by Linda Bridey
“How do I explain this to the kids? Where is she going to stay? What am I supposed to do with her?” he said.
Marcus laughed at the fear and bewilderment on Dean’s face. “Well, I know it’s been a while, but it’s kind of like when you fall off a horse. You just get back on and it’ll all come back to you.”
Dean grabbed Marcus by his shirt collar. “It’s not funny, you idiot! I should have never done any of this. I shouldn’t have let you talk me into it!”
Marcus laughed all the more and Dean could have choked him.
“Dean! Knock it off! The fact is you wanted to do it or you never would have told me to go ahead,” he said and yanked his shirt out of Dean’s fist.
“I didn’t say go ahead! I was joking! I didn’t know you’d take me seriously and put that ad in the paper,” Dean said.
Marcus nodded. “Yeah, but you told me to go ahead and send a letter back. You coulda just never answered, but you told me to write back.”
Dean stood very still as he recalled their conversation. “Shoot! You’re right.” Dean put a hand to his forehead. “What do I do now?”
Marcus crossed his arms over his chest and gave Dean a speculative look. “The question is; what do you want to do? I think you want to meet her but you’re scared to death. You never told me to stop writing her or tell her it was off. That says to me that you’ve been seriously contemplating meeting her.”
Dean was cursing his stupidity. He felt bad about not stopping the letters and now didn’t know what he wanted to do. “You’re right. It’s not your fault. Let me think about it today and I’ll let you know tomorrow.”
“Ok. That’s fine. Dean, the worst that can happen is that things don’t work out and she goes back home,” Marcus said. “At least you would have given it a try.”
“I’ll think on it,” Dean said.
That night, he wrestled with the decision that lay ahead. Should he take a risk and have this woman come? What would he tell his children? He needed to talk to someone other than Marcus about this. He needed a woman’s point of view.
The next morning, Dean rode his stallion, Twister, over to the Bensons’ place. At the sound of a horse’s hooves, Lydia Benson looked out from behind a sheet she was hanging on a wash line.
“There’s the woman I’m after,” he said with a smile as he climbed down off Twister.
Lydia chuckled. “Don’t let my husband hear that. He’s the jealous type.”
Her dark blonde hair blew around in the breeze and her brown eyes smiled up at him. She looked at Dean closely. She’d known him and his brothers for ten years now and could tell when something was on the man’s mind. His furrowed brow and the look in his eyes gave him away. He had become a little brother to her and she wondered what was bothering him.
She’d loved Sarah and had grieved right along with Dean when she’d died. Lydia still felt guilty about not being able to save Sarah and their baby. It had been another boy.
“Can we talk?” Dean asked.
“Sure, hon. C’mon into the kitchen. I could use some coffee, how about you?” she said.
“I can always use a cup of your coffee, Lydia,” Dean answered and followed her into their house.
The kitchen was large, as was the table. It had to be with four children and a couple of ranch hands to feed. Meals were lively at the Bensons’ and Dean and his kids had eaten many a meal with them. It had a homey feel to it and the surfaces of the wooden table and benches were worn to a smooth patina from so much use. Charlie had installed plenty of cupboards and bought Lydia a nice buffet to house all of their dishes and various cooking equipment.
“Sit,” Lydia said and set about getting their coffee. When it was ready, she poured it and sat down at the table with Dean. “What’s going on?”
“I’m not sure where to start. Seems I’ve got myself into a pickle,” Dean said. “Back in May, Marcus decided to put an advertisement in a paper back East for a mail-order bride. He thinks I need a wife and he said this was the perfect way to find one.” His words started coming fast once he’d started. “I was joking when I said go ahead and put the ad in. Next thing I know, a letter comes from a woman. I read it and damned if I wasn’t interested. She’s educated and seems very nice and doesn’t mind that I have kids. She was really sorry to hear about Sarah and doesn’t want to try to take her place. We been writin’ back and forth and now she wants to come and meet us. I don’t know if I should or not. What do you think?”
Lydia laughed softly. “Oh, that Marcus. I think he did a good thing. It sounds to me like you like her, or at least her letters. You know, a lot of men are beginning to find wives that way. Nothing wrong with it. Do you think your heart is healed enough to entertain the idea of meeting another woman with the idea of proposing marriage?”
Dean felt his stomach drop at the idea. “I don’t know. I don’t know if I could ever go through that again. What if we get married and things are good and then she dies?”
Lydia laid a hand on his. “Dean, I know you’re scared, but what if she comes here and you get married and you die? You know as well as I that your work can be dangerous. You’re not the only one taking a risk.”
Dean looked at Lydia in surprise. He had been so busy thinking of his situation that he hadn’t considered what Theresa would face. She obviously had a lot of courage, maybe more than he did. She would be traveling a very long distance just to meet his family and him, without any guarantees. Shouldn’t he be just as willing to take that step and at least meet her?
Dean gulped down his coffee, then rose and kissed Lydia on the forehead. “You are the wisest person I know. Thanks.” He kissed her cheek and quickly left.
Lydia chuckled as she finished her coffee and then went back to hanging her laundry.
Dean rode on to Marcus’ place. It was a slightly run down house with only four small rooms. Marcus kept it in fair repair, but wasn’t overly concerned with making it more attractive because he had no intentions of getting married. His one small barn housed two horses and a mule. An outside shed gave his five steer shelter during the winter months. A few chickens and a rooster roamed free on his land. Marcus didn’t have any need to keep a lot of animals, only what he needed to feed himself.
A small vegetable garden occupied an area off to the right of the house, where it had a nice combination of sun and shade from a large oak tree that stood sentinel along the edge of the patch. Roscoe, Marcus’ big, furry mongrel, started barking and running toward Dean and Twister. His tail wagged furiously when he saw that one of his favorite people was there.
Marcus sat in a rocking chair on the porch that ran the length of the house. He whittled on a piece of wood. It seemed like he was always whittling something. He made beautiful pieces and many people in the area hired him to make specific things, which they liked to give as gifts and such.
He didn’t get up from his chair or stop whittling as he called out, “C’mon and have a seat. What brings you?”
Dean leapt up onto Marcus’ porch and dropped down into the chair next to him. He rocked for a few moments in silence, scratching Roscoe’s ears and petting his head. Marcus started whistling, another one of his habits. He was a beautiful whistler and entertained people with it.
“Send the letter. Tell her to come ahead,” Dean said. He got up and jumped from the porch. Gathering Twister’s reins, he climbed aboard the stallion. He gave Twister a light kick and the stallion sprang forward, setting out at a canter. Dean rode home fast, enjoying the speed of the big stallion under him. He’d had to leave right after his statement to Marcus or else he would have changed his mind. Dean knew Marcus well enough to know that he wouldn’t waste any time getting that letter written and sent off.
Chapter Six
Maddie’s coming out party was everything she’d ever wanted and more. It was a magical night surrounded by her family, wonderful friends, and very attentive young men. Her dance card was full and she was thrilled.
Tessa watched her little sister twirl around the dance floor, first in one man’s arms and then in another’s. The light in Maddie’s eyes made Tessa so happy for her sibling. She’d decided she couldn’t leave until after Maddie’s party because it would be cruel to cause so much sadness. She would never do anything to ruin Maddie’s special night.
She’d decided to leave a little later that night, when the party was in full swing. Her parents would be distracted by entertaining the guests. Tessa would plead a headache and make her escape to Edwina’s, where she’d gather her bags, which were packed and waiting in Eddie’s large hall closet. Eddie’s driver was going to take her to the train station, where she would catch the eleven forty-five train.
Claire had been allowed to attend the party for a short while and was in awe of the happenings. She watched the elegant women in their beautiful gowns as they danced with handsome men. Her excitement was palpable as she sat next to Tessa. She watched her little sister’s sweet face and tried to memorize it. She didn’t know how long it would be until she saw it again.
Tessa reached out and took Claire’s hand. Claire looked at her in surprise.
“What is it?” she asked.
“All of this is wonderful in its way. I was excited when I was first introduced to society and I know you will be too, but don’t make it your life. You have a wonderful mind and you should use it to do great things, but have some fun, too. There has to be a balance,” Tessa said.
Claire smiled at her. “Thank you, but why are you so sentimental tonight?”
“I was just remembering my own coming out and how much I enjoyed it but then later wished that I could do something else besides attend balls and parties. So have fun with all this, but don’t let it rule you. That’s all,” Tessa said with a smile. Inside, she was warning herself to not let her emotions show so much. Someone might suspect something was amiss. “I mean, aren’t you bored already?”
Claire laughed. “That’s just like you. The party has barely begun and already you want to leave.”
Tessa propped her head on her palm and affected a bored expression. “Am I that transparent?”
Claire nodded and turned back to watch the dancers.
Tessa watched, too, for a few moments before noticing that Maddie was heading in the direction of the ladies’ toilet. She gave Claire a kiss and went after her other sibling. Tessa caught Maddie in the hallway off the ballroom.
“So, little sister, are you enjoying your special night?” she asked.
Maddie grabbed Tessa’s arm and squeezed a little. “It’s the most amazing thing! This will sound terrible, but so many of the men want to dance with me. I don’t understand why you don’t love this life.”
Tessa was swept up for a few moments by Maddie’s enthusiasm. “I’m thrilled you are having such a wonderful time. You look very elegant and lovely on the dance floor. You dance much better than I do.”
“Oh, stop. You dance very well,” Maddie protested.
“Well enough, I suppose, but not with your grace. I have a few words of caution. Just beware with whom you dance. They’re not all being altruistic. Some of them have hidden agendas. I’m sure it won’t be long until you have marriage proposals thrown your way, but listen to your heart and don’t let money influence your choice,” Tessa said.
Maddie nudged her sister. “Come now! Listen to you, the voice of doom. I understand that you don’t enjoy this, but I do and I don’t intend to let it stop too soon. Who wants to get married when I can have this kind of fun? Trust me; I’m not in a hurry to wed. But when I do, it will be with someone fun and exciting, who doesn’t give a flip what people think.”
“Good girl,” Tessa said. She gave Maddie a quick hug and a kiss before sending her on her way.
It was getting late and Tessa knew she needed to go. Before she lost her nerve, she found her parents and drew them away slightly.
“I’m going to excuse myself. I think all of the perfume has given me a headache. I should like to go to retire early,” she said.
Maureen looked at her eldest child with concern. “Well, you do look a little peaked. Perhaps it’s best. Get a good night’s rest and I’ll check on you in the morning.”
Tessa hugged her mother, hanging on a bit longer than normal. “I love you, Mama. You are the most wonderful mother anyone could ask for.”
Maureen hugged her back. “Thank you, darling.”
Then Tessa turned to her father and steeled herself. This would be the toughest goodbye to get through without giving herself away. “Goodnight, Papa.”
Geoff kissed her cheek and gathered her close. “Goodnight, daughter. Sleep well and feel better.”
Tessa struggled to hold tears back as she hugged her father. She drew away and pretended to sneeze. She pressed a handkerchief to her nose and made it seem as if the perfume was having a severe effect on her sinuses.
“Pardon me. I fear that some people have been extremely heavy with the perfume,” she said, as a reason for her eyes being so bright with tears.
Geoff placed another kiss on her forehead. “Go then before it gets worse. Good night.”
“Goodnight. I love you both so much. Have a wonderful rest of the night and tell Maddie how sorry I was that I had to leave the party early,” she said.
“Yes, we will,” said Maureen.
She and Geoff watched their daughter leave. “She should have been an actress,” Geoff commented. “I almost bought that she was feeling poorly.”
“She’s faking? I didn’t know. What does that say about me as a mother?” Maureen said.
Geoff squeezed her hand. “You’re a wonderful mother and you know it. She really does hate parties and just wanted to leave this one, too. That’s all it is, Maureen.”
Maureen sighed. “I suppose you’re right.”
“However, we have another daughter who is enjoying every second of it,” he said, with a gesture at Maddie, who was out on the dance floor again.
They watched their graceful daughter float around the room in the arms of a very good-looking boy.
Tessa watched her family from the doorway leading to the main foyer as they enjoyed the special night. The picture they made together would be forever etched in her mind. With tears in her eyes, she forced herself to turn away and mount the staircase to prepare for her journey.
“Mama! Mama!”
Maureen heard Claire calling her and it sounded as if something was drastically wrong. Claire burst into the dining room the morning after Maddie’s coming out party. She held an envelope and papers in her hand.
“What is it, Claire?” Maureen asked.
“It’s Tessa! She’s gone,” Claire said and thrust the papers at her mother.
“What?” Maureen took the papers and began reading.
To My Dearest Family,
I know that when you find that I have gone, you will be very distressed and try to find me. I beg you not to do so. I will be in touch when I can. For years I’ve been telling you that this is not the life I want for myself, but my words have fallen on deaf ears. You seemed to think that it was just a phase and that I would grow out of it.
Most of my life has been spent primping and preening and learning how to behave like a lady and be charming to others. I never felt fully comfortable in this type of life. Maddie is much more proficient at it than I and she certainly enjoys it. I find nothing wrong with that.
I felt compelled to leave because I know I will never be allowed to live life on my own terms. I would have liked to have had more opportunities to participate in serious conversations concerning societal issues and many other matters, but any time I attempted to do so, I was made to feel that I wasn’t intelligent enough simply because I’m a woman.
There were scores of men who were pushed my way in the hopes of me finding a suitor among them. No matter how many men of our society I would meet, I know I would never find a match with any of them. I would like a m
an of substance, someone who knows about hard work and taking chances. I want someone like you, Papa. I need a man who is strong, yet loving and has a sense of what’s really important in life.
So I am setting out on my own life’s journey and doing so in secret because I feel it is the only way I could make it happen. By the time you read this, I will be long gone and you will not find me. I am not doing this to hurt you, I am doing this because I am of age to make my own decisions and live life on my own terms.
I want to be appreciated for my true self and not be forced into a box or told what I should want. I love you all, but I am suffocating and need room to breathe and I think this is the best course of action for us all. I know that it will take you some time to see it, but I hope that one day you will.
Know that I love you all more than I could ever tell you.
All my love,
Tessa
Maureen reread the letter, disbelief and terror filling her breast. She was first and foremost a wife and mother and the fact that one of her children had set out alone to only God knew where filled her with dread. She didn’t want to alarm Claire unduly, however, so she tried to keep her demeanor and voice as calm as possible.
“Oh, dear. That Tessa. She has always been somewhat dramatic. No doubt we’ll find her at one of her friends’ residences,” Maureen said. She smiled at her youngest. “All will be well, Claire. I’ll go talk to your father about it. You eat your breakfast.”
Maureen kissed Claire on the forehead and left the room. Claire was old enough and smart enough to know when her mother was truly concerned and she knew that Maureen was very worried. She had no desire to eat and instead went out to the garden to get some fresh air. It was her favorite spot in which to think. She was deeply concerned about her sister and prayed that, wherever she was, she was safe.
Geoff finished reading Tessa’s letter and sat back in his office chair. Worry, anger, and shock all warred within him. How could she do this to her family, especially her parents? She had always been spirited and headstrong, but he had never seen this coming. As her father, he felt that he should have.