I nodded, fully understanding the draw. I shifted my sitting position, leaning forward slightly, trying to encourage her with open and friendly body language.
“Anyway, my real name isn’t Carmilla Tepes. It’s Amanda Johnson.”
If I had been drinking water at that moment, it would have been a spit-take for sure. “Amanda Johnson?” I asked incredulously.
“Yep. California girl here. Different Earth than you, though.”
“Whoa,” I said.
“I used to go back to visit my grandma after I passed my first-year test. She raised me. My parents lived somewhere off in Europe and left me with my nana when I was barely walking and talking,” she said.
“Why did you stop visiting her?” I asked.
“Because I ate her, Liam.”
The silence was brutal. I felt worse every second I didn’t react, but I didn’t know what to say. My eyes bulged practically out of their sockets from the revelation, but I stammered when I tried to find words.
“It’s okay. I know. I’m a monster,” she said, looking at the wall.
“No, you’re not,” I said. “You were with me all day. I bled multiple times, and you controlled yourself. You must have learned control since then.”
“That control won’t bring back my grandma,” she said.
“No, it won’t,” I agreed. “Then we’re the same.”
She scoffed. “Hardly. You survived when your family died. I literally ate the only living family member that I knew.”
“I was arguing with my dad. He was driving,” I said. “He turned around to look at me and didn’t see the truck coming when he made the turn.” I could still see it in my mind, still see his angry face and the way the truck collided with us, like it was happening here and now. I shivered.
Carmilla shook her head stiffly, her fists clenched at her side. “It’s not even close to the same,” she said, and she was right, of course. “But I’m not telling you that you don’t have a right to grieve or even feel guilty. All I’m saying is this.” She scooted forward and grabbed my hand. “You’re not alone. And now, neither am I.”
I smiled at her. Her lips curled weakly as she tried to smile but in the end, she couldn’t manage.
“You need to know something. Today, what we did in the circle,” she began.
I bit my tongue, trying not to comment before I knew where this was going.
“I was going to bite you. I knew I couldn’t control it for too long. The sexual act, that helped. It calmed me down. But deep down, I’m still a monster. I would have killed you, Liam.”
I reached out and stroked her long black hair, trying to reassure her, but she broke away from me, swatting away my caress as though she felt undeserving of it.
“When I saw Rebecca go down today, you know what my first thought was?”
I just looked at her and waited, sure I wasn’t going to like whatever she said.
“I thought, ‘she looks so delicious.’” She buried her face in her hands and sobbed. “I’m the fucking worst.”
“Well, you’ve been a great Integration Assistant at least,” I chuckled.
She ignored my comment and wiped her eyes, but they still streamed with bloody tears that smeared her eyeliner. “Aww fuck I’m a mess now!” she whined. “Vampire bullshit.”
I handed her a handkerchief, and she wiped her eyes. “Carmilla, I have an idea,” I said.
“Huh?” she said, looking into my eyes between sobs.
“Let’s both just promise to do our best to be good friends to each other. Fuck everyone else. We can at least be faithful to one another. It’s an easy place to start.”
“Sure,” she said, daring to smile gently. “At least I’ll have you.” She sighed contentedly. “Well, and Dahlia.”
Her name triggered me. “What do you mean?”
“Oh, I just mean she’s my bestie here. She makes me feel better in the same way that you do,” she explained.
I was lost in my thoughts again, but I was also getting tired. “I think I’m going to sleep soon. Do you want to crash here tonight?” I suggested, not meaning anything suggestive about it. I was genuinely offering comfort to a friend.
“Nah, I’ll head back to my room. I need to relieve myself in the bathroom soon, and I don’t want to do it in yours,” she said, smirking through the bloody tears.
“Mighty considerate of you,” I said with a chuckle.
“Do you still want to be my friend now that you know girls pee, too?” she joked.
I laughed. “I’m more surprised that vampires pee.”
“Ah. That. Well, I’m actually, technically, not a full vampire yet,” she said. “I’m a dhampir, or half-vampire. I need to complete another ritual to go full-blooded. But it’s easier to just say vampire. I mean, you must have noticed I walk around during the day.”
“Wouldn’t it be easier just to get turned by a real vampire?”
“Yes,” she agreed, “But then you’re their thrall, and not a free vampire.”
“And why don’t you just stay a dhampir?” I asked.
“Vampires are more in control of their urges—and stronger. I will have some restrictions, but I’ll be tougher and more able to control myself as a true vampire,” she explained. “And it becomes possible to grow in power and rank up to something called a Vampire Queen. Dhampir can’t do that.”
“Well, if you need any help, I’m glad to be of assistance,” I said.
“Thank you!” she exclaimed, taking my hands. “I do need a necromancer for the ritual to work. That’s why I chose today to pick up that book in the library. For the first time in my life, I have access to one—you!”
“What do I need to do?” I said, excited to be of use.
“Let’s save it for another day. There are some things I’ll need to take care of first. Like reading the damn book, and gathering specific items.”
I gave her a thumbs up. “Got it. Sounds good. Anyway, thanks for everything.” I walked her to the door.
“Yeah, see you tomorrow at breakfast maybe?” she said.
“Sure, of course.”
Carmilla turned around, and I was set to close the door when suddenly she pivoted on her heel and walked back toward me, planting a forceful kiss on my lips. She slipped a tongue inside, and I responded in kind, wrapping my arms around her back and pulling her in tight. The kiss only lasted for a few minutes, and then we were staring each other in the eyes quietly.
I reached to close the door and tried to pull her back into the room, but to my confusion she rejected me.
“Oh, no, I’m still going. I really do need to pee,” she said.
“Then what was that?” I asked, puzzled at the timing of such an invigorating kiss.
She flashed a wicked look at me and buried her face in my chest. “That was just me staking my claim.”
Chapter 8
Deeply Nihilistic
I swallowed hard, quaking from a combination of nerves and anticipation. The sensation that I was feeling was a mix of dread and excitement. It was my first actual session with the Headmistress, and I had no clue what to expect. Would she be cruel? In my brief encounter with her on my first day, she certainly had the makings of a stern mistress. I couldn’t imagine anyone I knew walking away from her unintimidated.
Then again, I wondered, maybe she wouldn’t be that terrifying. Kind? Likely not. But she did seem to take a pronounced interest in me, for whatever reason. That much seemed clear from our short interaction. I supposed I appreciated that.
I stood outside of ornately carved oaken double doors. Above the doors was a bas relief depicting a scene with a group of fish-like people circling some kind of gargantuan sea monster, itself also appearing to be some sort of fish and human hybrid. It had a rather sinister vibe to it. It did nothing to calm my jitters.
With a sigh, I finally worked up the courage to knock on the doors. I was a little bit early, but better early than late, I figured. When I lifted my knuckle to the wood,
though, the doors pushed open on their own without so much as a creak. The room's interior was dark but for a single candle lighting a desk in the corner off to my right.
“Come in, Mr. Elloway,” came a deep, reverberating feminine voice. It seemed disembodied in the darkness, but as I stepped into the room, candles and oil lamps slowly began lighting themselves in every corner, revealing dozens, perhaps hundreds of shelves lining the walls, each with hundreds of books upon them. Aside from the shelves, the room was lightly furnished. There was a large circular red rug at the center of the floor and the aforementioned desk and chair, but the room was surprisingly open and—it may go without saying—large.
I felt goosebumps forming on the back of my neck. When the candles had finished lighting, I became aware of a cold hand on my shoulder. I practically jumped out of my skin. I turned to face my assailant and was not surprised at who I saw.
“Weak. Slow,” said the voice of Headmistress Waite as she crossed in front of me. “Pathetic.” It was a sort of low growl which plainly spelled out her disdain for my apparent show of vulnerability just then.
The power dynamic between us was immediately unmistakable. I was startled at the surprise and irritated by the onslaught of harsh words, but I dared not speak out against her. Instead, I took a breath and bowed my head in respect.
“Headmistress, you caught me by surprise,” I said, ignoring her string of insults entirely.
“Yes, very well.” She affixed a pair of spectacles to her face. “Let us begin. You are soft, brittle clay, Mr. Elloway, but you must be molded nonetheless.”
“And it’s wonderful to see you again, too, Headmistress.” I could only reply with sarcasm at the barrage of epithets.
One of the corners of her lips turned upwards in a wry smirk. “Finally, some signs of a backbone.” She sat down, but there was no chair there. For a moment, I thought she would fall straight to the floor, but by the time she had fully bent her knees, a seat had appeared for her out of thin air. With a snap of her fingers, another chair appeared behind me, pushing itself forward and once again, like my first encounter with the Headmistress, buckling my knees, forcing me to sit.
She took a sip of a cup of tea that hadn’t been in her hand even a moment before, and by the time her hand was lowered to her lap, the cup had vanished. “Mr. Elloway,” she began. “Let this be your first lesson. The universe is the playground of the powerful, as much as it is the prison of the weak. You have been a prisoner your whole life, but fate saw fit to grant you the keys to your freedom.”
I grimaced at her words. How deeply nihilistic, I thought.
She picked up on the implications of whatever facial expression I ended up making. “Mr. Elloway, the radius of the known universe is well over fifty billion light-years, and that’s assuming your planet, Earth, is at the center. And by now, you’ve hopefully realized that our universe is one of trillions.”
My mouth dumbly hung open. I hadn’t ever considered the numbers in a philosophical sense before. “What does that have to do with us?” I asked, trying to connect the dots. “I thought I was here to learn to be a necromancer.”
“It has everything to do with us. Please stand.”
I complied with her command and felt the chair predictably vanish beneath me as I stood.
“How is the leg?” she asked.
“It’s better, thank you. When I hold the cane by the focus, the pain hurts much less,” I admitted.
She smiled. It was an eerie thing to witness on her normally stoic face, but it was fleeting. “You will want to get that leg fixed eventually. I can’t have you so compromised once you start going on longer assignments.”
Get it fixed? Was that an option? Doctors had told me that it would likely be a condition that followed me for the rest of my life without excessive physical therapy. And I could just magic it away?
I suddenly became aware of my nerves. I wanted to get things rolling, now more than ever. I didn’t want to be ableist, but I missed walking without pain. I missed freedom of movement, of not having people feel like they need to help me stand every time I get up. If there was a way to ‘fix’ my leg, I wanted to get the wheels in motion. “Headmistress, what would you have me do first?”
She waved her hand, and a pair of carcasses appeared on the ground. I took a step back in surprise. They stank.
“Surprise me,” she said, gesturing blankly toward the bodies.
The first body belonged to a pig. I didn’t want to keep her waiting, so I figured I’d go with the first spell I could remember rather than the most impressive.
“H’thoth Kn’roth’a!” I shouted with a jabbing gesture beginning with an elbow extension just as I’d read. My focus lit up as I completed the incantation, and the pig’s body instantly evaporated into a foul gaseous cloud.
Holding her nose and waving a hand, she wasted no time in dispelling the gas with a flick of her wrist. “Interesting, next, please.”
For the next corpse, I wanted to try something a bit different. “H’thoth Yig’kcharn!” This body, belonging to a sheep, didn’t turn into a gas. Instead, it liquefied into a red mess.
“Flesh to Blood,” Headmistress Waite said with a nod. “Very well. Tell me, can you create a minion?” she asked.
“I’m afraid I don’t know that one just yet,” I said. “I only memorized the introductory text so far.”
Her eyes glistened in fascination. “Memorized? As in the whole thing?” she asked.
I nodded, finding some confidence suddenly. “Yeah, every spell anyway. Not all the theory just yet, but most.”
“Impressive, Mr. Elloway,” she said, bringing her hands together with a satisfied look. “And excellent restraint, by the way,” she added. “Most students jump into the more advanced texts far before they’re ready.”
“Does that ever end badly?” I asked.
She laughed a cold, harsh laugh. “Yes, yes it does.” And then she stood. “Very well, I have seen what I needed to see. You possess the makings of a powerful necromancer. But you need to strengthen both your body and your mind, and we will need to expedite your studies as much as possible. I want you to begin your assignments sooner rather than later.”
I gulped.
“Do not be afraid. When I’m through with you, there will be few singular forces in the multiverse that could stand to take you down.”
I felt my face react in shock to her words. “Thanks for the vote of confidence,” I said. “Do you really think so?”
“I know so,” she replied smugly. “Mr. Elloway, I would like to meet your familiar now.”
“Oh, of course.” I summoned Uther. The little white fox with starry eyes appeared before the Headmistress. She crouched down to get a closer look. To my surprise, she even petted Uther on the head.
“Uh, professor, can I see yours?” I asked. She looked up at me and smirked. The room instantly felt a bit smaller as a bear-sized gray wolf appeared before me and stared directly in my face. “Holy shit!”
“Uther will grow, too,” she said. “If you want him to, anyway. And if you nurture him with the bounties of your assignments.” She stood back up. She clearly wanted to say something, but she hesitated—a rare hint of an emotion in her other than judgmental snark.
“What is it, Headmistress?” I dared to ask.
She looked back down at the familiar’s eyes. “Your fate is clearly tied to the celestial girl, Dahlia,” she said. “Have you met her?”
I grunted. To some degree I’d expected a comment. “What can you tell me about that?”
She just shook her head. “I don’t want to attempt to extrapolate meaning from hundreds of possibilities. Suffice it to say, though, you should get to know her. She will empower you.”
I detected something in her expression, a hint, perhaps, that she was holding back from me. I almost considered calling her out on it but thought better of it.
“Have you seen her familiar, Liam?” she asked, stroking Uther behind the ears.
“With a skull pattern on its face,” she noted. “I have long thought it strange that a Divination sorceress would have such a necromantic familiar, but she’s linked to you just as you are to her.”
A moment of quiet passed as the two of us lingered in our own thoughts, but eventually, Headmistress Waite broke the silence. “In any case, we’re done here for today,” she spoke.
I blinked at the abruptness of it. “That’s it? I’ve been here maybe ten minutes,” I said.
“I wanted to size you up. Now I have. Here is what comes next. You need to improve your combat capabilities. I heard of your little incident in the library, Mr. Elloway.”
“Did I handle myself poorly?” I asked.
“Not particularly, no. But you lack application. Find someone to practice combat with, and for Dagon’s sake, learn more offensive magic,” she said with a flick of her wrist. The door behind me flung open, and the lights extinguished themselves one by one. “And come back to me before noon on the day you return from your first assignment,” she said in a psychic voice that splintered in my mind. “And don’t be late.”
When the Headmistress was either totally obscured by darkness or vanished altogether, and the only light source was the light coming from the hallway outside, I knew that I was supposed to leave. So I did.
Chapter 9
Stadium Games
Well, at least I knew what I needed to do next. I lit the lamp and several candles in my room and sat at the desk, pouring over tome after tome. Minutes turned to hours, and hours quickly turned to a day. I was not surprised that no one had come looking for me, nor was I particularly disappointed, really. Some of them were probably on assignments, and they had their own shit to do. I would see most of them the next time I remembered to show up for breakfast.
Just as that thought crossed my mind, however, someone knocked on the door. I sat up, suddenly stirred from my devoted studies of arcane knowledge. As I turned to look at the door, half-convinced that the sound was just in my head—perhaps a symptom of my repressed loneliness—my eyes clamored to readjust. The blurry door came clearer into view, and I heard the sound again. And then a voice from the other side.
Esoterica 1: Liam's Awakening: A Lovecraftian Fantasy Harem Adventure (Esoterica Chronicles) Page 8