by Mia Ford
“Hello there, Raelyn,” I say awkwardly. As she turns to look at me, a wide smile automatically spreads across her mouth which makes me smile back. I can’t seem to help it, she’s irresistible. “How’s it going?”
“Good thank you.” She wipes her hands on her jeans and glances around. “I think we have it all under control.”
“Right, well that is good news. I’m glad to hear it.” Why am I being so awkward? What the hell is wrong with me? “If you need anything, you know you can just come and talk to me…”
“That’s very kind of you, thank you. That means a lot to me. But actually, I think we have it all under control at the moment.” She smiles again. What is wrong with my heart? “Thank you for your offer though.”
I nod slowly, wishing I could have something cool to say here. Something to fill in the slight awkwardness clinging to the air. But my brain has run completely blank. I’m hopeless, useless.
“So, that’s good.” Raelyn nods, clearly awkward. “I guess I better get back to it.”
“Well, I will just be in there. So, come to me if you need me.”
I point behind me and she nods. I can almost see it written across her face that she knows that so she has no idea why I’m saying it. That just causes a deep cringe in the pit of my stomach which I need to get away.
“Okay well I’m off now. I have… you know, stuff to do.”
“Sure. I will see you around then, I guess.”
Urgh, I have definitely forgotten how to speak to women, that’s so clear now. As I turn and walk back inside, I curse myself. I did use to be a completely different person, a man who was smooth and could get all the women. Now I’m struggling to have a conversation with a smart business woman who I have a lot in common with.
6
Raelyn
Days passed rather quickly, it becomes a blur, I can barely keep track on what’s happening. Things have started to move fast, we are now producing a whole lot more and making a chunk more money too, which is great, but it’s keeping all of us extremely busy. I work and sleep, that’s pretty much it, I’m just so exhausted.
Our office might be separate to that of Carter’s but that doesn’t mean we don’t see each other. It happens more than I thought it was going to actually, which is frustrating. Because we’re sharing the production line, we run into each other a lot. It’s annoying, I would rather not see him at all, and it’s awkward too. But we’re getting on with it as much as we can. Trying our hardest to keep out of each other’s way.
“Excuse me.” Almost as if I have conjured him up just by thinking about him, his voice bursts out from behind me, reminding me that I’m standing in front of the photocopier, day dreaming. “Are you using that?”
A heat creeps from my toes to my face. “Er, yes I am actually. I just need to get this done.”
“Do you think you could hurry up? I need it now. I’m not used to fighting for it.”
That might be true, but there is no need for him to be rude. He isn’t always like this. Sometimes, he is just uncomfortable, other times quiet, but when anything winds him up, he seems to take it out on me. It’s almost as if he doesn’t know how to speak to other people. Or maybe just women since there really aren’t any others here.
I want to ask him what his issue with the female gender is. It’s weird, something must have caused it.
“Right, well I am just about to finish up,” I say instead. “I just need to get these done.”
“I would prefer if you focused rather than staring into space. You look foolish when you do that.”
It’s clear from the vein popping in his head that this isn’t really about me, but I take it to heart anyway. It hurts me, crushes me, makes me feel sick to my stomach. I wish I could find some confidence to say what I mean.
“I know, I was just thinking about what I’m doing next,” I snap back. “Sorry if that offends you.”
He rolls his eyes and shakes his head at me, almost as if I’m just an irritant. If this is how he treats other people, then maybe it isn’t by his choice that he hasn’t spoken to women for a long time. Perhaps they don’t want to speak to him! I sure as hell wish that I didn’t have to. I rush about getting everything done quickly, so I can head out. I need to get back to my office and away from him so I can scream.
“Done. There.” I glare at him. I can’t say what I want to but I can glare. “I’m out of your way.”
“Good, that makes me very fucking happy. Now I can get on with my day.”
I seethe all the way to my office and slam all the papers down on the desk, yelling through my teeth. Leon sees what’s going on with me and consults with one of the guys for a moment before coming to see me.
“What’s going on?” he gushes, looking at me with panic. “Are you okay?”
“It’s just fucking Carter. Again! He is such a rude prick; you know? No, you don’t know, do you? You don’t see it because he doesn’t treat you like that. Just me because his issue is with women.”
“I don’t know about that,” he replies carefully. “But I don’t think you should worry too much about it. He might be a dick but you can avoid him. Business is doing well; you have to be happy about that.”
“I am happy about that; I’m just pissed off with him. I don’t like it at all.”
“I know. I know you don’t. And none of us like you being all worked up, but aside from that everyone is happy. Even the people who were unsure about the move are over the moon.”
“Yeah.” I grip my forehead hard. I can’t be selfish; I can’t focus just on what I want. Everyone else is happy. I can’t just turn my back because I don’t like Carter. “Okay, I just need to calm down, that’s all.”
Leon nods and moves back from me. “Okay, well I will give you some space. I know that you need that, but once you’re in a good place, come and see the production line. We could use your advice.”
He might be just trying to make me feel better, but it works. I do love to get attention. I nod and watch him walk away before trying to shake off the anger that Carter has settled within me. I can’t keep flying off the handle like this forever and I’m going to have to find a way to just ignore it when he tosses that shit my way.
“It will be fine,” I mutter to myself. “I will be fine. I am a strong, independent woman.”
I grab my cell phone, needing that confirmation from the one source I can trust.
Raelyn: Help me! He’s pissing me off again. What do I do before I go insane? Xx
Abbi: Just remember who you are. Don’t let him get to you. You are kick ass xx
Raelyn: Thank you, Abbi. It’s hard but I’m trying my best. See you later on xx
Abbi: DON’T BE LATE! You have been much better recently and I love it xx
Raelyn: Because I can’t wait to get out of here. But yes, I will be on time xx
Okay, so now I need to go and see Leon, to lose myself in the production line for a while where hopefully he’s too busy doing other stuff to annoy me. I do intend to get out of here to see Abbi on time today so I need to ensure that everything is running as smoothly as humanly possible.
“Hey, Leon.” I smile widely so he knows that I have calmed down a bit. “Let’s have a talk.”
“Actually, it’s Gary who wants to talk to you. Carter’s production manager.”
Immediately, my hackles raise. I feel the wall building up around me. Anything to do with Carter has me instantly annoyed once more. I just have a feeling that this is going to be some sort of trick.
“What for?” I narrow my eyes. “Is there something wrong here?”
“No, he just wants to speak to you about how we do things. He’s interested.”
I can’t even think that this is to steal our methods because we’re all one team now. “Okay, sure.”
Leon takes me to see a very tall man with pale blond hair and a friendly looking smile. He doesn’t seem like the enemy off the bat. He kinda seems like a nice person. As he holds out his hand to me, I
shake it.
“Hi, Gary. Leon said that you wanted to talk to me.”
“Yes, I wanted to discuss your methods with you, if you don’t mind? I have spoken to Leon but he says that you are the expert behind it. So, I would of course, love to speak to the expert if possible.”
I can’t stop myself from warming to him, and not just because he’s being complimentary, although the respect does feel really nice. “Yes, of course. I am happy to speak to you about anything.”
We walk up and down the line together, talking about what’s going on. What they do compared to what we do, and I soon relax around him. He even has me laughing, as we talk and walk along the line, which is nice. I don’t mind sharing things with him and telling how we do things because he’s such a nice person.
“No wonder you guys have come this far,” he tells me. “You are really smart, Raelyn.”
“Oh, thank you. That’s really kind of you. I have worked hard though. It hasn’t come easily.”
“I’m sure. I mean, I have been here with Carter almost from the beginning, so I know what a struggle it can be. You must be very proud of yourself to have come as far as you have.”
I tuck a stray strand of hair behind my ear and beam happily. “Yeah, I sure am.”
“Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m glad that you’re here. I know a lot of the other people are as well.”
I can’t stand the compliments anymore, they are making me far too embarrassed, so I change the subject back to work where I’m most comfortable. We get stuck into the specifics of a particular part and what we do differently, which Gary finds very fascinating. We end up talking for a long while.
“What is this?” Carter’s booming voice snaps, grabbing both of our attention.
“Oh, Raelyn is just showing me how they do things for this part, which is much quicker…”
“I don’t want you changing up the methods of how we do things without talking to me.” He takes his piece off of Gary, followed by mine. “The quality of the piece is affected by the speed.”
“No, it isn’t!” My temper flares. “It’s just as good as yours. It’s just more efficient and cheaper to make. Cheaper for labor costs as well since it obviously doesn’t take as long to sort out.”
“I don’t think you know what you’re talking about.” Carter doesn’t seem to have improved his mood at all. “I thought you did but now I’m not so sure. Plus, your attitude leaves something to be desired.”
“My attitude?” Uh oh, it feels like everything that I have been locking away since I came here, is about to burst free. I don’t want it to, especially not in front of all these people. Leon hasn’t seen me this wound up before, and Gary hasn’t ever seen my temper flare. It isn’t right. “What about yours?”
“I am professional at all times.”
“The way that you speak to me is disgusting. Like before, with the photocopier.”
“Because you were standing around day dreaming when I actually needed the machine?”
“And now.” I ignore his last remark. “I’m just having a nice conversation with Gary about how we do things and you storm up here just to tell me that I’m wrong. If you really don’t want to have me here, then you shouldn’t have proposed this deal. You did it to claim a part of my business and now…”
“You are the one benefiting out of this. You are the one who can now expand.”
“I know; I’m not saying that I haven’t benefited from it. Did I even say that?” I don’t want to even look at Carter anymore, but I don’t want to look at the others either. This is so humiliating. “I just think that you’re rude.”
“If you can’t handle it, sweetheart…”
“Do not call me sweetheart,” I snap back, my top lip curling in to a snarl. “Never ever call me that.”
“Oh dear, does that offend?” He cocks his head to one side, mocking me.
He is somehow closer to me now; I can almost feel the heat of his body radiating right through me. It makes me want to shiver, to shudder, to cave to the weird desire that I’m feeling. Not that it’s actually desire. It’s more just hate. Intense, powerful, overwhelming hate.
“Fuck off, Carter,” I sneer.
“Now that’s professional, isn’t it?”
“I asked you to fuck off, didn’t I? So, why don’t you just leave me alone?” I shrug hard. “Or if you won’t go, then I will because I am absolutely done with you right now. Finished.”
7
Carter
What am I doing? I question myself as I watch Raelyn storm off. Why do I keep acting like this?
Every single time my feelings make me uncomfortable, whenever I think about her in a way that I haven’t thought about a woman since Anna, I act like a jerk. A real asshole to push her away. I want her to hate me so that this won’t get confusing, because right now, it’s all a big giant mess in my brain.
“What is going on with you, boss?” Gary asks, shattering me from the moment. “You’re acting weird.”
I give him a pleading look but it’s plainly obvious that he can see right through me. He knows what I don’t want to admit aloud, but it doesn’t matter. Gary can see my inner turmoil. He probably knows me better than I know myself at this point, which only serves to piss me off.
“I just don’t think she’s right, that’s all.” I offer him a one shouldered shrug. “Is that so wrong?”
“She isn’t wrong,” Gary argues. “You should listen to her. She really knows what she’s talking about.”
“I would be happy to show you,” Leon, someone from her team, joins in. “If you want me to.”
“I don’t need that right now,” I shoot back snippily. “Thank you for your time though.”
“It won’t take me long to go through everything, I can just make you see…”
I can’t get Raelyn out of my brain, the way that she snapped at me was ridiculous. I’m seething and Leon is about to get the tail end of it, all. “I don’t want to see anything, Leon. I’m done with this.”
I’m being bitter and irritated, I know that, but I can’t stop it. I don’t need either of these men looking at me as they are though. It isn’t helping to improve my mood even one bit. I do the only thing that I can and I spin on my heels to stalk away too, leaving them to sort it out among themselves. I think I have made myself more than clear.
“She’s right,” I mutter with bemusement. “Whatever you say, Gary. See the production? No thanks, Leon.”
The thing is I still have the pieces in my hands so when I get back to my office, I have no choice but to examine them. I hate to admit it, but Gary is right. I hate how damn smart Raelyn is. It’s so fucking irritating. It’s crazy how much that gets to me. Anna was manipulative, but not smart like this, and she managed to screw me over, so imagine what Raelyn could do to me. I refuse to have the wool pulled over my eyes again.
“She might be smart,” I tell myself. “But I will out smart her. I will.”
I slam the pieces down and rub my forehead hard, trying to will the intense headache away. It’s pounding like there’s a freaking building site in there, hammering and bashing away at my brain.
“Carter!” An unwelcome female voice bursts into my head, practically shaking the walls of my office. This is the absolute last thing that I need right now. It’s like the universe is trying to punish me. “Hello there!”
“Mom,” I reply weakly, forcing my eyes up off my desk to check it’s really her. “What are you doing here?”
“Well, since you never call your mother like you always promise you will, I thought I would pop in.” She takes a seat and stares at me, challenging me. I guess she isn’t going anywhere for a while. “I was in the neighborhood anyway, so I wanted to come in and see what you are up to. It seems like you have expanded.”
“Hmm, yes.” I don’t want to get into too much detail about that right now. “But yeah, I have.”
“I know. I was just talking to that wonderful new woman that you have hired.
Raelyn.”
Oh shit, does she know too? “Er, right, I see. You were talking to her, were you? What did she say?”
“Oh, she was just telling me about her work. She’s a very clever woman, isn’t she?”
Mom isn’t yelling, which probably means that Raelyn hasn’t told her about how I have been acting. That would be ripe for me to get my ass kicked. Mom would hate it. The more that I think about what her reaction would be like, the more upset at myself I become. What the hell is wrong with me?
“Yes, I guess so. That’s why I want her to work with me.”
“Hmm, because she was becoming serious competition, I bet.” Mom rolls her eyes. “But I’m glad. She’s beautiful too, isn’t she? A very pretty lady. Wow…” I can see her looking at me, eyeing me curiously, wondering what I think about the whole thing. “Do you like her? Is she married? Maybe you should ask her out.”
“Jesus, Mom, I work with her. Do you really think that’s appropriate?”
“Why do you have to make it so complicated? I just think you would like each other.”
“Mom, I am not talking to you about this. Stop trying to fix me up with people, seriously. I’m happy.”
“Happy now, but you will end up lonely, and that’s what troubles me.” Her face falls. “I don’t like what Anna did to you. It isn’t right. You are such a wonderful man and you deserve it all.”
I almost cave and stop being so cold, but then I think about Raelyn again and how she crashed into my life and turned everything upside down. If Mom can’t see that, then it’s her issue.
“I don’t need what you think I do to make me happy. I am doing okay. I always will be fine. I wish you wouldn’t worry so much because I don’t need you to. As for Raelyn, that will never happen, so stop thinking about it, okay? I don’t want to make things awkward when they don’t need to be.”