The main problem I had was Jennifer had no idea how I earned my money. As far as she was concerned, my sole source of income was from working the door on clubs and pubs around Norwich. To be honest, the thought of spending a couple of months inside and losing Jennifer when she found out the truth about what I did for a living was getting to me. I pushed my chair back and got my feet.
“I’m going for a smoke,” I said. “Back in a minute.”
Standing outside in the cold, I remembered looking over the wall of the beer garden and seeing Jennifer and Robert arguing. That had been the start, and I realised as I smoked my cigarette that in a sense it was also the beginning of the end. I stubbed out my cigarette in the broken flowerpot on the table and stood for a second, thinking. Tommy’s plans were becoming increasingly risky. The problem with that was that David was easily influenced and if I wasn’t careful, it would be a situation where it was two against one. I knew my bollocks were big enough to resist that sort of pressure, but even so, the time had come. I considered having another cigarette, but decided against it and walked back inside the pub.
“Tommy, David,” I said, looking at the three full pints on the table in front of me as I did so. Tommy must have got a round in while I was outside having a smoke. It was his shout after all. “I’ve got something to tell you both.” I picked up my pint and took a large sip of the cold lager to buy some time. Tommy leaned back in his chair and folded his arms across his broad chest. From the look on his face, he knew exactly what I was going to say. David, by contrast, was more interested in scratching what looked like a nasty spot on his neck. “I’m quitting, boys,” I said, trying to say it in a voice that meant it was obvious I meant business.
“What, smoking?” Tommy replied. “You’ve been saying that for years.”
“No, not that. I’m going to go straight. I’ve had enough.” There it was, out in the open.
They both looked at me for a few seconds as if they were wondering what to say next. I was pretty much in the same boat. Until the words had left my mouth, I wasn’t one hundred percent sure I was convinced that was the right course of action for me to take. I regarded David, who was deep in thought. He looked across at Tommy and grinned. He had obviously thought of something funny to say.
“See, Tommy,” he said, giggling like a child. “I always said he was gay.” Tommy didn’t laugh but looked at me with stern eyes.
“You can’t go straight, Gareth,” he said. “You wouldn’t last five minutes in the real world. What would you do for money? You’re thick as mince at the best of times, and the only things you’re any good at are robbing and looking ugly on the door of a club.” I knew he was angry with what I had just said, but there was no need to be rude.
“Piss off, Tommy,” I replied. “You’re the one suggesting we pull off an armed robbery. Just because I don’t think that’s a fantastic idea doesn’t make me thick as mince.” It was Tommy’s turn to bristle. “What you’re suggesting is way out there. It’s one thing risking a couple of months inside for burglary but quite another risking a life sentence.”
“When did you decide this then, mate?” Tommy said. “What, you went outside for a cigarette and while you were smoking it decided that you would go straight. It’s not like you mentioned it before, is it?”
“I’ve been thinking about it for a while,” I replied. “It’s getting more difficult with Jennifer.”
“What, she doesn’t know you’re on the rob?” David asked. He looked across at Tommy as he asked the question.
“I think she knows I don’t just work on the door of clubs for a living.”
“Seriously? She doesn’t know anything?” David said.
“No, and I don’t want her to find out either,” I said. Tommy was still looking at me with an impassive expression, his arms still folded. He was leaning back in his chair. I mirrored him, leaning back in my chair and crossing my arms. Ignoring David, I held Tommy’s stare.
Truth be told, I wasn’t sure what I wanted Tommy to say. Was I looking for him to agree with me? Did I want validation of my decision? Or did I want him to accept it? Tommy looked at me for what felt like ages before speaking.
“I’ve seen that look on your face before,” he said.
“Really?” I replied.
“Yes,” he said. “Laura Hutchinson.”
Now that was a name I’d not heard for many years. Laura was my first ever girlfriend, and at the time I was going out with her I was convinced that she was the one, the one I would spend the rest of my life with. In fairness, I was only fifteen at the time so that was quite an unlikely outcome for the relationship. I’d gone out with her for maybe four months before she unceremoniously dumped me for a lad who looked as if he was at least eighteen, if not older. This meant he could buy booze. That was how seriously she took our relationship. When she finished with me, it was if the bottom had dropped out of my world, and I was heartbroken in only the way that a fifteen-year-old boy whose first ever girlfriend has just ditched him can be. People say girls grow up quicker than boys. Well in Laura’s case, that was definitely true.
I looked at Tommy, wondering why he had brought Laura up in the conversation when I realised what he meant. He still had his arms crossed and was still leaning back in his chair, but the ghost of a smile was playing on his face.
“Yeah?” he said. “You know what I mean?” I knew exactly what he meant, and while bringing her up in this conversation made him a bastard, it also confirmed he was the man who knew me better than anyone else. I guess that’s what friends are for. David looked at Tommy, then back at me, then back at Tommy. He hadn’t got a clue what we were talking about, which is probably just as well because I didn’t feel like explaining it to him.
We sat in silence for a few minutes, sipping our drinks. I was waiting for Tommy to say something. The only thing is I was too proud to ask him if he thought I was making the right decision. He might have been my best friend, but we’re still both blokes. Maybe if David hadn’t been there, it would have been different, but I didn’t think it would be. We all reached the end of our drinks at more or less the same time as people used to drinking with each other often do. David got to his feet and saying nothing, picked up the empty glasses from the table before walking across to the bar to get them refilled.
“Tommy?” I said. “What do you think?”
“What would I know?” he said, the faint smile returning to his face. “But you are as thick as mince. We both are.” I laughed before replying.
“Yeah, you’re probably right,” I said. It was his turn to laugh.
“Gareth,” he said. “You’ve got it bad, I can tell. And you know what?” He glanced over his shoulder to make sure that David was still at the bar. “If I’m honest, I’m jealous.” I wasn’t sure what to say to that, so said nothing. Tommy paused before continuing. “She’s a lovely girl, and you look good together. In all fairness, I’ve been waiting for you to say something like that for a couple of weeks.” We both sat in silence while we waited for David come back from the bar.
David managed to carry all three pint glasses back from the bar, his hands clasped in a triangle around them. He put them on the table, only spilling a bit. Tommy and I both reached forward at the same time to grab our pint glasses. Once David had sat down and picked up his pint, Tommy raised his in the air.
“Gentlemen, I propose a toast,” he said. David and I raised glasses in response.
“What are we toasting?” David asked. I looked at Tommy and his eyes met mine. I knew what his toast would be, and I loved him for it.
“To Jennifer and Gareth, and their crime-free life. May it last for a long time.” David smiled and glanced at me and Tommy. I wondered for a moment if he’d had the presence of mind to leave us alone for a moment, but looking at him I decided that he probably hadn’t.
“I’ll drink to that,” I said, looking at Tommy with a slight nod of my head as I did so to thank him. The three of us clinked our glasses together, sai
d “Cheers” in unison, and took large swigs of the lukewarm lager. Almost as one, we put them back on the table. Tommy grinned, and I knew from the look on his face, he was going to say something he thought was funny.
“Of course, it’ll never last,” he said, with a sly wink. “In less than a year mate, you’ll be single again.”
The saddest thing is that Tommy was right.
I stood in my kitchen, the phone pressed to my ear, and looked out at the sad patch of yellow grass that passed for a garden while I waited for Tommy to pick up. Even though it was only spring, the grass was still dead from the previous summer.
“What is it Gareth?” Tommy’s irritated voice finally came on the line. “It’s bloody well crack of sparrows, mate.” I looked at my watch. It was almost half past nine, hardly first thing in the morning. But I guessed it was early enough for Tommy. In all the years I’d known him, he’d never been a morning person.
“I need some help, Tommy,” I said. “Jennifer’s Dad needs a hand shifting firewood. It sounds like there’s a fair bit of it. Can you help?”
“Oh, for God’s sake, really? What’s in it for me?” he grumbled.
“My gratitude for one, and Jennifer’s. You’d be helping me out big time, mate. I’ll see you right, don’t worry.” As always, the promise of some money got Tommy’s attention. He paused for a couple of seconds, weighing up whether or not it was worth his while. Even when he was silent, I knew what he was thinking about.
“Okay,” he sighed. “Give me a while, though. Need to clean up in here. Had some company last night if you know what I mean?” I laughed in response. I think the last woman who’d been in Tommy’s flat was his mum, and she’d only gone round there to give him an earful about forgetting a birthday or something like that.
“Yeah, I’m sure, Tommy. I’ll pick you up in an hour?” I said. His only response was a grunt before he hung up.
An hour later, almost to the second, I was sitting outside Tommy’s flat, leaning on the horn of the car. He appeared and from the look of him, it had been a wild night. I still doubted he’d had any company, but he seemed happy enough even if he looked like shit.
“Morning, mate,” I said as he threw himself into the passenger seat. I could smell the faint odour of stale alcohol on his breath as he spoke. It was just as well I was driving.
“Yeah, well it was until you bloody phoned up,” he retorted. “You don’t want to know what I was in the middle of when you called.” He was right. I had no interest in what he’d been doing when I phoned, especially as he’d almost certainly been alone. I handed him a cardboard cup of coffee. “Oh you’re a star, you are. I knew there was something I liked about you,” he said as he took the cup from me.
“Three sugars, mate,” I said. "Just how you like it.” He smiled as he took a sip from the cup.
“Perfect,” he replied. “Nice one.”
We pulled up outside Andy’s house and got out of the car. I locked the car, and we walked into the driveway where there was a huge pile of wood strewn on the gravel drive. Andy’s car was hemmed in behind the logs. It was a lot of wood, all cut into small pieces which I presumed were fireplace size. Tommy stood back a few feet taking in the house and front garden as I rang the doorbell.
“Nice place,” he muttered just as Andy opened the door.
“Gareth, thank you so much for coming over,” Andy said, the relief obvious in his voice. “You must be Tommy?” He looked over my shoulder at Tommy, who stepped forward with his hand extended. “Gareth said he would ask you to help.”
“Yep, that’s me, Mr Elliott,” Tommy said as they shook hands.
“Please, it’s Andy. And thank you so much for coming.” Andy pointed at the log pile. “I wasn’t expecting so many logs. I shifted a few barrow loads last night, but then my bloody back gave out.” He rubbed his lower back for effect. “Not as young as I used to be.”
“I know that feeling, Mr Elliott,” Tommy laughed, as did Andy as he turned around and walked into the house. He didn’t look like a man with a bad back to me, but then again why would a guy in his sixties shift a load of logs if there were other people who would do it for him?
“Come on in, we’ll have a quick cup of tea before you two get cracking,” Andy called over his shoulder. I looked at Tommy, who grimaced. We walked through the hallway, following Andy into the kitchen. I watched as Tommy looked around, his practised eyes taking in the interior of the house. I knew exactly what he was doing, and the anger rose in my chest.
Andy made us all a cup of tea in the kitchen before opening the back door and walking through it. There was me thinking we’d all have a nice cup of tea and a chat but no, it was straight down to work.
“I’ve only got one wheelbarrow, I’m afraid,” he said. I’d followed him through the back door before turning to see Tommy examining the lock on the door. He was wriggling the jamb, testing how secure the door was. I knew he would just claim professional curiosity, but I’d not brought him around here so he could case the place.
“Tommy,” I said, louder than intended. He jumped and then followed me onto the patio. I shot him a warning glance, and he pulled a face in return. Like butter wouldn’t melt.
There was a solitary wheelbarrow with a half flat tyre in the middle of the lawn, and a tiny pile of logs stacked up against the wall of the shed. It was more of an outbuilding than a shed and even had double glazing. Even my flat didn’t have double glazing.
“What do you think, mate?” I asked Tommy. “One of us on the barrow, one stacking the logs? Then we can swap over.”
“Sounds good, Gareth,” Tommy replied. “You start on the barrow, though. I need to use the toilet. Just pile them there, and we can stack them against the shed slow time,” he pointed at a spot on the lawn. “I’ll catch up in a second.” He turned to speak to Andy. “Can I use your facilities, Andy?”
“Of course you can, Tommy,” Andy replied. “Follow me.”
As the two of them walked back into the house, I saw Andy slap Tommy on the back as if they were old friends. I wheeled the barrow round to the front of the house and filled it with logs. I moved a couple of loads to the back of the house, not helped by the flat tyre.
“He’s a nice chap, Andy, isn’t he?” Tommy said when he reappeared, his voice bright. “Nice place, too.”
“Tommy, you even so much as think about coming back here I’ll cut your balls off,” I said, emptying another barrow load onto the pile.
“Woah, relax fella,” Tommy said, his palms out in a placatory gesture. “I wouldn’t dare. He’s your family, isn’t he?”
“As good as,” I grumbled. “I mean it though, don’t even think about it.”
“Oh come on, Gareth,” Tommy retorted as he picked up a couple of logs and stacked them on the pile leaning up against the shed. “How long have you known me? You really think I’m going to do over my own?” I knew he was serious, but I’d seen how he’d been looking at the place. I was sure he didn’t need the toilet either but just wanted to have another look to see what was inside the house.
We soon settled into a routine of moving and stacking the logs. Each of us would do five trips on the barrow while the other one stacked them before we swapped over. It was almost therapeutic, doing the stacking. Like a giant jigsaw puzzle. Working out what was the best way to stack them so they all slotted in together was quite satisfying. After an hour, we’d shifted about half of the pile in the driveway and took a break. I poked my head back into the kitchen and called Andy’s name. There was no reply, so I figured he must have gone out. One less cup of tea to make then. Tommy and I stood in the kitchen while we waited for the kettle to boil.
“How long would it take you then, mate?” Tommy asked, waving his hand round the kitchen.
“How long would what take?” I replied.
“To get in,” he said. I raised an eyebrow in response.
“I’ve gone straight, Tommy. Remember?”
“Hypothetically, I mean. If you were st
ill on the rob and wanted to get in here, how long would it take you?” He looked at me with his eyebrows raised.
“Hypothetically?” I said, knowing that Tommy was throwing down a gauntlet to me regardless of whether I’d gone straight or not.
“Yeah,” he replied. “How long?” I shrugged in response before replying.
“Two minutes,” I said. “Tops.”
“That long?” he said. “I reckon a minute. Loads of different ways in, and some nice stuff in here, too. There’s a Bose sound system hooked up to the telly in the front room. I could shift that for a couple of hundred easy, and probably another couple of hundred for the telly as well. I can see the look on Big Joe’s face if I turned up with that for The Heartsease.” I gave Tommy another dark look, as mean as I could get without looking constipated.
“Come on, Gareth,” he said. “Don’t give me the look. You know I wouldn’t even think about it. I’m just saying, that’s all.” Tommy regarded me, his expression one I’d known for years. One I couldn’t help but love, but also one I wouldn’t trust an inch. “You should tell him,” he said.
I laughed. “Yeah, sure. Andy? In my professional opinion as an ex-burglar, your house is wide open to pikeys like me. I can see how that would go.”
“You don’t have to tell him that, Gareth,” he said, grinning.
I made tea for us both and threw a tea bag into another cup for Andy when he got back. I was thinking about what Tommy had just said as I was stirring the cups when something struck me.
“When did you go into the lounge?” I asked. “You went to the toilet, but that’s off the hallway. You can’t see the telly from the hallway.”
“Er, I saw it through the glass door,” Tommy replied.
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