by Sarah Price
As she took her seat, she felt a hand on her shoulder. Startled, she jumped and began to turn, but the hand tightened its pressure.
Adam.
He remained standing beside her, and the bishop began to speak.
“Marriage is for life,” he said slowly. “It is not something to be entered into lightly. Like your commitment to the church when you took your kneeling vow, your commitment to each other is one that cannot be broken.” He paused. “God created woman from one of man’s ribs. In doing so, she became a part of him, his partner. And man holds dominion over her, committed to protect her according to God’s will. Man and woman complement each other. Together they can achieve much more than they could if they were apart.”
Belle’s eyes began to glaze over, not from boredom but from fear. As the bishop began to talk about the permanence of marriage, she knew that he was giving her one last chance to change her mind. Would God frown upon her reasons for marrying? Despite having tried to convince herself that marriage was a business relationship, deep down Belle knew that most couples married for love. Marrying for the sake of her family’s safety and homestead was a sacrifice. Nonetheless, it was one she was willing to make. Somehow, though, the magnitude of her sacrifice had not struck her until that moment.
She felt a wave of panic wash over her. Could she really do this? Could she give herself to a man she didn’t even know, not just for life as his partner but also in the most intimate way?
Her mind raced and she began to think through different scenarios. No. She couldn’t back out of the wedding. Yes, she would find a way to give Adam that son. But she also knew that she couldn’t leave a child, not in Adam’s care. It dawned on her that Adam might have known all that. She suspected that his offer of freedom after she gave him a son was one that he had made knowing full well she could never leave her child. It was an offer made with full knowledge that she would never accept. She would marry Adam and remain his wife, living at his farm, until the end of her life.
For a moment, she almost stood, contemplating speaking up and ending what she knew was nothing more than a mockery of marriage. But the firm grip on her shoulder stopped her from doing so.
The bishop had not noticed. He finished his lecture to them and then indicated that it was time to return to the house. Belle’s knees felt weak, and Adam helped her to her feet. He stood on her right side, his hand on her elbow, as he guided her out of the barn and back into the sunshine. The house seemed far away, and Adam continued to lead her toward the front door. Without his help, she knew that she would have fainted. Instead, the steady pressure of his hand on her arm kept her aware that she was walking beside him and about to become his wife.
Once inside the house, the bishop led them to the front of the room. Belle stood beside Adam, staring at the wall in front of her. She could hear the collective gasps from the people seated on the right side of the room as they stared at Adam, many seeing him for the first time. Belle, however, stood on his left and, even if she were on his other side, had no desire to look at him.
The bishop cleared his throat as he began to speak.
“Adam, I will ask you first, do you confess and believe that God has ordained marriage to be a union between one man and one wife? Do you have the confidence that you are approaching marriage in accordance with the way you have been taught?” He paused, waiting for Adam to nod his head once and mumble a quick “Yes” before he asked Belle the same questions.
She, too, nodded her head.
Returning his attention to Adam, the bishop asked, “Do you also have confidence, brother, that the Lord has provided this, our sister, as a marriage partner for you?”
Adam sounded as if he sighed as he, once again, mumbled, “Yes.”
“And Belle, do you also have the confidence, sister, that the Lord has provided this, our brother, as a marriage partner for you?”
The bishop waited for her to respond. For the briefest of seconds, she hesitated. How could she answer that question? she wondered. Was it, indeed, the Lord who wanted her to marry this man? This complete stranger? She struggled with her thoughts, asking herself if God truly wanted her to be Adam’s marriage partner. If not God, she finally told herself, then who?
She took a deep breath and responded at last with a soft “Yes.”
There was a rustling noise from the side of the room where the women sat. Belle glanced over in time to see Ella and Sadie, their faces pale as they grasped each other’s hands. When she started to turn back, the bishop was asking Adam the next question in the wedding ceremony.
“Do you also promise your wife that if she should in bodily weakness, sickness, or any similar circumstances need your help, that you will care for her as is fitting for a Christian husband?”
This time, Adam spoke with more confidence, affirming that he would. Surprised, Belle let her eyes fall on him and was even more astonished to see that he was staring at her. She saw his face, the puckered skin over his cheek and the slight hooding over his eye. It was the first time that she had seen him head-on, and to her amazement, she realized that he was a handsome man, except for the scarring. What she had imagined was far worse than what she now saw.
“And Belle,” the bishop continued, “do you promise your husband the same thing, that if he should in bodily weakness, sickness, or any similar circumstances need your help, that you will care for him as is fitting for a Christian wife?”
With her eyes still on his face, Belle gave a quick nod of her head. “Yes, I do.”
The vows ended with the bishop addressing them both with one last question: “Do you both promise together that you will with love, forbearance, and patience live with each other, and not part from each other until God will separate you in death?”
In unison both Adam and Belle managed to agree that they would, although Belle wondered if it would be possible to live with love in Adam’s house. But she knew that, once the word “Yes” slipped through her lips, she had committed to God that she would try. And try she would.
With the vows finished, Belle sat down at the front of the room, Adam taking a seat next to her. The vorsinger began singing the final hymn. At first, Belle couldn’t sing, however. Her nerves had made her forget the words, even though the congregation sang in unison. She noticed that Adam merely stared straight ahead, not even attempting to join the others in song.
The wedding over, Belle stood beside Adam, her hands shaking as she watched the room transform. The men began to convert the plain benches into tables while the women busied themselves with carrying plates of food to the tables as these were assembled. Belle stared at the platters of chicken and beef, the bowls of corn and beans, the baskets of bread and buns. Where had all of this food come from?
She glanced up at Adam, not surprised to see that he was turned so that the right side of his face was hidden from view. “Did you do all of this?” she asked. “The food?”
He did not respond to her question, but she understood from his silence that he had.
“Danke,” she whispered.
He cleared his throat. “Enjoy your wedding feast, Belle.”
She started to reply to him, but her father approached both of them. He reached out and shook Adam’s hand, offering his congratulations in a flat, emotionless voice. Then he embraced Belle, his hold lingering longer than she expected.
“It won’t be the same around this haus without you, Belle,” he said when he pulled away.
But at least you still have the haus, she thought. She started to say something, wanting to tell her father that she would return frequently, probably more often than most brides returned home. She stumbled over her words, not wanting to offend Adam. When she glanced to her side, she realized that he was gone. Quickly, she began to search the room, wondering where he might have disappeared. But she couldn’t locate him.
“Where did Adam go?” she asked her father.
“Why, I don’t know. He was just here a moment ago.” Her father appeared as per
plexed as she was.
“Has he left?” She did not wait for an answer. Instead, she hurried through the gathered people and made her way to the door. As she stepped outside, she saw Adam’s buggy pulling away, heading in the direction of his farm.
Her father stood behind her.
Belle glanced over her shoulder. She felt the threat of tears welling in her eyes.
“Don’t fret, Belle. Mayhaps it’s best that he left.”
She nodded, even though she wasn’t certain if she felt relief or embarrassment. After all, it was her wedding . . . their wedding. How would it look that the groom had disappeared, leaving the bride alone? Certainly people would talk—even more than they already were. She lifted her chin and forced herself to follow her father back into the house. With Adam gone, the least she could do was enjoy the bountiful feast that he had provided for the gathering.
Chapter Ten
So perplexed was she by Adam’s strange behavior after the wedding, Belle hardly slept at all. The one night that she had dreaded ever since she’d agreed to marry him had turned out far different from what she had imagined. In the morning, she awoke before anyone else, including her father. After dressing, Belle hurried downstairs, carrying a kerosene lamp to light the way. Most of the room appeared in order. The previous evening, all of the tables had been packed away into the church wagon. Someone had folded all of the table linens, and all of the dishes had been washed.
Belle took it upon herself to pack away the rented items that Adam had arranged for the wedding. It helped calm her nerves as she carefully stored the dishes, glasses, and utensils in the different containers. She couldn’t help but wonder why Adam had left so abruptly. Typically, the groom spent that first evening with the bride, and they would return to their new home, together, in the morning. In the increasingly rare cases where the groom had not purchased a home yet, the bride might stay with her parents for a few months, the groom visiting on the weekends. But that was a much more old-fashioned way.
Perhaps it had been the way she looked at him when, for the first time, he stood before her and she saw the scar tissue that covered the right side of his face, from his temple to his lower jaw. His eyes, so piercing and blue, had stared at her as if anticipating a reaction. But she had given him none. And yet he still fled.
She paused as she shut the last box, which contained the dessert plates. For a moment, she stared at the empty wall next to the staircase. Was she supposed to stay with her father, or perhaps Adam expected her to walk to his farm? She had no idea what he wanted her to do, and in that moment, she realized the enormity of the mistake she had made.
Shutting her eyes, she whispered a prayer to God. “Please, dear Lord, show me your will. I am trying to do what you have shown me as your path for me, but I fear that it is too much for me to bear. I need you now more than ever.”
The kitchen door opened, and Belle turned around to see Adam walk through it. He wore a straw hat, tilted in a way that covered part of the scars on his face. He wore the same clothing that he had worn the day before: black trousers and his white long-sleeved shirt. Had he slept in those clothes?
“You left last night.”
“I did.”
“Why?” she asked.
“It wasn’t a place I wanted to be.”
She supposed she could understand that. After all, she had heard many of those same people comment about Adam being ugly and disfigured. Despite preaching grace and kindness, many members of the church district clearly did not practice it. Of course, it was also clear that neither did Adam.
“But it was our wedding.”
He arched his eyebrow over his left eye, the only eye that she could see. But rather than respond to her comment, he merely said, “I have come to fetch you.”
Her heart skipped a beat when she heard his words. Would he bring her to his home so early in the morning that she would not have a chance to say goodbye to her father and sisters? Dare she mention that she wanted to see her family before leaving? She started to speak, but stopped before the first word could slip past her lips. It would be harder to leave if she had to say goodbye. Perhaps Adam’s early arrival was more fortunate than she thought.
“I’ll . . . I’ll get my things.”
She hurried up the stairs and grabbed her clothes, quickly folding them and placing them into her satchel, an old canvas bag with rope handles. She only had a few dresses: three for working, one for church, and her wedding dress. Packing her things took just a few minutes. Leaving the room, however, seemed to take a lifetime. So many memories were woven into the corners and walls of the bedroom, as well as the rest of the house. At least she had managed to save the rest of her family from the same fate of having to say farewell to their home.
Carrying the bag in one hand, she held on to the railing with the other as she descended the stairs. Outside the windows, she could see that the dark sky was beginning to shift to a deep gray. Soon it would become blue, and then a light gray as the sun began to approach the horizon from the east. By that time, she would be at Adam’s farm and beginning her first day as his wife.
“That’s all you have?”
Belle looked from him to the bag in her hand. “Ja, that’s it. I have some books, but I’ve read them all.”
“Books?”
She nodded. “Novels.”
“What kind of novels?”
She blushed. How could she confess that she liked romances when her own love life had taken such an unromantic turn?
When he stared at her, his one eye seeming to study her reaction, she wondered if he had read her mind. “Never mind.” He reached out for the bag and lifted it as if it weighed nothing. “Come along, then.”
Obediently, but with a heavy heart, she followed him as he turned to leave the house. He held the door for her, a gesture which surprised her, but he spoke no more as he walked ahead of her toward his strange buggy. She watched as he tossed her bag through the open door. It plopped onto the floor behind the front seat. Without any effort, he flipped the back of the seat up and moved aside, waiting for her to step up and into the buggy.
Their ride back to Adam’s farm was silent. Neither spoke. Belle stared out the window, the feeling of emptiness filling her stomach with each jostle of the buggy that forced her arm to brush against his. She tried to shift herself so that she sat as far from him as possible, but the small seat gave her no room to escape him. Being so close to him, she noticed that his work clothes smelled. Or maybe it was just him. She wasn’t certain. It was a musky, earthy scent, one that spoke of hard work and sweat. While it was not entirely unpleasant, she wasn’t used to it and found herself feeling nauseous. When the buggy wheels ran through a particularly rough patch of road, her stomach twisted, and she knew that she was going to be ill.
“Could you pull over?” she whispered, knowing that she needed a moment outside, away from him and the future that faced her.
He didn’t ask why as he pulled back on the reins, a soft “whoa” escaping his lips.
Once the buggy stopped, she slid back the door and hurried to the ground. Embarrassed, she walked off the side of the road, hopefully out of his sight, and bent over as she got sick. I can’t do this. Please, Lord. Please make me wake up and have this just be some sort of nightmare. A gentle wind blew through the trees, the leaves moving enough so that raindrops fell onto her head. While cooling her neck and face, the drops also confirmed what she knew to be true: it wasn’t a nightmare—not the kind that she would wake up from.
“Belle?”
She didn’t turn around when she heard him call her name. Instead, she lifted her hand and motioned for him to keep driving. “Let me walk,” she said. “I’m not feeling well.”
“Get back into the buggy. It will be quicker.”
Quicker for what? she wanted to ask. But she knew better than to argue. Less than twenty-four hours ago, she had vowed before her family, her community, and God that she would claim this man as her husband. And God wan
ted wives to obey their husbands. Taking a few last gulps of fresh air, she wiped her mouth with her hand and slowly walked back to the buggy.
Less than fifteen minutes later, the buggy stopped once again. This time, when she exited the buggy, it was only to stand before the dark house that she knew was to be her new home.
It looked no more inviting to her than it had when she had first been there, almost three weeks ago.
Adam unhitched the horse from the buggy and led it to the stable, leaving Belle alone as she stood there, staring at the house. She hadn’t moved when he returned, her bag in his hand. For a moment, he stood beside her and seemed to contemplate what she saw. She wanted to look at him, but she was afraid to. Instead, she lowered her eyes and fought the urge to cry.
“Best get started, then,” he said at last.
“Started”? His choice of words frightened her. What exactly did he mean? Started with their marriage? Their new life? Or simply started with the chores ahead of her?
He walked to the front door and opened it. The hinges were rusty, and they squeaked, something she hadn’t noticed the other day. Once again, he held it open and waited for her to take that first step into the house.
She remembered it as being dark and dirty with a great feeling of oppressiveness, but it seemed twice as bad now that she realized she was going to be living there. She stood inside the doorway, looking around at the collection of crates and wood, dirt and cobwebs. Adam did not wait for her as he ascended the staircase that ran along the wall farthest from the hallway leading to the kitchen. He was gone for only a few seconds when she heard a thump on the ceiling above her head. She jumped at the noise and only calmed down when she realized that Adam must have dropped her bag on the floor of the bedroom.
Their bedroom.
She shuddered and crossed her arms over her chest, her hands rubbing her arms as if to warm her flesh from a chill.
When he returned downstairs, he paused only to say, “I’ll leave you to your chores,” and then he headed toward the kitchen. A few seconds later, she heard the back door slam shut, and she shut her eyes, exhaling in relief that he was gone.