He shrugged. “Sorry to say it was pretty good. You know it’s a slow time of year for me.”
She nodded and searched for an excuse so she could go inside.
“Rachel Ann, let’s go for a ride.”
“A ride?”
“Ya. I need to talk to you about something. It’s important.”
Torn, she hesitated. They’d been friends for years—not just next-door neighbors. They’d shared confidences and problems and secrets.
“Now?”
He nodded. “Now. Please?”
Rachel Ann nodded slowly. “Let me tell Mamm I’m leaving.”
9
Rachel Ann got into Abram’s buggy when he pulled it in front of her house.
She waited for him to tell her what he wanted to talk about, but he remained silent as the buggy traveled along. Finally, she turned to him. “Where are we going?”
“No place in particular. Just for a ride.”
“Allrecht. So what’s bothering you?”
“You.”
“Me?” Surprised, she stared at him.
“I’ve been worried about you. Something’s been bothering you and I’ve been concerned.”
She realized she hadn’t been good at hiding her feelings since this was the second time in one day she’d had someone concerned about her.
“It’s been a difficult time with Sam in the hospital,” she said. “You know that.”
He glanced at her, and even though the light was fading, she saw the doubt on his face. “I don’t think that’s the only thing that’s bothering you. We’ve been friends for a long time, Rachel Ann. I know you.”
“I know I haven’t been my usual self,” she told him. “I’m exhausted working two jobs, but it’ll be over soon.”
Abram pulled the buggy off the road and turned to her. “I think whatever’s worrying you has to do with this guy you’re seeing. The Englisch one.”
“Michael?”
He nodded.
“I was worried when Daed said the insurance hadn’t paid Sam’s hospital bill. Michael had said it would, and I was concerned he’d changed his mind. Can you imagine what it would have done to us? Even if the community helped, it was scary to think about.”
“I saw he was here the other day. Did you talk to him about it?”
“Ya. He contacted the insurance company, and they said they’re taking care of it.”
“Gut. So why do I sense that you’re still troubled?”
“I don’t know.” She smoothed her skirt, and her burned hand twinged. She thought about using it as an excuse to ask to be taken home.
He pulled his gaze from her and stared through the windshield. “Remember Naomi Stoltzfus?”
“Of course. She left our community several years ago.”
“Do you remember why?”
“She decided not to join the church.”
She glanced at him. He was still staring straight ahead, not at her.
“It’s what she told everyone. But I heard she left because she dated an Englisch man and got pregnant.”
She jerked her head and stared at him. “I didn’t hear that.”
“A friend of mine ran into her not long after she left.”
“Did—did he marry her?”
“Nee.”
Silence stretched between them. “Abram, why are you telling me this?” she asked slowly.
“I’m afraid the same thing could happen to you.” He turned to her. “Maybe has happened to you.”
She went cold. There was no way he could have suspected.
“I’ve worried since I found your kapp in the drive. If Michael might have talked you into taking off more than a kapp.”
“Well,” she said, and she had to bite her lip to stop it trembling. “You’re blunt.”
He sighed. “I’m not trying to pry,” he said. “I’m concerned. Rachel Ann, are you pregnant?”
She couldn’t have been more shocked. Speechless, she stared at him. “I don’t know,” she whispered.
“Have you talked to Michael about it?”
“Not yet.”
He turned to look at her again, and his gaze was intense. “If you are, if he doesn’t do the right thing and marry you, I want to do it. I care about you, Rachel Ann. You know that.”
“Enough to take on another man’s child? I’m not saying I’m—” she couldn’t say the word.
“Ya. If you are.”
Emotion welled up in her. Marriage was forever in the Amish community. He was making a huge commitment to her in offering. He’d been her best friend all her life, but could friendship extend to doing this for her? “If I am, I couldn’t do that to you. What about Sarah?”
“She’s a friend. You’re more.”
“I am?”
“You have been for some time. I’ve done my best to hide it since I saw you were interested in Michael.”
“I didn’t know.” She’d been too wrapped up in everything that had been happening to notice. Years ago, she’d harbored a secret crush on him, but when it seemed he just wanted to stay friends, she’d forced herself to think of him as just a good friend and confidante . . .
“I was stupid one night and had a beer . . . and later I couldn’t remember anything,” she confessed. “I can’t talk about it. It’s just too humiliating.” She closed her eyes and shook her head.
“Some Englisch guys date Amish girls because they’re innocent about such things.”
“Not all Amish guys are saints with the women they date,” she said tartly. “You and I both know couples who’ve had to get married.”
“True.”
A car passed them driving way too fast, and the wind made the buggy sway a little.
“It’s not safe to stay here,” he told her. He checked for traffic and pulled back onto the road, then made a U-turn and headed back in the direction they’d come.
“When will you know?” he asked.
“It’s too soon. Maybe in a couple weeks.”
“Long time for this kind of worry.”
“Ya,” she agreed, feeling miserable. “Ya.”
“What do you want to do?”
She didn’t understand him at first. “About your proposal? I need to talk to Michael first. And even if—if I find out that I’m pregnant and Michael doesn’t want to marry me, I don’t think you and I should rush into anything. If I let you do such a thing, I mean.”
“So you’ll let me know? You won’t do anything foolish like leave the community without coming to talk to me?”
“Nee,” she said and met his gaze. “Danki, Abram. You are such a good man. And such a good friend.” She leaned forward impulsively and kissed his cheek.
His hand touched his cheek, and she could tell she’d surprised him.
They rode home in silence.
* * *
Abram had shocked Rachel Ann with his proposal. But it couldn’t be helped. He cared about her too much not to talk to her as bluntly as he had and offer to help her.
Neither of them had talked on the way home.
He dropped her off in front of her house and then went on home and put up his horse and the buggy.
The door to the dawdi haus was closed. Light showed under her door, so his mother must be reading or sewing. As much as he loved her, he felt relieved he didn’t have to talk to her tonight. He just wanted to be alone after his talk with Rachel Ann.
He lay on top of his bed and thought about their conversation. He’d done more than bring up a difficult topic and offer his support—he’d bared his soul and told her how he felt about her. It hadn’t been easy, but he’d felt he had to do it.
Had he just made a fool of himself? Had he been too impulsive?
He’d told her what he felt about her and offered to marry her. She’d called him a good man and a good friend. Well, where had it gotten him? He’d been a good man and a good friend and she’d chosen to date Michael. Would she turn to him only if Michael didn’t step up and marry her if she was
pregnant? How was he going to feel then?
He sat up. It wasn’t good to think this way. He cared about Rachel Ann and he wanted to help her. This was more important than his feeling second to another man . . .
Well, there was no point in thinking about it anymore tonight. She’d said she wouldn’t know for maybe a couple of weeks. And she might not even be pregnant. He didn’t know a whole lot about it, but women didn’t get pregnant every time they were intimate with men.
A good man and a good friend . . .
He wanted to be more to her.
Sleep was elusive. He was finally drifting off when he heard the van picking up Rachel Ann in the morning. He forced himself to stay in bed and not get up and look out as he did sometimes.
She’d looked so tired the night before—she had for some time now. He wished there was some way she didn’t have to work her second job. Well, he had no control over it, he told himself. He couldn’t go in and work the job for her the way he’d done for her dat. Christmas wasn’t far away.
Abram spent the next day working on the small keepsake boxes for the furniture store. They were popular Christmas gifts, and the store owner would take as many as he could supply. He didn’t need the money, but he enjoyed working with the wood and he had the time as the fields slept during the winter season.
A few days later he had enough to take to the store. And an excuse to stop by and see Rachel Ann.
He surprised her when he walked into Stitches in Time.
“What are you doing here?” she asked him after she finished helping another customer. Then she paled. “Is anything wrong?”
He winced. She was obviously remembering how he’d gone to get her parents the day Sam had been hurt. “Nee,” he said quickly. “I was just in town making a delivery and thought I’d shop for a Christmas present for Mamm. Usually I make something for her, but I thought maybe I’d do something different this year. I don’t suppose I could take you to lunch while I’m here?”
Rachel Ann hesitated. She hadn’t seen him since the night he’d made his incredible suggestion. It was so generous of him . . . and it had changed things between them. “I go to lunch at noon.”
He checked the time. Half an hour. “I’ll go visit the bookstore and come back.”
He wandered the aisles and couldn’t find anything at the bookstore. A new cookbook? A book about quilting? Then a display of gift cards caught his eye. He decided she might like to pick out her own reading material and made his purchase.
When he returned to the shop, Rachel Ann was ready to go. They walked to a nearby restaurant and had to wait a few minutes for a table so they sat on a bench and watched the comings and goings.
“It’s a busy time of the year,” she told him. “How did the Christmas shopping go? You didn’t find anything?”
He pulled the gift card from the inside pocket of his jacket. “I’d still like to do something else. Maybe you can give me some ideas?”
“I like the gift certificate idea. Your mother quilts and knits, but with her injury we haven’t seen her in the store much. If you gave her a gift certificate for Stitches in Time she could buy a lot of fabric and yarn ahead of when she might need it.”
“She already has enough fabric and yarn to stock her own shop.”
“You can never have enough fabric and yarn,” she told him. “It’s for all the UFOs.”
“Alien spaceships?”
She laughed and shook her head. “Unfinished fabric objects.”
The hostess came to escort them to a table. Abram watched Rachel Ann look everywhere but into his eyes. He waited until they’d gotten their drinks and ordered. “Rachel Ann?”
“Ya?”
Still she didn’t look on him. “You haven’t looked at me once.”
“I’m sorry.” She looked up from studying her glass of iced tea, met his gaze, and then glanced away.
“I embarrassed you talking about . . . what we did last time we saw each other.”
“Ya — nee.” She sighed and shook her head. “But I do appreciate how you cared enough to make me talk about it.”
He watched her lift her eyes and meet his directly. “I meant what I said.”
“When are you going to talk to Michael?” He stopped and held up a hand. “Maybe you don’t want to talk about it here.”
“Probably not a good idea. I did leave him a voicemail.”
They ate their lunch. Well, he ate his chicken and dumplings, but he noticed she only ate half of her tuna salad sandwich.
“Not hungry?”
She shook her head. “I’m sorry.”
He felt like he should apologize for his healthy appetite.
“Did you save room for dessert?” their server asked.
Abram didn’t feel right about having dessert when Rachel Ann sat there eating so little because of her tension. But she insisted he get some dessert, so he ordered a piece of apple pie.
While he ate, they talked some more about what else he could get for his mother for Christmas. They rejected a jacket and a new purse. Rachel Ann said women liked to pick their own clothing and accessories like purses.
They walked back to the shop. Rachel Ann carried a to-go box with half of her sandwich, in case she got hungry later.
“You could come inside and look around,” she said when they reached Stitches in Time. He shook his head. “I think your idea of the gift certificate so she can stock up on fabric and yarn or whatever is a gut idea.”
“It’s not because you don’t want to browse in the store?” she teased. “Some men won’t be seen in a shop like this.”
“I did go in earlier, and I’ll be going into it to get the gift certificate.”
“You’re right,” she said and opened the door and invited him inside.
* * *
Rachel Ann saw Michael sitting in his car in front of her house when she arrived home in the afternoon.
“You said we needed to talk,” he said when she got into the car. “What’s up?”
She took a deep breath. “I’m scared I could be pregnant.”
Now it was his turn to jerk away. “What?”
“You heard me.” She glanced around, concerned her parents could arrive in the midst of their discussion.
“Rachel Ann, if you’re pregnant, it’s not mine.”
Appalled, she stared at him. “I haven’t been with anyone else.”
“Well, you haven’t been with me.”
“What are you talking about? What about the drive we took? I had too much to drink.”
He stared at her incredulously. “You had one beer.”
She felt heat rush into her cheeks. “I hadn’t eaten much of anything that day. It really affected me.”
“Rachel Ann, Mary is the only woman who ever had an immaculate conception.”
“Mary?”
“As in the mother of Jesus.”
“This isn’t funny!”
“I’m not trying to be.” He ran a hand through his hair, causing it to stand up in spikes. “Don’t you remember what happened?”
Her face flamed. “I remember feeling woozy from the beer. I took my kapp off and let down my hair and you were kissing me.”
“And then?”
“I can’t remember,” she wailed. “Do you have any idea how worried I am?”
“Well, you can relax,” he told her. “Your kapp is the only thing that came off then. You fell asleep right after you took it off. I can’t tell you how it made me feel. Girl can’t stay awake while you’re kissing her.”
Intense relief washed over her, and she slumped back in her seat. “I feel like such a fool.”
“You’re not a fool. But I wouldn’t advise drinking beer again on an empty stomach.”
“I don’t intend to ever do it again,” she said fervently. “Besides, I hated the taste of the stuff.”
“It isn’t the best tasting,” he agreed. “But it gives you a buzz for cheap.”
He tapped his fingers on the stee
ring wheel, looking restless to go.
“Listen, if that’s it I need to go. I have something I have to do.”
“Sure. I need to get inside anyway. Chores.”
He nodded.
She got out of the car and walked up the drive, aware of the squeal of tires as Michael apparently couldn’t get away fast enough.
He hadn’t even asked about Sam. He hadn’t said anything about when she’d see him again. Or Christmas. Couples always planned something for the holidays, didn’t they? Even if they didn’t have the same traditions.
“Rachel Ann!” Sam shrieked when she opened the front door.
He came hobbling toward her, not letting his cast slow him down much, and threw his arms around her knees. “You’re home!”
Her disappointment with Michael, all her tension and tiredness, melted away. “Sam! You’re home!”
“I been home, you silly Wachel Ann,” he said.
“What did you do today?” she asked, dropping her purse onto a nearby table and picking him up. She gave him a big smacking kiss on his cheek and he giggled.
“Ran his grossmudder ragged,” her mother told her. “Your dat just took her home.”
Rachel Ann lowered him into his chair at the kitchen table and got a pad of paper and crayons from a nearby cabinet. “Here, why don’t you color us a picture while I fix supper?”
“I can fix supper,” her mother said.
“I don’t mind. What should we have?”
“Pancakes!” Sam cried.
“I was asking Mamm, silly Sam.”
He shrugged and went back to coloring.
“Not pancakes,” their mother said, pouring herself a cup of coffee and sitting down at the table. “I was going to make spaghetti. There’s a pound of hamburger in the refrigerator and a jar of tomato sauce we canned—”
“Spizgetti!” Sam said, looking up with a big grin.
“Spaghetti it is,” Rachel Ann said. “And meatballs.”
“Meatballs,” Sam approved.
“How was your day?” her mother asked.
“Gut,” she said as she washed her hands and dried them, careful of the one she’d burned. “Yours?”
“Gut. Rachel Ann, how is your hand?”
She shrugged. “Better. Doesn’t hurt.”
“Do you want some ointment for it?”
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