by Staci Hart
“I’m Quincy, and this is Joan.” He handed a twenty to her, and she gave him change.
I smiled as we moved out of the way to wait for our drinks, intrigued. “Quincy?” I asked, one brow raised.
He smiled and leaned in like we were scheming. “Jones. And you’re Joan Jett.”
I laughed. “I like it. How’d you know I was a fan?”
He shrugged. “You just put out that vibe, like you make the world your bitch on the regular.”
“How can you kick the world in the face if you leave your badass at home?”
“My point exactly.”
They called our names, and my optimism climbed a notch as we grabbed our drinks and sat down. I couldn’t help but look him over, fooling with the cardboard sleeve as he settled in. Mark was cute, normal, bought me coffee, and called me Joan Jett.
First impressions, for the win. The guy was a charmer, that was for sure.
He sat back in his chair and manspread his legs. I tried not to form an opinion about that, figuring if his worst flaw was that he was a nightmare to sit next to on the subway, I was doing all right. Definitely a step up from a guy who hung out with dead animals for a living.
“So, you’re a musician?” I asked.
“All my life.”
“What kind of music?”
He made a face and shook his head, looking away. “I hate comparisons. No one said Nirvana sounded like anyone but Nirvana.”
Oh, God. He was one of those musicians. Jack was one of those musicians. If I’d had to sit through another conversation with him defending Tom Waits, I would have broken up with him first.
I took a breath and smiled, sure I was just being too picky, like Lily always said. “Okay, how about a genre?”
He shook his head. “Labels are so confining. I just want to create, you know? Sometimes I’ll sit for hours recording, just me, my keyboard, and my weed. I once laid down a fourteen hour atmospheric synth track.” He looked so proud of himself.
My hopes were dashed. Mark may not have been the first musician I’d dated, but I decided then that he should probably be my last.
“Wow,” was the only response I could muster, and I took a sip of my chai, glad Ellie would be calling any second.
“Thanks,” he said graciously, thinking I’d been impressed. “I’m in between bands right now. Creative differences, you know how that is. Not everyone gets the vision. Like I have some instrumental tracks I recorded left-handed. Some critics say the sound is amateur. What they don’t get is that it’s a reflection of society’s expectations.”
A little piece of my faith in humanity slipped away.
He clearly wanted to talk about himself, so I kept the questions going as I slipped my hand into the pocket of my jacket to rest on my phone, waiting for the merciful buzzing that meant I’d have an excuse to leave. “Do you write your own lyrics?”
Mark scoffed. “Of course. Here, check it out.” He pulled out a small leather notebook from his pocket and untied the leather strap, opening it in front of him. He cleared his throat and began to read. “Pain, it hurts. Aw, babe, it hurts. You left, and it hurt. The pain, it hurts. Aw, babe, come back, it hurts.”
My mouth had slipped open just enough to show my bewilderment, and he shuffled, leaning forward when he realized I was confused. He just had the wrong idea why.
“It’s better when I sing it.” He closed his eyes and started singing. Sort of. Really, it sounded like this cat my mom had when I was a kid, Olive, who ate a Christmas ornament and shredded her vocal chords. Sort of a ragged grumble, like he’d been run through a cheese grater.
That was Misguided Mark to a T.
I shrank back in my chair, cheeks on fire as everyone in the coffee shop turned their faces toward the sound.
My phone rang, and I whipped it out of my pocket to answer it. Mark didn’t stop singing.
“Hey, Ellie.” I tried to sound cheery.
“Oh, my God. What the hell is that noise? Are you being assaulted? Should I call 911?” She seemed genuinely concerned.
“I’m fine, what’s up?”
“He sounds like an animal. Like a drunk, Pet Cemetery zombie animal.”
“Oh, you need me to come home? Water leak?”
Mark finally stopped singing.
“Maybe he’s possessed,” Ellie said. “Do you have any holy water?”
My eyes found his as I nodded, holding up a finger. “Sure, I can be home in just a minute. Thanks for letting me know.”
“Glad I could help, Rose,” she said. “Tell him to lose your number. You know, maybe online dating isn’t the solution.”
“You might be right. See you in a few.” I hung up and put on my fake-ass smile. “God, I am so sorry, Mark, but I have to run. A pipe burst in my building, and it looks like my whole floor is flooded.” I stood and backed away, bumping into the table next to us. I whirled around. “Oh, God. Excuse me.”
“Man, that’s crazy,” he said as he stood too. “So, ah, can I call you?”
The plastic smile stretched wider as I course corrected and kept moving toward the door. “Sure. It’s really nice to meet you.”
He smiled. “Sure thing, Joan. Catch you later.”
I bolted out of the coffee shop, realizing too late that I’d forgotten my coffee and lemon bar. Embarrassed and starving, I resorted to a dreaded group text situation to get the girls to meet me at Genie’s.
All hands on deck. Only a cheeseburger and tots can save me.
Rose
I took a huge bite of my burger and immediately felt better. I moaned.
“Hungry, Rose?” Lily said with a brow up while she watched me eat like a hog.
“Don’t make fun of me,” I said around a wad of food.
“It was really bad, Lily,” Ellie said as she poked at her salad. “It was like somebody dumped a bucket of bolts into a garbage disposal.”
Lily made a face.
I swallowed and took a sip of my Dr. Pepper. “It was probably one of my more awkward public moments in life. I really had my hopes up about him too.”
Lily picked up her BLT. “Well, at least you made it out alive. Who’s on deck next?” She took a rude bite and hummed her approval.
I looked at her like she was nuts. “There has to be a better way. I can’t handle another shitty date with a weird-shit weirdo. I thought I could, but I can’t.”
“Aww, come on,” Lily said with a frown. “Third time’s a charm.”
“I don’t believe in luck.” I popped a tater tot into my mouth.
“Come on. Give it one more shot. Let’s up the standards, and no more guys with interesting jobs. The more boring, the better. And definitely message him some and get to know him before you agree to meet.”
I grabbed my burger and took another bite, avoiding answering. Lily was tenacious, I knew. I wondered if she’d give it up before I gave in. I weighed it out. I could either hear it from Lily for the next week — at least — or I could go on one more date.
“I’ll make you a deal,” I said when I’d swallowed. “I’ll go on one more date, but this is the last guy before I find another way to meet a guy, because this shit’s ridiculous. I’m deleting the app if this one doesn’t work out.”
She pouted. “Forever?”
I bobbed my head, eyes on the ceiling. “For anywhere from two to six months.”
That seemed to sate her. “Fair enough. Let’s have a look.” She held out a hand.
“You don’t get to mention it for minimum of two months, either. Deal?” My voice was heavy with warning.
She sighed and rolled her eyes. “Fine, deal. Now get out your phone and get to swiping.”
I chuckled as I took another bite and set my burger down, dusting off my hands before picking up my phone. I remembered SkateTreason again, and opened up his profile. “Hey, remember this guy?”
Ellie took my phone, and she and Lily bent their necks to look him over. “He’s cute,” Ellie said with a nod.
I snorted. “Th
at’s obviously not an indicator that he’s actually interesting, if my other dates and like ninety percent of all profiles are any proof.”
“Oh, yeah,” Lily said as she looked over his profile. “You two have a lot in common. He’s a barista, which is basically a coffee bartender. You both skate. His profile is funny.” She passed the phone to me. “I approve. Message him.”
“Fine, bossy.” I typed out a message and set down my phone. “That’s it. Last one. Now, we wait.”
Lily raised a brow. “You sure you don’t want to find a couple more, just in case he doesn’t respond?”
“Yup.” I tossed another tot into my mouth and smiled.
13
BENCH PRESS
Patrick
AC/DC PLAYED OVER THE speakers in the gym as I rested between reps, watching West in the mirror with his jaw clenched. He pulled the barbell up to his shoulders, held it, and let it down as he exhaled. Then again, his neck straining before he set down the barbell and hung his hands on his hips, jerking his chin at me in the mirror.
“You’re up.”
I smirked and picked it up, standing in front of the mirror, watching my form as I pulled the barbell up and lowered it, then again, rep after rep.
A girl walked behind us, towel hanging around her neck, blond ponytail high and black shorts short. Her eyes were on me in the mirror, lip between her teeth. My smile climbed a little, though I looked back at myself before she made eye contact, watching my tattoos shift as my shoulders flexed.
West shook his head when she’d passed, smiling as he leaned against the mirror and retied his hair into a knot.
“That chick has walked by probably twelve times.”
I lowered the bar. “Hadn’t noticed.” I pulled it up as I took a breath and held it.
“It’s weird that you wouldn’t notice. The minute we walked over here, no less than four girls materialized to half-ass use whatever they knew how to.”
I did a rep. “I dunno, man. People look at me all the time.” I lowered the weights. “ I usually assume it’s the ink,” I said and pulled it up again, jaw flexing as the burn set in.
He folded his arms. “Yeah, they didn’t look curious. They looked like they were starving.”
I snorted and set the barbell down. “How do you know they’re not looking at you?” We switched places, and he picked it up.
“Because I have eyes. Seriously, when you were doing dead lifts, one of them almost fell off the treadmill over there.”
I laughed and picked up my water.
He lifted the bar and held it. “Lily’s ready for your birthday, by the way.”
“Oh, God.”
He smirked as he lowered the weights. “Oh, yes. I know how much you’re looking forward to it.”
“Having everybody in the same place is rare. I just have to endure a little attention. At least there will be booze.”
“Ha.” He did another rep.
I took a drink, watching him. “Seth came by the shop the other day.”
He glanced at me. “I heard.”
“I figured,” I said as I screwed the cap back on. “He’s going to be at Habits.”
“It’s been a long time.”
“Yeah.”
“How are you feeling about seeing him?” He eased the barbell down and back up again.
“Not sure,” I said, realizing he was the first person who asked me how I felt about Seth before offering their opinion. “Part of me really believes he’s got it together. He’s going to NarcAnon meetings, has a steady job … it’s everything I ever wanted for him.”
West nodded and did another upright row.
“It doesn’t erase everything, but it’s a start. I can’t turn him away. He says he doesn’t even drink anymore.”
West huffed out a laugh. “Yeah, well, that’s definitely good to hear. His drinking was the worst part. Almost more destructive than the drugs.”
I shook my head and crossed my ankles. “I used to just plan on getting into a fight every time we went out. Like, I thought that was normal.”
“You thought a lot was normal that wasn’t.”
“Sometimes, I’m still amazed at how different we all grew up.”
West set down the weights, and we traded places again. “I know. I’m glad you met Joel when you did. I can’t imagine what life would have been like otherwise.”
I shook my head. “Me either.” I took a deep breath before starting the reps quietly, trying not to think about it.
“Well,” West said after a second, “I hope it’s his time. It’ll be good to see him sober.”
I nodded, jaw tight. “Yeah. Me too.”
I finished my set in silence and set down the barbell. West stepped over to the dumbbell rack. “Let’s run the rack. Shrugs.”
“One hundred to fifty?”
“Burn it out. I’ll go first.” He grabbed the hundred-pound dumbbells, holding them by his side. He blew out a breath, brows drawn as he began to shrug, using just his shoulders to lift his arms and the weight until he strained, then set down the hundreds and moved to the nineties.
I was still cooling down from my last set, and as I waited, the girl with the blond ponytail walked by again. She smiled, and I shook my head, chuckling in West’s direction.
“All right. I see what you mean.”
He was too busy concentrating to answer, but his brows rose comically. I watched as he burned all the way down to the fifty-pound weights, setting them down on the rack with a clang.
His chest heaved, sweat dripping down his brow and shining on his skin. “You’re up, Tricky.”
I rolled my shoulders and shook out my arms before picking up the hundreds, blowing out a breath before grinding my teeth and hitting it hard, pushing until I couldn’t push anymore, until my shoulders burned and a trickle of sweat rolled down the valleys of my back. My face was flushed as I set the fifties down, and I grabbed my towel to dry off.
West took a drink of his water and picked up his bag. “Tomorrow’s leg day. No pussing out.”
“I’ll be here, will you?”
“Of course I will. I’ve got nothin’ but time these days, Trick.” He opened his arms in display.
I chuckled. “Seems like you’re enjoying it.”
“It’s good. I usually hang out with Cooper during break. Luckily I have Lily this summer or I’d be awful lonesome.”
I slung on my bag and took a drink of water, knowing he didn’t realize that was where I was. Lonesome. “I’m happy for you, man.”
He nodded down at his feet, smiling as we headed out of the gym. “Thanks. It’s the strangest thing. Like everything in my life can be classified as before and after her. I don’t know how I ever was me without her. Don’t really care to ever know again.” He glanced over at me. “I think she’s it for me. Forever.”
I smirked at him. “I know.”
He met my eyes. “I’m going to marry that girl, Patrick.”
My smile softened, heart warm in my chest. “That makes more sense than just about anything I’ve ever heard. I’m really am happy for you, West. For both of you.”
His eyes held a shadow of sadness. “I want this for you. I want for you to feel like this.”
I smiled and pushed open the door, and we turned to walk the blocks home. “I know. Wanting has only ever brought me sadness, but ignoring what I want with Rose is worse. So I’m trying to make the best of it for the last time with her.”
“Rose doesn’t do anything easy, does she?”
I sighed. “Neither do I. I want to want her. I want to hurt and pay for my mistakes. I want her to punish me just as much as I want her to forgive me, but that’s only been killing the both of us. I can’t pretend that I don’t want all of her, and I’m not going to anymore.”
He shook his head. “I’m glad you’re going after her, but I wish it wasn’t like this. I honest to God believe that if you just kissed her, she’d forget about all of it. She’s hanging on to an idea that she be
lieves is the truth, not the truth itself, and the second she lets that go, you’re in the clear.”
“I don’t think it’s that simple. Otherwise I would have already kissed her.”
He chuckled.
“Look, it’s like I said. I’m just trying to take this one step at a time, and I won’t give up so easily. We’re talking, hanging out again. She told me what she wanted, and I’ve respected that. I gave that to her because I owed her after how I handled things. Everything I’ve ever done is because I care about her, even when I hurt her. I just …” I shook my head. “I just want her to be happy. My happiness is secondary to that.”
He let out a breath. “It’s noble, I’ll give you that. But you sacrifice what you want for everyone else.”
“Because no one ever did for me.”
His eyes went soft. “I guess that’s fair.”
“I’m not hurt about it, it’s just a fact. That sacrifice is the most I can ever do for anyone, and I don’t think twice about it. You don’t, not when you love someone.” I stuffed my hands in my pockets as we crossed the street. “But I have a feeling that what Rose and I want — our happiness — has the same answer: being together.”
“There has to be a way to make her come around. I know she cares about you.”
“I finally think you could be right. We just have to see. It’s all going to come down to timing. I’ve got to wait for an opening, and to do that, I’ve got to be in her eye-line as much as possible.” I sighed as we approached our building. “She met another guy today.”
“I guess she’s pretty serious about dating.”
“Seems that way, but don’t count me out yet. We’ll see how it went. The worse they are, the better my chances.”
“Well, let’s forget about it tonight. We’ll go drink scotch at Cooper’s and play video games like the good old days.”
“Deal,” I said as we opened the door and climbed the stairs. “Let’s shower and head over there. Is Lily home?”
“I think so. I don’t know what the girls are doing tonight.”
“Rose has to work. Maggie’s probably leaving Cooper’s for the night— I figured they were all getting together.”