by Ashley Goss
Hayden stepped in closer, placing his hand over Charity’s small, dainty one. Her heart stopped as his face came in inches away from hers. “Old habits die hard, right?” He softly chuckled.
She looked away, fighting the arousal that was taking over. “I’ve always hated that phrase,” she whispered.
Hayden reached up and gently brushed her cheek with his fingers. “And why is that? Do you have a habit you can’t seem to get rid of?” He bit his lip, winking at Charity.
Sharply inhaling, Charity forced herself to stare boldly into Hayden’s death trap. “Well for two reasons. One, you used to say that nonstop every time we’d hook up in secret,” she hissed in a low voice. “And two, because I am not the same person you had easy access to three years ago. I’m much smarter than that.”
Hayden looked taken aback as the color left his face. Bewildered, he laughed heartily. “My god, Charity. Who is this hard ass you’ve become?”
Charity stood with her fist clenched and nostrils flared. “The woman I wish I could have been three years ago,” She whispered fiercely before turning on her heel and walking towards the bathroom.
Her whole body was in flames. How dare he talk to her as if nothing happened! Almost as if on cue, Margaret rushed in behind her, locking the bathroom door behind her. A river of tears automatically fluttered down Charity’s face as she crumbled into a ball of lament on the floor.
“Oh sweetie! You were so brave!” Margaret cooed as she held Charity, smoothing her hair back.
“I hate him! I hate how he thinks he can just waltz in here as if nothing ever happened!” Charity seethed as she stood up wiping her eyes.
“Well, baby doll, to be fair, and I swear on everything I am one hundred percent on your side, but y’all were just a fling, right? I mean he never said things were official,” Margret pointed out.
Charity nodded as she gripped onto the sink. “Yeah, but there’s a lot of stuff I may have left out,” she admitted as she wiped a stray tear away. “Things I can’t bring myself to admit.”
Margaret gasped, covering her mouth with her tiny, tanned hands. “Oh my god, Charity, does he do drugs!?”
Charity snorted. “Of course, not he’s smarter than that. He’s just one of those men who think women are things to be conquered. Especially the shy, quiet, insecure ones,” Charity explained bitterly.
Margaret fell quiet for a moment, her brown eyes searching for the words to soothe Charity. “Char, I’m so sorry. I had no idea that was what you were going through.”
“There’s no need to be sorry. I just felt so ashamed. I meant nothing to him, even after I gave him my all,” Charity’s voice cracked as more tears fluttered down her face.
“Baby doll, please. Look at me,” Margaret begged as she held Charity by the shoulders. “You’re way too hard on yourself. You were young and new to the city. Remember that time I dated my ex boyfriend’s dad?
Charity frowned, cocking her head in confusion. “Ricky? That was his dad you dated?”
Margaret nodded her head. “Yes. And as hurt and ashamed I was, I still went on that family trip to Aruba with them.”
Charity paused for a moment, staring at Margaret blankly. “I’m not sure how that applies,” She said slowly.
“Yeah, me neither. But the point is, we all make mistakes. But you can’t hold on to them. It’s been three years! You’ve had your time to mourn baby doll. It’s now time for you to experience new, exciting things!”
Charity shrugged and forced a stiff smile on her chapped lips. “Thanks Margaret, but the only exciting thing I’ve got to look forward to this Christmas is cracking these upcoming cases,” She dryly stated.
Shaking her head, Margaret reached into her back pocket and pulled out a folded brochure. She quickly opened it and held it in front of Charity’s face.
Experience the holidays in the London way! Book a luxurious three-week adventure in the bustling city of London, England!
Charity snorted and swatted the brochure away. “London, Margaret? I thought you hated Europe after you got stuck in Scotland with Daniel?”
“Not for me silly,” Margaret chirped as she playfully hit the brochure on Charity’s arm. “It’s for you! I saw it on one of those paper stands in the gyno!”
Charity cleared her throat, trying to ignore both the thought of London as well as Margaret's last comment. “I am not going to London, okay? It’s already cold in New York as it is, so why would I go to some rainy, dreary place in the holidays? That just sounds so...so…-”
“Perfect, for you,” Margaret stated, cutting Charity off. “Think about it, you’re in a beautiful, new city where no one knows your name. And based off this brochure, they’ll set you up in a cute, cozy cottage, ten minutes away from London. So, you can get your share of the city as well as the countryside.”
“I’m pretty sure being ten minutes away from the city doesn’t count as being on the countryside,” Charity grumbled.
Margaret groaned, placing a manicured hand on her head. “Oh, please Charity, will you at least consider it? For me?”
Sighing heavily, Charity walked to the sink and splashed water on her face. As she looked in the mirror she noticed dark circles under her eyes. Her skin seemed dull and lifeless, much like how she felt. She stared at her reflection with scrutiny. Back when she was in love with Hayden, despite it being a huge secret, she felt so alive. She’d wake up every day with a smile on her face. Where had that passion gone? Why was she so dull and empty? Maybe she was tired of being that way. Maybe being uptight and stuck three years in the past was sucking her dry. Defiance started to boil in her blood.
Reaching at her hair, Charity ripped out the several bobby pins keeping her tight bun intact. She hadn’t let her long, black hair down in a long time. Her hair fell past her shoulders in perfect waves. “Maybe I should try something new,” Charity muttered to herself. Looking over at a beaming Margaret, Charity grinned and hurried to the door. She took the brochure out of Margaret's hand as she swiftly headed out.
Coffee aroma swirled around the office, but in that moment, all Charity could smell was a new future. A new confidence fell over her as she strutted around the office. The meeting, with Hayden, had already started and Charity for once wasn’t going to hide.
With the London getaway brochure in her hand, she strode inside the meeting with a smug smile.
“And so, with this case,” Hayden was saying as Charity walked in. “Oh perfect. Charity, we were just talking about the new case our force is handing over, and we were all assuming you’d be happy to take care of it. After all, you practically live here.”
Soft laughter chimed throughout room as eyes fell on Charity. Usually that attention would have been daunting, but it was a new day for Charity. Hayden eyed Charity with satisfaction written all over his face. He thought he had the upper hand.
Everyone in the meeting was staring at her, some questionably since she had her hair down for the first time. Charity glanced around, her eyes meeting with Anthony’s who seemed just as shocked at her new look.
Clearing her throat, Charity forced a smile on her face. “You’re right Hayden. I do practically live here. But thanks to the suggestions of some kind friends,” she gleamed as she winked at Anthony and Margaret. “I’ve decided I’m going to actually have plans this holiday.”
Hayden seemed surprised and grinned with a confused look on his face. He leaned against the wall with his arms across his chest. “And what plans do you exactly have?” He challenged with a twinge of disbelief in his voice.
“London,” Charity replied as she walked closer to where Hayden was standing. “I’ve always wanted to explore a new part of the world, and what better way to do that than in London.”
“I hear they’ve got some great pubs up there too,” Anthony exclaimed with a wink.
Both Hayden and Charity ignored Anthony, their eyes boring into one another. “Well London sure is far away, don’t you think it’ll distract from your work?” Ha
yden glowered.
Charity paused and slowly looked down at Hayden’s shoes, slowly working her gaze up his legs, torso, and finally settling on his eyes. “I think with me being the top detective in my division, I should be just fine, Mister Gregory,” Charity shot back definitely.
The air seems to shift as she glared into Hayden’s eyes. Swallowing hard, Hayden nodded quickly and picked up his case folder. “Well then, I suppose it’s well deserved,” He quietly muttered, avoiding Charity’s gaze.
Peeking over her shoulder, Charity beamed at Margaret who gave her a thumbs up. There was a fire igniting inside of her. A fire she hadn’t felt since Hayden.
“I can’t believe you told that soul sucker off! It was like you were a completely new person!” Margaret gushed as they headed out of the office.
Charity decided to take the rest of the day off after her verbal victory against Hayden, and it felt so good. “Yeah, me neither. It’s like as soon as I let my hair down this new entity took over,” she mused.
The snow was falling harshly on the two women as they hobbled down the slippery New York streets, holding onto one another for support.
“Well,” Margaret gritted as the freezing air whipped against her face. “This new entity is my inspiration, and I’d love to have her over for wine some time!”
Charity chuckled and waved her hand to hail a cab. “Yeah, she’d love to after her London adventure!” Charity crooned. “Speaking of which, when exactly is that? Because I’ve gotta book my flight soon.”
A rusty cab came to halt on the side of the street, persuading the two women to hurriedly run towards it to escape the bitter cold.
“Where to?” The cab driver inquired as soon as Margaret and Charity slid inside.
“25th street please!” Margaret called out.
“Well?” Charity persisted. Margaret nervously turned to look at Charity, laughing.
“Let’s just say you should get to packing immediately.”
“Oh my god, Margaret, it’s not like at the end of the week or something right?”
“Oh no, no,” Margaret assured with a gentle pat, pausing briefly. “It’s...tomorrow?”
Charity’s mouth gaped open. “What?!” The cab came to a sudden halt, causing Charity to be pushed forward into the glass window.
“Careful ma’am, it’s glass,” The cab driver noted a little too late.
Charity winced and nodded as she rubbed her forehead. “Are you kidding me Margaret? I can’t go to London tomorrow! I’m not ready! I’d have to pack, and book my flight, and on top of that I still have work to finish-”
Margaret held up a fuzzy gloved hand to silence her worries. “I already booked it, Charity. I was going to surprise Daniel with it, but he has exams to finish up and I thought who would be the perfect person for this trip , other than Charity Parker? All you’ve gotta do is get on that flight. C’mon. Take a risk for once. You already started back in the office with Hayden,” Margaret inclined.
The cab finally came to a stop in front of Charity’s apartment building. “That’ll be $10.45 ma’am,” The cab driver announced.
Charity reached into her purse and pulled out a twenty, then opened the door and slid out. The cold snow greeted her as she walked towards the building doors with Margaret’s words floating in her head.
Margaret stood close behind her in silence, hoping Charity would accept the offer.
“What time is the flight?” she finally asked.
Margaret squealed and ran over to Charity in excitement. “Nine-thirty!”
“Oh, god!”
“Don’t worry, you can sleep on the plane!” Margaret assured Charity.
She groaned as Margaret gave her a tight hug. What the hell was she getting herself into? Spontaneous was never really a word that existed in Charity’s vocabulary. She did things by the book. She liked to blend in and not draw much attention to herself. Even as a kid she shied away from crazy adventures. The craziest thing she had ever did in high school was skip lunch, but that was only to avoid looking like a loner. But it started to occur to Charity that her cloak of invisibility and insecurity was holding her back. Hayden Gregory was her first lover. The first man who had seen her naked and the first man who broke her heart into pieces. Despite all the countless nights she spent crying herself to sleep, Charity could never bring herself to hate Hayden.
It was secret she kept from everyone because in all truth, she was realizing that Hayden breaking her heart was the best thing that could have ever happened to her.
As she stood in front of her apartment building, covered in snow and wrapped in a warm embrace from Margaret, she suddenly thought back to the day she told Hayden she loved him. The exact same day he broke her heart. Unlike the freezing cold air Charity was currently standing in, it had been the middle of summer with delirious heat. Hayden and Charity had just taken a walk, and their sweaty hands were clamped together, inseparable.
The moment had just felt right, and Charity’s naive heart was ringing with passion. Her long, dark hair was curled and slightly damp from her dripping in sweat, and she wore on a red, mini dress. Red had been her favorite color ever since Hayden first kissed her.
He had awakened a dormant passion that even Charity hadn’t known existed.
As Charity looked at Hayden longingly, a wide smile stretched across her face. “Hayden,” She giggled innocently. “I want to tell you something.”
Hayden peered down at her and grinned, kissing her forehead gently. “And what would that be?”
She paused, her heartbeat racing wildly against her chest. The words seemed to spill out of her anxiously, desperate to meet his ears and inform him of the forbidden secret Charity had kept locked inside for nearly six months. “I love you.”
But much unlike what Charity expected, that handsome smile she had hoped to see spread across Hayden’s face, dissipated like ice in the heat. He looked away quickly, his silence growing more and more uncomfortable by the second. The heat became heavier, softly choking Charity as reality started to set in. “Charity,” Hayden finally said to a dejected Charity. “I never meant for things to go this far.”
Tears pricked Charity’s eyes. How could he have said that? After all the beautiful nights they had spent together? “What are you talking about? It’s been six months, and you didn’t mean to let things get this far?”
“I wasn’t looking for anything serious, Charity,” Hayden insisted.
“Bullshit! We made love, we went on trips together. I met your grandmother for crying out loud!”
Hayden sighed softly and grabbed Charity’s hand. “Yes, and none of those things were done in vain, Charity. But the truth of the matter is that...I’m married. It’s been on the rocks for a while now but being with you has helped us so much. And I value the time we’ve shared together.”
Charity’s heart sank into her stomach in disbelief. “Married?! Are you kidding me Hayden?!”
“Charity please,” Hayden pleased, squeezing her hand. “It doesn’t change how I feel about you.”
“I’m no one’s mistress! Who did you think I was? Some whore who sleeps with married men?” she cried.
“Of course not,” Hayden replied softly. “But you were just so...meek and scared of the world. I wanted to see what you could be like once you opened up.”
She felt sick to her stomach. Hayden had turned out to be a monster. “You thought I was easy,” She whispered as tears blinded her.
Hayden gently wiped away the tears, pulling her close to him. His cologne stung Charity’s nose in a bitter sweet way. She hated how his embrace felt safe, especially after his truth came out. “You say that like it’s a crime,” Hayden responded. Charity pulled away from Hayden, disgusted with herself.
She was stunned. And she was wounded. She of all people served as the mistress to a man she thought belonged to her. Heartbreak was an understatement to how she felt.
The only thing Charity had wanted in life was love. Sure, her career meant a l
ot to her, but it was love she wanted more than anything. She had thought Hayden was the answer to that, but in the end, he proved it was harder than ever to find.
A cold wind slapped Charity in the face, bringing her back the present moment. As Margaret pulled away from her, tears were in her eyes.
“Oh, Charity, please don’t stress about it! I can help you pack!”
Charity laughed as she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. “It’s not that Margaret. I-I’m scared. And I guess I’m realizing I’ve lived in the shadows for so long, never wanting to be seen. And after Hayden, I started to believe that blending in was the only way for me,” Charity admitted tearfully.
Margaret squeezed her shoulders and gave her a warm smile. “Just because you lived that way for most of your life doesn’t mean you can’t change it. Hayden is like so many guys in the world. Selfish and an idiot. But there’s still a chance for you, and maybe, just maybe, London is the answer for you. You never know what you’ll run into out there!”
Relief washed over Charity. Margaret was right. It was time for her to find a new version of herself. “Okay! Well, I should get packed then!” Charity exclaimed in excitement.
“Yes! Let’s get you packed baby doll!”
The two women rushed inside with excitement teeming in their bones. A new adventure awaited Charity, and she was ready to find it.
Chapter Three
The next morning came as a complete blur. The moment Charity’s alarm clock blasted in the bright, white morning, she felt an immediate feeling of anxiety. What the hell was she doing? London, England? The whole ordeal was nerve racking and completely out of her comfort zone. But Margret insisted this was the right move for her, so she’d be stupid not to at least try.
“I’ll just give it three days,” Charity thought to herself as she finally got into the rusty, yellow cab. “And if I absolutely hate it, I’ll be on the first flight back to New York, and settle back into the safety of my small apartment.”
That was the main part that was hard for Charity. She loved her tiny apartment with the creaky windows and moth-eaten closet walls. It was home for her. Back in Idaho, she had to share a room with her sister Sarah, and it was a nightmare. Apart from Sarah blasting Britney Spears and Nsync at odd hours of night, she also would always have her many boyfriends over. Peace and quiet were Charity’s virtues, so when she finally got her own space, she found solace at once. Her idea of a perfect evening was a nice glass of wine, a case file, and Eliane Elias playing softly in the background.