding my head for him to follow. “Come on.” I felt his presence behind me and I willed my body not to react to his nearness. “We won’t do a full on meditation, just some breathing techniques.”
“Breathing? Sounds like yoga to me. Are you going to put on that badass purple outfit?” His skepticism wasn’t surprising, but it amused me.
I smiled. “Come on and sit down.” I led him out to the backyard but not before locking the front door. “Cross your legs and close your eyes. Now just relax and focus on your breathing. Listen to your breathing and nothing else.”
“Not even you?”
My lips curled up in a smile. “Just listen and focus on your breathing, keeping it even. Let it mimic mine.” I took in several deep breaths through my nose for a count of eight and let it out slowly, focusing on the air as it left my mouth. I could hear Cross at my side, his breathing a beat behind my own.
Soon the only sound besides the crickets was our breathing, mingling together until slowly the worry of the day faded away. There were still plenty of other worries to keep me down but for now I was determined to let the tension and the stress fade away.
Inhale.
Exhale.
Inhale.
Exhale.
On the next inhale, his scent crawled up my nose, mixing with the air and seeping into my brain. Branding it and ensuring that I would never forget that masculine scent. Sandalwood and leather. Maybe it was because he was the first man to elicit a real reaction from me in ages. I’d dated over the years but never for very long or seriously. And now I was attracted to a man who was the head of a large—possibly shady—organization. Oh and he had people shooting at him.
“That’s a whole lot of thinking going on for meditation time.”
“Yeah,” I sighed regretfully. “I told you it’s been difficult for me lately but that doesn’t mean that you can’t get some benefits from it, Cross.”
He unfolded his legs and leaned back on the grass. “I need it but I’m not sure it’s working. All I can focus on is your perfume.”
“Sorry. All the stress increased my pulse rate so I’m emitting all kinds of scents.” Did I seriously just say that? “Sorry. Ignore the science lesson.”
“I wasn’t complaining.”
I looked at him, his blue eyes were dark and full of heat. “Oh.”
Luckily his phone rang and pulled us out of yet another intimate moment. “Shit. Yeah?” He held his phone up to his ear and frowned, standing to his feet with impressive efficiency for a man his size. “Fuck!” He looked at me apologetically, stuffing his phone in his jeans. “Sorry Moon, I’ve gotta go.”
I stood and turned to him. “Go take care of your club, Cross. Be safe.”
He nodded and smoothed his hands through his thick brown hair in a move I found impossibly sexy. “Thanks.” He looked like he wanted to say more and I was very aware of how close we were. Too close. Then his hands were cupping my face and his mout
h slammed down onto mine, tongue teasing me right from the start. His hands were rough and his mouth was soft yet firm. The kiss was fiery and hungry and when I opened for him, his tongue slid in on a groan.
It was the most explosive kiss I’d had in too many years to remember, so I squeezed my eyes tight and got momentarily lost in Cross. In his arms. His scent and that delicious mouth that tasted mildly of dark chocolate and cinnamon was irresistible. Intoxicating.
Addictive.
I couldn’t get enough, moving closer to his body and it was hard. Everywhere. And suddenly I wanted more. More kisses.
More hugs.
More Cross.
He pulled back too soon and I moaned at the loss. “I gotta go. Really. But now I wish I didn’t.”
I nodded and walked him to the door because there was no way I would admit that I wanted him to stay.
Chapter Nine
Cross
Sleep wouldn’t come for shit. Again. I wouldn’t get anything accomplished by lying in bed and staring at the ceiling until my vision went blurry. Even Moon’s breathing techniques hadn’t helped, not that I would ever fucking admit to trying them.
Done with this restlessness, and with no plan in mind, I strapped on my bullet-proof vest, then some clothes, grabbed my keys and headed out the door. When I reached my bike I punched the air. Yes, I mouthed into the chill night. Suddenly sure of my next move, I jogged to the parking lot.
Since I still spent every night at the clubhouse, I had my choice of more than a dozen cars on the property. The dark green Toyota had keys in the ignition, so I turned over the engine and left the clubhouse in my rear view, heading toward a titty bar at the ass end of Mayhem. There was just one thing on my mind at the moment. Vigo. If I couldn’t have any peace, neither would that fucker. He wasn’t at the titty bar and after turning down a few offers for lap dances, I got out of there and headed to Shandy’s.
He’d attacked a few of our probationary members there and though they weren’t full Bastards, we would retaliate as if they were. Shandy’s was a bust too and I felt my frustration growing by the second. All of this shit had started because of Vigo and it was hard as hell not to hold him personally responsible. What the fuck was he thinking?