by Marie Meyer
“I…uh,” I stuttered, unsure of how to answer her question. “I didn’t want to invade his privacy. And I didn’t have the funds to help with rent.”
“And you do now? Have the funds, I mean,” she asked.
“Not really.” I shook my head. “Honestly, you know more about my finances than I do.” She was the custodian of my trust account, after all.
“True.” Her perpetually groomed eyebrows pulled up in thought. I could see her running through numbers and calculating what the bottom line of my account totaled at the moment.
Mom and Dad had played the stock market well. They’d invested wisely and made sure that Jennifer and I were taken care of in the event that something unforeseen happened to them. Little did they know that would be the case. By the time Jennifer had been old enough to reap the benefits of her trust, she had a very sizable sum of money. When Grandma had taken ill and gone into the nursing home, Jennifer became the custodian of my account. It was her responsibility to monitor the fluctuations in the market and do what was in the best interest of my trust, so it continued to grow. Knowing Jennifer, there was no way in hell she would allow my trust to grow beyond what she collected. I’d asked on several occasions to see the balance of my account but she refused. There was no telling what I would get when I turned twenty-one. I just prayed I’d have enough to support myself when I got out of college.
Jennifer’s voice brought me back to our present conversation. “So he’s between girlfriends right now? What happens when he finds another?”
“Um…well, I don’t think that’s going to happen,” I said timidly.
“Why?” Her brown eyes bored into me.
“Because I’m his girlfriend,” I said, for lack of a better word.
“So you’re moving in with him then.” She blinked. Not a single emotion registered on her face.
“I really wouldn’t consider it ‘moving in together.’ I’m just staying with him whenever I have a break from school. Just like I did here.”
In the last ten minutes I’d spoken more words to my sister than I probably had all of last year. Her attitude floored me; she was actually being civil toward me for once.
“I just thought I’d let you know…and thank you for letting me stay here.”
“Yes…well.” She was at a loss for words. Jennifer never handled sentiment well; I guess thank yous fell under that umbrella, too. “I only did it because Mom and Dad told me to take care of you. Thank you for putting the room back the way you found it.”
My keys swung from my index finger one more time before I clasped them shut within my palm. With nothing more to say, I let out a low whistle and turned down the hallway toward the front door.
“Um, Jillian?” Jennifer called, coming around the corner.
I spun around, stunned to see she had followed after me. “Yeah?”
“Call me when you turn twenty-one. We’ll get the paperwork squared away and you can have your money from Mom and Dad.”
“Thanks, Jenny,” I said. She cringed when I used the nickname Mom and Dad used to call her.
“Don’t push it,” she said sternly.
“Right.” I saluted and raced toward the door. For the first time since Mom and Dad had died, I felt like Jennifer and I had bonded…the only way we knew how.
On my way to Griffin’s apartment, I broke several traffic laws. I was dying to see him, and I was anxious to get on the road. My unexpected conversation with Jennifer had me running late.
I pulled into his apartment complex and parked next to Griffin’s bike.
Griffin opened the door as I walked up the sidewalk. The second I was close enough, he pulled me into the living room, and before I could open my mouth to greet him, he opened it for me…with his. His arms snaked around me, securing me flush against his body. His lips roamed over my jaw and neck, giving me the opportunity to inhale his freshly showered, masculine scent. If I had ever thought it would be weird to have Griffin’s lips on my body, I was sorely mistaken. It was the most natural and best feeling in the world.
“Do you have any idea how long I’ve wanted to greet you like this?” His breath tickled over the sensitive skin below my ear as he trailed kisses down my neck.
“I can imagine,” I whispered. “Is Thor here?” I asked, hoping we wouldn’t be caught making out in the living room.
“No. I haven’t seen him,” he said, pushing my coat to the side, giving him better access to my neck. Electricity shot through my body with each kiss. “Why?” he asked. His hands moved down my arms until he found my hands, lacing his fingers between mine. He pulled back and smirked at me like we’d just gotten away with something illicit.
I shook my head and cringed. “I don’t know…It would just be awkward if he walked in and saw us all over each other.”
“I’ve seen him all over plenty of girls. Payback’s a bitch.” He laughed against the corner of my lip.
I pulled back and smacked his arm. “Watch it, Daniels. I’m not just any girl.”
Griffin’s eyes widened and his face turned serious. “Damn straight, you’re not.” His deep voice resonated in the space between us. He leaned close, pressing his forehead to mine. Letting go of my hands, he cupped my cheeks in his large palms and sucked in a breath.
And then he kissed me with everything he had. He made sure this kiss would last us until May.
“I’ve really got to go, Griff,” I said breathlessly.
“Damn it,” he growled. “I hate that you have to make the trip alone. Anything could happen.” His need to protect me was always at the forefront.
I leaned my forehead against his. “I’ll be all right,” I said, trying to reassure him.
“I know, but I still worry.” His voice was low and husky.
“I’ll check in every hour. It’s too late for me to drive straight through, so I’ll get a room.”
“That makes me feel a little better.” He brought me against his chest, refusing to let go.
My head rested over his heart and I tried to commit its rhythm to memory; I planned to remember it whenever I felt the stress of school weighing on my shoulders. I kissed him there, right over his heart…right where he carried me.
Griffin walked me to my car and kissed me one last time before shutting the door. It physically hurt leaving for school this time. My stomach was in a knot, and my heart ached as I watched Griffin disappear in my rearview mirror.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Jillian!” The door crashed open and Sarah rushed me like a linebacker. “I missed you!” she shouted, enveloping me in a hug.
“I missed you too!” I said, hugging her back.
“How was your vacation?” she asked, pulling away.
“Oh, pretty good, I guess.” I bit my bottom lip and tried to rein in the huge grin spreading across my face.
“What?” Her eyes sparkled. I could see bubbles of excitement ready to explode from her as she waited with bated breath for whatever news I was about to tell her.
“I have a boyfriend.” I said it very matter-of-factly, like it was the most common, mundane, everyday announcement.
“Okay?” Her voice turned up at the end. “Do I know him?”
I nodded my head. “Griffin,” I said, smiling.
“Ahh!” she screamed. Then, out of nowhere, she smacked me upside the head.
“Ow. What was that for?” I rubbed my head as I screwed my face into a glare aimed in her direction.
“It’s about damn time!” she yelled, even though a beaming smile lit up her face. “One of these days you’re going to listen to me.”
“You were right,” I conceded. “You were right about everything.”
* * *
Sunday disappeared in a blur of unpacking, laundry, and preparations for classes the next morning, which dawned bright and early when my alarm blared to life at 5:30 a.m. I smacked the clock and hid under the blanket, but I knew I couldn’t be late for my first class.
Sarah’s sleeping body taunted
me, all snuggled up under her comforter. It seemed photography majors were given preferential treatment when it came to scheduling. I sighed and dragged my tired ass to the showers.
I dressed quickly, pulling on a well-loved pair of jeans and a sweatshirt featuring the school’s seal. I didn’t fuss too much with my makeup, but I did take the time to add a little color to my hair. As I pulled the purple chalk through my tresses, my phone played a few strums of Griffin’s newest song…my song. I’d recorded him playing it before I left so I could listen to it whenever I wanted. It was also pretty cool to have the song before everyone else in the world. Right now it still felt like mine, and I wasn’t ready to share it yet.
I picked up the phone and read his text: I love you, Bean. Kick ass in class!
A smile warmed my face and I sent back a reply. I love you, too, Dr. Seuss.
Griffin’s response came right back. He’s my idol.
I know, I typed.
I miss you, he said.
I missed him too. Ditto.
I love you, Bean, he wrote.
Promise? I asked.
Forever.
Happy, I tossed my phone into my bag, threw a few more strands of purple in my hair, and rushed out the door for a cup of coffee before class.
The coffee shop overflowed with art students of all kinds. Our return to campus was heralded with the warm scents of coffee, chocolate, and freshly baked confections. Several of the people that stood ahead of me in line were fashion students. Chandra was one of them. I guess we all hoped a good dose of caffeine would breathe life into our vacation-weary bodies. All I knew was if I didn’t get some coffee soon, I wouldn’t make it through a four-hour class today.
“Hi, Jillian,” Chandra said. She’d gotten her order and was heading toward the door when she stopped to talk.
“Hey, Chandra. Did you have a nice break?” I asked.
“Yeah. Wasn’t long enough, though. Spending Christmas in France makes it very difficult to come back here.”
“France? Wow.”
“Yeah, I applied for a short internship, and they accepted me over the break. I was working on a couture line at a small fashion house in Paris.”
“That’s amazing. What a fabulous opportunity,” I added. I tossed my hair over my shoulder and shuffled up in line.
“How was your vacation?” she asked, smiling.
“The majority of it sucked ass, but the last week was paradise. I had a difficult time coming back, too,” I admitted.
“Well, at least we’ve got the Spring Showcase to look forward to. I’m sure we’ll all be so busy after today we won’t have time to bitch about being back,” she said with a shrug.
“I’m sure we’ll just bitch about how much work we have to do,” I countered with a smile.
“You’re probably right,” she laughed. “I’ll see you in class. Design Studio II, right?”
“Yeah, DS2.” I nodded. “I’ll be there just as soon as I get my fuel.” I pointed at the counter ahead of me.
“Cool. See you there,” she said and turned toward the door.
While I was gone, Providence had gotten a few more inches of snow. I trudged my way to the lecture hall, careful not to spill my precious coffee. The lecture hall hummed with muted conversations while we waited for Professor Vine to arrive. I pulled a chocolate chip muffin from my bag and peeled off the paper. Coffee and chocolate: the perfect combination for resuscitating a brain-dead coed on the first day of the semester.
Lecture commenced just the way I thought it would: a laundry list of projects to be completed before the Spring Showcase. By the time Professor Vine started to pass out her syllabus, I was doing my best to keep my head above water.
While Professor Vine continued her speech, my cell phone vibrated quietly in my pocket. Meet 4 lunch @ dining hall? Sarah texted.
I typed her a quick response. Can’t. Labs until 2. Dinner?
Baja’s? she suggested. I’d never been there, but I’d heard the food was great.
Sure! When do you finish class? I asked.
3:30.
Meet u @ the dorm, I said.
Professor Vine finished up the lecture portion of class by going through the exhaustive list of items we needed to bring to our afternoon lab. Her voice carried easily through the auditorium-style lecture hall. “I’ll see you all shortly,” she said, excusing us for a short break.
I stood up and stretched before I gathered my belongings. The classroom stirred to life and everyone else stood to leave, too. I tossed the syllabus into my bag and hurried to the door. I had exactly forty minutes to get back to Victor, grab my lab materials, and hike back to campus.
* * *
An afternoon of being cooped up in the windowless lab was exhausting, but thankfully not as intimidating as it had seemed first semester. It helped my stress level that I had a vision and direction for my collection (and that I’d started working on it over break). Now all I needed to do was reach into my brain, pull out the images, and dress the model who would strut my work down the catwalk.
By two o’clock, I’d finally paused long enough to survey the mess I’d made of my work station; scraps of fabric lay everywhere. An animated Jillian resembling the Looney Tunes Tasmanian Devil flashed through my head and I laughed. I envisioned shredded and torn pieces of fabric flying from a Jillian-shaped tornado. What can I say, when creativity strikes, it can’t be contained.
I plugged earbuds into my ears, cranked up the music, and set about the task of cleaning up my mess. I wasn’t going to lie; the creative juices flowing through my system felt fantastic.
While I danced and straightened up, someone tapped me on the shoulder. I glanced over and pulled my earbuds free. Chandra stood behind me. “Having fun over here?” she asked, smiling at my disaster area.
“I did get a little carried away, didn’t I?”
She shrugged and pointed to her work station. It rivaled mine. “What’s the fun of making something if you can’t make a mess, right?” she said.
I agreed. “Exactly.”
“We could help each other clean up,” she suggested. Chandra was a genuinely kind person. She wore her heart on her sleeve and it showed in her designs and her willingness to help her classmates.
“Thanks. That would be great.” This time I took her up on the offer. It was getting easier to let people in.
Chandra folded and stacked the larger pieces of fabric, admiring my choices. “You’re really talented, Jillian,” she complimented.
I turned to her and smiled. “Thanks. That means a lot coming from you. You’re the most talented designer here.”
“I wouldn’t go that far,” she scoffed.
I dropped the French curve onto the table and stared at her. Is she serious? “Come on. Your designs are outstanding.”
“You really think so?” she asked humbly.
“Hell yeah.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing; self-doubt from Chandra? I thought I’d bought all the property in that market a long time ago.
“Thanks, Jillian. I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear that.” Her lips turned up at the corners.
“What do you mean?” I was blown away. How can she not know how talented she is?
“Sometimes it’s just hard to turn off your inner critic. You know what I mean?”
Boy, did I. My inner critic was a demonic monster from hell that never shut the fuck up. “Yeah, I definitely know what you mean.” I looked around the table, picking up the French curve and shoving it into my bag. “Let’s go get your mess cleaned up.”
* * *
That night, Sarah and I waited in a long line at Baja’s. Sarah said they had the best Mexican food in town and she wasn’t lying. My chipotle chicken chimichanga was delicious.
“So, what do you think?” she asked, biting into her burrito.
I wiped the dripping cheese from my chin and said, “It’s wonderful.”
She grinned and took another bite, chewing before she spoke. “Good. How�
��s Griffin?”
I picked up my Diet Coke and took a sip. “He’s good. They just booked a tour over Spring Break,” I bragged.
“He’s going on tour? That’s awesome! Where’s he going?” she asked, grinning.
“Mexico and some other places in the U.S.”
“I still can’t believe your boyfriend is a rock star. That’s so…cool.” She scrunched her face up, shaking her head.
It was really cool, but I didn’t see Griffin as a “rock star.” Music was just a small part of what made him wonderful.
Sarah set her fork down and said, “Oh, I almost forgot. Your birthday is in two weeks. Do you have anything special you want to do?”
“I don’t know,” I exhaled. “Nothing extravagant, please.”
“Gotcha,” she agreed. But by the look in her eyes, I knew my request fell on deaf ears.
“I mean it, Sara. No fussing.”
She put her hands up defensively and picked up her soda. “No fussing.”
Sarah was a terrible liar. Her smile would give her away every time.
Chapter Twenty-Three
If the first two weeks were any indication of how the rest of the semester would pass, I’d be home in no time. As I’d predicted, labs sucked up my time like a black hole sucks up light. Going out for my birthday tonight had actually given me something to look forward to. It would be nice to see the world beyond the eye of a needle for once.
I unlocked my dorm room door, dropped my bag, and fell face-first onto my bed. I flirted with the idea of a nap but quickly shot it down, fearing Sarah’s wrath if she found me asleep instead of getting ready for my party. Sarah hadn’t divulged any information about what she’d planned for my birthday except that I needed to be ready to party.
A party sounded good. If I couldn’t spend my birthday with Griffin, at least a party would keep my mind off of it.
“Jillian Lawson! Get your ass out of bed! Now!” Sarah yelled, throwing the door open.
Startled, I rolled off the bed and hit the floor with a thunk. “Geez, Sarah!” I shouted. “You scared the shit out of me.” I sat up, glaring at her.