by Hilary Storm
Our drive is relatively quiet. The raspy voice of Jimi Hendrix lulls me to relax in the seat. Although my brain won’t shut up, the dread of telling my superior what he already knows has my head throbbing worse than it did. Kaleb is right. I need to talk to someone. A neutral person. I may be screwed up over what I’ve done. However, I’m not oblivious to the fact I could use some help. I know good and well it will be recommended to me. I sigh heavily. I want nothing more than to be myself. God, after this mission and the things I’ve done, I don’t even know who I am anymore.
By the time we pull up to the gate and show our identity badges to the officer, I’m a mess.
“Can I drive you home?” Kaleb asks after he parks.
“I’m too tired to make the drive to Jacksonville tonight. I thought I would get a hotel.” It’s the truth. I’m starving, and as much as I would love to sleep in my own bed, the thought of driving tonight doesn’t appeal to me; besides, he needs his rest as much as I do.
“Jade. I have a place fifteen minutes from here. Like hell you’re staying at a hotel. Wait for me here if you’re done before me.” His eyes smolder over with intensity, and I feel a twinge inside. Jesus. I’m doomed. There goes my rebellious body again, thinking for me and defying every rule I’ve made for him.
“Okay.” My response feels so awkward. This entire situation feels that way. The freedom to say what we want, to even have a civil conversation, is strange. I really don’t want to stay at his place. It feels too personal. Too extreme. Hell, maybe I should request treatment in the hospital, or say goodbye now. I should just walk away, but I can’t. Instead, I follow him inside, where he goes one way and I go another.
“I’m going to request you see one of our doctors, Jade.” I knew this was coming. I’m okay with it. I know I need it. Maybe it will help me cope with what I’ve done.
“I agree, Sir. I’ll make an appointment right away.” Reaching across his dark wooden table, I retrieve the card from his outstretched hand.
“You did well out there. Now go. Make sure you call the first chance you get. I’m not clearing you for active duty until I receive a report back from the psychiatrist.” He stands and straightens out his uniform before walking with purpose to the side of his desk.
“I sure will.” I rise and salute him. He shakes his head, leaving me somewhat dumbfounded.
“It’s me who should salute you. I’m proud of you, Captain.” His shiny shoes click together. I suppress my joy from being saluted by a General in the United States Army. I spin on my feet and exit the door with the first honest to god genuine smile on my face since I left this country.
“You ready?” Kaleb is standing against the brick wall, tapping away on his phone when I walk out into the warm early evening air.
“Yes. Starving too.” Feeling somewhat energized after my briefing, I decide to make the best of my time with Kaleb.
“Good. I ordered a pizza. You okay?” My breath catches in my throat when he shoves off of the wall and places one of his strong, sturdy arms around my shoulder before he starts to steer us toward his Jeep. He’s powerful in the way he walks and in the way he moves. I’ve already admitted I was scared, of what, I’m not sure. Him. Me. Or hell, it could be both.
~~~~
“Holy shit. This is you? It’s beautiful, Kaleb.” I point to the cream-colored stucco home in front of me. It sits in a fancy private estate called Lowell Estates.
“Yup. Home, baby.” Oh hell, his dangerous smile glistens as his eyes rake up and down my body when he opens the door, those devious baby blues never leaving my face. Not even when he reaches behind us and pulls out our bags. Not even when he walks in front of and around his Jeep. Or when he opens the door to help me out. The only time he takes them off of me is when he slides his key into the lock, swings the door open, and drops the bags on the floor to take the pizza from my trembling hand.
I have no time to think. No time to breathe before he gently guides me back with one hand placed in the center of my chest. My heart is thumping away with so much desire, or it could be nerves, or hell maybe even anticipation? I feel him kick the door closed with his booted foot before he gracefully lifts me in his arms. “Kaleb, what are you doing?” He needs to put me down. His strides are determined. “I’m taking you where I’ve wanted you since the first time I saw you. To my bed.”
“We can’t do this, Kaleb. There are things we need to talk about.” I’m on emotional overload here. This needs to end. If he gets me in his bed, I may never want to leave, and I have to. I need my head cleared, get my shit together. And I need to do it without him.
“We can and we are. We can talk later, Jade.” He pushes onward, walking over the threshold of what I assume is his bedroom. It’s dark, but oh hell, does his scent hit me the minute he lays me down on his bed. His smell is everywhere. I inhale deeply, the aroma shooting straight to my core and god help me, I know I’m going to regret this when we're done. I’d be fooling myself if I didn’t admit that I do want him in a bed where I can worship him, taste him, lick those abs, and trace my fingers around those tattoos on his chest. My body starts burning up, and the ache between my legs intensifies.
“Kaleb,” I whisper. I can’t see him; the sharp gruff awareness of his heavy breathing is all I can hear.
“I’m right here. Give us this. I know you're nervous; hell, so am I. This is real life. No more fighting. It’s awkward, it all feels different, but I promise you, Jade, I’m not going to give up. Not when I know that you want this is as bad as I do.” He sounds hungry. Almost as if this is a craving for him and he’s finally getting the chance to fulfill it.
Then I feel his rough hands slide across my feet, removing my shoes. The end of the bed dips, and his hands slide up my jean-covered legs. I swallow when the warmth of his fingers practically burns a damn hole in my jeans.
“I want you,” I say, and I do, even if it’s the last time.
CHAPTER TEN
KALEB
Motherfucker. She’s pulling away from me. The entire ride I felt the vibes coming off of her, distancing herself further away. She’s living in her head. The last thing I should be doing right now is taking her to bed, but goddamn it, I can’t help myself. I need her.
I may be crazy for rushing this, but Christ, this is what we do best. The second our bodies connect, it’s like dynamite exploding. I need to remember to make her understand that this is only the beginning of us.
I’m not a man to force myself on a woman, that’s why I need to hear her say she wants me. The talking shit can come later. Right now, I want to show her exactly what she does to me. I want to make her see that I’m not only out to fuck her. This time, I’m taking my time. I want to feel every inch of her skin. I want her to tell me how she feels when I have my cock buried deep into her. When I have her begging me for more.
I slide my hands up her legs, pushing her thighs apart when I reach them. Her little whimpers have my cock damn near bursting through the zipper of my pants. Fuck. She’s in my bed. The urge to turn on the light so I can see her has me stopping at the sweet junction between her thighs, but I fight it. I’m too damn scared to take my hands off of her for fear she’ll change her mind.
“Fucking hell, Jade. The heat between your legs has me craving you. I need to taste you.” I unsnap her jeans, and she lifts her ass up to help me guide them down her legs, my fingers itching to feel her bare skin against mine the whole time.
“Oh god,” she moans out the instant I grab her panties and tug them off right along with her jeans, tossing them over my shoulder. I trail my hands back up her legs. She’s silky smooth, and by the time I reach her bare pussy, she’s panting and drenched.
“Kaleb.” That sexy as fuck voice of hers is dripping with want.
“Feel, Jade. Tell me you want me.” I know I sound desperate. Maybe I am. I don’t care. I have her alone in my house, finally. The smell of her arousal hits my nose and has my mouth watering. Fuck, I want to taste her on my lips, and I can’t
wait to have her come all over my beard.
“I do. I want you.” Her words are barely a whisper. I’ve never heard anything in my life that’s meant more to me than hearing what I’ve wanted to hear come out of her sexy little mouth.
I spread her legs wide. Those erotic noises she’s making drive me out of my fucking mind. She can scream all she wants here. I welcome it, hell, I've been looking forward to it.
The first swipe of my tongue across her addicting clit has me losing control. I grip her ass with both of my hands, lift her up, and bury my face deep into her. I lick around her nub, sucking it deep into my mouth. “Oh fuck!” she screams. That’s all it takes to ignite me. My tongue works her, licking, tasting, and devouring her. My beard becomes coated with her. My tongue soaks up every sweet piece of her. I own this pussy. It’s mine.
When she squirms and the muscles in her ass clench, I know she’s close. I set her back down on the bed, careful not to hurt her arm. My thumb presses on her clit, and when she explodes in my mouth as she screams my name, I swear to Christ I almost come in my goddamn pants.
“I’m not sure I’m prepared for what you do to me.” I inhale her scent one more time before lifting my face.
“I know exactly what you mean, Kaleb.” Her pussy is just as addicting as her smartass mouth and her eyes. Every part of her is an addiction that spreads through my veins, landing in the center of my chest.
Shoving myself off the bed, I make quick work of taking off my jeans and t-shirt. Thank god I’m a man who hates having his cock confined in a pair of briefs. I hated wearing them in the desert, but thank fuck I did, because every damn time I saw her out there, my cock got hard. But here at home, fuck no. I have no problem walking around hard as steel, letting her see exactly what she does to me.
“Come here,” I demand.
“You come here,” she challenges.
“I want your damn shirt off, smartass. Sit up.”
“Oh.” She chuckles. Then she does what she’s told.
“I’m desperate to feel your skin against mine, Jade.” Lifting her shirt up over her head, I'm careful not to hurt her.
“I want to feel you too.” Yeah I thought it was impossible for my cock to get any harder. I think the bastard grew another inch from hearing her say that.
I reach around and find the clasp of her bra. I know it’s sexy as fuck by the way the lace feels on my fingers. I slide it over her bandage, down her arms, flinging it over my shoulder, and my hands go to straight to her breasts. I pinch her nipples, tugging at them before drawing them into my mouth. She arches her back as her breathing spirals out of control. She can deny this shit all she wants, there is no damn way this connection we have is just about sex. The sex is a bonus. It’s her heart I want and can feel in the pulse on her neck when I spread my hand gently around her throat. I want her heart.
“God, yes, Kaleb.” I can’t resist her. I need inside her now. Especially when she says my name. I’ll never be tired of hearing her say it.
“Lie back.” My words are hard. I need to be under control here when I glide my cock into her pussy. She may be filled with want right now, but god, she’s fragile, not just her arm, but her mind. Her indifference with where we're headed collides with my determination to make her mine. She needs slow, yet hard. And fuck me if my cock isn’t harder than it’s ever been in my goddamn life. The thought of her underneath me has my balls squeezing my spine.
“Spread your legs.” She does greedily.
“Kaleb. I need you right now.” My eyes close. I need to soak in the fact that she is speaking freely. She can say my name whenever she wants. This shit is fucking real. She’s in my bed.
“Say my name again.” Gripping hold of my cock, leaning down on top of her, I wait for her response.
“Kaleb,” she whispers. I line up to her, slowly sliding inside. I need to feel her. This isn’t a quick fuck for us. Not this time.
“God, Kaleb, you feel so good.”
“I don’t want to hear anything but my name coming out of your mouth until we're done. You get me?” I capture her mouth with mine and move my cock in and out of her, her hips meeting every thrust. I dig my hands into the mass of blond hair I can’t wait to see spread across my pillow.
“Kaleb.” She unravels me as I pound into her hard and fast, then slow and gentle, my movements meant to drive her wild. Then her nails claw down my back, and her hands grab my ass and pull me into her as far as I can go.
I fucking lose it. Her hips thrust up to meet mine. Her pussy is so warm and tight, pulsing with every thrust of my cock. All I want to do is cherish her, and embrace her in my arms, and do right by her.
I can tell Jade has other plans; she wants to fuck. Her cries pleading for me to drive in harder and faster override my plans to go slow. When she bites into my shoulder, I hiss, and my cock swells even more. It blows up like a goddamn balloon, and I yell out her name as I still my cock deep in her and come so goddamn hard I swear to Christ if she weren’t hurt, I could fuck her again.
I’m not pulling out, not this time. I keep my arms braced around her head and experience the deep-seated feeling of my cock still inside of her. Our breathing is rapid and our pulses flicker like a trapped animal’s.
Even through the darkness I can feel her eyes on mine. Her thoughts are soaring. She’s scared, I get it. The words are on the tip of my tongue to tell her we have time to figure this out, that I’m as scared as she is, but I keep quiet until she nudges me without speaking. I shuffle off of her, catching my own thoughts, tucking them away until we can actually talk.
I roll onto my side and slide her into my arms. I hold her like this for a few minutes before she starts to pull away.
“I need to use your bathroom.” She slides off the bed and instantly, her warmth is missing against my body. I decide to get up too, only grabbing the pizza before I return. She slides back into bed right after me.
“This room is definitely not you, Kaleb. Who decorated it?” We’ve finished off the pizza with a few beers, lying naked in my bed. Jade and her mouth demanded we get up so she could see my house. It’s late, I’m so damn tired that I can barely keep my eyes open while Jade all of a sudden has a second wind. Mix the time difference and the fact she slept pretty much the entire flight, it’s no wonder she’s wound up.
Even though I’m tired as fuck, it doesn’t slip past me that this is the second time she’s mentioned something is or isn’t me. She’s fooling herself, not me.
“My mom and sister,” I answer through a yawn.
“Well, I love it.” I shrug. I’ve never paid any attention to the way they decorated my home before. All I did was tell them no girly shit. No pink or purple and they could do whatever the hell they wanted. They had a damn field day, and I paid a hefty price for this dark cherry wood king size bed with matching nightstands and two dressers. It was their idea for the brown walls. I look around then notice the cream-colored vase with white orchids on a stand in the corner. My lips quirk into a smile.
“Why do you say it doesn’t look like me?” I tease then run my fingers up her bare thigh. Why the hell she has that sheet covering her perfect tits, I have no idea. My hand is halfway curled, ready to yank it off of her when she shocks the fuck out of me.
“I need time away, Kaleb. I’m going to make a call to the doctor, visit her if I can tomorrow, and then I’m going to go see my parents.” What the hell? I thought she wasn't in a hurry to see her parents.
“I’ll take you.”
“No, Kaleb. I need to get away. I need time to think, and I can’t do it when I know damn well you won’t let me.”
“We live three hours away from each other, Jade. I have a job. How the hell is that not letting you have the space you need when we won’t see each other every day?” Fuck, I’m so damn frustrated and tired. This is not what I want to discuss. I’ll give her the space she needs, even though it’s not what I think she needs, or they aren’t whom she needs. She needs me. I should be the one helpin
g her. They may be her family, but I know through all the research I did on her that they haven’t been close since the day she enlisted.
“Go see them then. Just don’t shut me out.” I lean into her, her eyes bleeding with unspoken words.
“Let’s get some sleep.” She reaches up and tugs on my beard, detouring the answer I need to hear.
A nagging feeling sits in the pit of my gut after I shut off the light and draw her into my arms. Why the hell do I have the feeling she’s trying to tell me goodbye?
~~~~
I know she’s gone before I even open my eyes. We fell asleep with me holding her close, and now as I tilt my head to the side she was sleeping on, she’s gone. Obviously, she called someone to pick her up. I’ll be damned if I chase after her. I’ve laid it all out the best I can. The rest is up to her. I may care about her, but I sure as hell won’t push her into something she claims she isn’t ready for.
Stretching my sore body before I climb out of bed, I feel the burn of pulling my muscles taut surging through my veins. God, it feels good to be home. Even though I was only gone for a week or so, it seems like forever. Christ, I stink like foreign soil. I showered in Germany, but there isn’t anything like a shower in your own home.
Tossing the covers off, I clamber my still tired ass into my bathroom, crank the knob in my walk- in shower, and take a piss while the water warms. The quiet is such a reprieve from the sound of gunshots, bombs, and screaming men and women from a few days ago. You would think I would be used to this kind of shit. Truth is, you never get used to seeing someone’s brains being splattered all over the place. Or a woman screaming at you for killing the man she loves.
War takes its toll on every damn part of the body. The sleepless nights tossing and turning on a cot that’s not only uncomfortable as hell but way too damn small for the body. The brain is working overtime, everyone scared out of their goddamn minds. It never gets easier. The reward behind doing the job you were delegated and trained to do is what gives you the will to survive, knowing you’re keeping your country and the citizens safe from the perils of the enemy.