“I love you,” I managed to get out…then the real pain started.
Screaming as I jerked against his body, I felt him lay me down. As my heart sped up to an unnatural pace, he leaned down, his cool hands brushing over my fevered face. “I’m here. I love you, Emma.”
I wanted to respond with something other than pain-filled cries, but I couldn’t make any other coherent noise. Aside from the discomfort in my chest, it felt like pins and needles were pricking me from the inside as my vampiric blood prepared itself to take over. I couldn’t believe that Teren had ever felt this level of pain; he’d hidden so much of it from me when he’d died.
My heart raced as I started convulsing, then, as if someone had flipped a switch, it stopped. I heard myself stop screaming, felt my body stop shaking. I smelled my own blood and fear in the air, but mostly, I felt relief. I was dying and all that meant in the moment was that the pain would finally be ending. As my vision faded to pinpoints and every muscle in my body relaxed, my hearing was the last thing I retained.
It brought a different sort of ache and the part of me that could still think, sort of wished that that sense had left me first. Sobbing into my shoulder, Teren was repeating over and over that he was sorry, and that he loved me. I couldn’t move any part of my body to comfort him. As my consciousness slipped from me, the last thing I heard him say was, “I’ll see you on the other side, Emma. Ya Tebya Lyublyu.”
There was nothing about dying that met my expectations. I don’t know if that was because I hadn’t fully died, or if I was just completely wrong with my preconceived notions. There was no bright light, no awaiting family members. My long dead father didn’t welcome me into his arms during my brief visit to his realm. Ironically, nothing supernatural happened to me while I was transforming into a mythical creature.
But there was peace in the void. A peace that was so warm and safe and welcoming, that I could have wrapped it around me and stayed in it for all eternity. No thoughts accompanied the peace. My mind was, for the first time ever perhaps, relaxed. A blank slate, no nags or worries intruded on my well being, only peace. I would have sighed with contentment, if I could have.
But then a feeling started breaking through that serenity. It was uncomfortable, and jostled the calm I’d found in death. Growing stronger second by second, it slowly awoke me, changing me. Everything I knew washed away as the feeling burned through my body, emanating from my stomach. Some primal part of me knew the feeling enough to give it a name – hunger - intense, burning, all-consuming hunger. A low, feral growl erupted from my dry throat as the uncomfortable feeling tightened and strengthened.
Slowly, and I had no idea how long it really was, the hunger started reawakening my other senses. Last to recede, my hearing was the first to reawaken. All I heard was chirping, like ten thousand crickets were circled around me, serenading me. My own body was oddly silent, but other rustles and murmurs filled my ears. The glow of my eyes kicked in, highlighting the darkness. It wasn’t the comforting peace of the darkness that I’d left behind and I instantly hated it. Hazy shapes flitted past my vision, tilting my stomach, and I shut my eyes as nausea filled me.
But in wasn’t really nausea that I was feeling. It was stronger than that, and ten times as painful. My stomach contracted as a ripping ache seared through me. I knew enough about my foreign body to recognize the danger. I was starving on an eat-or-die level. A stronger growl ripped from my throat as an instinctual desire to live filled me. I was an animal, an animal that needed to be fed.
As the hunger constricted my body, forcing me to action, all of my other senses dropped by the wayside. I didn’t care about the crickets. I didn’t care about the peace that I’d awoken from. I didn’t care about the blurry shapes and indistinguishable rustling sounds.
I cared about blood.
A painfully, raspy hiss erupted from my parched throat as the creature within me demanded out. My mouth dropped open as my fangs were uncontrollably long, longer than I’d even thought them possible to be. I wanted to spring up and blur towards a food source, but my body was slow, tired.
Fighting the squeezing pain tearing through my abdomen, I opened my eyes again and flexed my aching body. My limbs responded to my silent commands, but they were heavy, sore. Some small part of me wanted to close my eyes again, to desperately find that peace that I’d left behind, but the fire in my throat wouldn’t let me go back to that slumber. It was excruciating, worse than dying.
A creature crouched before me; it had no heartbeat and I ignored it. Words hit me, but I didn’t recognize them. All I felt was pain, all I knew was thirst. Nothing else existed to me but quenching that thirst. There was nothing else I wanted, nothing else I understood, but wanting blood coursing down my aching throat. I couldn’t even swallow. It hurt. Everything hurt.
I stood, stumbling on my feet. The creature before me moved as well, standing. I managed a deep growl, warning the irritant away. It didn’t stop moving though, arms raised as if I might attack it. I didn’t have the strength. I could barely keep standing. I could barely see. All I knew was it was lifeless, and I didn’t want it. I inhaled for blood, using my unnecessary lungs for the first time. The warmth of a living creature filled my nostrils, burning them. My dry throat made a cracking groan and my body stumbled forward on its own accord.
A heartbeat, heavy and fast, filled my ears. It was all I heard, all that made sense to me. I stumbled towards it. I had no idea who or what it belonged to and I didn’t care. It surged with blood. I wanted it. I needed it. Nothing but death would stop me from taking it. Hearing words that sounded like encouragement coming from the walking dead creature beside me, I dropped to my knees at the source of the pleasing heat. Something large and black was lying on the ground before me.
Its head moved and the creature tried to bolt, but other not-interesting, heartbeatless creatures held it down. Someone knelt beside me as I leaned over the struggling creature. My movements felt slow to me, my eyes felt heavy. I was so tired, but so hungry. I wanted to lie down and rest, but the drive to eat wouldn’t let me.
“Eat, Emma. Drink, baby.”
The words the undead creature spouted didn’t make sense. Emma? I didn’t know what that meant. All I knew was a pain ripping through my stomach up to my throat. My entire body felt like acid had been poured inside it. I growled painfully as my lips achingly slow found the furry beast. It was so hard to concentrate. Hard to keep moving. I wanted rest. I wanted food.
“Emma…please, eat.” The silent hearted creature beside me seemed concerned. I paused, a desire in me welling to comfort the creature. I had no idea why. I blinked, the beast below me hazing in my vision. My throat burned, my eyes were heavy. I wanted to close them. I never wanted to reopen them. I wanted my peace back. Everything hurt. My entire world was pain. I wanted it to end.
“Emma, baby, no…you need to eat. The pain will stop, once you eat.”
Emma? That word again. A growl issued from my chest, weaker this time. My head rested on the beast, the heartbeat surging in my ear as I laid my cheek on its rough surface. My mouth opened wider, my fangs already as far as they could go. I was so close; I could feel the heat of the animal below me, but couldn’t find the strength to make my mouth pierce the flesh. My teeth brushed the creature ineffectually. It tried to buck me away, the other undead beings around it keeping it still.
I was so tired. I was in so much pain. I just wanted it to end. I started to close my eyes.
“Teren…she’s fading…”
The creature at my side cursed, then darted to where my lips were. It sunk its teeth into the beast beneath me, the animal crying and trying to jerk away. It ripped its mouth away and the scent of fresh blood ignited my senses. My aching throat squealed in protest. My partially closed eyes flew open. A rush of blood made it to my lips and my tongue darted out to lap it up. It was warm, sweet, heavenly. It was life, and I wanted more. A fire drove my tired body and my mouth attached to the gaping wound the creature beside me
had made. The animal struggled and I held it down with my hands, the blood flowing down my dry throat giving me strength.
As the vitality of the animal flowed into me, I felt myself coming back to who I was. I was not a bloodthirsty creature of the night. I was a person. My name was Emma. Teren was my husband. Teren had just saved my life by exposing fresh blood to the air, forcing the instinct in me to take over. And taking over it was; I drained that animal, its frail movements slowing, then stopping.
Wiping my mouth, my hand lightly shaking, I sat back on my heels. Feeling dizzy and lightheaded, my throat still ached with thirst and my belly still burned with need. But I felt out of the woods. I no longer felt like lying down and never waking up again. Meeting Teren’s concerned gaze as his fingers came down to cup my cheeks, I managed to mutter, “I’m still hungry.”
He smiled, sighed softly, and nodded. “Well then, let’s get you some more to eat.”
As my vision cleared, I saw Teren’s features distinctly. He looked as tired as I felt, heaviness in his glowing eyes. His arms wrapped around me as we huddled beside the beast I’d devoured. Sighing, I buried my head in the comfort of his neck, forcing my fangs back up. It was then, as he helped me to stand up, that I finally noticed something odd about him.
Blinking as I wobbled on my feet, I looked over his body. “You’re not cold?”
He smiled and chuckled slightly, kissing my head. “Yes, I am, but you are too.”
Grabbing my hand, he laced our fingers together. He wasn’t warm, by any stretch, but the icy shiver wasn’t there. Touching his skin was like touching my own. For the first time in a long time, we were the same temperature. I marveled in that fact as he helped steady me. Smiling lovingly down at me, he patiently let me explore his face, his silent chest. It was so odd for him to feel the same as me.
Tired, I snuggled into his chest to close my eyes again. He nudged my shoulder as he started me walking. “Not yet, Emma. I know you’re tired, but you can rest after you eat some more, okay?”
I nodded against his body, then felt a different lukewarm hand reach out for me. I opened my eyes at Alanna smiling brightly at me. Imogen was next to her, with Halina excitedly standing behind them. Halina’s bright eyes took in my blood soaked shirt, my stained mouth, and she smiled wider. “Ready to hunt, Emma?” she asked, her fangs dropping at the same time.
My stomach rumbled at the idea. I was still so hungry. The ache in my belly felt better, but I knew it would make a reappearance if I didn’t satisfy my needs soon. Taking a step towards her, I nodded eagerly. “Yes,” I whispered.
Halina growled and crouched, twisting her body to where I could smell the warmth of life in the fields.
None of the other cows had reacted harshly to one of their companions dying; they were all still standing around, waiting to die too. Surprisingly, a part of my body wanted them to run, wanted the chase, but I was too tired to really care. Imogen grabbed my other hand and she and Alanna pulled me after Halina. Teren followed us, a low rumble escaping his chest as his fangs lowered as well.
I let myself become what I was now, a hunter, a killer, an animal. I pushed back the human part of me that objected to what I was doing, and focused on what really mattered - getting through this transformation so I could spend that eternity with my husband and children.
The girls made a wide circle around the beasts that had been corralled just for this very purpose. They weren’t the best of the best, like Teren had had when he’d died. His family hadn’t had the time to get that kind of livestock for me. Instead, they’d used this opportunity to thin the herd of the sick and fragile ones. I’d heard them say mercy killings when they’d been talking about it.
Teren and the women made a wide circle around them, Teren’s eyes flicking between mine and the beasts that I knew he wanted too. I crouched down, letting the instinct and the residual pain of thirst lead me. A low growl burrowing out of me, I found the strength to blur over to the largest one. I wrapped my arms around its neck, the scent of bovine overpowering me as I flung it to the ground. My teeth were sunk inside it seconds later. It didn’t even have a chance to cry out. Snarls from the other vamps filled the air, and out of the corner of my eye, I watched Halina dart for one. Smiling wickedly, she took it down just as efficiently as I had.
Other thumps and light animal cries signaled the other vampires eating. Teren watched over me, not gorging yet. Smiling crookedly when I finished, he indicated one in the back with his dark head. I smiled, wiping my mouth as strength coursed through me. Each cow’s life seemed to strengthen my own. We both twisted to look at the doomed beast, then darted towards it together. As soon as we brought it down, we sunk our teeth in. As hot, pulsing blood flowed down my throat, easing every ache I’d ever had, Teren’s fingers came out to clutch mine. Holding hands over the fading life beneath us, I embraced the rising life within me, and clasped him back just as hard.
At the tail end of the slaughter, Halina frowned and looked up at the sky. My enhanced sight could see the edge of the sun along the base of the horizon. Sighing, she grumbled that she had to go hide away for the day. Imogen went with her when she blurred away, both girls chuckling over how entertaining it was to hunt as a group.
Alanna smiled after them as she watched them streak off to the safety of the house. As Teren and I stood from the last cow in the field, she walked over to me, encasing me in a warm hug. “Welcome to the family, dear.” She patted my back as she held me and I felt my tired eyes start to water. I guess being dead didn’t stop you from being emotional.
Smiling as I clasped her back, I whispered, “Thank you, Mom.”
As Teren walked up beside me, she smiled over at her son, wrapping him in a hug as well. “I’m so happy for the both of you.” Her eyes were watery with pink tears as she looked between the two of us. Looking back towards the house, she flicked a quick glance in our direction. “I’m going to go call Jack. He would want to know that you’re safe, Emma, and that he can come home.”
She smiled brilliantly as the first rays of light hit her hair. Then she streaked back to the home, to tell the love of her life that they could be reunited. I twisted to bury my head in the chest of the love of my life, my eternal life. His arms wrapped around me, warm against my skin. Glancing down at myself, I stared at my silent chest. I kept waiting to hear the heartbeat, but it didn’t happen. If I had been purely human first, I probably wouldn’t have noticed that lack of a beat, but I hadn’t been entirely human in awhile and my enhanced ears had gotten used to the familiar rhythm. It was shockingly odd to not hear it anymore.
Teren’s fingers lifted my chin so I’d look up at him. Brushing my jaw, he smiled softly. A shaft of light hit his eyes, making the gray flecks in them leap out at me. I smiled at the distinct clover shape in the right one; it was adorably beautiful. “How do you feel?” he asked softly.
Sighing, my hands drifted over the wet blood on my ruined shirt. Unlike Teren, who didn’t have a spot of blood on him, I hadn’t exactly been a dainty eater. I was pretty sure my face looked like I’d just filmed a horror movie. My fingers resting on my silent chest as I locked gazes with him, I smiled crookedly. “Dead tired.”
He grinned, a soft laugh escaping him. All the tension seemed to release from his face as he scooped me up. The uncertainty of that situation had probably been just as terrifying for him as it had been painful for me. The memory of that pain tried to intrude on me but I blocked it out. Much like childbirth, some pains were worth going through.
Smiling as I rested my head on his shoulder, I felt him kiss my head. “Come on, I’ll tuck you in.”
Yawning, I reached up and kissed his neck. Through the cool warmth of his skin, I felt the river of ever-flowing vampire blood coursing through his veins. The same blood now flowed through me. Self propelling, no longer needing the extra effort of a circulatory system, I was now one level up on the food chain. But I was still the person I was before. Now that I’d gotten through that moment of insatiable hu
nger, I knew I’d be able to control it; I wouldn’t be out munching on the townsfolk or anything.
In fact, Teren’s skin was the only skin I’d ever consider puncturing. And he would live through any playful attack I made on him. As would I now, when he took a nibble from me. Self healing, I’d never die a natural death. It was an intimidating thought, but I knew that I’d have Teren by my side for all of it. Together, we’d face the daunting endless life in front of us.
Blurring us back to our bedroom, he helped me clean up and change clothes, then he tucked me under our covers. He held me until the exhaustion overtook me. Before completely caving into it, I muttered, “I want to see the children soon.”
He nodded as he held me to his chest. “As soon as you get some sleep, we’ll go get them.”
Exhaling, feeling the pleasure from making the movement, but not the need to feel the air through my lungs, I vaguely nodded my head. “M’kay.”
Chuckling, he kissed my hair. Before silencing my unnecessary breath, I heard him whisper, “I’m so glad you made it. I don’t know what I would have…” Exhaling a quick, shaky breath, he held me just a bit tighter. “I love you, Emma.”
Conversion Book Three: 'Til Death Page 21