Twilight in Kuta

by David Nesbit

  I liked to read the forums because I think it helped me to understand more about the bules and their lives. I sometimes used to try to read what they said to Selvey but not usually, because I knew she didn’t like bules. Sometimes the forums could be very busy with many people posting news and questions and stories, and sometimes they were very quiet.

  Actually, anybody could join the forums. You didn’t have to be a bule; you just chose a nickname and became a member. I became a member, but Selvey didn’t. My nickname on both websites was SariGal80. I think it was a good name for me because my real name is Sari and I was born in 1980. Back in the beginning I didn’t often post on the forums. I usually liked to just read what other people posted.

  Selvey often used to say I shouldn’t write on the forums at all and if I did then one day I would have a problem with a bule. I didn’t know why Selvey said that at the time and I just thought she worried too much.

  One day I logged on to the internet and saw there were lots of people writing on the forums. Some people were writing on the personals forum and other people were replying to them. There was a discussion about mixed relationships between bule and Indonesian people. Somebody wanted to know if the forum thought a relationship between people of different countries could be a success or if there would be too many differences.

  Some people wrote that they thought there would be no problems, but others wrote and said there would be some. I remember thinking at the time: love is blind and if two people love each other then they can overcome their problems. I also remember telling Selvey this but she didn’t look very interested. She said I was naïve and I should go back to work. I don’t think I was naïve. I think I was just romantic.

  I read all the forum’s posts on the topic but I didn’t post anything myself. I don’t know why. I read about one girl’s experience with her bule boyfriend. She said she was with him for six months but he was never faithful to her. She said he had many other Indonesian girlfriends at the same time as her even though he was quite old and not very handsome. I felt sorry for her, but other people on the forum said that is normal for bule. They said that bules always have many girlfriends and they like to have fun only. I don’t think that is true. I think bules are good people, usually.

  There was another new thread on the forum that day. This one was started by an expatriate, a bule. He said his name was Charlie and he was from England. He said he had been in Jakarta for just a couple of weeks but he would stay for one year while he worked at a company here. He sounded interesting, but also a bit lonely and so I started to feel sorry for him. He said he had no friends here and he was looking to find some people to maybe meet for a coffee or something.

  Reading down, I saw a few people had replied and welcomed him to Jakarta. One or two gave him some advice about places to go if he wanted to meet people but nobody suggested meeting him. I wondered why not.

  I had a thought: Do you think he would want to talk to me or to meet me?

  I felt I would like to help him to feel happy in Jakarta. He must have been feeling sad to be away from his family and friends and in a strange country where he didn’t know anybody, I reasoned. I wanted to help Charlie. Was that wrong, do you think? I think he sounded like a nice man.

  I didn’t want to ask Selvey if she thought I should write to him because I knew she would be angry and call me a mummy’s girl again, so I just looked at Charlie’s profile on the website and I saw he had given his email address. Maybe I would send him an email introducing myself and welcoming him to my country. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that, right? I don’t think that would make me a bad girl, do you?

  Yes, I decided, I would write to him later but I wouldn’t tell Selvey, and I may tell Ari or I may not. We’d see.

  Ah! Who is Ari???

  Didn’t I tell you? Ooops! Ok, well, although Selvey was my best friend in the office, Ari was my best friend outside it. In fact, I think he is probably my best friend overall, even better than Selvey.

  His name is Ari (short for Ariansa Wiboso) and he has been my friend since we were together in the third grade of elementary school. He is a funny boy and my good friend and always helps me and supports me and never makes me angry or sad, unless he is calling me a bule-mania, which he started doing after I told him that Selvey did. Actually, I know he is not serious and is just teasing me when he says that. I think he likes to see me angry sometimes, but then he tells me a joke and makes me laugh again and I can’t stay angry with him for long.

  Now, Ari and I used to see each other all the time when we were growing up but after I graduated university and started work, we didn’t see one another every day. He continued studying in medical school and I started working.

  Well, back to Charlie. I wrote to him and then I spent ages waiting to see if he would reply. I thought he would reply because he was lonely. I was sorry for him.

  In my email to him I wrote that I was happy he had chosen to come and live in my country and I hoped he would enjoy his time here. I told him that Indonesian people are very friendly people and I was sure he would soon have lots of friends. I then added a smiley. Like this: ϑ I don’t know why I did that. I hoped he didn’t think I am childish. I often use smileys when I write emails to my friends. I think it is a friendly thing to do. What do you think?

  I wanted to ask Selvey if she thought it was childish to use smileys but I was worried she would ask me who I wrote to and I didn’t want to tell her. Selvey worried too much about me, but I liked her. She was and still is my friend

  The day just dragged on and as I was still not very busy I had time to read more on the internet. When I had time like this, I sometimes read stories about my favourite TV shows to find out what would happen in the next episode. I liked to watch programmes from America mostly. I don’t really like Indonesian TV or films too much. I think the stories in Indonesian TV shows are all the same. In these shows the women are always crying and the men are always cruel. The men always hit the women and make them fall down and then leave the house quickly. I don’t think it is good if the men always hit the women, do you? That doesn’t usually happen in real life.

  That’s why I preferred to watch the TV shows from America. My favourite shows are Desperate Housewives, Grey’s Anatomy, C.S.I, 90210 and Gossip Girl. I think these shows are much more realistic, don’t you? The men and ladies all seemed to be more independent and cool and that made me think America must be a wonderful place to live in because there everyone seems to be so confident.

  I started wondering if Charlie was the same type of guy as the men in these shows. I mean, I knew he was from England and not America, and I knew the men in the shows are only actors and that the stories are made-up and not real and everything, but I just imagined all bules must be much the same in real life as they are on TV. I guess I learned the hard way not to judge a book by its cover, though.

  Sometimes after work I watched TV with Ari or else went to the cinema with him and we discussed the places in the films and the people. Ari also thinks the films and TV from America are better than the ones from Indonesia but I think he just likes to look at the beautiful bule ladies. I sometimes teased him that he should try and find a bule girlfriend but then he normally just blushed and said he was not a bule-mania. He is a funny boy. I like him and I hope he will have the future he deserves, one day.

  I looked up at the clock and saw it was nearly time to go home and until now Charlie hadn’t replied my email. I decided to check one more time and then if he still hadn’t written to me I would go home and look again the next day.

  Wow!!!!!!!!!! I had a reply from him!!! See, I knew he was a good man! All bules are good men! Just like in the movies! Just like Matt Damon and George Clooney and that actor who plays Maloney in Grey’s Anatomy and … ooooh, many others!

  Right? Right?

  My mind was racing and I was gabbling (internally anyway, in reality I didn’t say a word) and a million thoughts and questions were racing through my mind.


  What does he say?????? I can’t open it, I’m too nervous.

  Maybe he wants to meet me and then he will fall in love with me and want to marry me and take me to England and meet his family and we will have many children and they will be semi-bule and so cute and everyone will know me as a lucky girl with a great life!

  I knew I had to calm down. Ok. Take a deep breath. It’s ok. It’s just an email. Just read it and see what he says. Ok. Here we go.

  From: Charlie7787@hotmail.com

  To: Sarigal80@Yahoo.com

  Date: 26 June, 2005

  Dear Sari,

  Thank you very much for your email. It was a nice surprise to hear from you.

  What do you do here, Sari? I work as an English teacher in Slipi. Do you know that place? I should think you do as you said you were born here in Jakarta. ϑ

  Yes, you are right about Indonesian people being very friendly. Everyone here is always smiling at me and they all want to talk to me. I feel a bit like a film or pop star ϑ but until now I still don’t have any close friends.

  Well, Sari, I think I should go now because I have to get back to work.

  Take care and have a great day.

  Charlie

  I read his email many times and I was floating. I was so very happy. I thought that was a very nice email and Charlie was a nice man. He was very polite and kind, I thought. I happily read his email many times and it proved what I was thinking: bule men were polite and kind and this email was evidence of that. I decided to write to him again later. I would like to be his friend. He was a nice man, I thought and he even used smileys, the same as me. In fact, he used two smileys. This showed what a friendly man he was. I had to go home, but already I was looking forward to writing to him again.

  The very next day I decided to write again to Charlie. I thought about him a lot in the night.

  I hoped he was ok the previous night and not too lonely in his house. I hoped he could find some friends here soon. I worried a bit about him.

  Ok. This was my email to him.

  From: Sarigal80@Yahoo.com

  To: Charlie7787@hotmail.com

  Date: 27 June, 2005

  Dear Charlie,

  It is me, Sari. Thanks you very much for your write to me. I am very happy to read your email and you reply to me. Yes, you are right. I do know Slipi because I am live in Jakarta all my life until nowϑ. My office is in Thamrin. Do you know it? It is not so far from Slipi. I am work for finance company. I like my job but am boring here sometimes.

  Wow, you are an English teacher? I hope you are understand my English? … Maybe you can understand I think.

  I hope you will have many friends soon.

  Ok, Charlie. I must start my works now. Nice to know you and I hope you have a nice day and write me your news again.

  Your (new) friend,

  Sari.

  I looked at my email for a long time before I sent it. Was it ok? I know my English is not good and, actually, I wanted Selvey to help me but I was still scared to tell her about Charlie. I hoped Charlie didn’t think I was a silly girl because I finished my email with ‘Your friend, Sari.’ Maybe he would be angry because I said I was his friend? I hoped not. I didn’t think so. Do you? I just wanted him to know I was happy to be his friend if he did.

  Three weeks later my world had turned upside down. There I was, sitting at my desk and feeling angry about it all again and I couldn’t think of Charlie as a good man anymore. I think he lied to me and tricked me. I felt sad. I felt like a stupid girl. I was not happy. I was sad.

  In the three weeks after I first contacted Charlie, and the almost two weeks since we first met, Charlie made a fool of me. I think he was laughing at me with all his friends and all the other many, many Indonesian girls he knew all along. I am crazy. Ahhhhh … Charlie! Why?????????

  In the beginning everything seemed so nice and Charlie seemed like such a nice man. He replied to all my emails and always showed that he was interested in me and asked me lots of questions and I was always happy when I got to work and checked my email and saw he had written to me.

  After a week or so of sending emails almost everyday he gave me his mobile number. Actually, I didn’t ask for it; he just put it on the bottom of one of his emails to me. I was confused when I saw it because I didn’t know what it meant. I didn’t know if it meant he wanted me to call him or if he wanted me to give him my number, or what.

  I was not brave to call him. I am a girl. I cannot just call a man I’ve never met. That is the sign of a bad girl, I think. So, finally I decided I would just give him my number too and then see what happened.

  So, that is what I did. I wrote an email to him and finished it with my mobile number at the bottom, just like he did. Then I waited.

  The next day he called me! When I heard my phone ringing I looked at the number displayed on it and didn’t recognise it but I thought maybe it was Charlie. I was so surprised, scared, and happy all at the same time when I answered and it was him.

  ‘Hello, it is me, Sari,’ I said.

  ‘Hello Sari. This is Charlie. How are you?’ his soft voice said to me.

  I was shaking with nerves but I said, ‘Oh, hi Charlie. I am good. And you?’

  Charlie then spoke to me for a few minutes and I tried very hard to understand everything he said, but it was quite difficult because he spoke quickly and my English was not so good still. After a short while talking together he said he had to go and so we said goodbye.

  After we stopped talking, I looked at the phone in my hand for a long time and I felt so excited. I couldn’t believe he had called me. I had actually spoken with a bule and he was so nice to me! Wow, I felt like I was in heaven. I felt like I was floating.

  Then I saw Selvey looking at me.

  ‘Siapa itu? Who was that?’ She asked me.

  I didn’t want to tell her, but I was so happy I thought I would burst and so I told her everything. I told her about reading Charlie’s post on the forum and the replies he had received to that. I told her about my first email to him and his reply to me, and then the later emails. I even told her about him giving me his number and me giving him mine.

  ‘Huh. Kamu gadis berani, ya? You are a brave girl, right?’ is all Selvey said to me. She looked very angry and disappointed in me. I don’t know why. She made me feel sad right after Charlie made me feel happy.

  ‘Apa, Mbak? What, sis?’ I said to her. I called her Mbak because this is the polite word to use to a lady who is a little bit older than you are. It means older sister or colleague.

  I think she realised I was a bit sad and confused because she was then a bit nicer to me. She smiled and said, ‘Tak apa apa, dik (Nothing, young sis). I know you are not a brave girl, but you are naïve. Just be careful ya?’ She said this last bit in English. I don’t know why, because she almost never spoke in English to me.

  I was still confused a bit but I just smiled and agreed to be careful.

  A few minutes later my phone beeped as I got an sms. I looked at it and saw it was from Charlie. My heart leapt again. I was scared again and excited too.

  It read, ‘Hi sari, thx 4 d cht. hp cn mt sn.Cl’ I couldn’t understand it. I read it over and over but it made no sense to me. I knew I couldn’t ask Selvey because I didn’t want her to call me a brave girl again, so I forwarded it to Ari. I explained I had received it from my friend, Charlie, but I didn’t understand it.

  Ari is a good boy. He is funny, too. At first he just sent me a smiley face in reply, but then a few minutes later he sent me another sms.

  ‘Your friend wrote to you “Thanks for the chat. Hope we can meet soon” … this means little Sari is falling in love?????????? See you later, sis.’

  I smiled when I read Ari’s sms. I am so glad he is my friend. He always cares about me. When I told him about Charlie and the emails he didn’t call me a brave girl. He just smiled. He is a good boy. I am proud he is my friend. I said thank you to him and went back to work.

  The
next day Charlie sent me another sms. He sent it early in the morning and he just asked how I was. I liked it better if he sent sms and didn’t call me because I could take my time trying to understand what he said, but in a phone call it is difficult to understand a bule speak.

  This time it didn’t take me so long to understand what it meant and I replied to it quickly. During the day we sent a few more sms’s to each other and then he sent one asking to meet me!!! I was very happy but also very worried. I had never spoken face to face with a bule. Maybe he would think I was a stupid girl, ugly, uneducated, nothing to talk about, couldn’t speak English well. I panicked.

  I went to the toilet and took my mobile with me and called Ari.

  ‘Ari, what should I do? He wants to meet me. I am so afraid’

  ‘Ha, sis. You really are funny,’ he laughed at me.

  ‘Shut up, Ari. Tell me what to do?

  ‘You want me to shut up and tell you what to do?’ he was still laughing at me.

  ‘ARIANSA WIBOSO!!!!! I will never talk to you again if you don’t help me now,’ I shouted.

  Then he stopped laughing and he told me to go with my heart. He said I could go and meet Charlie but just to be careful and relax and enjoy myself. I asked him to accompany me but he said that wouldn’t be good. He said that Charlie had only invited me to meet him and so if he went too it would look silly. He told me to have a nice time and to let him know what happened later.

  He is so good to me. He is my best friend.

  So, I went back to my desk and I replied to Charlie. I said, ‘k, wld lv 2 mt u. wr + wn?’ which meant, ‘Ok, I would love to meet you: where and when?’

  I was still not sure and I was so scared I nearly changed my mind. After I sent that sms I switched my phone on silent mode and hid it in my desk. I was too afraid to look at it or to hear it beep. I hoped Charlie would reply soon but part of me also hoped he wouldn’t reply at all. He seemed so nice and I didn’t want to make him disappointed when and if we met.