by Love, Lust
She groaned, wishing he hadn’t reminded her. It would be her first time in public since having the implants removed, and though she wasn’t in pain anymore and had even started to get used to the new smaller size, she really didn’t relish being scrutinized for both her appearance and her decision.
“I’m as ready as I’m going to be. Take my mind off it and tell me what’s wrong. It’s not just today, either. You’ve been different ever since we got here.” She reached up and touched his cheek. “Please tell me.”
She watched his features, trying to read him as he closed his eyes and slowly released a long breath.
“It’s my family, Ashley. There are a lot of…unhappy details, not the least of which that my father is in prison for having sex with a minor.”
She hadn’t meant to gasp, but that bit of news startled her.
“Well, there are other charges, but that’s the main one.” He laughed, harsh and bitter. “And fool that I am, until very recently, I thought he was innocent. Now, well I guess that’s the problem. I’m trying to figure out what I believe now.”
He stirred, turned on his side, and propped one hand up to rest his head. She mimicked his position, quietly waiting for the rest of the story.
“The sky is so blue today.”
She glanced up. He was right, of course, but she really wasn’t interested. His finger lightly grazed her cheek.
“It’s an ugly story, sweetheart. The lot of it. A mother abandons her children. Three little boys are left to raise themselves because their father was too busy running after under-aged girls. Then when the father is finally caught and thrown in jail, the last lynch pin is pulled from the family tree and the two older brothers disappear, leaving the youngest brother completely alone.
“And desolate and having no clue what to do.”
She didn’t say one word because really all there was to say was ‘I’m so sorry’ or ‘How horrible,’ and she knew neither one of those would be useful. She snuggled over as close as she could get, wrapped both arms tight around him, nuzzled her face into his chest, and simply held him.
He soothingly ran his hand over her hair. His other arm wrapped tightly around her. She sighed with pure and utter contentment.
“How long has it been since you’ve seen your mother?”
He groaned. “I was five.”
They lay in silence with the exception of the bird’s song. Ashley wasn’t sure what to say. She’d had her mother all her life, but it hadn’t brought her any happiness. Her father, however, had always been absent and she very clearly remembered all the fantasies she’d woven around him.
“I never knew my father. I always wondered why he left me, why he didn’t love me.”
“Thing is, Ash, I remember her so clearly. She had long black hair and such soft hands. She was the most loving, wonderful woman on the planet. She read us stories, sang to us, helped us build forts, played board games and baked with us. We were so happy, and then one day she was just gone. And she took the happiness with her.”
A lump conspicuously lodged in her throat as she listened to his story, she fought hard to hold back tears as she knew the pain he was expressing. She knew it personally and would have done anything to take it from him.
“It was never the same after that. There were nannies. Young ones. Most only stayed a month or so and it was Dev that became the father figure. He tucked me in at night and read to me. Drake tried, too, but we were all so young and…”
He sat up abruptly, then pushed himself up until he stood over her, hand extended down. She took it and let him pull her to her feet.
“This isn’t productive. Let’s take a walk, or go over preparations for tomorrow. Anything but this.”
She went up on tiptoes and pressed a soft kiss to his mouth.
“She didn’t stop loving you.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
She pulled away and looked up at him.
“I think it does. And a mother like what you just described does not leave her children by choice and never come back.”
He scrubbed both hands over his face and turned away from her.
“It wasn’t by choice.”
Ashley held her breath, waiting to hear what would come next. The words ‘then why’ thundered through her mind, but she bit her tongue to keep the words from coming out.
He turned back to her, the distraught and despair on his face was killing her. She’d do anything to take his pain away.
“I had a sister. She was two. My best guess is my mother found out what my father was into and left to save Alexa. That’s what we all decided that happened. She took our sister and hid so well, none of us have ever been able to find her.”
“I…”
She cut herself off because she simply had no idea what to say.
He moved back and took her in his arms. His warmth soaked into her.
“There’s nothing to say. Now you know the gory details. I guess I haven’t been myself because there are a lot of ghosts here and they’ve been distracting me. I’m sorry for that.”
“Darius, all I ever had was my mom and that relationship was so screwed up…I just mean…oh, fuck! I don’t know what I mean, but I think it matters. Family matters.”
She lifted her head to meet his gaze.
“When was the last time you looked for her?”
“It doesn’t matter, angel. Let’s go back to the house.”
She fell in step beside him and they walked in silence until they hit the steps to the terrace. He let her walk up one, then stopped her. Once turned, she was eye level with him. She felt his stare penetrate her. His fingers embraced her cheeks, and the sadness she saw in his eyes was nearly unbearable.
“I’ve never looked. Dev did. Ashley, my father’s been in prison for several years now. If she wanted to contact us…”
“Yeah, but maybe she’s scared you won’t talk to her, or maybe she has no way of knowing, or maybe…”
His kiss cut her off. It was tempting to fall into it and lose herself in his passion, but this seemed so much more important. She pulled back.
“You should look.”
“Ashley, I…” He closed his eyes for a second. “Truth?”
She nodded.
“I’m not sure I could take a rejection if I found her and she truly didn’t want me.” He ran a hand over the top of his head. “How’s that for pathetic?”
“It’s not at all!”
She drew a breath. She knew herself way too well and was far too emotional over this. She needed to make her point clearly.
“It’s not at all. There’s a very little boy deep inside you.” She placed a hand flat over his heart. “He’s hurt and he’s scared and he’s lonely. I wish I could scoop him out and love him and show him it’ll be okay, but I think the only thing I can do is promise to stand beside you if you take this journey. If you look.”
She waited for him to argue, but he didn’t.
“Darius, I’ll stand by you, go with you, never leave your side. I’ll do anything. If you want to find her, you won’t be alone.”
He blinked, opened his mouth as if he were going to say something, then closed it again. Ashley waited.
It seemed like forever, then he very simply stated, “Ashley, I love you.”
He’d said it the other afternoon, it seemed like a heat of passion sort of thing at the time so she’d pushed it from her mind, but now…it was plainly stated and his eyes told her the truth of it.
She averted her gaze from his, but he tipped her chin back up, forcing her to stare back into his eyes.
“It scares me.”
“What does, angel?”
She sighed and wished he released her chin so she could look away, but he held firm.
“Love. It scares me. No one has said it to me and meant anything other than “Now I get to control you.” I’m…I’m sorry.”
He pulled her close. Dropped a kiss to her forehead.
“Don’t be sorry. Tha
t’s your experience. My love isn’t a game and it’s not a weapon, and someday, Ashley, you’ll see that. In the meantime, I’m just going to wait.” He looked back into her eyes. “Because I love you.”
She refused to cry. Instead, she let his words wash over her like a warm bath, which gave her an excellent idea.
She smiled at him.
“How about you love me in that enormous tub in your suite?”
His smile grew wicked. At the same time, his eyes darkened suspiciously. A moment later, he had her swept from her feet and carried her toward the house.
* * * *
“So, on a scale of one to a hundred, how nervous are you?”
Darius’ voice barely scratched the surface of her consciousness.
She blinked.
“What?”
He took her hand and rubbed his thumb over her knuckles.
“You look a million miles away, plus you’re chewing on your lip.”
She gasped, pulled her hand away, and opened the small beaded evening bag.
“Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.”
She pulled out the small compact and looked at the damage to her lipstick.
“I know better.”
Hyperventilating was imminent. She pushed herself deeper into the leather seat, tried to pull in a long slow breath, but it was nearly impossible.
“Darius, I can’t do this.” She reached for the intercom to the driver. “Turn the car around.”
Darius, took her hand and calmly said into the intercom, “Continue to the event.”
“Darius, I can’t!”
He slid out of his seat and onto his knees in front of her. He took both her hands, holding them steady in her lap.
“Ashley. Yes. You. Can.”
His calm, level voice cut right through her nerves. His authoritative tone had her trusting him. She squeezed his hands.
“I can do this.”
“You’re Ashley Williams. Honey, you’ve been doing this your whole life. And besides, the people love you.”
He crouched up and kissed her forehead before sitting beside her once again.
“It’s just…” She let out a breath. “You’re right. I’ve been doing this forever. I’m not thrilled that everyone will be looking at my boobs, but…” She drew a breath in again. “But your plan to have my reveal at a breast cancer awareness fundraiser is brilliant.”
She laughed, feeling actually relaxed for the first time all day.
“Well, sweetheart, I figured in a room where breasts are the main attraction, it’ll make your significantly smaller ones less of a spectacle.”
She leaned over and kissed his cheek.
“You’re fabulous. You know that, right?”
The limo pulled along the curb. Even through the tinted glass, she could see flashes going off. Through the door, she could hear the crowds cheering. Her stomach did a little flip, but it was as much excitement now as nerves.
“No, but what I do know is that this is my last chance to kiss you for the entire night, so come here.”
He tugged her into his arms, kissing her softly with restrained passion until she wanted to tell the driver once again to go home.
Knowing they were out of time, she pulled back, a sad smile blooming of its own accord. She knew it wasn’t the time to show off a new man. Still, a part of her whished she could walk the red carpet with Darius and show the world how wonderful she thought he was. She wanted to feel his arm around her, safely protecting her, and she wanted to hold his hand, wanted to kiss him when her courage waned. For tonight, though, it would have to be platonic all the way, and she didn’t entirely know she was that good an actress.
Her feet firmly planted on the red carpet, the lights instantly blinded her as she came out of the limo. She gave her award-winning smile and waved. It had been so long since she’d been here. She was surprised when she realized she missed it.
Darius came out of the limo behind her, professionally placed her hand in the crook of his arm and together, they started the long trip down the red carpet to the venue itself.
* * * *
Darius stayed formally beside Ashley. He didn’t want a single person to think they had anything other than business going on between them. Her reputation couldn’t take the hit right now. He had things moving smoothly, one step at a time, but it was imperative that things went according to how he had it planned. He’d already quashed several gossip mill rumors about Ashley and Morey, but he knew the firestorm just began. This wouldn’t be an easy transition, and if Morey proved to be half the carnivore his reputation alluded to, Darius knew they would be in for a fight that would get dirty and quite possibly sleazy, as well.
Tonight, however, was for Ashley.
She looked stunning in a strapless red silk gown, hair tied back in a classic knot while small diamond drops adorned her ears. She looked like a fairytale princess and he found it ridiculously difficult to keep his hands off her.
Talking through his smile, he leaned close enough so she’d hear him.
“You look stunning, by the way, in case I forgot to mention it earlier.”
Her smile brightened, flashes blinded them. Darius relegated himself to awed bystander.
“Ashley, you look absolutely amazing tonight.” That was how it started. They stopped at the first of a dozen or more media stops along the red carpet. A young woman dressed in sparkles and gold held a microphone. A man holding a blinding light and another with a camera stood behind her.
Trained professional that she was, Ashley stood on her mark and smiled. Darius took a spot off to the side, hoping to avoid being in the shot with her.
“Thank you, Giselle.”
“How are you feeling after the surgery?”
“Very well, thank you. I had an excellent doctor and everything went exactly the way it should have.”
Darius casually eyed the crowd. It amazed him every time he came to an event like this. On the one hand, it seemed so shallow and ridiculous, but on the other, it gave people some joy in their lives. What was wrong with that?
“It’s been a very long time since we’ve seen you at a major event like this.”
Darius watched as an Ashley he’d never seen before calmly and almost robotically answered all the questions, smiled, and behaved quite like the trained puppet she’d been raised to be.
It was surreal and a little scary, but at the same time, she was absolutely dazzling.
The first two reporters didn’t ask anything out of the ordinary and didn’t question his presence more than to ask, “Who’s with you tonight?” To which Ashley answered, “My publicists Darius Kiersen.” Then the question seemed to go to her life without Myra and Gabe, upcoming projects, and whose gown she wore.
He’d thought she was inexplicably brave with her gown choice. She could have worn any number of gowns that would have hidden her noticeably smaller breasts, but she didn’t. She wore something that showed them off as if it didn’t matter. Which it really didn’t, except that he knew it still troubled her, leaving him feeling quite helpless other than to shower those beautiful smaller breasts with attention every chance he got.
Darius knew the reporter at stop three and wasn’t happy to see her. Pamela Hartson had a reputation as a hard nose, thought she was Barbara Walters, used-every-weapon-at-her-disposal-to-get-whatever-it-was-she-wanted kind of reporter. His last clash with the woman, what she wanted was into his bed. The fact that he outright refused her, had not made her happy.
He grabbed Ashley’s elbow and pulled her back to whisper in her ear.
“This is the one. Are you sure you want to do this?”
She looked at him briefly. He saw strength in her eyes, strength he imagined she was drawing from the crowd calling her name.
“I’ll be fine.”
He almost felt her caress his cheek. Her tone was so tender. He had to let his client take the lead on this one, but his feelings about protecting his girlfriend were not so calm.
“Ashley, darling, who’s your date tonight?”
“This is my new publicist, Darius Kiersen.”
She reached back and tucked her arm in his, nudging him beside her. He felt how tense she was. He wished he could just whisk her some place safe, but he trusted her and knew she’d be able to handle this.
“So is there any romance going on?”
The sickening, innuendo-laced tone Pamela used made Darius want to snap her bony little neck. In a town as global as Hollywood, it was really rather small and inbred. Everyone knew everyone and there really were no actual secrets. It was all a well-orchestrated dance and even though he knew this and had seen Ashley dance this dance for years, it was an entirely different experience watching it up close.
“I’m not ready for romance. Mr. Kiersen has been working day and night getting me ready to come back to work. I needed a friend tonight who understands the business.”
Her smile turned brittle. Darius softly squeezed her hand as it rested on his arm.
“You’ve been living with him for the past two weeks.”
“My entire staff has been imposing on Mr. Kiersen, but after the surgery, we agreed it would be easier on everyone if we were in residence. It’s a lot of work restarting a career after such a long time away.”
For the next three minutes, Pamela threw questions of a more and more personal nature, and Ashley handled it brilliantly.
Fortunately, they were given the move-along signal. Ashley instantly dropped Darius’ arm and moved to the crowd to sign some autographs. Darius was about to follow when Pamela pushed herself into his personal space.
“I’m not sure what you’re up to, Darius, but my gut says there’s more here.”
He bit his jaw to keep from saying the first thought that sprung to mind. He moved closer and through a smile, delivered, “She’s a nice girl. Leave her alone.”
She half laughed. “If she’s with you, she’s as dumb as they say and she deserves whatever she gets.”
Darius glanced down the red carpet, Ashley was getting lost in the crowd and the line behind him got impatient, so he simply smiled and moved down the carpet, making a mental note to keep an eye on Pamela Hartson.