by Shouji Gatou
“Yeah. Sounds like paid dating, mii.”
“...I wasn’t going that far. But that Lalapa may have had a sweet side after all, fumo... doting on a bad dad like you.”
“Heh. I’m immune to your insinuations, ron. This is something you bachelors just couldn’t understand, ron.”
“Hmph. Wouldn’t want to either, fumo.”
“So, what then? Did Lalapa go home, mii?”
“She did, ron. I saw her off this morning, ron.”
“Hmm... too bad. If she’d stayed a little longer, I would have romanced her like a grown woman,” Tiramii whispered.
Macaron was on him at lightning speed. “The hell ya would’ve! You lay one hand on Lalapa and I’ll tear your ears off, ya filthy mongrel son of a bitch!”
“Mii! That hurts, mii! I didn’t mean it! You’re choking me! I can’t breathe! Are you trying to kill me?!”
“Yeah, I’m try’na kill ya, ron! Say your prayers, asshole!”
“Miiii!”
“That’s enough, fumo. Tiramii might be desperate, but we all know he wouldn’t lay a hand on Lalapa.”
“That’s right, mii! That’s right, mii! Ah, but... I wouldn’t rule it out, under certain circumstances, mii...”
“Die, ron!”
“Miiiiii!”
While the two of them grappled, Kanie Seiya arrived. “Everyone here has lots of energy, I see,” he sounded disgusted. He also looked a bit tired.
“Oh, Kanie-kun.”
“Are you okay? You’re looking pretty worn out, ron.”
Seiya’s reaction was one of annoyance. “Because of you! After you left, I stuck around and had a long talk with Adachi and her father... It was so exhausting I almost passed out.”
“Oh yeah? Guess it sucks to be you,” Macaron whispered, picking his nose.
“Why, you little—”
“So?” Macaron interrupted. “What happens to me? Am I fired?”
“...I’d certainly like to fire you, but I can’t,” Seiya said. “Anyway, you’re off the hook.”
“Oh-ho?”
“I told you from the start: Adachi-san is a reasonable person. We took the long way getting here, but in the end, he understood. He even apologized to us! And... well, I got him to promise to vouch for the park in future meetings with the city.” It wasn’t exactly a windfall, but the incident seemed to have been a net plus for them. At the very least, the bus stop issue was as good as resolved.
“Hmm...” Macaron pondered.
“Apparently he’s going to call off the engagement,” Seiya said. “It’s going to take a bit of time... but I think that’s the best thing for her.”
“Hmm.”
“However, she’s still going to quit.”
“What?”
“Not because of her father— It was her choice,” Seiya explained. “She seemed to think it was the only way to atone for causing the park so much trouble.”
“I see... ron...” Macaron sagged. It was Eiko who had convinced Lalapa to stay yesterday. If not for her working on his behalf, he wouldn’t have been able to mend his relationship with his daughter. He had meant to thank her, but he’d been too busy to send even a single email.
“Moffu. So that means Task Force ABC is done for, eh? Without Adachi, it’s just Task Force BC... which sounds like it should be handling biological and chemical weapons, fumo.”
“I thought the original name was problematic, myself...” Seiya admitted.
“Mii! We’ll just have to hire another girl whose name starts with an A, mii! Um... like Ashe-chan!” Tiramii was referring to their head of accounting.
“Can you persuade her to do it?” Seiya asked, skeptically. “She holds the purse strings for the park. There’s no way I’m doing it.”
“Yeah. Ashe-chan is super scary when she’s mad, mii... physically and financially speaking.”
“Well, we’ll either have to call it off or alter the group, I guess...”
“That won’t be an issue,” Isuzu declared as she stepped into the room. They hadn’t seen her all morning, so they had assumed she was on some outside business.
“Sento?” Seiya said, sounding surprised. “I thought you were at school.”
“No, I’ve been working. As I’m about to show you. ...Come out, now.” At Isuzu’s urging, Adachi Eiko appeared trepidatiously from behind the corner. She was wearing her park uniform and fidgeting restlessly.
“Eiko-chan!” Tiramii greeted her happily.
“Adachi.” Seiya was less effusive.
“Ah... everyone. I’m terribly sorry for all the trouble I’ve caused. I thought... that I should take some time off, in order to atone, but...” Eiko lowered her gaze and fell silent, apparently unable to say any more than that.
“I convinced her to stay on the job,” Isuzu boasted. Her expression was its usual flat one, but there was a self-satisfied air to it.
“Nice, mii! Isuzu-chan!”
“More praise,” Isuzu demanded.
“You’re so talented! You’re amazing! You’re unstoppable, mii! Actually, you hardly did anything this time around, but—bwuuuh!”
Isuzu shot Tiramii, then returned her musket to storage. “That last part was unnecessary.”
“M-Mii... I keep telling you, people don’t like violent leading ladies nowadays...”
“Anyway, everyone! I know I’ve been selfish, but... I hope you’ll work with me!” Eiko bowed to them deeply. Not a single person voiced an argument.
“Of course,” said Seiya. “We’re glad to have you.”
“Moffu. We’ll work your fingers to the bone, fumo.”
“W... Welcome back, mii,” Tiramii groaned, upon reviving.
Each offered her their kindest wishes.
“Adachi... thank you, ron. Thank you so much. I can count on you from now on, right?” Macaron was glad she’d recovered her smile. It was a smile of gentle warmth, just like the sun.
“Yes,” Eiko told him. “Thank you so much!”
After the Iron Phore
After the park closed, in the Aquario green room...
“Okay, Muse. Come clean already,” Spirit of Fire Salama said.
“I... I agree. You really think that was Macaron-san? It doesn’t seem possible...” Spirit of Earth Kobory said.
“I can flyyyy!” Spirit of Wind Sylphie said. She was drifting around, ignoring the otherwise heavy mood of the group. Sylphie was a rather sad spirit of wind who had no regard for atmosphere, so they generally just ignored her.
Muse fidgeted nervously under the interrogation. “Um... So a little while ago, you know? I was bored and messing around, and I found this app called Magic☆Photo. It said it would let you see a mascot’s human form...”
“Oh?”
“I downloaded a trial version, and we took pictures of a few of the guys to test it out. And when we did, we found out that Moffle-san, Macaron-san, and Tiramii-san were... well, they were...” Muse stopped, hesitant to say the words “they were extremely hot,” out loud.
“They were hot, weren’t they? Talk, woman! They were hot, weren’t they?!” Kobory grabbed her with enough force to wring her neck. There was a mad glint in her eyes.
“C-Can’t breathe!” Muse choked out. “Kobory, stop!”
“Ah! S-Sorry... I can usually figure out beyond a shadow of a doubt if someone’s a top or a bottom... but I never worked it out with those three. I considered Moffle-san as a reluctant top, but it just never came together,” Kobory admitted. “I’m so ashamed...”
“Well... I think it would be more embarrassing if you could make that work...” Salama muttered.
Kobory was the Spirit of Earth, which included things like rotten leaves. In other words, she was a “rotten woman”—a fujoshi.
“But it almost works! Tira/Maca and stuff!”
“I’m sorry, come again?”
“It means Tiramii-san is the top and Macaron-san is the bottom. Ahh... but if the handsome man we met yesterday was Macaron-san, maybe it
would make more sense if Tiramii-san was a seducing bottom... No, wait... wait a minute... if we add Moffle-san in there, too... (abridged)”
“Ah, whatever.” Ignoring Kobory’s bizarrely whispered rant, Salama put the pressure back on Muse. “Anyway, show it to me.”
“Er, what?”
“The photos,” Salama insisted. “You have the other two, right?”
“I d-do, but... I c-can’t!” Muse stammered.
“How come?”
“I t-told Isuzu-san that I wouldn’t tell anyone!”
“Huh? Why not?”
“Because... Well, you saw Macaron-san! It’s bad! It’s really bad!”
“Huh?” Salama was confused. “You’re not making any sense!”
“I j-just think I’d better not!” Muse waved her hands, her face scarlet.
Her behavior caused Salama’s attitude to shift to open annoyance. “It’s not like I’m gonna post it on Twitter or something. I just can’t focus on my job while it’s still on my mind. You start acting really weird whenever it comes up, too.”
“I... I do?”
“Just show us the pictures of Moffle-senpai and Tiramii-senpai already,” Salama demanded.
“But...”
“Seriously, what’s the big deal? Is there some reason you can’t?”
“No, but...”
“Then do it!”
Muse found Salama hard to argue with sometimes. She was ruthless, after all. Muse was the attraction’s leader, too, officially— Maybe there were things she did that got on Salama’s nerves.
Salama wasn’t so bad with Sylphie and Kobory, though. She only really applied the thumbscrews when dealing with Muse, teasing her and needling her.
Does she hate me or something? Muse frequently wondered. But Salama was also the member of the four elemental spirits who messaged her most often, and she came by to cook or hang out a lot. Also, while she complained about job a lot on Twitter, Salama never talked about Muse that way. When it came to her, she only told the fun stories. I don’t really get it. It’s not like we get along poorly most of the time...
“Ah!” Sylphie cried out, as if suddenly remembering something.
“Wh-What is it?” Muse asked, caught off-guard.
“Kusa mochi!”
“Er?”
“Kusa mochi!”
“Er? Kusa... what are you talking about?”
Sylphie produced a kusa mochi from her bag and handed it to Muse. “Here.”
“What?”
“Kusa mochi!”
“Ah... right. Thank you?” Muse hazarded.
“Hey, no problem!” Sylphie proceeded to hand one of the green sweets to Salama and Kobory each, then began eating one of her own. She looked extremely happy.
Perhaps it was meant to be a token of friendship? Muse appreciated the sentiment, but she wished Sylphie’d pay a little more attention to atmosphere on occasion.
“Anyway, the pictures!” Salama insisted.
“What? Oh... fine, fine.” Caving to the pressure, Muse showed Salama the smartphone pictures of Moffle and Tiramii’s human forms. Still chewing on their kusa mochi, Kobory and Sylphie leaned in to see.
“What?!”
“Wha...?!”
“Cryptids!”
All three of them were struck dumb.
“That’s supposed to be Tiramii-senpai and Moffle-senpai?! No freaking way!”
“Ugh...” Muse groaned. “But I’m afraid it’s true...”
“This is bad. So bad. I’ll need to adjust Tira/Maca... no, I think it’s mostly intact? Yeah... though it might be better to have Moffle and Macaron fighting over Tiramii... (abridged)” Kobory said.
“Not cute. I like them better the way they are now,” Sylphie said, dissatisfied.
“...Yeah, I think I know what you mean. So, now that I’ve showed it to you, can we please drop it now? Salama?” Muse said with pleading eyes.
But Salama scowled, staring at the phone intently. “...Hmm.”
“Salama?”
“Doesn’t it kind of... get on your nerves?” she asked.
“Eh?”
“Well, Isuzu-chan, Latifah-sama, us... we’re always being paraded around in swimsuits and stuff,” Salama clarified. “You know, to draw customers.”
“Ah... right,” Muse agreed.
“And another example... remember that proposal Tiramii-senpai put together? The ‘bunny hunt’?”
“Oh yeah, that...”
The bunny hunt. It was a project Tiramii had proposed last month, when Kanie Seiya was soliciting new attraction concepts. The idea was that all the park’s women would get dressed up as bunny girls. The guests would be issued paint-filled water guns, and they’d chase the “bunnies” around an obstacle course. If you got over half of a bunny’s tail painted your color by the time limit, you “won” that bunny. She would then offer various services such as lap pillows, ear cleanings, or foot massages. It was that sort of thing.
“The one Kanie-san turned down on the grounds that it was skirting public decency laws?” Muse recalled.
“Yeah, that one. But remember how the other guys were drooling over the idea before Kanie-kun turned it down? It’s like they have no shame about sexual harassment!” Salama declared hotly.
“Ahh... But what does that have to do with the mascots’ human forms?” Muse asked.
“We have to show skin to draw in male guests— Okay, fine. It bugs me,” Salama explained, “but that’s life. It’s a hard world we live in.”
“Right...”
“But! In that case! Shouldn’t they have to take one for the team, too?! When they made that PV before, Okuro-kun and the other members of the security team were the only ones who had to do it. How is that fair?!”
“I do seem to remember that...” (See Volume 4’s “Let’s Shoot a Promotional Video!”)
“As long as we have that transformation device here, why don’t we get a few racy pictures of them?” Salama demanded.
“Hmm...”
“I th-think it’s a great idea!” Kobory interjected suddenly, fists clenched. “They’ll be all intertwined! Moffle-senpai, naked except for his bowtie! Tiramii-senpai, tugging on it with an impish grin on his face! It’ll work. I think it’ll work!”
“Gross!” Sylphie complained.
“What do you mean, ‘gross’? It’s great! And we can put Kanie-san in there, too! Well... he’s definitely a bottom. Those arrogant types always are. He needs to look a little humiliated, with his face screwed up like he’s crying. Let’s tie him up. ...Hmm. I, Kobory, am forced to hunch over.”
“Are you Tricen now?!”
“So gross...” Sylphie moaned.
At last, Kobory came back to earth. “Ah. ...I’m sorry. Forget what I said. I just... I care so much about the park’s future...”
“No, I think that was all for you,” Salama told her bluntly.
“Er... well... ahh...” Kobory had finally rediscovered her shame, turning bright red and fidgeting.
“But Kobory probably does have the best... sense? For this kind of thing. Maybe it’s worth considering...” Muse said casually, and Kobory’s face brightened.
“Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!”
“...Although if we bring it up, I’m sure they’ll just shoot it down.”
“Yeah, probably,” Salama agreed. “Which means we girls need to take things into our own hands.”
“What? You mean...”
“Ahh!” Sylphie cried out, as if in realization.
“Wh-What is it, Sylphie?”
“Kashiwa mochi!”
“Er?”
“Kashiwa mochi! Here!” She pulled out several kashiwa mochi from her bag and handed them out to the others.
“Th-Thanks?”
“Kashiwa mochi... hehe.” Sylphie began to nibble blissfully on her own. The other three just stared at her.
“...Er, what were we talking about again?” Muse asked, after a minute.
“We keep ge
tting off the subject. I can’t even remember anymore. ...Darn it,” Salama grumbled, tearing into her kashiwa mochi.
“Oh, come on!” Kobory cried. “It was about the mascots! We were talking about us girls banding together to put their beauty on display!”
“Ah, that’s right,” Muse said. “So, I think... Salama, weren’t you about to say something?”
“Right. Um... yeah. Isuzu-chan. I was going to say we need Isuzu-chan on our side.”
“Isuzu-san?” Kobory asked. “But she’s so serious...”
“Yeah, true,” Muse agreed. “Maybe it’s a lost cause.”
“Hmm... Isuzu-san, huh?”
“A-Anyway! No harm in asking her, right?!”
“R-Right...”
“If it’d be too awkward to bring up in person, I can ask her over LINE.” Salama said, already playing with her smartphone.
“I’ll absolutely help you,” Sento Isuzu said as she met up with them in the B-3 break room. “You’re referring to the park’s ‘sex sells’ philosophy, correct? I agree that I’m tired of being exploited that way. Of course, for the park’s sake, it’s a burden I gladly bear... but I still can’t shake the feeling that the burden is applied unequally. Let us make Moffle and the others take on their fair share.” Her expression was as dignified as ever. It was the expression of someone who felt she was enacting justice, rather than simply playing a prank.
The others were shocked that she had agreed that readily—they were expecting more resistance.
“Thank you, Isuzu-san!” Kobory’s eyes shone.
“It’s happily done,” Isuzu told them. “Now, as time is of the essence, I already abducted the three of them while they were lazing around backstage.” With that, she emptied out the three large burlap sacks that had been lying in one corner of the break room.
“Hrrgh! Hrrgh!” Moffle, Macaron, and Tiramii, spilled out. All three were bound up in ropes.
“That was fast!”
“How the hell did you do that?”
“So that’s why you had that big cart parked outside...”
“So fancy!”
The spirits stared in astonishment while Isuzu removed the mascots’ gags.
“What is the meaning of this, fumo?!” Moffle bellowed immediately.
“I’ve had enough of ropes, ron...” Macaron groaned weakly.