by Ana Newfolk
I’d have to make sure we could spend some time together.
I needed to get to know David again.
Wondering if the years of separation had done irreparable damage to our friendship I hoped that whatever bridges I burned by being away I would be able to rebuild over the next few weeks.
I’d lost my grandmother a few years ago, and now I lost my parents at the same time. I needed more of the people I cared about in my life, and there was no shadow of a doubt that I cared about David.
Lost in my thoughts, I didn’t even hear David approach until he touched my arm.
“Earth to Joel,” David said smiling and leaning in a tad more than my fast-beating heart could handle, leaving my skin tingling.
“Sorry, I was...er...just in a different world. Are you ready to go?”
“You looked completely lost in your thoughts. And yes, I’m all set.” We started walking towards our street.
“So.” David said with an inquisitive voice, “What had your head in the stars?”
“Oh, er... nothing. Just thinking what a dork you must think I am. We haven’t seen each other for years, and then I throw myself at you.” I looked down, hoping that my sudden shyness wasn’t too visible. “And I was also hoping that we could be friends again.”
“You’re not a dork, and I’m sure we can sort something out about the friendship. I mean, I have conditions--“
“Conditions?”
“Well, for starters you’ll have to return my Superman doll and...”
“Wait!” I interrupted, “Superman was mine!” I said, a tad more emphatically than I intended.
“I’m afraid you are wrong, my potential future friend. Let me enlighten you. Superman was a present from you on my fifth birthday. Therefore, he belongs to me!” David said playfully, and instantly old memories played in my head like a film.
“Oh my god, I remember. Laura from school slapped me because I didn’t want to kiss her. I came over to your place, and you let me borrow Superman to make me feel better.”
I felt a little embarrassed at my admission. Ok, a lot embarrassed. “I’m sure there is some Statute of Limitations on surrendering property that old?” It was apparent I've seen too many crime and law shows, and I wasn’t quite ready to admit I had no idea where the doll was. I hadn’t seen it in years.
“I’ll consult my solicitor and will get back to you in due course,” David said with a wink.
“Anyway, tell me about your life. What are you doing these days?”
“I still live in New York, I own my apartment thanks to my grandmother. It’s not big, but it’s central and a short walk to my school and the hospital. I graduated with a degree in Early Childhood Studies because I wanted to teach. I love working with younger children, so I teach primary school classes and also a few other extracurricular ones.” I love my job and was very proud to talk about it.
“What sort of extracurricular? Like art and stuff?”
“Oh God, no, I...er teach Portuguese to some of the older students. It’s not part of the formal curriculum yet but some of the students last year were interested, so I started a club that ran after school a couple of times a week. I’m hoping it will become part of the curriculum this year. I love teaching Portuguese. It allows me to continue to practice, especially now that I don’t get to speak it as often.” And I miss speaking Portuguese regularly.
“I suppose with your parents gone you don’t have anyone to speak Portuguese to now, do you?”
“Max speaks Portuguese too, but I don’t see him all the time because of his shifts at the hospital.”
“Max?” I thought I heard a hint of something other than curiosity in his voice.
“Max is my best friend, we have known each other since high school. He used to spend a lot of time at my place, and my mom had this rule of only speaking Portuguese at home, so Max had to learn.”
“Wow, that must have been difficult for him.”
“I admire him for doing it. It wasn’t easy with all the school work we had to do, and my mom didn’t give him any more allowances than she gave me. She and Max were very close too. He’s a nurse as well, and they used to work together in the same hospital. After we’d gone to college, we didn’t need to keep it up, but Max was adamant he didn’t want to lose a skill he’d worked so hard on.”
I was surprised at the ease in which we were chatting. It was as though no time had passed between us and it felt natural to walk alongside David and talk about all of these things.
“And how about your dad’s side of the family? Have you got anyone close?” David asked.
“Not really, there are a few cousins scattered here and there, but we’re not close. My grandmother died a few years ago. We were close, and I used to spend a lot of time with her. I tried to teach her Portuguese, but she never got the hang of it. Sadly she was never well enough to make the flight, visit, and use the few words that stuck.”
“I’m so sorry to hear that. I bet your grandmother would have loved it here. Your family is the best.” David said with genuine affection but also with a hint of sadness. His face clouded with another feeling I couldn’t read.
“Hey, you ok?” I wondered why David’s mood darkened a bit. David was like a surrogate grandchild to my grandparents. Since we were young David used to spend as much time at their house as I did, mainly because we were inseparable but also because David was considered family.
I wondered about David's relationship with his aunt and uncle. Teresa was happy and quite chatty during dinner. It was apparent she had a great relationship with her late sister and was proud of David. Mário was harder to read. He was pleasant enough, but I had a feeling about him that wasn't quite right. I could almost swear it was directed at me.
“How about you? I don't remember the café hosting dinners before. Is this a new thing?”
“We've been doing it for about three years. When mom died my aunt and uncle were doing a lot of the work, and I was still at school. Mom, and to an extent your grandmother taught me a lot about baking so by the time mom died I was already helping out in the kitchen.
University was an expense I couldn’t afford, so I took a few online classes and learned a lot by trial and error. It's quite easy to know when you're doing a good job with baking because people will either like it or not.” David laughed. “After high school, I started working full time and was developing my own recipes. Our custard tarts are quite popular, and with the University campus nearby we have a good passing trade as well as a lot of established regulars.”
“So why the dinners? This is quite a late finish for someone that has to be up before sunrise.” I said looking at the time on my watch, it was close to midnight now.
“It started when one of the students from the University had family visiting for his graduation. He couldn't afford to take them all out so he asked if we would hire out the café after hours to serve a more modest dinner and do a payment plan for him. He was hoping he could pay some of the balance and work off the rest.”
“Smart guy,” I said, ”did you go for it?”
“Kinda, I did it for him at cost. He was a regular and came in often for a coffee, but usually, he didn’t eat. I suspected he just couldn’t afford more and the coffee was his treat.”
“I bet he was pleased with your offer,” I said, feeling quite proud of David’s generosity.
“Hell yeah, the family were the nicest people you could meet. They had a great time as a family, which I suspect didn’t happen often and they loved the food. After that night he recommended us to other people and slowly we started having a few inquiries.” David wasn’t only generous; he was also very entrepreneurial.
“How often do you host these events?”
“It depends on the season. During Academic week we have a few more from students that already know us. It’s quite profitable for us but still a much cheaper option for them.” David said, and I could imagine the town coming to life with all the students wearing their black
capes. “We have also done a few very small weddings and birthday parties. I enjoy those as I get to make the cakes too.”
“With all of this business, where do you fit in some fun?”
David laughed looking briefly at me while we carried on walking towards the apartments. We weren’t that far now.
“To be honest, there isn’t much time, but it varies throughout the year. I always make time to exercise either at home or by going for a run towards the beach. I find it clears my head and energizes me to spend the day in the kitchen.”
I didn’t know why but it made me happy that David was also a runner. I’ve always enjoyed running for the same reasons as David, but I ran in Central Park rather than on the beach.
“What else do you do?” I asked.
“My friend Isaac runs a youth center, so I volunteer there. I do a few cooking skills classes and spend time with some of the kids.”
“That’s awesome David; it’s really great of you to give up your time to help the kids.”
“There is also...” David stopped talking, and my instinctive reaction was to stop and look at him. He looked at me almost as if he was afraid of saying what was coming next.
“I do a video blog as well.” He said almost too quietly.
“Wow, a video blog? That sounds super interesting. What is it about?”
“Food,” He said almost rolling his eyes at me but looking instantly more relaxed. I suspected my reaction had something to do with it. I was genuinely interested to know more.
“Well, duh, that would be quite obvious from the way you talk about your job at the café and how much you enjoy cooking. Can I see your videos?”
“You, ...you want to?”
“Of course you silly ass! For starters, I bet you look super-hot on camera and well, you’re blogging about food so yeah I want to see them.” I didn’t realize what I’d said until it was already out and then it was my turn to turn beet red.
David coughed a laugh.
“Ok, I’ll send you the link. Maybe we should exchange contact details if you’re going to be here for a little while.”
“Does that mean I’ve met the friend criteria then?” I said with an over the top grin.
“The jury is still out, but we’re good for now,” His smile reached his eyes and made them light up like the Fourth of July.
We were at the corner of the street where we lived, and I knew we would have to go our separate ways. We exchanged numbers by adding them to each other’s phones and walked to our buildings.
I had a fabulous evening with my family and having a chance to chat with David was like the icing on the cake. Despite all the emotions, I felt surprisingly lighthearted as I walked up the stairs.
I decided to read a bit before going to bed as I was still on a high from the evening. I brushed my teeth and got ready for bed, but before I occupied the double bedroom, I stopped by my old room and decided to open the balcony door. I looked across the road, and the balcony door right in front of mine was also open, but the lights were out.
I had a feeling that my friendship with David would be safe.
Chapter Four
David
I was exhausted. After being up and working for eighteen hours straight, my feet were aching, my back was sore, and I needed some rest before starting all over again in the morning. My mind, however, was firing on all cylinders. I felt a mix of relief and excitement as I thought about the evening and my walk home with Joel.
For years I wondered if I would ever see him again. When my mom died, I felt alone and abandoned by my best friend. Sílvia saved me with her love, kindness, and dedication to my mom and ultimately to me and I would be forever thankful to her, but it was Joel I’d wanted to see back then.
Year after year I waited for the summer holidays hoping I’d see Joel again, but he never came back, so I became angrier and angrier until I realized that there was no point to my anger. We had been two teenage boys who eventually grew up and maybe our closeness as kids would have fizzled out anyway.
I chose to hold that belief until I did grow up and my new interests and responsibilities became my world. I also found a new friendship with Isaac and to an extent with his brother Alex. I hadn’t felt the same way about Isaac as I had felt about Joel, I knew that. I guess I must have buried my feelings at some point and just carried on, until today, until Joel walked into my café and took my breath away.
Our conversation had flowed so naturally, and I couldn't remember ever sharing so much of my life with someone that wasn't a regular presence in it. Isaac was the only person that knew everything about me, and it had taken almost two years of friendship for me to open up.
I’d lived alone since I was eighteen. In time I made the small two-bedroom apartment I’d shared with my mom my own. There were memories of her everywhere, but I managed to add a few of my touches including making my old bedroom into large closet slash office. As I went in to grab a pair of boxer briefs to wear after my shower, I looked over to the opposite building.
Joel would be getting ready for bed too. A rush of need went through me, and I felt my body react to the memory of Joel's slim body pressing against mine earlier this evening. My jeans suddenly became too tight for comfort.
I walked to the balcony and did what I hadn’t done in thirteen years, I opened the door. I hoped the silent message would be received on the other side of the street.
The hot water was a balm to my sore muscles. I stretched and worked out the kinks from bending over the kitchen worktop.
It looked like my blood was determined to remain in the one area I was working hard to ignore, no pun intended.
I knew I was gay when I was thirteen. Or at least I thought I’d been in love with someone of the same gender at that age. I’d never been particularly attracted to girls, but then again no other boy captured my attention either. I just hadn’t thought of labels at the time.
Joel moved away when we were ten, and for the next three years my feelings went from angry to confused, to then realizing that my best friend, the person I grew up with and couldn't stand to be separated from wasn't just my best friend, he was my soulmate.
Of course, that was when I was thirteen. Now, at twenty-seven I was almost confident it was just a crush. Although, if I was being truly honest with myself; I hadn't been interested in anyone since, choosing instead to honor my mom’s memory with my work at the café.
I thought of Joel's beautiful blue eyes, like sapphires, so dark but bright, and his lips which looked as soft as cotton candy and I wondered if they'd be as sweet. Without much conscious thought, I grabbed hold of my cock and squeezed it hard. I stroked myself up and down slowly but firmly, indulging in the pleasure. I wondered what his lips would feel --
“Fuck. No.” I shouted to no one. What sort of person does this? I shouldn't even be thinking of Joel this way. I turned the water off and grabbed a towel to dry, forcing myself to think of anything else but Joel.
Feeling unsettled and frustrated I picked up my recipe notepad on the way to my room hoping that going through some notes would eventually help me sleep.
It did work, while after only ten minutes I was struggling to keep my eyes open. The last thing I remembered was that I didn't tell Joel about the journal. I would have to text him in the morning.
I woke up feeling surprisingly rested. Outside was barely light enough to be called day, and I could tell this was going to be another cold and crisp morning, until the sun came out to burn the morning fog. I went to the bathroom to start my morning routine, and as I walked past the spare bedroom, I realized the balcony door was open.
Everything hit me all at once - dinner at the café, walking home with Joel, our natural conversation, and opening the balcony door like in the olden days.
Then immediately guilt struck. I knew I couldn't allow myself to explore any feelings I may still be harboring for Joel. I wasn't out. I couldn't be out. I knew Joel was out to his family and they were supportive. I’d never heard h
is grandparents saying anything that meant they were less than fully supportive. My own experience was very different.
As I settled into my office to do my regular exercises and weights, I allowed my mind to drift and get lost in the mess that is my life.
Being gay in Portugal didn't carry the same stigma as it once had. At least openly, in one's home though it was an entirely different picture. I knew there were many young people whose parents had kicked them out of their home and disowned them for being gay leaving them to fend for themselves at a young age.
My best friend Isaac had been one of those kids. At seventeen and coming from a loving, stable family he thought he was safe coming out to his parents. They ended up throwing him out of the only home he had ever known, and with no family left he would have been on the streets it if wasn't for me and his brother, Alexandre.
I was a year older than Isaac, and even at eighteen, it was a rare occasion when my aunt and uncle would have come to my flat. I’d been self-sufficient and spent so much time at the café they hadn’t felt the need to do any extra checking up on me. This meant Isaac had been able to live with me while he finished school and got a job to support himself. Alexandre was also a good friend but being younger than Isaac meant he’d been afraid to stick by his brother and become a burden because he knew what the likely outcome would be.
However, Alexandre did stick with Isaac throughout and showed all the support he was able to demonstrate until he was old enough to tell their parents where they could stuff their homophobia.
Alexandre visited his brother as often as he could, and their relationship only became stronger. It sometimes made me a little jealous to see them together, how close they were and the past they shared as well as the promise of a future full of love and support for each other. I once thought I had that with Joel, even before I realized my feelings ran deeper.