Are You Nuts?

by Mark Richard Zubro

  “Thank you,” she said. “A million thank-yous.”

  In her early seventies, she was usually sprightly and lively. This morning her shoulders slumped, her hair was wildly askew, and every furrow on her face looked like a deep scar. We sat on a bench worn down by the butts of offenders for perhaps a hundred years.

  “What happened?” I asked.

  “Meg told me the story before the police arrested her. Blenkinsop got bashed with a Smith’s Comprehensive Encyclopedia.”

  “Why have they arrested Meg?”

  “During the PTA meeting tonight, things were said and threats were made. Worse, they found her purse next to the dead body. Much worse, they have her fingerprints on the murder weapon.”

  “Can you give me all the details from the beginning?”

  “Before the body was found, the evening had been awful. Afterward, there was chaos. For hours, police, school administrators and board members, teachers, parents, kids—just everybody—were running around.”

  My lawyer hurried into the room. Todd was tall and waspishly thin. He wore an impeccably cut, dark gray suit with a severely starched white shirt. If you used a microscope, you might find the faint red stripes in his dark gray tie. I’d only ever seen him dressed as if for court or a funeral. If I asked him about his attire, I knew he’d say that for a trip to the police station, it never hurt to look one’s best. It might be impressive at the right moment. He wore glasses with thin gold rims. His sunken cheeks and crinkles around his eyes added to the impression he gave everyone that, with a few minor alterations, he could have been anyone’s maiden aunt. He often sounded like it too.

  I introduced him to Agnes.

  “I’ve talked with several officials and a state’s attorney,” Todd said. “We’re not going to be able to meet with Meg for a while. When that happens, they might only permit me in.”

  I explained about the meeting, then said, “Agnes was there. She might be able to give us information about what happened.”

  Todd took out a yellow legal pad from his briefcase and prepared to take notes.

  “Where do I start?” Agnes asked.

  Todd said, “Let’s begin with all the details you can remember. Don’t worry about not remembering everything. Take as much time as you need.”

  She filled Todd in on the background about the election, then began giving details about the meeting. “People spoke, shouted, argued. Nobody on their side made much sense. Your name came up, Tom.”

  “I don’t care about that now. What’s happening to Meg is what’s important.”

  Agnes smiled briefly. She vigorously rubbed her eyes with her fists, then looked at us. “I’m more tired than I’ve ever been in my life. I’ve never had a friend arrested before. The police were terribly polite, but terribly firm. At first, Meg was too stunned to make much protest. When she got her wits about her and figured out she was a suspect, she began demanding a lawyer. They weren’t quite so polite after that. Then they took her away.”

  “The meeting?” Todd prodded.

  “If Belutha and her supporters used a shred of logic at the meeting, I didn’t hear it. About the middle of the evening Meg told Belutha Muffin she could take her Neanderthal views and shove them up her butt. When she said that, people got very angry. I’m afraid what happened next was rather undignified but very funny. The silly cow, Belutha, finally lost that self-satisfied smile. She leapt across several chairs and charged Meg.”

  “Did Meg get hurt?”

  “No, not by that awful person. She stood her ground. Before Belutha was finished crossing the distance between them, she was all red in the face and puffing harder than a hurricane. I thought she was just short of a stroke. Belutha may have been too exhausted for physical abuse by then, but she let loose verbal blasts that were equivalent to any tornado. Meg’s comment when Belutha finally ran down was a deadly quiet and perfectly calm, ‘Why don’t you just die, you silly bitch?’ I’m afraid that was the most controlled Meg was for quite a while.”

  I said, “I thought I was the one who had to work on keeping calm in overwrought situations.”

  Agnes chuckled. “Perhaps you can take lessons together. After she made that crack, several people got between them. Jerome Blenkinsop was one of them. They had to drag poor Belutha away. She swore she’d get even with Meg and her liberal librarian ways. Belutha never did get to make her little speech against you, Tom. She was escorted out and they called a recess.

  “Later Jerome asked to speak with Meg privately. Meg motioned me to follow. I guess she wanted a witness. When we were a little apart from the others, Jerome went nuts. I had no idea he was one of Belutha’s supporters. I was taken off guard and I think Meg was too. Emotions were running so high. Every time I turned around, someone seemed to be shouting. There weren’t that many people nearby, but I’m afraid nearly everyone heard them. Jerome also ripped into you and your reputation. He was pretty angry you wouldn’t support him in the election.”

  “If he was on Belutha’s side, how could he have been interested in my support?”

  “He was desperate to win. He called you several unpleasant names. At one point Jerome put his hand on Meg’s elbow, but Meg yanked her arm away. What happened next is unclear. Someone claimed Jerome was pushed from behind. Whatever the cause, Jerome shoved Meg, who staggered back into me. Things became ugly. I’m afraid they both made threats they didn’t mean. People got between them, and the incident ended.

  “Everyone calmed down after that. When they resumed the meeting, their side suggested the elections be postponed because of all the turmoil. That got shouted down. Eventually, we voted. Belutha won by two votes.”

  I raised an eyebrow.

  Agnes said, “The good guys lost. Happens more often than people care to admit. One of your strongest supporters did get elected vice president. It took a while to count the votes, but after they announced the results, the meeting began breaking up. Knots of people hung around discussing strategies, tactics, issues, and personalities.

  “When we were ready to leave, Meg couldn’t find her purse. She had stopped in the library earlier, but she knew she had it with her at the meeting because she had notes in it. She distinctly remembered taking them out before she went to the podium to speak. I don’t recall seeing her with the purse, nor did I notice that she didn’t have it.

  “Because of the size of the crowd, we had the meeting in the gym. She even got a couple of custodians to pull out the bleachers and check under there. She began to think it had been stolen. Before making accusations, she figured she’d better check the library just to be sure it wasn’t there. At that point, she went to the library, and I went to wait out by the car. The room had been stiflingly humid all night, and I wanted to get some fresh air.

  “All the rest of this Meg told me while we waited for the police to arrive and before she got arrested. It took them forever to do their investigation.

  “When she arrived in the library, she noticed several books were strewn on the floor down a nearby aisle. Meg’s always very conscientious. She’d never leave a book out of place. She knew she hadn’t done it, and that they hadn’t been out of place earlier. She began a circuit of the perimeter of the room. Before she was a third of the way around, she saw a body. She realized right away it was Jerome. She didn’t see him breathing.”

  Agnes drew a deep breath. “Meg was very subdued when she told me all this. I’ve never seen her so shaken. I would have been too. Finding a dead body has got to be the worst thing.” She took a lace handkerchief out of her purse and dabbed at the film of moisture on her upper lip.

  “What else did she say?” Todd prodded gently.

  “That it was eerie. Her exact words were, ‘I think of myself as cool, calm, and witty. I was none of those either at the meeting or at that moment.’ I don’t know how anybody could have been.”

  I said, “Those were more difficult circumstances than any of us ever want to be in.”

  Agnes wrapped her arms ar
ound herself, pulled in another deep breath, and resumed. “She didn’t remember a conscious decision to act. She ran to the phone in her office, dialed 911, then locked up the room as tightly as possible. Then she began hunting for help. Everyone else was gone by that point except the janitors. She finally hurried out to where I was. We found the janitors together.

  “I was there when she talked to the police initially. She told them the whole story including the part about hunting for her purse. That’s important because they found it lying three feet from Jerome’s body.” Agnes sighed. “She had no idea how it got there. After she finished her story, the police began badgering her. I guess they found the purse pretty quickly. Others must have told them about what happened at the meeting.”

  “Did Meg remember seeing the purse when she saw the body?” Todd asked.

  “She didn’t think so. The police implied she’d dropped it in her confusion after the murder.”

  “If it wasn’t there,” Todd said, “then obviously someone got into the library after she left.”

  I said, “Or the murderer was still there watching her all the time.”

  Agnes shuddered. “This is more than a bit much.”

  “Who else has keys to the library?” Todd asked.

  I said, “After all these years, I doubt if anybody really knows. Even without a key, access to any of our rooms isn’t difficult. A flip with a credit card and you’re in. Of course, the janitors would have keys.”

  “Can you give us a list of who else was at the meeting?” Todd asked.

  “Usually less than ten show up. Tonight there were about twenty-five teachers and maybe seventy-five people from the community. I can try writing down some names for you later. Carolyn Blackburn, the school superintendent, was there, but she was talking to reporters for a short while afterwards and then left. Edwina skulked out before the reporters could get hold of her. Let me think.” She paused for a moment. “Both candidates for union president were there as well as Beatrix Xury. She tried to make a statement about some field trip. She was mostly ignored. She got mad and left early. Meg pointed out to me somebody named Trevor Thompson, but I’m not sure who he was. A friend of yours, Tom, I think.”

  “I know who he is.”

  “He sat in the back and never said a word. Seth, the other candidate for union president, was there. He didn’t say anything. I’m not sure I could remember everybody.”

  “Don’t worry about it,” Todd said. “The police can probably give us the names later. We’ve got to work on bail. Has she ever been arrested?”

  “Not that I know of,” I said.

  Todd nodded. “I’ll know more in an hour or two.”

  “I’m worried,” Agnes said. “I know Meg didn’t do it. It’s just a matter of finding out who did or proving her innocence or both.” She patted my arm. “You should be glad you weren’t at that meeting. It was not pretty.”

  I said, “I’m going to do some investigating of my own. I’ll call you if I find anything out.”

  She gave me another hug and left. I followed Todd back out front, then asked him, “Now what?”

  “We aren’t sure she wants me as her attorney. I’ll get an answer to that and then I’ll find out about a preliminary hearing. Bail for a murder charge isn’t going to be cheap. Does she have the money?”

  “If she doesn’t, Scott and I do.”

  “Good to know. I’ll work on it and get back to you. If what Agnes said about what the police have is accurate, they are starting with a strong case. Unless they happen upon another suspect, she is in deep trouble.”

  Todd left. By this time the day shift had come on duty. The person behind the reception desk might have been the same guy I saw earlier this morning or his identical twin. This time when I asked for Frank, I was told he was in.

  I sat in Frank’s office. He wore the same brown suit he wore 90 percent of the time. I don’t know if he had just the one suit or whole racks full of brown suits that he kept in heaps on the floor so they’d all look equally rumpled.

  He said, “I hear and see you’re a big star now.”

  “Yeah, fame is as much fun as being run over by a tank.”

  “That happen to you often?”

  “What?”

  “That tank thing.”

  “Only this year. You should try being famous.”

  “No thanks.”

  “You heard Meg Swarthmore’s been arrested?”

  “Who is she?”

  “Librarian at the school. A good friend of mine.”

  “I vaguely recall who she is. What’d she do?”

  “Nothing. They think she killed Jerome Blenkinsop, one of the teachers.”

  “What evidence do they have?”

  I told him about the purse, the fingerprints, and their dislike for each other.

  “I don’t know, Tom. It’s not my case. I’ll keep my ears open, but I can’t do much for her or you.”

  “I’m going to ask people questions.”

  “Keep out of the way of the detectives. None of them are nearly as sweet as I am.”

  “Who could be?”

  I knew he’d help me as best he could. If I went home, I suspected I wouldn’t be able to get any sleep. I was too concerned about Meg. I left and drove to the Frankfort Village Inn on La Grange Road in Frankfort to grab some breakfast, then hurried to school.

  5

  It was eight in the morning and only a few teachers, custodians, and administrators were around. I walked over to Carolyn Blackburn’s office. Her personal secretary, Mavis Lukachevsky, announced me immediately.

  Carolyn said, “It’s awful about Meg.”

  “I was at the police station.”

  “How is she?”

  “I couldn’t get in to see her. My lawyer is working on getting her out on bail.”

  “I was too busy calming down raving board members and hysterical parents last night to get a clear idea of what happened. The police wouldn’t tell me anything.”

  I gave her a brief outline based on what Agnes had told us. Carolyn shook her head. “I don’t picture Meg killing anybody. Why would she need to? What’s the point?”

  “I know Meg didn’t like Belutha. It seems Jerome was in Belutha’s and Lydia Marquez’s camp.”

  “That’s news to me.”

  “Were you aware of any connection between those three?”

  “I hear much less than people imagine. As superintendent I avoid gossip. Most of the time it is inaccurate or, worse, outright vicious lies. Sometimes it is better not to know. What you can ignore as superintendent can be fairly important. I can picture Meg doing in Belutha.” She smiled briefly. “That actually might be amusing. I’ve seen them at meetings. Belutha tries to come across as sweetness and light, but there’s a lot of anger there as well, which everyone finally saw last night.”

  “I’m going to be talking to a lot of people about the murder. I have to prove Meg innocent or find the one who did it.”

  “If I can help, let me know. Some of the folks who were at the meeting won’t be eager to talk to you.”

  “I understand that. I know I can’t make them open up.”

  “The police could get annoyed if they think you’re interfering.”

  “I can handle that. Have you got time to tell me what happened last night?”

  “Definitely. Do you know the outgoing president of the PTA, Louis Johnson?”

  I shook my head.

  “Well, at the beginning he ran the meeting. He didn’t seem to know what he was doing and things got out of hand very quickly. It was supposed to be a candidates’ forum. Questions were to be submitted from the audience and each candidate would answer them. First, they couldn’t agree on who was going to screen the questions.”

  “Why did they need the questions screened?”

  “Lydia Marquez suggested it. She made them do it the same way at the school board’s candidates’ night six months ago.”

  “Lydia was there last night?”<
br />
  “In her glory.”

  “What did she say?”

  “Let me tell this chronologically.”

  I nodded.

  “They finally roped my secretary into screening the questions. She was very hesitant at first, but it turned out not to make much difference. To begin, each candidate was supposed to make an opening statement. Amelia Gregory, the other candidate for president, spoke first. She began a perfectly sensible speech about assuring cooperation between teachers, administrators, and parents. Before she could finish, Lydia stood up and began asking her a question about prayer in schools.”

  “This is a PTA issue?”

  “It is to Lydia. Amelia looked confused. She tried to catch Louis’s attention, but he ignored her. Mavis wasn’t about to leap up and throttle Lydia. Several people in the audience shouted out demands that Amelia answer the question. Then several others began booing when they made those demands.”

  “Nobody tried to keep order?”

  Carolyn told me that she’d finally taken control of the meeting. When she threatened to cancel the entire election, people began to get more reasonable. The plan was that when everyone was done speaking and both factions had been heard from, the candidates would still answer questions from the audience.

  Carolyn said, “It was like holding a meeting in a simmering cauldron—waiting for it to boil. You were attacked once by name. Sometimes they used those phrases—‘save the children’ or ‘endorsing a lifestyle’—but you weren’t the real focus of the attacks or defenses. There were proposals for censorship and ending tenure. Prayer, I mentioned. One of the more difficult arguments for me to follow was the one demanding the PTA take a stand on abortion. It seemed like dozens of goofy proposals got made.

  “What started the next fight was a person from Belutha’s faction who sounded as if he was calling for a member of the Ku Klux Klan to be elected. As he spoke, I felt a prickle creep up my spine. Maybe he was one of those insane militia people. He didn’t have much to say about the PTA election. He was more making a speech about his cause. He did everything but praise Hitler’s Germany and call for the opening of concentration camps. I tried to cut him off, but he got abusive.”