His name left my lips on a moan, and I felt his teeth drag lightly across my skin. A yearning I didn't know was possible started building deep down, and I didn't want him to stop. He began to stand, and put my shirt back down in place. Brandon ran the tip of his nose up my jaw to just below my ear, and I felt him breathing me in deep.
“I'm sorry he put his hands on you,” he whispered into my ear before placing a gentle kiss on my neck, turning around, and walking out of his room leaving me there to think about how his hands, his lips and tongue, how he had just made me feel touching my body.
Chapter 7
I gave myself a few minutes in Brandon's room, my fingertips trailing over every place his lips touched, and a smile crept up on my lips. I moved to open the door to his room and leave, but my mind had another plan for me.
“Come here baby, don't leave yet.” My hand was on the door, I had been sure this client of Chuck's had passed out from the shots I gave him when we first went into the spare bedroom.
“I wasn't leaving, just checking the lock.” I said low and seductive. Turning to look at him I could see he was barely keeping his eyes open, but they were open nonetheless and they raked over my body in anticipation. He stood and walked over to where I stood, shifting me he pressed my back up against the door. His knees moved mine apart, and his hand began to run a path on the inside of my thigh to my underwear line, which he began to shift back. His dirty child molesting fingers started to move around, but not in me.
I grabbed the lamp, screaming I smashed him over the head with it, and he slid to the ground.
There was an awful wailing sound surrounding me, and my hands were already covering my ears. It was me. This was part of the full blow meltdown. I hit myself in the side of the head trying to dislodge the images that reared there, but it just wasn't working and I couldn't stop screaming.
Balling my fist up in the rage coming after that flashback, I slammed my fist into the door. I needed a way to expel the negative energy, needed to get it out of me, and immediately I wailed because of the pain shooting through my hand from hitting the door. I turned around, my back sliding down the door, and I sat. I didn't move until my mind left the past returning to what was happening right now. It came back to Brandon.
Something had shifted between us, and I wanted to find him so I could talk to him, get to know him. He needed to get to know me before I told him who I used to be, or who they forced me to be anyway. I just wanted him to know me.
My eyes scanned, and my hands shook slightly coming dow from the adrenaline, as I walked down the hallway, but Emma was in front of me before I got very far. “Were you just in Brandon's room with him?” She looked concerned which didn't make sense considering she'd seemed happy earlier once those girls got kicked out of the party. I'm sure her mind was working about what we could have possibly been doing back there alone, and maybe she didn't like it. I smiled and gave her a small nod, trying to move around her to head out into the living room, but she stayed planted in front of me.
She started asking me if I was okay, what I wanted to drink, telling me she wanted to walk around with me and introduce me to the people she knew. It was a stalling mechanism, though there was no reason I could come up with as to why she did it, not until I finally got around her and made my way into the kitchen where I could clearly see the living room.
Brandon was with some short, curvy brunette, as she sat in his lap her lips looked like they were permanently attached to his neck. Instantly I felt the lasagna from dinner trying to make its way back up. Turning I looked back at Emma, her eyes were so sad and apologetic. When I went to look back where he was sitting Jax came into my eye line.
“Hey, Kahlen. Sorry about Josh, he's a horny asshole. I should've been paying more attention, obviously anyone that looks like you is going to attract a lot of attention especially around a bunch of guys who have never seen you before.” He shrugged looking a little shy as he said it.
“Um, thanks, I think.” I tried to lean around him to get a look at the damn slut sucking on Brandon, but Jax shifted with me easily. I was getting frustrated. Clearly he and Emma had a conversation when I was in the room with Brandon, or maybe Brandon came out and gloated to Jax before moving on to his next conquest. Either way I didn't know. But I wasn't his girlfriend and I had no right to be mad at him, but I was.
What happened in the room was moving too fast, I needed to remember I wanted him to know me, not just let him use me like he was using the girl on his lap. He would need to prove to me he wanted a friendship with me before I ever let him touch me again. But in the meantime I couldn't get mad at him when he decided he needed to screw whatever tramp happened to be available to him at the time.
Brandon was gorgeous. I'm talking tall, dark, handsome, and then some. His eyes were like honey you could drown in, his body was ridiculously hard yet when he held me in his arms it was the softest embrace I'd ever felt, his lips, oh man that mouth, and the crooked smirk I'd seen just a couple times, such a turn on. It didn't surprise me other women were trying to do that and more than likely succeeding at it.
“Jax, please. I just want to go to my apartment. I'm just around the corner and can walk there by myself no problem, okay? You and Emma seem to think I'm going to make a scene, but I assure you I'm not. Brandon is...well, he's free to do what he wants with whomever he wants and he knows that, so do I. We aren't really even friends, he can't have a conversation with me without walking away from me. It's cool, really, I'm fine.” I smiled at Jax willing him to understand I was fine. Walking home, even though it was just around the corner, I was a little worried about considering what had happened with Josh earlier, but was sure I could manage.
“You sure?” I nodded, and he nodded back knowingly. “Let me get one of the guys to walk you home. Yo, Cole!” He motioned someone over with his head, but only being five five I couldn't see around him at who was walking our way which was unfortunate because I could have used a minute to just stare at him and collect myself before he was standing next to Jax. Doing their man-shake, Cole asked what was up and Jax shifted his attention to me.
If Jax was too cute, Cole was downright edible. He was tall, maybe an inch or so more than Jax, which must put him around six one or six two, and he had slightly more muscle built up on him than Jax and Brandon did. A plain black v-neck tshirt that looked like holes were strategically placed on it to make it look cool, kind of like the shirt I was wearing, fit him perfectly and showed off what looked to be wings on either side of his chest. I couldn't see the whole thing, but I thought maybe they were sparrow tattoos.
His jeans were held up, but barely, by a black belt and if he was to raise his arms even a little I would be able to see what I was sure was a pretty damn impressive stomach going on. His boots were semi laced and not tied, he had a couple silver bracelets on, and more tattoos running up his arm. I couldn't make all of them out, but one looked like a guitar with lyrics wrapping around his forearm.
Cole had eyes that looked like green mist, almost a haunting look to them, and thick dark long eyelashes. Right now his full lips were tipped up at the corners as he watched me watch him, and he ran his hand through his mess of a head of hair. The sides were cut shorter and closer to his head, the top left longer and right now it looked like he'd just rolled out of bed. A bed where he was just royally fucked.
Damn he was good looking, but the kind of good looking that would get you into real trouble. I turned around to tell Emma good bye and found her almost right next to me. “Hey, I'm going to head out, Jax asked Cole to walk me to my place so I didn't have to go alone. You're more than welcome to crash at my place if you want, just text me before you head over and I'll open up for you.”
“No, please don't go Kahlen. Look, forget about Brandon okay? This is just how he is, it's what he does,” but I put my finger up to her lips to stop her from talking. I didn't want anyone telling me how Brandon was, I wanted to come up with my own opinions about him. Right now nothing had chan
ged...I wanted to be friends with him, get to know him and him me. Unfortunately it just didn't seem like he really felt the same. Shaking my head at her she stopped talking about her brother. “Please don't leave yet.” She gave me her best pouty lip, but truth be told this wasn't my thing. From the blonde at the door, to Casanova, to Brandon...I just needed to call it a night.
I shook my head at her and turned back around to face Jax and Cole. Jax did quick introductions, and then he and Emma went off into the crowd of people as I made my way for the door. Cole gently placed his hand on the bottom of my back, and I instantly tensed, but told myself he was helping me get through the crowd of partiers safely.
Once we were out of the apartment, and the noise had died down some, I looked up at Cole and smiled. “Thanks for walking me home, Cole.” He returned my smile and nodded. Trying for small talk, since I hadn't gotten anything out of Brandon, “So how do you know Brandon and Jax?”
“We all play in a band together, well we used to play a lot more than we do now, but we still get together twice a week to work on new stuff or do a show over the weekend. No big deal, we all have our regular lives and jobs and all, but it's something we all love doing and have since we all met here our freshman year.” He stepped a little closer to me as we continued to walk to my building.
“It's just the three of you in the band?” I was so proud of myself for having this conversation without completely freaking out. Cole nodded and told me Jax played drums, he played bass and guitar, and Brandon sang and played guitar. I thought I was only mentally laughing, but I guess not since he asked me what was so funny. “Have you ever heard Emma sing? I just think it's funny he has a good enough voice to be the lead singer of a band and she was stuck with...well, that singing voice.” I continued to laugh and Cole joined in this time.
We made our way up the stairs and stopped outside my door. I thanked him for walking me home, and was actually glad for the two minutes of conversation that came easily between us. He invited me to come to their practice during the week, and I told him if I wasn't working I would try. He asked for my number so he could text me directions if I decided I could come.
I wasn't sure about giving him my number, but then I thought about how Emma's group of friends would be my group of friends slowly but surely anyway and I didn't see anything wrong with it. Cole made me smile so he could take my picture so when I called my face would pop up in his phone. He asked if I'd done the campus tour yet, and I told him how Emma and I didn't really pay attention during orientation, but I thought I'd been figuring it out pretty well these last couple weeks.
“Why don't I come by tomorrow afternoon and I can walk around campus with you? I can show you all the cool shortcuts to get to your classes faster,” he seemed genuine with his offer and I didn't see what the harm in having him help me would be, so I thanked him and told him to call me tomorrow when he was free. “I'll see you tomorrow then?” His dimple was so charming, and I loved how he played with his lip ring, biting it, it drew my attention to his mouth which if that's what he was going for it was definitely working.
“Tomorrow,” I confirmed with a smile, and thanked him again for walking me home. He started to walk away but waited at the top of the stairs until I was in my apartment giving him a small wave goodbye, then he retreated back down the stairs.
I went and threw some shorts and a tank top on, then made my way to the bathroom to wash off any makeup on my face and brush my teeth. Nearly choking on my toothpaste, I almost fell off the bathroom counter too when a very hard, very loud thumping came from my front door. Checking my phone to see if I missed the call from Emma, I hadn't, I got nervous Josh had been watching Cole walk me home and was outside my door. Looking through the peep hole, it definitely was not Josh, though I couldn't believe who I saw.
“I know you're in there, Kahlen, just open the damn door,” Brandon was raising his voice like he was angry, but I knew that wasn't possible, not with me anyway. I opened the door a little and looked up at him, toothbrush in hand, eyebrows raised in question. Almost in a whisper he asked, “Well, are you going to let me come in?” A small crooked smirk played across his lips.
“No, I'm not,” I didn't even have to think about it. This space was mine and I didn't want him or any other guy in here yet. But he looked at me like he was offering a piece of himself out to me and couldn't take being rejected. Part of me felt like I was being played, the part of me that was still pissed at him for putting his hands on me and then letting some other girl kiss all up on him. But a part of me, the part always seeming to win when I was around him, felt that pull, the connection. Cursing myself for probably making the wrong choice again when it came to Brandon Lucas, I added, “Not unless you are buying me pizza anyway. I'm starving,” I let out a nervous laugh waiting for his response.
“I already called for pizza, but I didn't know what kind you liked, so I got one cheese, one pepperoni, and one sausage.” He dropped his gaze from mine like he was nervous to see my response to his thoughtfulness. I opened the door a little more and reached out, grabbing his wrist gently and pulling him a little so he came the rest of the way into my place. Motioning to the couch, we sat down and I turned the TV on.
“Want anything to drink? I don't have alcohol, but I have pop and water and stuff,” he laughed under his breath at me and I heard him mock pop quietly, but I didn't care. He said he was fine for now, then his stare got really intense.
“What were you doing with Colton?” He tilted his head to the side slightly as if that would help him gage whether whatever came out of my mouth was the truth.
“He walked me home because Jax asked him to. I was ready to leave the party and because of everything that'd happened with that Josh asswipe, he didn't want me walking home alone.” I shrugged as if it was no big deal, and really it wasn't. I didn't understand what he seemed so down about right now.
His fingers lightly trailed up my arm, “Why didn't you come and find me, I would have walked you home.” I knew he meant well, but I was confused with him right now. I grew up being used, not that he knew that yet, but I wanted him to want to be a better version of himself when he was around me. Being treated like every other possible lay seriously had me rethinking the whole idea of friendship with him, let alone anything more.
“You were otherwise occupied,” and yes I was short with him, but he deserved it. “There was a little issue, you know, the one where this short brunette was sitting on your lap, her lips moving up and down your neck. Sorry I didn't really feel like interrupting.” I tried to take deep breaths to keep myself calm, I didn't want him to know how much seeing him with her affected me.
“She's just whatever,” he shrugged the girl off. “I would have left her at the party and walked you home, all you had to do was ask.” In that moment I thought he tried to give me a little insight into who he was. Girls were pretty insignificant to him it seemed, yet he was willing to give up an easy hookup to walk me home, but. I needed to ask him. He wanted me to walk up to him in front of another woman and all those people around him at his party and specifically ask him to take me home. I knew his games, he wanted control over the situation, but I wasn't biting.
Shaking my head, “Nah, I was good, Cole was very nice to walk me home. He offered to walk me around campus tomorrow too, you know, to make sure I feel comfortable.” I smiled like I was relieved he had offered, and I really was, but my whole point to bringing it up was so Brandon knew another guy offered to do something with and for me. Without me having to ask for it, Cole wanted to do something so he brought it up and asked. I had a pretty good idea Brandon was the one wanting to walk me home, yet he was trying to make me feel like I didn't do what needed to be done for him to do that. I was over the mind games, over them the day I left after graduation.
His eyebrows lifted and I thought he got the point I made. “Kahlen, I don't want him walking you around campus tomorrow.” It was a statement, a matter of fact. I didn't know how to respond though so I sat qu
ietly waiting for him to say something. “I'm sorry for what I did tonight with that other girl, it was stupid and you don't deserve that.” I nodded my head because he was right, I didn't deserve it, but it would take a more than that for us to become friends. Maybe all Brandon needed was for someone to stand by his side, not wanting anything from him, just to be there for him. Too bad he didn't seem to realize that, or the fact that I could be that person for him.
His fingers wrapped around the back of my neck, eyes studying mine. “If you've never had a boyfriend that means you've never really been kissed then have you, Kahlen?” His voice dropped lower, his eyes looking a little darker than their normal whiskey color. I shook my head, but wasn't one hundred percent sure I actually wanted him to kiss me.
“You can't use me, Brandon. Please, don't do anything with me if it doesn't mean something to you first. I can't,” my voice broke a little as I spoke. “I can't have that be my life any more. I need to mean something to the people in my life. I don't want to be some other girl you kissed, just to have you go fuck some other girl afterward.” My eyes begged him to understand me. “Please.” His eyes held my gaze, and he slowly nodded his head, crooked smirk back on his lips, slowly dropping his hand from my neck, down my arm, stopping at my hand. Brandon took my hand in his, and held it.
He was holding my hand. It seemed like he was trying to make an effort, and all of that meant something to me, but of course I started thinking more about it. What if he only did this because he knew it was what I wanted, or because he thought this was the best way to keep me coming back to him, or doing what he asked? For example, not go around campus with Cole tomorrow.
My brain was running in over drive. I started thinking of all the times Helen, my old foster mom, would tell me things, sometimes anything she thought I wanted to hear, just to get me to do what she wanted me to. This situation, combined with the past encounters I've had with Brandon, kind of felt like deja vu.
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