“Then I’m the first. I wasn’t taking the piss. It’s a rather nice one.”
“You are quite the saucy little minx the press say you are.”
“I am rather. And the despair of my noble parents.”
Lizzy stroked his neck unthinkingly as the song ended and he leaned in closer to whisper to her.
“You really must stop that, touching my neck so.”
“Oh, forgive me. I wasn’t thinking.” She said. “Reckon I’m not used to dancing with people I like. I oughtn’t have done that.”
She looked a bit flustered and dropped her hand from his collar, stepping back.
Phillip followed her to the edge of the dance floor. She dropped onto a chair and fiddled with the strap on her shoe, tugging the leg of her jumpsuit up a bit. He glimpsed the ink there, the scrawl of letters winding their way round her ankle.
Chapter Four
Lizzy set about researching recent environmental legislation so she could speak credibly about Phillip when reporters asked her. Even with a full schedule of royal duties—visiting after school programs for underprivileged children, opening a remodeled animal shelter—she managed to amass quite a store of knowledge. She hadn’t been sleeping much recently and she gave up trying the Trazodone because it only made her bleary in the mornings. So she had her nights free to read up on Phillip’s proposed district as well as his past projects.
“I expect to receive my certificate any day.” She rang him just to tell him.
“What are you certifying in?”
“I am now the world’s leading expert on Phillip Rhys-Cooper.”
“I doubt there’s much competition in that field, Lizzy. How do you mean?”
“I’ve read everything there is to Google about you and your dad’s company and the causes you support and your decade of work to improve the air quality and energy efficiency of our fair city.”
“Christ, why would you read all that?”
“I like to be able to speak with authority on certain topics of importance.” She said loftily.
“You could have certified as the leading expert without all that bother. You and Bo the tattooist are thus far the only living beings who know I have a tattoo.”
“Truly? No shags yet? Not even since you have the tattoo and the social cache of a supposed liaison with royalty? Talk me up a bit at drinks parties and you’re sure to get laid. Steady on, Phillip, your time shall come!”
“I’m not out on the pull just yet.”
“Surely after the embassy ball tomorrow night, you’ll be launched into the stratosphere. Everyone will know your face and name.”
“You mean they’ll know the face and name of your escort?”
“Me? I’m merely ‘on the arm of’, don’t you know? A very expensive accessory, though if you believe the tabloids I’m not all that hard to get.”
“I never have credited a word of what they say about any of you. For years they splashed about that Edward was a party boy womanizer—Edward of all people!”
“He did cover for Jamie-James quite handily that way. That was a rare case of the press being useful, as opposed to intrusive and rude. I think it’s time and past that I told them who I really am.”
“D’you think that’s wise, Lizzy? When the message you intend is seldom the one the public understands.”
“You’re about to be a politician, Phillip, so you must have some faith in the ability of the masses to comprehend basic information. Y’know, fossil fuels are bad, sustainability is good, Lizzy does not in fact have nipple piercings nor do threesomes with hotel employees.”
“Have the newspapers really said that?” Phillip said.
“Indeed and worse. Though your involvement with me has gone a ways to clearing up my image. The UK seems unwilling to believe you’d consort with someone who was truly promiscuous and stupid. Your ex-fiancee being the exception of course.”
“How lovely of you to point that out. Your manners are a tribute to the sterling educational institutions you attended.”
“I didn’t go to Hogwarts, Phillip, so no one could work any magic on me, make me sweet and pleasant. I only learnt how to pretend I was. Say, do you think we should be caught leaving a posh hotel early in the morning? Let the press put round that we’re trysting in luxurious suites?”
“I should think after the Edward and Carrie debacle the family had enough of stories about illicit rendezvous.”
“I wasn’t doing it for the family. I meant for you! If you’ve got public notice as my supposed boyfriend, imagine how much more they’d want to know about you if they knew you were shagging the Princess Royal! I mean, Magnus landed the cover of Esquire UK after photos of us on his yacht surfaced on TMZ.”
“So Magnus used you for self-promotion and I’m meant to do the same?”
“Not a bit of it, Phillip. Don’t be missish. It’s a terrific lot of fun to make the press work for me rather than against me. It’s a bit of a power rush, to tell truth. Now let me help you the only way I can. By shagging you.”
“I won’t pretend I’m not for it.” He said, suddenly earnest.
“Good that you’ve come round to my way of thinking. We shall begin pretending to have shagged the morning after the embassy. Where shall we meet and appear disheveled? Nothing too obvious but I don’t want the press to miss it entirely…hmmm…”
“The Green Park entrance at the Stafford.” He said.
“What?”
“There’s a secret entrance.”
“Oooh, tres cloak and dagger, brilliant! That’s so clandestine and romantic, I almost wish it were real!”
“Isn’t it?” He said archly.
“Course not, you cheeky boy.”
“Why didn’t you come to my wedding, Lizzy?”
“What? You mean the almost-was at the Scottish castle?”
“Precisely that. I called you personally to ask you to be there.”
“I was there for a bit.”
“You went all the way to Scotland, behaved as though you were there for the duration and then skived off the same night. I’ve been a mite curious as to why.”
“I had pressing matters to attend, Phillip.”
“Not likely.”
“You insinuate that I have no—“
“Come off it, Lizzy. Answer the question.”
“I found—I found I couldn’t watch you marry her. That’s all really.” She swallowed hard.
“Is it because you had feelings for me? That you still have? I always want to ask you that, but I find I can’t when we’re in person. So tell me now. Is that why?”
“I had a crush on you once, Phillip, it was no secret. Only I thought I had got over it and was quite grown up, but when it came to the moment and I arrived at Drummond, I couldn’t go through with it. I had to leave. I suppose I’m a terrible coward.”
“You are. Truly wretched. However that’s the best compliment I’ve ever had from you. In fact if you were here or we were at the Stafford, you’d be hard pressed to convince me this was a charade.”
“You’re so Cary Grant when you say charade, Phillip.” She said lightly and rang off.
Lizzy went to brunch with the American reporter who’d come to London specially to interview her. They sat in the dining salon at the Savoy and made chitchat about designers and charities. Lizzy fielded a few too many questions about her love life but she bore it out carefully without giving any names or details.
“I’m quite happy as a singleton. I’m looking forward to a friend’s dirty thirty coming up and I enjoy spending time with my mates like anyone does.” She said.
“No lads on the horizon then?”
“Not just now, no.”
“How about this Phillip Cooper? You’re showing off some serious PDA at a cancer dinner in this picture.”
The woman passed her an 8x10 glossy of herself and Phillip, heads bent together at the table, her hand clutching his. He had his ha
nd on her face. She didn’t even remember him touching her face, she just remembered telling him about her dad’s health scare and how he had tried to comfort her.
“Ah, Phillip’s a mate of my brother Jamie’s. He’s like family to us all. I was a bit troubled by the sad stories at the awards do and he helped calm me down. I don’t often get so emotional, but I was glad to have him there when I did.”
“I see. So you’re not dating him?”
“Not as such, no.”
“He made a splash with the press a few months back with his almost-wedding at a Scottish castle. Were you there?”
“For the almost-wedding? How does one attend an almost-wedding?” She said with a tight laugh.
“I see. How do you spend your time mostly?”
“I patronize several charities and I’m keen to spread information most particularly about melanoma and the importance of using sun cream each day with a UPF of, at minimum, 25. Young girls seem so concerned with having a suntan to look healthy in summer when a spray tan is perfectly attractive and doesn’t risk one’s life. As far as a suntan being natural, those freckles and spots won’t be too terribly good to look at in a few years. I myself have been devoted to sun cream my entire adult life.” She said, proud of her polished delivery.
“I noticed you have a few freckles yourself.” The reporter said.
“Yes, because like any adolescent, I refused to listen to my mum and had a bad sunburn a time or two, which I regret intensely as it increases my risk of deadly cancers.” She said.
They wrapped the interview and Lizzy went to the studio and had her photos taken for the cover.
She was ready for the embassy ball well before time. Her gown was a deep emerald green velvet, her hair half up, the better to show off the heavy peridot and diamond earrings. She’d had an argument with her stylist over the earrings, insisting that they were once called evening emeralds and they would make a fine contrast. Her stylist thought she was full of bollocks but eventually gave up. Phillip messaged to say he’d secured a room at the Stafford under a false name, Ophelia Pembroke. She laughed aloud when she read it and tucked some new La Perla knickers into her evening bag. They were such pretty things, lavender with shell-like lace, it was a shame to leave them behind at the Stafford intentionally. At least when the scandal broke the world would think she wore the very loveliest of underthings.
She had a text from Smithpeters that her father was doing well in treatment and was able to maintain his regular duties despite some fatigue. He had, evidently, appreciated the tin of macadamia nuts she’d sent him because she’d read good things about their health benefits, but he would prefer she leave his nutritional choices to the palace chef. Lizzy messaged Edward that he had been right as always about her sending the nuts and he replied with an obnoxiously laughing emoticon. Edward had always been too dignified to use emoticons in messaging until he latched on to Carrie. Good for Carrie, Lizzy thought.
She met Phillip around back of the palace. A manservant held an umbrella over her as she climbed in the car to shield her velvet from spots of rain. She pulled her ruffled taffeta wrap more closely around her shoulders as she settled in the car. She found herself ill at ease, not knowing just what to say to him after confessing that she ran away from his wedding.
“Perhaps I had a premonition that the wedding was not to come off, so I saved myself some time and returned to the city.”
“Then I’d have thought as a true friend that you’d have warned me, or stayed behind to comfort me.”
“I’ve never been much comfort to anyone, Phillip.”
“I’m not certain I forgive you.”
“I never said you should.”
“You look tired, Lizzy.”
“I am tired, but that isn’t precisely the image I was trying to project with this gown.”
“Truly, are you ill?”
“No. Just a bit of insomnia. I’ve never been a good sleeper to tell truth.”
“Have you tried hot milk?”
“I’ve tried a great many things, not all of them legal.”
“I meant for sleeping.”
“Fair enough. We’re to walk the carpet at the embassy, do a meet and greet at cocktails—I know all the principals by sight--I passed the quiz for Smithpeters this afternoon. Then there’s dancing. After that we leave in separate cars, go the Stafford for the night, plant the knickers, and we depart early in the morning at the Green Park gate looking a mess. I’ve told Marj whom to tip off.”
“We should ensure the staff knows I'm there with you. That we ordered champagne and I answered the door without my shirt.”
“If you’re plying me with champagne and trotting about without your jumper I’m like to lose my head, Phillip. You mustn’t make this seem too real.” She teased.
“I'll be a gentleman and talk of carbon emissions until you fall asleep. Think what a service it would be to the crown, nay to the kingdom itself, if I could grant you a good night of sleep.”
“I’ve never had a man offer me a good night’s sleep before. I’m tempted to take you up on it.”
“Then do so. I‘ve never known Eliza Margaret Penelope to turn her nose up at temptation.”
“Ugh, spare me the Penelope. I’ll think on it.”
“Are you appalled that I intend on not compromising you?”
“I’m a bit at sea here. This is all foreign territory to me.”
“We’re going to an embassy so technically you’ll be on foreign soil. Seems appropriate.”
“Your car is unspeakably tiny.”
“If I can let a man shave my chest in your presence, it isn’t likely I’m insecure enough to be bothered by your slandering my car. It’s new, the most efficient hybrid on the market. I pulled a few strings and got one of the first that were made. I’m rather proud of it actually.”
“You’re in politics now, so try not to brag about how tiny your car is. Now smile your best and look governmental. Perhaps we should have got you a powdered wig.” She said as he gave the keys to a valet and gave her his hand so she could step out onto the carpet.
A light drizzle chilled the curiosity seekers and reporters who flanked the short red carpet. Lizzy pressed close to him, smoothing his tie and glancing up at him girlishly.
“Do I really look so awfully tired?” She said. “Because I feel about three hundred years old tonight. I can count on you, can’t I? To hold me up?”
“You don’t even have to ask. I’ll stay by you, let you lean on my arm, hell, I’ll carry you out of here if you like. That would give them a headline.”
“Let’s save that for a plan b, shall we?” She said.
Amid the flock of reporters, she didn’t pivot in her dress, brash as usual. Instead, she was tucked under Phillip’s arm, her face close to his neck, her eyes down. She wasn’t manipulating the paparazzi just then, not trying to appear circumspect or shy. She just nestled in, being shielded instead of paraded round. Inside the opulent foyer of the embassy, she handed her wrap to an attendant and went in to cocktails. She greeted the new Brazilian ambassador and his wife before showing Phillip round to all her acquaintances.
“Astrid!” She said, bearing down on the Swedish princess, the one who was so serious and unassuming that she probably didn’t even realize she was a total stunner. The selfsame princess who just might be Jamie’s bride and their future queen. A flash of near alarm colored the woman’s pretty face.
“Eliza, how are you?” She said in her accented English.
“I’m well. I’m keen to introduce you to Philip. He’s one of Jamie’s best mates and a dear old friend of the family.”
“I do believe I met him one winter when we were all on ski holiday together in Switzerland.” Astrid said.
“Very observant of you, Your Highness. I remember you as well. Your mother, I believe, is a great friend of the queen consort.”
“Indeed she is. We are passing through London en route to Cair
o and Mum insisted upon stopping in to see Eugenie.”
“And you were dispatched to the embassy fete as I was.” Lizzy said.
“Correct. I had hoped Edward would be here. I have not yet had the opportunity to meet Carrie, but I expect her to be extraordinary.”
“She is a delight. You’ll adore her. When they return to the city we must all have dinner.”
“Yes, let’s do.” Astrid said.
They did the obligatory cheek kiss and Lizzy took possession of his hand, leading him along to a knot of people.
“Lord Burgess, Lady Burgess, it’s a treat to see you here. I thought you would be at Como by this time of year.”
“Ah, Your Highness, we’re renovating the villa and everything in the Med takes a beastly long time. So we’re stranded in London for the time being. How are you, darling, and how’s your dear father?”
“Splendid, has a will of iron as ever, and yourselves?” Lizzy said.
“Apart from being displaced to this frigid city, we’re quite well.”
“Lord and Lady Burgess, it’s my privilege to present my dear friend Phillip Rhys-Cooper. He’s an environmentalist and I’m in process of twisting his arm to run for Whitby’s seat in the by-election.”
“That rotter will never clear his bankruptcy in time, so you’d best be throwing your hat in if you intend to have a go.” Lord Burgess said. “Good to meet you, Phillip. Environment, you say? M’wife drives a Tesla.”
“Ah, fine auto, that one, so efficient.” Phillip said. “Have you had any difficulty finding charging stations? I think once their availability increases, the electric cars will be so much more accessible.”
Lizzy turned to look at Phillip as the two men spoke of electric cars and damaging fossil fuels. He looked confident, passionate, leaning forward to make his point. She felt a surge of pride. Lord Burgess clapped Phillip on the back and steered him toward some colleagues from the House of Lords to make introductions. Lizzy beamed, only to find Phillip turning back to her. She shooed him away, but he caught her by the hand and drew her along. So passed most of the cocktail hour, as Phillip was taken up by Burgess and shown round to a variety of other ministers. They talked over some issues facing the next sitting of Parliament and everyone seemed well pleased with Phillip, who never once let go of her hand. Lizzy found herself quite able to join in the discussions after her recent research and liked knowing her subject, liked supporting Phillip this way. It wasn’t until a waiter relieved her of her empty glass that she realized it was time for the ball.
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