“My father is sitting for an interview,” he said after a while. “We might as well hear the worst of it, as ignorance is a sin.”
Absently, I put the heel of my hand to my forehead.
Caster turned on the large, ornate radio that sat next to the table. It was decorated with a tracing of an ocean wave made of prezine, a waste of enough of the metal to power a small home.
“. . . no word on whether the Games will resume,” said Sky. “Deputy Ripkin has suspended all contests during the investigation of yesterday’s attack. Citizens are reminded that they should remain inside except for urgent business. A strict curfew will be in effect after dark. To update us on the status of the investigation, we are pleased to have Deputy Ripkin himself in the studio. Your Excellency, it’s a pleasure to speak with you.”
“Thank you, Sky,” said the Deputy. His raspy voice was calm and smooth.
“What happened to the sensors?” asked Sky. “They were all over the arena. Did they simply not work?”
“Obviously they were not foolproof,” said the Deputy. “This is an issue that we are working quickly to resolve. The sensors are all being equipped with alarms so that if anyone attempts to disable one, we will know about it immediately. Further, our scientists have also been working for some time on a handheld variety, and test versions of these devices will be in the hands of certain officers by nightfall.”
Handheld sensors. My blood ran cold. Pinpricks began running through me. No. I pushed them back.
“Do you have any information about who caused the explosion?” Sky asked.
“We know this atrocity was perpetrated by an invisible individual,” said the Deputy. “We know he used a prezine-based explosive. Obtaining that amount of prezine would have required conspirators in the mines. While we do not yet have a name, rest assured we soon will. To all those who would perpetrate further attacks against the people of the plateau, remember this: we will find you. Your Ability will not keep you safe. You and all those who have conspired with you will be brought to justice.”
Pinpricks rushed through me again, stronger this time. I closed my eyes, trying to focus. Visible blood, I thought. Visible. That was not really how it worked, but I didn’t flicker. Caster sat silently, listening.
“. . . close watch on all those from the Left Eye,” the Deputy was saying. “They will not be in our schools or in the market until this is resolved. This is only a precaution for their safety, due to the unfortunate incident last night.”
“Can you give a status for the victim of that attack?” asked Sky.
“The victim is still under medical watch,” said the Deputy, “but he is expected to recover. Let me be clear: no racial violence will be tolerated. These men beat a garbage man who was just doing his job, vitally important work for the health of New Heart City. These men will be prosecuted and jailed like any other criminals.”
“Thank you for your time, Your Excellency.”
“My pleasure.”
“Next, we’ll speak with the winner of the women’s ride. What does she think of her extraordinary win by forfeit?”
“Turn it off,” I said. That was a report I didn’t want to hear. Porti had sacrificed everything to take a stand for me, but there was a girl who didn’t care, who only wanted her day in the limelight, whether she truly had won or not.
Caster obliged. “I can’t believe people still care about who won. It’s a game.”
But it was more than a game to me, even after everything that had happened. “Before Porti came here, I thought the Game was all I had,” I said. I was surprised to hear the words come out of my mouth. I had never thought deeply about why the ride was so important to me.
“All you had?” Caster said. “What about the rest of your life? Your friends?”
I picked another piece of muffin. “Did you see me at the parties before this year?”
He tilted his head as if thinking.
“As soon as Porti arrived, she was invited. And Porti being Porti, she had the power to bring me along, even to make you believe you had invited me yourself.”
“Do you think I wasn’t your friend?” Caster sat down in his chair. “I found you hard to talk to; it wasn’t that I didn’t want you there—at parties, or whenever. I would have liked to see you.”
“Then why not ask?”
“I don’t know,” he said. He gazed at me, as if he had never thought about this. He had never stopped to wonder why we hadn’t been friends before, or how I might have felt being excluded. He hadn’t even realized I was excluded. But wasn’t that better than for him to have purposely excluded me? I wasn’t sure.
“You would have won,” he said. “Porti had her day. It’s rare for a rider to win two years running.”
“Was this my year, then, gone forever?” Perhaps it shouldn’t have mattered as much as everything else that had happened, but it did matter. It wasn’t fair.
“Perhaps it was her year, then,” he said, with a little smile. “Perhaps next year is your year. By then everything will have calmed down, and all you’ll have to worry about is what Porti makes you wear to the ball.”
I popped another piece of muffin into my mouth. It was a very good muffin. I had never realized that the Deputy’s food was even finer than the Council’s. But the morsel stuck in my throat.
“You know, I did like you before,” Caster said. “There’s nothing like a lady who’s good at math.”
I smiled. I had once overheard Member Solis lecturing Porti on how to find a husband; mathematics was not involved.
“I’m serious,” he said. “And of course, you ride. When we were both in the arena, I would watch you training. There’s also nothing like a lady with luxuriant hair engaging in athletics.”
I tossed a piece of muffin at him.
“And why do you like me?” he asked. “Not because I’m the son of the richest man in the Upland?”
“That helps,” I said.
He tossed the piece of muffin back, laughing.
“But that’s not all,” I said, growing serious. “You are kind to those who aren’t rich. I’ve never heard a mean word from you. Others toss off words against Lefties with no thought, but you—never.”
“Strange how basic decency becomes an asset,” he said. “I suppose I’m glad of all the boys with asses first.”
“How did you come to such decency?” I asked.
“You mean, with the father I have? He wasn’t always this way, not before he became Deputy. And my mother was alive then.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring that up.”
“It’s all right,” he said. “She was very decent. She taught us both.” Everyone knew that the Deputy’s wife had become ill and died while on a journey around the Upland. She had died at the Top of the Head, far from her family, and had been committed to the Waters with none but strangers to see her off. It had been tremendously sad, but at the same time, as a child, I had wished to see the Top of the Head and had wondered what she must have seen during her last moments. Were all who had previously been committed to the Waters waiting for her?
“I suppose she will greet Orphos,” I said.
“By the Waters, yes. I hope she will.”
The doorbell rang. A minute later, Koren ushered Porti into the dining room. She was dressed in blue mourning attire and carrying a garment bag.
I jumped up and embraced her. “I tried to come,” I said. “Last night, as soon as I could.”
“I know. I got the facts out of her,” she said. Her eyes were wet, but she didn’t let the tears fall. “I brought you something to wear,” she said, holding out the bag. “It’s not like the gown I had picked for you to wear to the ball, but . . .” She swallowed, unable to continue.
“Thank you,” I said quickly. “Let me try it on. I know it’s perfect.” She didn’t want to talk about her loss; I could see that. I didn’t wish to speak of mourning fashion, but I would do anything to keep her mind—all of our minds—of
f the truth.
“I’ll meet you ladies in a half hour,” Caster said. “You wouldn’t mind being my date, would you, Myra?”
“Thank you for pretending I have a choice,” I said. “I’d be honored.” I took Porti by the arm and led her to my new room.
I unfastened the garment bag and pulled out the gown. It was the deep blue of mourning, with a straight skirt and a cinched waist, and the bust spread out perfectly for my proportions. “Porti, how did you get this?”
“I had to do something last night,” she said. “I couldn’t sleep. So I altered one of Anga’s gowns. For some reason, she has six in this color. See, I took from the skirt, here and . . .” She turned away from me, gasping.
“Porti.” I put my hand on her back. “It’s all right to be sad. It’s the way we should feel.”
“He tried to kiss me,” she said, sobbing. “Right before the ride. He said ‘a kiss for luck,’ and he pulled me in, but I stopped him. I was trying to flirt, I guess, playing hard to get. I told him, ‘when you win.’ ” She blew her nose on her handkerchief and caught her breath. “I was going to kiss him after, whether he won or not; of course I was. I was being so stupid. If you like someone, you should kiss him. You might not have another chance.”
“Porti, he knew you liked him,” I said. “Everyone knew.”
“I didn’t,” she said. “I mean, I did, but I didn’t know how much. I didn’t know until . . . You should kiss Caster. Go out there right now and kiss him. Wrap your arms around him and don’t let go.”
“I will,” I said.
“I would go back to the first time I ever saw him—it was the day I arrived in New Heart City, the first time I went to the stables. He was there with Shrill.” She gave a little sob, remembering the exuberant beast. “With Shrill, and the way he smiled at the beast when he didn’t know I was watching. The way he spoke. And then he turned and saw me, and our eyes met. It was like that—we both knew—but I was afraid. I would go back and run into his arms. Why did I not do that?” She sat down on the rug and leaned over her knees, sobbing. “Why did I not do that?”
“He knew, Porti,” I said, rubbing her back. “He knew.”
She sat up abruptly. “What I am doing crying on the floor? We need to get you ready.” She stood and grabbed the blue gown off the bed. “Take that one off.”
I followed her orders. Now was not the time to argue.
She pulled the gown over my head. It fit perfectly. Without taking my measurements, she had known exactly.
“I used to make all my own clothes,” she said. “If I end up back in the Head, perhaps I can do that instead of beast ranching. I mean, I love beasts, but it’s hard work. My back still aches at times, after a year.” She wiped her face with both hands.
“Back in the Head?” I said. “No, Porti.”
“Well, Member Solis isn’t happy with me.”
“Because of what you did for me?”
“I’m not hateful enough for this city,” she said.
“No, you aren’t,” I said. “Porti, I don’t know what to say. No one has ever done something like that for me, not in my whole life. I will do everything I can to make sure you stay and have everything you’ve dreamed of.”
“Never mind me,” she said. “We haven’t even spoken of why you are here. Has he done anything more?”
“No,” I said. “It’s all very civil. He acts as if he cares.”
“But Caster must watch you.”
“Yes.”
“At least it’s not an ugly old man who must stay by your side.”
We both tried to laugh, and failed.
“Perhaps he can also watch you during the night.”
At this, I burst into tears.
Caster knocked on the door. “Hello? Are you ladies decent? Please say no.”
At this, I bawled harder.
“We are decent, Caster,” Porti said.
He came into the room and, seeing me, came and wrapped his arms around me. “I see you ladies have been having a fine time,” he said. “Just like you two to carry on.”
“The pre-party is always the best part,” said Porti, her voice thick.
Caster reached out an arm and pulled Porti into the hug, and we stood there, the three of us, all bawling.
A moment later, I flickered out.
Eighteen
I DIDN’T REALIZE AT FIRST THAT I HAD FLICKERED. My friends didn’t notice right away, either, so caught up were we all in our sorrow. I couldn’t see myself or anything else through my tears. But then the sobs and even the breathing of my two friends stopped.
“Myra,” Porti said.
Caster’s arms lifted away from me.
My arms now free, I lifted a hand to wipe my eyes. No! Pinpricks pulsed through me like a wave. I tried to flicker back, but in my panic, I couldn’t. Emotion. Emotion had done it, just as my mother had told me. And I had caused this by learning; I had triggered my curse. Why could I not flicker back?
“Myra,” Porti said again.
“I’m trying!” I cried, as if she had asked me to flicker, as if she were not horrified and speechless. With one push, I finally flickered back, but I didn’t know if I could stay this way.
I was still facing Caster. His face was blank, staring. It was as if he were a statue.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t want to lie to you.”
“Lie,” Caster said, as if he didn’t understand the word.
“It’s all right,” said Porti. “It’s going to be fine.”
“Caster, say something,” I pleaded. “I couldn’t tell you. I couldn’t tell anyone.”
“Obviously,” Porti said. “You’re the same person. Nothing has changed. Caster, say it.”
“Of course,” Caster said, but his face remained blank. He stared at me. “We must leave now, or we’ll be late. I’ll meet you ladies in the sitting room.” He turned for the door.
“Caster, wait!”
But he didn’t wait. He escaped through the door as if being chased.
I stared after him.
“He won’t tell, Myra,” Porti said, behind me. “That isn’t like him.”
I hadn’t thought of that. But of course, he might. I had no idea what he would do. All his support for me depended on the suspicions about me being lies.
“He won’t,” Porti said again.
I spun around to face her. “We don’t know that.” I thought of running after him, but if he was telling, then I should be running the other way.
“It’s Caster,” she said.
I looked at the window. I could go through it if need be, but we were on the second floor. How hard would it be to get down to the street?
“No, Myra,” she said. “We can help you here.”
“You’re not angry?” I asked. I couldn’t believe that she was still here, that she hadn’t run off as Caster had.
Porti wiped her tear-streaked face. “I know why you hide it,” she said. “Of course. There’s nothing evil about the Ability. I know that more than most.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“No one here in the city knows this,” she said, “but my father—my adopted father—is a Flickerkin.”
Now it was my turn to stare.
“My parents were beast ranchers, but as I’ve told you, they were killed by their charges when I was seven. I was alone for over a month, afraid to tell a soul of my misfortune. Afraid they would take me away from the beasts. Despite what they had done, I saw them as innocent, helpless without me. I could never blame them. There is really no love greater, is there? Anyway, my father came to sell his feed and found me. He sold his farm and moved to the ranch. As a Flickerkin outside the Eye, he was afraid to have a family of his own.”
“Porti, that’s amazing,” I said.
“I couldn’t tell you that part,” she said. “I thought you wouldn’t understand. I pretended to know nothing of Flickerkin.”
I choked a laugh. “So that’s wh
y he doesn’t come see you ride.”
“Yes. But he taught me everything I know about competition. Before the last round of testing, he did the stone throw.”
“Thank you.” I embraced her. I had one friend in this world, of that at least I could be sure.
“Ladies, we must go,” said Caster from outside the door. I couldn’t read his voice.
“She must not go, Caster,” said Porti. “Grief made her slip.”
“My father insists,” he said. “If I leave you, I fear I will be sporting one ear fewer.” The joke was typical of him, but his voice was cold. He was forcing his ordinary self. Porti may have been sure he wouldn’t reveal me, but I was not. How could I be sure until he faced me? Perhaps if I went with him to the funeral, he would be forced to speak to me. He might see that I was still the same person. And if I didn’t go, I would be giving myself away. I would get no more passes from the Deputy.
“Will you be all right?” Porti asked.
“I don’t know,” I said. “But Caster’s right. I can’t stay here after last night’s foolishness. I have tested the Waters far enough.”
“If you do slip, you must stay hidden,” she said. “You must run. We will help you if need be.”
“Thank you,” I said, “but I won’t slip. It’s past.” I did feel as if the pinpricks had receded. At least I was calmer now. Flicker-ing had woken me from my stupor of grief. I felt strangely strong. Perhaps this new strength was the same energy I had felt the night before, when I had erupted in a fit of giggles. Perhaps it was relief that my secret was out and the world had not been besieged by waves. I was not yet in prison, and I would stay free. I would walk out through the gates of the city and up to the cliff’s edge and see Orphos off into the Waters, and all would observe that I was as sad and as sorry and as much of a citizen as they were. I pulled the door open.
Caster stood back. “My father’s cart is waiting,” he said, and he led the way down the stairs. I followed in silence and found a guardsman waiting to escort us.
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