“Ellie, there’s someone here to see you!” Brie yells from the living room. I have gotten so involved in my story, with instrumental pop music blaring in my earphones, that I didn’t hear the door.
“Hey,” he says. I turn around and see Aiden standing in my doorway. I glance over at Brie who is hovering behind him, with her arms crossed at her chest. She is clearly not approving of this.
“Oh, hey,” I mumble.
“Ellie, what’s going on?” Aiden asks. “I’ve been calling. And texting.”
“I know.”
“Didn’t you want to see me?”
“Didn’t you get my texts?” I ask.
He shrugs. “Yes, of course. But all you said was that you couldn’t see me that day.”
I have been unfair. I’ve been pushing Aiden away and not explaining a thing. But that’s because I needed to buy time. I needed time to figure some things out.
I look up at him. Wow, I had somewhat forgotten how handsome he really is. That thick, gorgeous hair. Those large eyes and long eyelashes. They’re almost feminine in their delicateness, conveying both depth and sorrow. He just came from work - lunch hour? - so he’s still dressed in one of his perfectly tailored gray suits, which hugs his toned body in just the right way.
“Aiden, that’s my sister, Brie.”
“Yes, we’ve met,” he says.
“Ellie, do you want me to get him out of here?” Brie asks. I smile. I like her no-nonsense way of being. People never took her seriously, but that haircut really gives her an edge. By the look on Aiden’s face, I can tell that he’s taking her seriously.
“No, it’s fine,” I say.
“Are you sure?”
I nod.
“Well, just let me know,” she says. “I’ll be in the kitchen.”
“Your sister is scary,” Aiden says, half-jokingly.
“Yes, she is.” I nod.
He walks over and sits down on the bed next to me. “Ellie, what’s going on?” he asks. “I’m really sorry about whatever it is that I did. I thought that everything was okay between us.”
“Yes, it’s fine,” I mumble. I take a deep breath. There’s no getting out of it. I have to tell him.
“So? Why have you been avoiding me?”
“Aiden, I have to tell you something.”
“You’re pregnant?” Aiden asks. I have already explained this to him twice and yet he still seems to have trouble processing it.
“Listen, like I said, you don’t have to be involved.”
“What do you mean not be involved?” he asks.
I shrug. I don’t know how he feels about this and I’m not sure if I want to.
“Of course I’m going to be here for you, Ellie,” Aiden says. “I love you.”
And with that simple phrase, the weight of the world suddenly lifts off my shoulders. I’ve run through a million different reactions in my head, but this one, frankly never came to mind.
“Ellie?” Aiden asks. I stare at him in disbelief.
“I don’t understand.”
“Ellie, I’m so…happy. I never really thought about having kids, honestly. But, now that you’re pregnant. I’m genuinely happy.”
“Really?”
“Are you not?”
I don’t know. I’ve been so worried about what I should be thinking and feeling that I haven’t given much thought to what I was actually thinking and feeling. And reality? Well, after having that long talk with Brie, I felt okay about it. Maybe even a little excited. Perhaps, it will be fine after all.
“I don’t know,” I say.
“Well, I know that it’s your decision, but if you want to hear my thoughts…” Aiden says.
I stare at him, waiting for him to continue.
“I’m really happy about it. I’d love to have a baby with you. I love you. And I want to be a family.”
Family. Oh my God. That word sends a shiver through my body. But when I look up at him, suddenly it all feels aright.
“I’m sorry I’ve been ignoring your calls,” I say. “I was just so worried about this. Worried and sick.”
“I wish you had told me. I mean, it must be hard trying to decide how you feel about this, throwing up so much like you are.”
I nod. He has a point. I’ve never been much of the mothering type, but being this sick all the time definitely hasn’t helped matters. For one thing, I felt depressed and down most of the day. I had never felt this way before. I thought that my feelings of melancholy came from the actual physical experience of being pregnant, but in reality they didn’t. I think they came from all the hormonal changes and the fact that I was throwing up all the time.
“I’m just so…confused,” I finally admit the truth. “I mean, one minute I think it’s going to be okay and the next, I’m completely freaking out.”
Aiden nods and takes me into his arms. He kisses the top of my head and tells me that it’s going to be okay. And then he just holds me. He doesn’t ask me any more questions or force me to put what I’m feeling into words. He just holds me and makes me feel like it’s all going to be okay. I breathe in and out and after a few minutes, I believe him.
“Listen, Ellie, whatever you decide, I’m here for you. I want you to know that,” he says after a while. “I love you.”
“I love you, too,” I mumble into his shirt.
“But I also want you to know that the thought of this baby…well, it makes me excited. I always thought that I would freak out or run away. That there was no way that I would ever have a kid, but now that it’s here…well, it feels ok. Right even. It feels like it’s something that should happen.”
I breathe in and out deeply.
“I don’t want to put any pressure on you. I’m not saying this to sway you either way. Please know that. I’m just telling you because I want you to know how I feel. To really know how I truly feel.”
I nod. Were it anyone else in his position, I’d say it was bullshit - that the guy was just saying that to guilt me into having the baby. But by the earnest expression on Aiden’s face, I know that he’s telling me the truth. There are no ulterior motives here. No obfuscation. No lies. It’s the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.
“So…what does this mean?” I ask slowly.
“It means that the decision is all yours. And I will support you no matter what.”
I inhale deeply. It’s crazy to think that only a minute ago I was so confused by what I should do. And now? Well, just the fact that he was into it, and not just into it, actually excited by the whole thing, well, that made me feel okay about it. Like, perhaps, this is something that I could really do - become a mom. Now, there’s a trip!
“I have to tell you something,” Aiden says, pulling away. The expression on his face grows serious and my heart sinks. Now what’s wrong?
“I have my job at Owl back for good.”
“You what?” I ask. I can hardly believe it.
“Yep, they want me back. Apparently, no one else can run it as well as I do.”
“Oh my God.” I throw my arms around his neck and give him a big kiss. He kisses me right back, so passionately that my knees grow weak. We fall into bed together with him on top of me.
“I guess we’ll have to postpone our trip to Belize for a bit,” Aiden says, pulling slightly away. He brushes my hair out of my face and gives me a little peck on the cheek.
“I guess so,” I say sadly. “If only I wasn’t so sick.”
“Well, you have a date there. As soon as you feel better, I’ll take time off and I’ll take you there. On a proper vacation.”
“I’d like that,” I whisper.
Aiden presses his lips to mine and I let his tongue make its way inside. I had forgotten what a good and gentle kisser he is. These are the kind of kisses that will make you forget just about everything in life, except maybe the one thing that I can’t forget - that I’m about to be a mom.
Chapter 30 - Aiden
When I try to figure out what this
all means…
I’ve never given having a baby much thought. I mean, there were those scares early on when I was just starting my business. A girl I had a one-night stand with thought she might be pregnant. And my ex-wife. But they turned out to be nothing. Just a period that was a few days late. Those were the longest days of my life though. And as much as I knew that I would have to step up and be a father, I also realized that there was no way in hell I could be one. I would pay alimony - a lot of alimony - but that was all I could offer them. Maybe an occasional visit. Man was I happy that those scares never really materialized into anything.
And today? Well, today, hearing about Ellie? A part of me was terrified that I would feel the same way. I never grew up around many kids, let alone babies. So, the thought of having one myself, one that belongs to me, scared the hell out of me. But when Ellie came out and said that she was pregnant and that I wouldn’t have to participate if I didn’t want to, well, it just felt wrong. I don’t know if this is just me being older or the fact that I’m with Ellie, but the stars seemed to have aligned. Suddenly, I’m just not scared. I’m actually excited. I’m looking forward to it. That is if she decides to have it.
It’s Ellie’s decision after all. And I’m okay with it. There’s no way I want to bring a child into this world whose mother isn’t happy to have him or her. There are way too many unwanted children as it is and there’s nothing really worse than for a child to grow up unloved - even though it happens all too often.
Ellie runs past me to throw up in the bathroom, again. I want to hold up her hair and help her in any way I can, but she won’t let me. She doesn’t want me to see her “like that.” Silly girl. Little does she know that I’m in love with her, every last gross bit of her. And no amount of disgusting excrement that comes out of her will change any of it.
“Can you not be here?” she says as I stand next to the bathroom door asking how she’s feeling for the millionth time.
“Okay, I’m sorry. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”
I walk away and sit down on her bed. I check my emails on my phone when I hear her call my name.
“Yeah?” I get up to walk over.
“Don’t come over.”
“Okay…So, why are you calling me?”
“Because, I just wanted to say that I’ve decided what I’m going to do!” she yells and throws up again.
My heart sinks. This can’t be good. No wise decisions were ever made with someone’s head in the toilet.
“I’m going to keep it,” Ellie says. “We’re going to have a baby!”
I can’t believe my ears. I run into the bathroom and wrap my arms around her. She tries to push me away, but I don’t let her.
“I love you,” I whisper, holding her hair back.
“I love you,” she manages to say.
I call off work for the afternoon and spend it in bed with her. It’s not exactly as romantic of a time as we’ve previously had, but it’s special in its own way. I stroke her hair as we watch an episode of The Office and laugh.
“Thank you for taking care of me,” Ellie says as one episode ends and the next one starts. “And thank you for…being you.”
“Thank you for being you,” I whisper.
“Oh, man, can we get any more sappy?” she jokes.
“Yes,” I say after a moment. “I could ask you to marry me again.”
She looks up at me, not sure if I’m joking. I am, but only partly.
“Will you marry me, Ellie?” I ask.
“Are you serious?” she asks. I nod.
“Oh, c’mon, Aiden.” Ellie gets up. “Why did you have to ask me when I have vomit on my shirt?”
“Because I don’t care. And from the looks of it, this phase in your pregnancy might last well into the next one, which will also involve a lot of vomit on your shirt.”
“What do you mean?”
“The baby? They’re known to spit up once in a while, too.”
Ellie shakes her head.
“Okay, if you don’t like this, that’s fine. I’ll ask you again. Later. In a more romantic setting.”
Ellie looks away from me. For a few minutes no one says a word. Suddenly, it occurs to me that I have made a terrible mistake. Women don’t like things like this. They like drama and pomp. They like to celebrate important moments in their lives in heels and tight dresses instead of sweatshirts and dirty hair. Fuck.
“I really messed up, didn’t I?” I ask.
She doesn’t respond. I put my hand on her shoulder and turn her to face me. That’s when I see the tears running down her face.
“What’s wrong? Ellie? I’m so sorry,” I whisper.
“No, nothing’s wrong. Nothing at all,” she mumbles through the tears.
I stare at her, not quite sure of what to say next.
“You are just so…wonderful. I really don’t deserve you, Aiden Black.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Here I am wearing my pajamas. I just threw up about a billion times and I’m not wearing a smidge of makeup. And what do you do? You ask me to marry you.”
“That’s because you’re the most beautiful woman in the world and I’m in love with you.”
My words bring tears to her eyes.
“So, what do you say?” I ask after a moment.
“I don’t want to just get married because I’m pregnant,” she says.
“That’s not why I’m asking you. I’ve asked you before, if you remember.”
Of course, she remembers. Ellie stares out in the distance. Does she really want to marry me? Is this the right thing to do?
“Yes,” she finally says. “I will marry you.”
“Oh, Ellie,” I say, wrapping her arms around me. “I love you.”
I press my lips onto hers and the world outside stops spinning. Nothing else matters except for this moment.
I wrap my hands around her breasts and enjoy the plumpness. Then I run my tongue down her neck and along her collarbone. She tilts her head back with pleasure, exposing more of her neck. I pull her shirt over her head and take off her bra. I press her nipples in between my teeth and bite down slightly. She moans with pleasure.
I push her down on the bed and pull off her pants and panties. Then I take off my shirt and drop my pants, along with my boxer shorts. She licks her lips as I climb on top of her. I lick her nipples again and quickly make my way down her body. I pause briefly at her belly button and admire her body as she arches her back. But I keep heading south. I run my tongue along her non-existent panty line. Her hipbones come up to meet my lips and kiss them as well. Her legs open up on their own and I make my way down in between her thighs. Once she’s lying bare before me, I can’t contain myself anymore. I have to have her. I spread her thighs and thrust my tongue deep within her. She moans with pleasure and I press my fingers on her clit. Then I start to massage her and she starts to moan louder. When she is getting close, I push myself up and push my penis inside of her.
“Oh, Aiden!” Ellie yells into my ear. I thrust in and out of her faster and faster. She yells my name even louder and a wave of ecstasy courses through my body. It comes sooner than I had planned, but I ride the wave anyway. There’s no turning back now.
“Oh, Ellie,” I moan and collapse on top of her.
Chapter 31 - Aiden
When he surprises me…
Lying next to her in the afterglow of our lovemaking, I wrap one of her long strands of hair around my finger. We are actually engaged. I’m not sure if we will get married before or after the baby, but I’m overjoyed by the prospect that we actually will. I’m going to have a wife. No, that doesn’t sound as good as it could. Ellie is going to be my wife. Now, that’s much better.
“You have beautiful hair,” I whisper. Her eyes are closed, but she’s not asleep. She gives me a little smile without stirring.
“Ellie?”
“Hmmm?”
“I don’t really want to bring this up again, but I sort
of have to,” I say, choosing my words carefully. Not only do I not want to bring it up, but this is the last thing I want to talk about.
“Okay,” she mumbles and turns away from me. “I’m listening.”
I take a deep breath. This did not go well the last time we talked about it.
“What do you think about the whole Caroline thing?” I ask. She turns around to face me.
I don’t say anything else. Instead, I wait for her to answer.
“I think you did the right thing,” she says. “I’m sorry I got so upset last time.”
I nod. “I wasn’t fishing for an apology.”
“I know,” she says. “But I was thinking about it and I think you’re right. Caroline could’ve easily not told me a thing about her on-purpose overdose. She could’ve gone to her grave that way. But she didn’t. She wanted someone to know the truth. I’m just sorry that person had to be me.”
“You would’ve rather thought that she died by accident?”
“I don’t know,” she says, shrugging. “I just really miss my friend. But I want Tom to pay for what he did. I want him to suffer.”
“So if the DA wants you to come in for a statement?” I ask.
“I’ll go to Maine.”
I smile. I’m glad that she feels this way. I don’t want Tom to get away with what he did any more than I want Blake to get away with it.
“That sort of brings me to the other district attorney conversation,” I say. “My attorney said that the DA is planning on pressing charges against Blake for what happened on the yacht. Or at least, he’s trying to build a case.”
She nods, without meeting my gaze. Being involved in this case is much more difficult. She is the victim here. And though Tom attacked her at the Warrenhouse’s party as well, it wasn’t a sexual attack. Sexual attacks are always more difficult to talk about, especially for women. They are more sensitive. They are more embarrassing.
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