Despite the riot in my heart that thundered in my chest creating a storm of wings in my gut, I was able to answer him.
“You know, flutters in your belly. You get them when you see someone you really like.” I blushed, afraid he’d think I was stupid. “You’ve never had that?”
I wasn’t sure I was ready for the answer. If he didn’t feel it, I might not be able to go through with my irrational plans.
He huffed. “So that’s what it’s called.”
I nodded. “Have you ever felt it?”
My breath locked inside my lungs as my heart continued its stampede.
“I feel something. And I’m the fool for saying this because one day I’m walking out the door and I’m never coming back. You need a guy who will for sure be here to take you to prom, bring you flowers, whisper poems and shit in your ear.”
His eyes never strayed from mine. He was serious.
“Who said I was asking for any of that?”
What was I saying? The steady stream of blood rushing through my body clouded my thoughts, my hearing.
He prowled forward, and I gave myself points for not shrinking back.
“Are you sure about this?”
My words wouldn’t be enough to convince him. So with shaky hands, I reached behind my back and tried to unzip my dress. Then he was there. His fingers helped me with the task. When the zipper could go no further, he stepped back.
I shimmied my shoulders a little bit so the dress could fall, exposing me. When he muttered a curse, I had no idea if that was good or bad.
He circled me. “Lenny wants to give me her cupcake.”
Nervously, I said, “Don’t you think calling my virginity a cupcake is weird?”
He reached around from where he stood behind me. “It’s not your virginity I’m talking about.” He cupped me in between my legs, and I gasped. “This is what I’m talking about. It’s sweet with a creamy center. And I’m going to lick the fuck out of the icing.”
I rubbed at my arms, feeling self-conscious as he stood touching me. Gently, he pried my wrist from my arm and placed my hand on the part of his body he talked about once he stood in front of me again. I’d felt Ox before, but Kelley was different. Everything about the experience was different as I didn’t cringe. I let him guide my hand up and down his length.
“Are you sure about this?” he asked again, giving me an out.
In answer, I pulled my hand free to work at the button of his well-worn jeans.
When they hung open, he wound his strong arms around me and lifted me off my feet. I had no choice but to wrap my legs around him or I would leave us awkwardly off balance. He turned and took a few steps before gently laying me on his bed. Then he stood up and pulled his shirt over his head. I gaped.
His bruises had healed to more like angry shadows, so I focused on the rest of his body. I had no idea boys could be built like him. Ox was big, but he didn’t have defined ridges in his torso like Kelley did.
“What’s wrong, cupcake?”
I reached up, but he crawled onto the bed and caged me in on all fours. He leaned down and pressed his lips to mine. Craving him more than I thought possible, I reached up and cupped the back of his head, pulling him closer.
“There’s no rush,” he whispered against my lips.
He had no idea. My skin felt on fire and only his touch soothed the ache.
“I’ll get you there,” he said into my ear before kissing down my jaw and lower.
He left a trail of tingles that crackled over me. I felt more alive than I ever had before. Air breezed across my chest as I only then realized he’d freed me of my bra. No boy, not even Ox had seen me completely naked. I’d been felt up, but only through my clothes. I should’ve been embarrassed, but I wasn’t.
His mouth covered my peaks, sending me on a dizzying journey to oblivion. I squeezed my legs together, needing something I couldn’t explain. The experience was like no other. When Ox had touched me, I’d only felt dirty like I was doing something wrong.
Kelley’s touch felt right, and I wanted more, but he was taking way too long to get to where I needed him.
His kiss met the valley of my breasts as his hand found the junction between my thighs. When probing fingers glided over a place he’d called my clit, my back bowed from pleasure. I had no idea what he planned when he kissed his way to my navel and lower. I opened my eyes to watch him, only to see the top of his head. His hair tickled my belly, and I fought not to squirm. Only his tongue kissed places I never thought would be kissed. My eyes rolled in the back of my head as something built so deep inside, I didn’t understand it. His finger joined in the fun, and soon I was over the moon, wondering what planet I landed on as I cried out from the overwhelming amount of feelings that came over me.
Then he was back, saying words that held no meaning for a second.
“This is where you stop me, princess. Otherwise there is no turning back.”
When my brain could process what he said, I muttered, “There’s more?”
His luscious bow like lips broke into a grin. “A whole lot more.”
Whatever I experienced before was a first. And if I had any doubts about Kelley and the rumors about him, in that moment, I wanted him to be my first if it was going to be as mind-blowing as what he’d just done.
“I’m ready.”
I reached for him, but he hoped off the bed and removed his pants. I was transfixed by what was about to be revealed. As he pushed the jeans down, I found out he didn’t wear anything underneath. What stood out and pointed at me was just as impressive as the rest of him, now that I had a clear view of it. I sat up, eager to touch him. My hand wrapped around its smoothness. And I leaned with a need to taste him as he’d done me.
His fingers wound in my hair, and he stopped me from making contact.
“As much as I want that pretty mouth of yours there, I’ve dreamed of this moment too long to waste another minute.”
Suddenly, I was underneath him. I giggled when in seconds he had me pinned with one leg around his waist and the other in his hand right beneath my knee. His penis poked at the door of my opening. My eyes widened, realizing that this was it.
“Shit, Len. I don’t have a condom.”
He let go of my leg and fell back on the bed beside me.
“Do you always use a condom?”
His nod was all I needed. I was going against my sex ed class, knowing better. But not caring all the same. “Okay, you can be careful, right? You can pull out?” Because I didn’t want to wait for another time. Who knew if I would have the courage to do this again.
I blushed, and he looked pained. He scrubbed his face before he looked at me. “Do you trust me?”
I nodded. He rolled back on top of me. “I’ll pull out, even if it fucking kills me.”
Then he leaned down after repositioning me and pushed his tongue in my mouth at the same time he pushed a little inside me.
He let out a damn sexy groan. “Damn, Len, you feel so good.”
I sucked in a lungful of air just as he stopped. He kissed me hard, stealing my ability to breathe. His fingers threaded through mine when he pulled back.
“On three.” His eyes held trust. “One.”
An alarm rang in my head. Should I be doing this? He could so destroy my heart.
“Two.”
I pushed the thought away, ready to join the masses in my school of those who’d lost their virginity. Who was I saving it for? Ox? No, Kelley was the right choice.
“Three.”
My head tipped back, bending my throat toward his mouth as he thrust forward. A piercing pain eclipsed every nerve ending, forcing me to suck in a lungful of air.
“Breathe, Lenny.”
I’d heard of the pain. Who hadn’t? But it killed all the pleasure I felt before. How could anyone think this was worth doing?
But he started to move, causing me to grip him tight.
“Are you okay?” he asked again, stilling his moti
on.
Part of me wanted to say no, but the other part of me didn’t want my first time to end like this. It couldn’t hurt forever. Because I knew people liked doing this.
I nodded yes. He captured my mouth and for a second I forgot what we were doing. His lips, so gentle on mine, eased my burden somewhat. Slowly, his movement sparked to life something other than the dull ache between my legs. He seemed to sense it and moved his lips from my mouth to my breast. And his kiss there super-heated my insides. He let go of my hand and moved it between us. He touched that part of me I hadn’t known the name of until he told me, and little by little the pain died away, replaced by a fragment of the pleasure I felt before.
When I moaned, he took my hand again, threading our fingers together. And still he managed the leverage to move inside of me. But each time his body connected with that magic point, pleasure built on contact. I wanted more, so I lifted up to make more of a connection.
“Oh my God,” I muttered as the feeling of lighting a spark fused my whole body.
Whatever it was, it was close. And Kelley knew just what to do. He continued to hit that spot until something else sparked inside. Another button was pushed, creating a chasm feeling I wanted to explore until that word he’d mentioned before. Detonation.
I think I screamed, not sure. Whatever it was, Kelley sped up, continuing the feeling to course through my body, on a crash collision course. My toes curled when his back bent and all the veins in his neck stood out. His eyes were closed, but he seemed to have found the place I was coming down from as warm wetness covered my belly. A second later, his body lay next to mine.
We both panted and unexpectedly, I felt shy. I closed my eyes, trying to process everything. It seemed like forever and no time at all.
When he got up, I watched as he walked naked over to a bag and searched for something. He pulled out a small towel, then grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge.
“Sorry, butterfly.”
My eyes widened, fear moving through me. “What? Did I do something wrong?”
Had I hurt him? Was that why he strained in the end?
His eyes twinkled and his lips twitched. “No…shit…this is going to be cold.”
Next thing I knew, he was cleaning the stuff from my stomach and then in between my legs. I should have been horrified. There was blood. But it was so freaking sweet that he thought to take care of me. He flipped the towel over and wiped himself off before tossing it out of sight.
When he lay next to me and pulled me close, I wasn’t sure what he meant when he spoke again.
“I don’t think I’ve ever felt like that with anyone else.”
“Felt what?” I was still confused and knowing that my lack of skills must somehow be to blame. Instead, I thought optimistically. “Butterflies?”
His fingers pushed hair out of my face. “If that’s what they call it. You’ve got me chasing them.”
Lenny, butterfly, Lenora was in my bed. Her wide, innocent eyes were all confused, and I had no explanation for what just happened between us. All I knew was that I wanted to do it again. My dick started to stiffen again, which had never happened before. With her so close, I pushed a little inside her.
“Are you sore?”
It took her a second to catch onto my meaning. She wiggled her hips, which only stirred me to life faster.
“I don’t know. It doesn’t hurt.”
I didn’t know what that meant. I pulled back and pushed into heaven, never wanting to leave. “How does that feel?”
“It’s not bad.” But I saw her wince, and I groaned because I was more than ready.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, feeling pressure deep in my balls as my body wanted to move.
“Should it feel sore?”
I nodded and buried my face in her hair. She smelled like berries. I cupped her tit, unable to stop myself. I hadn’t been able to touch her the way I imagined in my eagerness to be inside her. I couldn’t be sure what I felt as I hadn’t fucked in weeks. Could the awesome feeling be because it had been so long?
Something told me shit no. It was all her. And not because she was virgin tight either. I’d had virgins before. Most had complained it’d hurt or some other shit. I’d had to spend a lot of time getting them ready. Something I’d learned over the years, but not my Lenora.
My. When had I started thinking of her as mine?
“Any regrets?”
Why had I asked? If she said yes, would I feel like a shit for taking her virginity?
“No,” she said softly but kept her eyes on me.
“Good. And Ox?”
“What about him?”
“Am I going to have to kick his ass when he tries to fight me for being with his girl?”
She pulled back slightly. “I’m not his. Never was. I stayed with him because my father needed his parents as clients. But I’m tired of playing their game. If they use my college fund, I’ll just get a loan.”
There was more story there, but I felt the grin before I could stop it. “There’s my girl.”
“Your girl? You don’t do relationships.” When I glared at her, she reminded me, “Your words.”
She was giving me an out. I could say something else. “I changed my mind. You’re mine. This isn’t a one-time thing for me. That butterfly thing. I’m serious. I’ll chase you if you make me.”
Wasn’t sure why I admitted that. Maybe it was because my dick was still inside her. Clearly making me foolish.
“You don’t have to chase me. I’m right here.”
She leaned in and kissed me, which led to round two. I took it slow, knowing she wasn’t quite feeling up to the task. The shit was I couldn’t stop it. And evidently tweaking her breast and clit did the trick. She finally got into it. After round two, I was spent.
“I don’t have a bathroom,” I said when I finally pulled out of her. Then an idea struck. “But I have something better.”
I gave her a T-shirt of mine as I pulled on basketball shorts. Then we snuck down the stairs. My uncle’s car was missing, and I was pretty sure they were out for the night. I gave the back door a second glance, feeling bad Mom was alone. Dad’s truck wasn’t around, but the nurse’s car was there.
We made it to the dark backyard where the backdoor light shone on the glassy surface of the pool.
“You aren’t serious.”
“Why the hell not?” I said, tugging my shirt over her head, leaving her naked and perfect.
I dropped my shorts and counted to three, which felt fitting. Then we jumped in. If my aunt was home, I would know in moments. But the lights remained dark when I broke the surface of the water.
“You’re crazy.”
“You’re beautiful,” I said, pulling her in and kissing her.
That in itself was new. I wasn’t a kisser but somehow she made me crave her lips.
Her hand lifted the chain from my neck. “Who do these belong to? You’re always wearing them. Do you ever take them off?”
So she’d noticed. I didn’t want to spoil the moment. But told her anyway. “My brother’s, and no, I don’t take them off.”
“Your brother?” she echoed.
“He died overseas by an IED.”
“What’s that?”
“I thought you were smart, butterfly.”
She tapped my nose. “Don’t be mean. Just tell me.”
“Improvised explosive device. Meaning some shit planted a bomb in the road that blew up the vehicle my brother was in.”
“Fuckers,” she said.
Her serious expression along with the curse coming out of her good girl mouth made me laugh, so I kissed the shit out of her. We stayed locked together in the pool for a while.
“Cold?” I asked when she shivered in my arms.
“Yes, I’m pretty sure I’m becoming a prune.”
We hustled into the pool house where we found towels, but used the shower first. I went down on her again and because she was new at this, she had no idea I hadn�
��t done it that many times. Never before had I had a desire to do it, but she made these fucking sounds I wanted to hear.
By the time we made it back to my room over the garage, I just held her.
“Please don’t break my heart.”
Her words were faint, barely a whisper.
“I never wanted to own someone’s heart before. I can’t promise I won’t fuck up. But I won’t do it on purpose.”
I fell asleep wondering what it meant to own her heart. She hadn’t said she loved me. But girls had a funny way when it came to sex. They caught feelings fast, and all I wanted to do was keep her safe.
Morning came with a stream of light that blazed on my skin and had me blinking against its brightness. A noise like a faint buzzing sounded again. So it wasn’t the sun that woke me.
“Len, babe.”
I shook her slightly. Her eyes popped open, and she smiled when she saw me. Then the phone made a tinkling sound, and Lenny exploded out of bed.
“Oh my God, what time is it?”
When she stared at her phone, her eyes closed, and I knew it was bad.
“Hello,” she said tentatively in the phone.
I could hear muffled noises coming from the other end but couldn’t make them out.
“I know. I’m sorry. I—”
There was a pause, and I didn’t have to make a leap to know her parents were wondering where the fuck she was. Shit.
“Yes.” She nodded as if they could see. “Okay, I’m coming home now.”
She ended the call. Her eyes met mine.
“Your parents?”
She nodded. “I’ll call an Uber.”
It was my turn to hop out of bed. “Wait, let me see if I can get some money.”
I had a stash of cash but didn’t want to pull it out in front of her. It wasn’t that I couldn’t trust her. I didn’t want her to know how bad things were for me that I had to hide money. I pulled on my shorts from last night and ventured outside. I would ask Mom if I could borrow some and tell her I’d pay her right back. I would explain about Lenny. I had a feeling she’d be happy for me. I wouldn’t tell her what we’d been up to. She could figure all that out on her own.
Only, Dad’s truck was outside and a new plan formed in my head. I went into the house through the unlocked side door to their room. Mom was sleeping. Dad was passed out on the foldout bed that Aunt Joy had brought in for him. His keys sat on top of the dresser. I scooped them up and waited a second. He didn’t wake up. Just as I was about to leave, my name sounded from Mom’s lips.
Chasing Butterflies Page 11